There's a whale in the tub!

After my cerclage my high risk ob didn't want me to take baths.  Well, I had to wait 3 weeks to heal anyways and then he preferred I take quick showers.  Finally I couldn't stand it anymore because I love baths and 2 weeks ago I asked my regular ob if I could take a bath and she said okay.  I feel like a kid playing mom and dad against each other.  One ob says no, go ask the other ob!  Regular ob said no mall wheelchair, high risk ob is going to okay that in a couple weeks.  lol 

We have a big, corner, jacuzzi tub.  Getting in and out of it by myself is not an option anymore as I'm a little front heavy.  Have you seen those crane and tarp contraptions they use to lift and transport whales?  That is what we really need in our bathroom as I resemble a white whale in the tub. 

So, Paul and I have devised this system for getting me in and out of the tub.  In is actually not bad.  We have a step on the one side.  I step on that, Paul holds me around the waist and arms, and I grab the spout as I step into the tub.  Once in the tub I splash around happily making whale sounds, reading my book, and drinking wine sparkling grape juice.

When I'm ready to get out I send Paul a text message and then start to drain the water.  We put a beach towel washcloth on the end of the tub.  I struggle to my feet by first rolling onto all floors and then with an abnormal display of strength push myself into an upright position.  I then sit on the beach towel washcloth.  Paul stands behind me and with his hands under my arms and his chest supporting my back pivots me around.  I can get the first leg over fairly easily; however, he manually has to reach in to lift my other leg up and over the edge of the tub. 

It then takes me 20 minutes to dry off because I can't reach my feet or lift my legs high enough to dry them due to some soreness in areas best left unmentioned.  Putting my granny panties and jammy bottoms on is equally challenging (Paul has commented that the granny panties are the most unattractive things about me right now and this is saying a lot as he's seen me throw up and pee on the floor myself all at the same time).

All this activity leaves me completely out of breath so I spend the next 20 minutes trying to resume breathing in a normal fashion. 

All in all my 30 minutes in the tub is a 2 hour endeavor. 

Couponing

Okay, I admit it...I have a master's degree, have a professional license in 2 states that required passing a hard ass national exam, can supervise other people getting their licenses, and I have no idea how to coupon!  You'd think with all my free time I could figure out something as simple as figuring out a coupon.  All these people I know talk about how they got half off their grocery bill, got an entire years worth of deodarant for free, haven't paid for diapers or toothbrushes in a year and all I can think is "How??????"   I have found about 10 coupon websites that I registered for and they all have the same coupons!  I only need so many Pillsbury grands biscuits or cinnamon rolls.  I rarely see any coupons for products I actually use.  And it seems that the store brand is usually cheaper than the name brand even with using a coupon.  Plus it takes me hours to go through all the coupons and print them and even then they don't always all print.  I've never once seen a bogo for any item I have a coupon for. 

Where is the magic in couponing???????  I just don't understand!!!!!

Has anyone noticed in the clorox disinfecting wipes commercial the wife always has the same outfit on despite the husband's activities/actions changing????  I mean he's gutting a fish, diapering a child, and who knows what else and yet she always has her gray shirt on. 

Every single person on tv annoys me. 

I'm so cranky and out of sorts I can barely stand myself.  And I'm wicked anxious all of the sudden about the baby.  Not about having the baby, but of having a stillbirth.  I think it's because her sleep patterns/movement is changing so she's not as active during the day as she used to be, but more during the early morning and at night.  I have a home doppler so I can check in the afternoon and make sure I hear her heartbeat.  That makes me feel better. 

I hope I can get myself in check and get rid of this crankiness!

Attitude is everything

I've been thinking a lot about attitude lately and how some people are optimists and some people are pessimists. I spend a lot of time in other people's lives. By this I mean I spend about 4 hours a day on babycenter.com, 6 hours a day on Facebook, several hours a day reading blogs (sometimes not even blogs of people I know), etc. My life is fairly confined right now. I spend more time alone than I ever have in my entire life. Well, not totally alone...I have Emma and the dogs and the cat...none of whom can talk back or respond to my half of the conversation.

I've noticed that how people respond to situations in life often seems to come down to attitude and faith. Attitude being that the naturally optimistic people go through a traumatic or negative experience, but take it for what it's worth. They don't personalize the experiences of strangers (like seeing a car accident on the interstate), but they show the appropriate amount of empathy and move on. In their own lives they rely on faith...faith in God, faith in family, and faith in themselves to carry them through whatever is going on. Somehow the belief that everything will be okay makes everything okay. I think prayer and gratitude is an integral part of this. I try to find gratitude daily. I'm not saying that I don't have my down moments, but overall I consider myself a generally optimistic and happy person. The best compliments I receive are when someone remarks on what a great attitude I have!

On the other hand you have the people who respond very personally to other people's tragedies. Seeing that accident on the interstate sends them into a tailspin because they personalize it, they forget that the tragedy actually happened to someone else and has nothing to do with them personally. It is someone else's life that has been effected, not theirs, and yet they are somehow unable to maintain that boundary or distinction. I think living like that must be exhausting and also takes away from being able to empathize with others. It seems selfish to me to always make someone else's tragedy about yourself. I admit that on babycenter.com I read with too much frequency about women having their babies early...sometimes the baby's survive and sometimes they don't. One baby, Maelani, was born at 24 weeks and lived for 2 weeks. I prayed for her family every night and I wrote her parents a note and when Maelani died I cried, but the whole time I recognized that this was not my tragedy. I did not know these people, but I empathized with what they were going through. And I noticed that even through their unimaginable loss they relied on faith, family, and each other to get through this horrific situation. Their gratitude for the time they got to spend with their tiny daughter was amazing and their grace in the face of her death was amazing.

Perhaps though my faith and attitude have not been truly tested. I have experienced death in my extended family, but never the loss of a parent or sibling. I have experienced the loss of a beloved pet having to put 2 cats to sleep and finding 1 curled up on her favorite chair. But perhaps none of what I've experienced has been the kind of tragedy that will truly test my faith. Being pregnant with what is considered a high risk pregnancy I have thought a lot about what would I do if something happened to Emma. She is already such a huge part of my soul. How would it feel if she did not make it? I have already made my peace with Down's Syndrome and Spina Bifida due to a slightly abnormal test result (but thinking everything is okay in those areas), but I think the pain of a stillbirth would crush me. How do you recover from that? I guess you must because people do. I don't think your life ever goes back to normal, but rather that you adjust to a new kind of normal.

And then I worry about child abduction. To me having a child kidnapped and not knowing if that child is okay or hurting seems worse than losing a child to illness. And the Department of Justice reports that 2,185 children are reported missing DAILY. This translates into 797,500 per year. How is that possible? How/Why do we have so many sick, perverted, and twisted people in the world? How can someone take someone else's child? I guess the answer is because they aren't really human, but rather the true embodiment of the devil on earth. How do parents not live in fear of this happening to their child with such high statistics? This is a tragedy that I am not sure even faith would get me through. Part of me is superstitious enough to wonder if I'm tempting faith by even discussing this, but I don't think God is cruel.

I pray daily that I will never have to go through a tragedy involving my child or really anyone I love. And I pray for those who are unable to see the beauty in life and who carry heavy burdens in their heart. I pray that my faith always sustains me and that God always provides me with what I need and nourishes my soul.

Princess Consuela Banana Hammock

Gosh I've had so many things I've wanted to blog about and just haven't sat down and done it so I decided to write a crap bag of stuff. (Get it: title, Crap Bag...I know some of you will!).

First off...Thanksgiving and Black Friday. Although we were disappointed that we couldn't go down to FL our Thanksgiving was pretty fantastic. We had 8 people from the base over for a potluck dinner. Everything was delicious! Of course I hadn't slept well the night before and was exhausted. I think I was in bed by 10:30pm. I've definitely noticed that my energy is depleted once again and I am tired all the time now! Being on bedrest and sedentary most of the time doesn't help that I'm sure.

Reading everyone's status updates on their black Friday shopping made me laugh. 2 years ago we stayed with Paul's sister and her family for Thanksgiving and everyone got up at like 3am to go shopping. Well let me clarify...everyone, but me! There is nothing I need or want that badly that could entice me to get out of bed at 3am to go shopping or to battle crowds at Walmart. I hate Walmart on a good day much less jam packed with crazed holiday shoppers. If I ever tried to go shopping on black Friday there is a good choice I'd be arrested for assaulting someone. Best I stay home and sleep in.

I met someone from I Didn't Know I was Pregnant! Last night I rode with Paul to get dinner at Moe's and went inside so I could tell him what I wanted while he ordered (I sat, he went through the line). While I was sitting there waiting I noticed an extremely obese couple next to me had the tiniest, cutest baby (and I don't describe them as obese to be cruel, but it was just factual...I'm talking Biggest Loser candidates). I also noticed a strong b.o. smell (thank you super sensitive pregnancy nose) and almost threw up at the table, but that is a whole other story. So the woman asks me when I was due and I tell her February and then her hubby tells me their daughter is only 2 weeks old (2 weeks old and at Moe's...I thought you were supposed to stay home with your baby for a month????) Then the wife says, "I didn't know I was pregnant until 2 months ago." WTF!!!!! How is that possible??? What can I even say in response at that point???? "Well good for you," and "Surprise," just didn't seem like the right response so I just laughed uncomfortably and immediately texted 2 of my friends. We chatted a little more and then they left. Gosh their baby was adorable though.

Paul started the nursery today! He painted the walls and trim and the pale pink we picked out looks great! We have our crib and changing table purchased and ready for Paul to assemble and my Pottery Barn Kids bedding came! When I think I only have 82 days until my due date it doesn't seem that long, but when I think I have 11 weeks 5 days to go it seems like forever. But of course that is 11 weeks till my due date...in reality our baby will probably come earlier like when the doctor removes the cerclage at week 36 or 37 which is roughly 8 weeks! We still need to get a dresser, rug, and glider.

I used to make fun of the military spouses who didn't work and just stayed home with their kids. Well, not make fun of them individually, but more made fun of the stereotype of military spouses. I never wanted to be one of them, but now...the idea of staying home with my baby and being a 1950's housewife appeals to me in a very basic way. I like the idea of taking care of my baby and my husband and going to mommy groups on the base. Of course when I lose my job in December that will make my decision on whether to go back to work right away a lot easier to make. lol

Sister Wives: Still don't know. I like the sisterhood idea. The sharing of a man is totally off putting to me.

Okay, I think that's it for now. I'm getting tired and about to go upstairs and read (like I didn't have enough problems with insomnia before I was pregnant--you'd think with being so exhausted all the time I'd sleep better. I don't even nap during the day, but I might start!)

Sister Wives

So, I had dvr'd and was watching Sister Wives the honeymoon special the other night and then had a dream I was one of the sister wives! I shared a house with Meri and had a baby and was eating potato chips and there were kids running around every where! Plus one of the oldest daughters was engaged and broke off her engagement. It was so weird! But watching that show I think I could be happy as a sister wive except that Kody is so immature and acts like such an idiot! I could never be married to him plus I wouldn't want my husband having sex with other women (do they use condoms? I guess maybe they don't have to worry about safe sex since they got married when they were 12 except for Janelle and Robin who were both married before--and Janelle was married to Meri's brother so in essence Meri and her brother have had sex). But having sister helpers around all the time would be nice I think.

Chunky monkey

Had our biweekly appointment at maternal fetal medicine today AND did my gestational diabetes test at the hospital.

We got to see Dr. Lim who we hadn't seen in 6 weeks. He was very happy with my cerix and I go back in 2 weeks. He said to keep doing what I'm doing aka nothing, but that once I hit 32 weeks I can start to move around the house a little more and maybe even go to a movie! I told him Harry Potter better still be playing because I really want to see it in the theater!

Dr. Lim also said, based on the baby's measurements and increases in weight, that she is on track to be a 9lb or 9.5lb baby...possibly even 10lbs if I go full term. Hmmmmm...well, considering I didn't even think we'd get this far I'll take a giant baby. She is measuring 2 weeks bigger at this point.

Although I also did my glucose tolerance test at the hospital today. I was extremely nervous as everything I read on Babycenter from other mom's talked about how gross it was, how they threw up, and on and on. I throw up on a good day so I didn't have high expectations of keeping some orange syrupy drink down.

Paul wheeled me around the hospital in my wheelchair and the lab brought out what looked like a small water bottle. He told me I had 5 minutes to drink it. It was lemon lime flavor and actually not that bad. It sort of tasted like melted popsicle (you know that sweetness). I finished it in 5 minutes and didn't throw up and an hour later got my blood tested. I will hopefully found out the results tomorrow (although I'm sort of worried since our baby is giant but GD seems to just mean I'll need to watch my diet which I should be doing anyway and not eating like the gluttonous pig I have been). The only thing is that I've had a headache since drinking that stuff, but the lab tech was not concerned.

Then we wanted to stop by Target and look at a crib that was onsale. I felt pretty good so I went into the store with Paul. Rest assured I was prepared to use one of those electric scooters, but Target also has wheelchairs. Seeing as its my new fave form of transportation I opted for Paul to push me around Target in a wheelchair. We ended up buying a Graco Lauren crib that came with a changing table included! It wasn't the crib I originally wanted, but the price was too good and it actually got a higher rating by Bargain Baby than the crib I wanted so we went with it.

So this weekend Paul will paint the nursery and put the furniture together. My crib bedding set should come this week sometime and maybe we'll go get the mattress this weekend. Target also has a rug I want and we'll get a glider and ottoman for the room as well as a dresser.

I'll say Happy Thanksgiving, but I'm sure I'll be blogging again before then.

Don't tease a pregnant woman

I have been very tired, cranky, and uncomfortable all day today. So Paul comes home from work and I'm telling him what all went on today and I mention that the Tewksbury tax appraiser stopped by because Home Depot had pulled a permit on our house to install new windows. In the course of her visit (which occurred outside) she wants to go over what they have on record for our house.

4 bedrooms--check
1 fireplace--check
no sheds, patios, or decks--check
1 full bath, 1 half bath--uhhhhhh check (lie)
unfinished basement--uhhhh check (lie)

Paul says, "You can go to jail for lying to them." Straight face, no smile. And I say, "What?!?! Please tell me you're lying." And he doesn't say anything so I start crying and by crying I mean bawling hysterically and he starts laughing hysterically which only makes me cry harder except I have a mouth full of beef stew and I'm crying too hard to chew and swallow. And he makes it worse by saying "You'll be out of jail by the time the baby is born." And I think I'm totally screwed now, gonna get caught, and get in trouble (we all remember the parking garage incident) so I keep crying and Paul keeps laughing.

Finally he gets over his hysteria and wipes his eyes (yes, he laughed to the point that he had tears coming down his face) and I'm able to slow my crying enough to chew and swallow and blow my nose. I eventually was able to stop crying and finish my dinner once Paul told me I would NOT get into trouble.

So what did we learn this evening? Paul cannot tease me at all until after I give birth and laughing makes it worse. Moral of the story: Don't tease a pregnant woman!

Phrases I hate

From my online baby bedrest group:

Phrases I HATE:

"Enjoy all that extra sleep!!" - Oh please, do you honestly think I'm sleeping all day? No, I'm laying here praying for my baby, praying my husband won't lose his mind, my house won't be featured on TLC's 'Bed Rest Hoarders' - and that we will be ok $$$$$$$$$$$-wise until I'm back to work.

"Relax and HAVE FUN!" - Good lord. Just shut your face. What part of this is fun, do you think... The 'twice a week shower' fun? The 'so hairy that Chewbacca doesn't even want my phone number' fun? Ohh- how about the 'I'm sometimes afraid I'm getting up to pee too much but I can't help it and the guilt is killing me' fun? Is that relaxing? Would you be having fun??

Soooooooo true!!!!!!!!

The Fourth Kind

On Tuesday I watched The Fourth Kind. I expected an alien movie. What I didn't expect was that they lead you to believe it is based on a true story. So the whole movie I'm wondering if this is based on true events. The movie was good in that you never see the actual aliens so it has that spooky Blair Witch Project feel (I don't care what you people say Blair Witch was terrifying and when it first came out y'all thought so, too, even if you don't admit it). And the movie goes back and forth between these supposed real life interviews/footage and the movie.

In the movie all the abducted people woke up every morning at 3:33am for no apparent reason. And then their bedroom door opens and all hell breaks loose. I hate movies where people wake up at the same time. Too creepy!

So after this movie I googled the name of the psychologist in the movie and tons of websites popped up. The one that made me laugh was like one of those yahoo question and answer ones. I think the question was if the woman in the movie was real. Reading people's answers--hilarious! You definitely could tell the difference between the backwoods believers and the regular folks. I don't think I've ever seen such a poor display of grammar, spelling, and punctuation in my life. Certainly a sad testament to our educational system. And the funny thing was that the message box to answer the question had a spell check button! I even believe in aliens, but after reading the responses in which people were adamant that this movie was true (because they went to skool--no joke on that spelling) I decided this movie was in fact fiction. Several people claimed to have met the real psychologist because duh they had to use an alias in the movie, but yet did not provide her real name.

So Wednesday morning I wake up in the middle of the night FOR NO APPARENT REASON and I have a 5 minute debate with myself about looking at my phone to see what time it was. I finally convince myself to stop being a chicken and look at my phone...phew! 4:51am.

So Thursday morning I again wake up, dark out, but this time because I'm about to pee myself. I lay in bed about a minute and look at my phone to see what time it is. 3:34am!!!!! Are you freaking kidding me? Now I don't want to get out of bed except Paul would NOT appreciate it if I peed on him so I get up, avoiding looking out the windows, pee, and run back to bed where I quickly pull the covers up over my head while I wait for the bedroom door to open on its own. If it had I would've had a stroke and died.

It, of course, did not; however, I better not wake up tonight! I should not watch scary movies.

26 week 4 days update aka 94 days to go!

So, the reality of how close we are getting to having our little girl is starting to sink in....at my regular ob appointment today we got our registration packet for the hospital and the doctor is going to see me in 3 weeks and then every 2 weeks after until I deliver! The regular ob did not feel I was at risk for pre-term labor, but may be at risk for early delivery. I think I'll at least make it till my cerclage comes out at week 36 or 37 and then all bets are off. It'll be nice to have some more freedom after the holidays. I am excited because the ob said I could take a bath again! I've been dreaming of this for so many weeks now!

Emma is looking great and I'm doing great. Dr. C said she may be a big baby, but there isn't any way of knowing right now.

Next week I go back to the high risk ob and will do my diabetes test at the hospital. Not looking forward to that, but at least it'll be over and done with. I haven't gained as much weight as I thought I would although I was pretty much a fatty going into this and didn't really need to gain any weight (as my previous ob so kindly pointed out).

I'm actually sort of glad I can't go to work right now. 2 other women I work with are pregnant also (one a couple weeks behind me and the other about a month behind me) and they look like models for Motherhood Maternity. I, on the other hand, look like a pregnant troll whose hair is brushed by a monkey. My limited sense of style has fled faster than Laurie running away from Michael Myers. I do get a sense of envy when I see all the cute prego women at my various doctors appointments as I'm just happy not be throwing up or passing out in the waiting room to worry what my hair (troll doll) and make up (none) and clothes (1 step up from jammies) look like.

The women in my bedrest baby club (babycenter.com) all talk about their grooming (shaving legs in bed, plucking eyebrows, getting dressed, blah, blah, blah). I say screw that. If I am gonna be stuck at home then I'm gonna be comfy. Perhaps once I hit 30 weeks and can have a little more freedom (maybe enjoy dinner out, a trip to the mall at some point, etc.) I will take more pride in my appearance. Until then Paul gets to love me in all my hairy troll glory. Ain't he a lucky man?????

So, that's my update for today. Hope everyone is well out there in the real world! I wish it would snow already so I at least could look at something pretty!

Things you learn about your husband while playing Wii

Paul and I have spent the last 2 nights playing Wii Super Mario Brothers (I know you are super jealous that you aren't as cool as us) and let me just tell you what...

ya know how in every military/war movie at some point someone always utters a line to the effect of "no man left behind." Apparently those people are not in the Air Force. In the new Super Mario Bros multiple people can play (up to 4) so Paul and I were playing at the same time (I am Mario, he is Luigi). I never really realized how competitive my sweet hubby is. Usually when we play board games I am the super competitive one. After what I saw last night I think Paul far surpassed me as being the super competitive one.

In Mario if you get too far ahead of the other player then the other player dies. If Paul felt like I was holding him back he just kept going until my Mario died! Of course that isn't the worst of it...several times Paul's Luigi actually intentionally KILLED MY MARIO! He pushed me into hot lava, threw a barrel at me, knocked me into a bad character, jumped on top of me, and sacrificed me to win at the castle.

He did say he had never beaten the original Mario Bros game and I think this was part of the problem...he was trying to compensate for some childhood failure!

It's good to know though if we are ever in a situation where I can't go on that Paul will just leave my ass to save himself. lol (Just kidding...Paul could never do that because my dad has "friends" from NJ/NY--you know "friends.")

But I do recommend this game. We laughed so hard while we were playing. I'm surprised I didn't pee on myself.

Poor Emma--she doesn't have any chance of being non-competitive.

Apparently our house...also a pig pen

So Paul has taken to calling me Pig Pen (sooo funny) and apparently our house...also a pig pen.

Our housecleaner started today. No, we did no suddenly win the lottery. When my dad asked what we wanted for Christmas I quickly realized that having to clean our house may put Paul over the edge combined with all the other chores he's had to take on with my bedrest coupled with the sheer length of my bedrest so I immediately said housecleaner please!

Having watched a little too many Criminal Minds and seen too many Dateline/48 Hours specials I was a little leery of hiring someone off say Craigslist. Who knows what kind of psycho I'd end up with???? So a friend recommended care.com and I checked it out. It is this whole awesome website where people advertise their services for senior care, pet care, housecleaning, babysitting, etc. and the website does all the background checks and references (which you can access). I emailed some people and actually only interviewed one, checked another reference she gave me besides the website ones, and voila...we have a housecleaner!

She started today (at 10am and was here till 5pm and only charged me $100) and let me just say...she cleaned areas I always think about cleaning and never do like under the bed! Every week I look at the bed and think about how many dust bunnies are living under there...well, not anymore! She dusted things that desperately needed to be dusted and mopped the entire house! The guest bathroom tub has NEVER been so clean...seriously, like magic. And she did laundry and washed the dishes in the sink. And she brought all her own equipment and supplies. How great is she!

If you can't tell I'm a little enamoured of my housecleaner. I did feel a little bit like a tool laying my fat ass on the couch while she cleaned around me, but what are you gonna do? I may have to go back to work after the baby is born just so I can afford to continue to have her come clean the house. Her cleaning...way better than mine! So worth it! Ahhhhh....

Can't imagine--prayers for baby Maelani

Everyday I go on babycenter.com and read up on all the posts for the groups I've joined: Due in February after a loss, February 2011 birth club, bedrest, cervical disorders, cloth diapers...

I like to read and give advice (I know...imagine that!) when the women post questions and I ask a lot of questions myself. It's sort of like blogging and a peek into other people's lives, but also makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone. Some days you read very inspiring stories and...

Some days there is heartbreaking news on babycenter. Last week a woman gave birth to her daughter at 24 weeks. The parents started a care page on their hospitals website to give updates to people. Baby Maelani has been hanging on, but last night took a bad turn and they think she has sepsis. And I just bawled this morning when I read that.

I know so many people out there are praying for Maelani and her family, myself included. If everyone who reads this could say some extra prayers for Maelani and her family and put them on your churches prayer list. I can't imagine going through anything like that and my heart breaks for this family. May God bless them and keep them.

More hotness to come

Paul: "So it is possible for you to get hotter?"

I've been reading Lucie's List: a survival guide for new mom's online (http://www.lucieslist.com) over yesterday and today and have really enjoyed her advice on everything from car seats/strollers (we purchased our Britax Chaperone in cowmooflage on sale at diapers.com last night) to bathing your infant to (and this is my personal favorite) what happens after you give birth.

Her real take on the birth giving has led me to a conclusion I've already shared with Paul...I am staying in the hospital with the baby as long as Tricare will pay for it. Paul, in fact, may have to come stay with me the first night (anyone want to come watch our dogs?). And I ain't too proud to beg for drugs if I'm in pain.

Also, too, giving birth sounds terrifying. I mean for sure I used to work at a school for pregnant teens and I'm a social worker. I also was my friend's birthing coach so I have that first hand experience. I feel that I was pretty well educated for a non-medical person in terms of what happens during the birthing process.

But seeing it written in black and white by someone who isn't pulling any punches...I think Emma will just have to stay inside forever! I mean the tearing and placenta and what not (I do watch A Baby Story on TLC) I kinda figured...And now to find out I have to look forward to hemorrhoids (I've been blessed so far), constipation, and incontinence (ok, that last one may not be that different from my life now)...

Plus she talks about the necessity of having a loved one come help you during the first week because you'll be all crazy and tired and have no clue what you're doing...um, who the heck is gonna come to MA in February to help that A) crazy, emotional me would be able to tolerate and not murder (short list indeed) and B) it's MA in February--who the heck wants to come to MA in February? I'll tell you what my sister and BFF better be saving up their pennies to fly out after Miss Emma makes her arrival. Karin, I expect you to be in the delivery room with me. Consider yourself warned. (added bonus Karin is a nurse so she can deal with all the gross things that are coming out of my body that will make me throw up--yes, I am so easily grossed out that my own bodily functions sometimes disgust me).

But when I told Paul that Lucie recommended wearing Depends for the first two weeks after birth...well, you saw his response at the beginning of this blog. In truth, Emma may be our only child because Paul (God love him) may never want to have sex with me again (you don't even want to know how many times I've thrown up on myself and/or peed on myself and the floor, usually as a result of the throwing up, during this pregnancy). The Depends for sure will be the icing on the already hot mess of a cake that is pregnant me. Paul is a lucky, lucky man.

The truth about pregnancy

I think pregnant women tell their non-pregnant friends lies upon lies in an attempt to get them to give in and become pregnant...this,in large part, must be so that other people can be as miserable as they are (the pregnant and the parenting).

I'm giving you fair warning that this may be TMI so if you can choose to stop reading if you want. Also, I want to put it out there that I love my little girl already more than my own life, but facts are facts and the facts are...

During my earlier pregnancy I threw up all day every day to the point of landing in the ER with dehydration. This in spite on the Zofran that I was taking and only to end in a heartbreaking miscarriage. Although I thank God that I was still early on because I know the loss could've been so much worse.

This pregnancy I wasn't as sick. Oh, I still had to take Zofran several times a day and I still threw up on occasion, but it wasn't all day every day. Added to that the fact that my breasts felt like huge rocks and were so sore I woke up at night when I rolled over and it was fun times all around. I thought when my first trimester ended and I started to feel better that I was in the clear...bring on the second trimester sex that everyone brags about when you aren't pregnant!

Then I had an abnormal AFP (and thank God I did) which resulted in no physical markers being seen on ultrasound for DS or SB, but did result in a finding of a shortened cervix with funneling. Basically my cervix is open on the baby's side. Love that little sac she's in that keeps her from falling in to the cavern that is my cervix! Weekly doctors appointments have ended in bed rest (going on week 6 I believe--time flies when you're having fun) as well as progesterone suppositories (also a good time--any women who has used an over the counter yeast medicine can relate to what I'm going through here) twice a day and an emergency cerclage at 22 weeks.

Today has been a physically painful day. A wicked sore back, sore legs (I feel like I'm about to get a charlie horse in my left calf at any minute), and weird sharp pains in my pelvic area (round ligament pain I'm thinking) and I hobble around like a 90 year old. Luckily Emma is getting stronger and her kicks are packing a little bit more of a punch. Babycenter says she has a distinct awake/sleep pattern now and that I might be able to discern what that is. Well, I'm here to tell ya that I can't. She seems to be super active after I eat (or when I drink caffeine...oh hush I don't have caffeine every day and when I do I maybe have a coke or some chocolate...tea and coffee are decaf) and when I want to sleep, but as long as I feel her I'm happy.

The thing is I don't remember any of my friends talking about all the stretching and ligaments and pressure and what not that is going on down there. And no one ever told me that I would develop so much post nasal drip that I'd feel like I was suffocating all the time or that I would vomit several times a week because of it or because I ate too much (yeah pregos all that eating for two crap you've been fed your whole life...not so much because your stomach has no room for eating more than a thimble full at a time!).

Oh, and that second trimester sex...guess what???? When you are on bed rest you don't get to have any! So, 15 more weeks to go followed by 6 weeks post birth=like a virgin! Luckily the granny panties and breathe right strips I've taken to wearing have pretty much quelled any desire that Paul may have had.

BUT I can't wait to meet our little girl. I pray every night for a healthy, full term, February baby and I know that this faux reality that I'm living in now (I'm like bubble boy except my bubble is my whole house) will someday seem like a dream. Right now she is safe and snuggly in her little bubble and that is all that matters.

So, this coming week another check up with the high risk ob and then the following week an exam AND my gestational diabetes test with the regular ob. Hope I can get that drink now without throwing up or passing out (see post on the joys of pregnancy).

I love you Emma and I wouldn't change any of our journey together!

Knitting

So I decided to teach myself to knit. I ordered materials on Walmart.com and thought I'd start with a learn to knit kit ages 7 and up. If a 7 year old can do this how hard can it be, right? And it says knit a scarf "in just two hours!" Perfect.

I tear open the package with the enthusiasm of a 7 year old on Christmas morning. This is gonna be great!

Okay, first things first...directions. I open to the first page and notice some hieroglyphics that may have been pictures of how the yarn is supposed to look on your hands along with written words that could have been Chinese for all I could understand what I was supposed to do. You would have to be a 7 year old tiny genius to understand this stuff! I barely got the slip knot down much less cast on and knit stitch. This is gonna be harder than I thought.

So, I turn to youtube. The first video has music and goes so quickly that I don't even understand what the woman is doing. She's either knitting or casting some kind of spell at super sonic speed. Clearly this isn't gonna work.

Video 2 is more helpful. Made more helpful by the fact that I could pause it every 5 seconds, try to position my hands correctly, try to cast on or knit stitch, mess it up, rewind the video, do it again.

I semi figure out what is going on and I begin making the mistake of NOT looking at the Chinese directions that came in the package. Immediately I notice that my scarf doesn't really look like the scarf on the package. Hmmmm...well, maybe it will when I'm done.

Then I wonder why it seems like I'm running out of yarn at an astonishing rate. How am I gonna finish my scarf????

I look at the directions and it says to only do 5 stitches, not the 20+ that I did. Well, that would explain the yarn situation. I take apart the whole scarf, wind the yarn up in a ball, and start over.

I had decided to do 10 stitches because I don't have the neck of a 7 year old. I start over. Think my scarf still looks wide and realize what I thought was 10 stitches was 21. How did that even happen? I take apart the scarf again and realize it has now been 6 hours...

6 hours and I haven't gotten 1 row of stitches, I can't feel my fingers, I'm seeing spots, and I may have fractured my right elbow. And I'm tired.

I put the yarn down. Tomorrow is another entire day that I have to spend on my scarf. I will be triumphant!

Civic duty vs growing a human

Being on bedrest allows me to make a lot of observations about what is going on in the world. And by world I mean Hollywood and Facebook. So today was election day which is weird because I thought it was Nov. 5th, but I guess not. Who knew? Apparently everyone, but me. Whatever I'm pregnant and had nothing in me that wanted to go to the polls and risk my little baby waiting for people that I haven't paid any attention to. Usually I do vote, but this year I had other more important things to do...like grow a human. But how did I find out it was election day you ask. Well, I'll tell ya...

The incredibly negative campaign ads that cluttered up the commercial space during my tv shows. Literally every single commercial on tv today was a campaign ad. One after the other. It was enough to make me want to gouge my own eyeballs out.

Because every single person on FB all day long updated their status with I voted, Go vote, Here's my I voted sticker button app whatever. Absolutely nothing else was happening on FB today! Which was disappointing because I spend my days facebook stalking y'all.

So, since I wasn't voting I watched Kathie Lee and Hoda this morning (okay, I usually watch them anyway) and today was a super bonus because The Situation was on. And everyone who knows me knows I freakin love to make fun of the situation.

This was my FB status this morning: Well my day just got a whole lot better...the situation is on Kathie Lee and Hoda...Score!

Followed by:Jenn McArtor Apparently the situation wrote some sort of book....I'm surprised he even knows how to read.

Jenn McArtor Kathie Lee and Hoda have a FB page where you can ask/post comments that they say during the show. My comment: Can you please ask the situation how he thinks it's cool at 29 or 30 years old to live with college students? At some point it's not cool anymore to go out, get drunk every night, and hook up with random girls. He is so gross and such a loser!

Patricia Eldridge Parks um, a book? about how to be obnoxious possibly?

Jenn McArtor I wish someone would shoot him through that clear window behind him. Did you know he used to have a real job? Like a Wall Street type job?

Patricia Eldridge Parks i would rather have him on mtv than wall st thats for darn sure

Jenn McArtor I just have to imagine that he has a whole plethera of STDs. It makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

Patricia Eldridge Parks for real....hes a whole plethera of dumb

Jenn McArtor He looked like he had plastic Ken doll hair in his interview!

Patricia Eldridge Parks better than the oily beau hunk hair, but not by much....

Jacki Nelson Ewww he is so gross!

My fascination with this skeezy pedophile is so deep that I actually "liked" Kathie Lee and Hoda's FB page just to make comments about him in hopes they would read my comments during the show. They did not (in case you were wondering), but it may have been because my comments were slightly negative as per the one I posted in my status (see above) as well as I liked his plastic Ken doll hair...I mean what do you even put on your hair to get it to look like that?????, He is like 30 years old!!!!, and Also, if you have to make up your own nickname and refer to yourself as that nickname in the 3rd party....pretty much has cemented your status as resident loser.

Misty from AL disagreed with me though. She posted "OMG!!!!!!! THE SITUATIONS ABS ARE AWESOMEEEEEEE !!!!!!!!!!! H...O...T...IS NOT THE WORD FOR THAT!!!!!!! CAN YOU GET HIS NUMBER FOR ME?????" Misty posted her high school graduation year as 1992 and yet I would've sworn she was about 40 years old and a man. Well to each his own I guess.

So, while y'all were out doing your civic duty and trying to make the world a better place (yay) I was being snarky and I'm proud of it! I may not have made the world a better place, but I spoke up for everyone who thinks the situation needs to be over already.

Hoarding

I think I've blogged before on how I come for a long line of hoarders. For those of you who don't know...I come from a long line of hoarders. We all hoard in our own different ways, but we all call it collecting. For example, some of us collect wine, Longenberger baskets, cut glass, books, old papers, pets...you name and someone in my family has probably collected it. My paternal grandfather used to collect things he found on the side of the road. I'm sure Paul is ecstatic that I haven't gone that far and he barely tolerates my love of any of my collections. Seriously we may be one Longenberger basket away from divorce. lol Paul has some "collectors" in his family, too. He just has chosen to fight against that urge rather than embrace it.

I do realize though that with a baby on the way it is time to let go of some things to make room for new things.

Of course I can't nest like I want to right now what with the bedrest and all. So, last week my friend Jessica came over and offered to help me organize some things. Little did I know that Jessica is an organizer of the show Hoarders caliber. She is this tiny little thing from Texas with this sweet little accent and she is scary!

We decided to tackle the closet in the guest room and it sort of went like this:

Me sitting on the bed. Jessica prying open the closet doors. She begins pulling stuff out and we start going through it. So, I may have had 8 giant space bags of linens and several drawers in a dresser. We emptied every single space bag and I am proud to say I only kept 1 blanket, 1 extra sheets for the 2 guest beds, and 1 table cloth. We came up with an entire space bag of toys for toys for tots for this Christmas as well as 3 boxes full of stuff for Salvation Army/Airmen's Attic, a bag of books for the library, and 3 industrial size garbage bags of garbage.

Of course it's easy to get rid of things when someone is giving you the stank eye and asking you "Are you ever going to use this again? Do you need this?" And if you say yes, "Are you sure?" What I am sure of is that I wish I could send her down to my mother's house to help her go through her crap stuff. I had to take a nap when she left!

Paul sure was impressed when he got home! He even took some electronics from under the guest room bed to Best Buy last weekend to turn them in for recycling or at least he told me he did (they could be in our garbage can for all I know, but I choose to believe he recycled them).

Jessica is coming over tomorrow, but I don't think we'll be organizing anything. She made the mistake of offering to help me with things (words I am sure she will grow to regret) so tomorrow Beast goes to the vet to get his nails trimmed.

Thanks Jessica!

Sex and the City

I know there are a lot of people who see the Sex and the City franchise as just another sign of what is wrong with our society--sex, drugs, and rock & roll are all present in this series. But I never saw the series that way.

My friend Kelley finally watched the 2nd movie--honestly, I don't know how she waited so long as I went BY MYSELF to see it when it came out in the theater (because I was so excited and couldn't wait to find anyone to go with me). But of course that got me thinking about the movie and so today I decided to watch the 1st movie (which I love and cry every time I've seen it!) again.

And watching the movie got me thinking about what the series has meant in my life. Some of you may scoff that a television show (cable no less) can mean something in a person's life, but as someone whose marriage ended during season 6 and then spent several years as a single 20 something this show did mean a lot to me. It got me through the end of my marriage and all my bad relationships and messy break ups that came afterwards. It inspired me in my friendships and helped cement the great friends I had in Sarasota (who also loved SaTC as much as me) and inspired me to try and look fashionable when going out at night and inspired me to keep looking for love.

And when the 1st movie came out we all got dolled up, went out for martinis, and then went and saw the movie. I started tearing up during the credits because it was like being reunited with old friends I hadn't seen in awhile. And it was made even better by the fact that I was seeing it with my girlfriends who I love so much. And then I saw it a second time with another friend and loved it just as much.

People that know me well know that my friendships mean everything to me. I count my blessings everyday in the friends that I have--from the ones that I've had for over half my life to the ones I've made in the last 5 years to the ones I've made in the last year. I may not talk to them or see them as much as I like, but they are always in my thoughts and prayers. And the amazing thing about my friends (other than the fact that they are all incredibly talented, inspiring, strong women) is that whether we talk every day, once a month or once a year our friendships have remained unchanged and we pick up where we left off as if never a day has gone by.

Good friends are the people who have seen you at your ugliest (both physically, mentally, and emotionally), who know the real you, who don't judge you, and who don't care if you call them at 2am crying hysterically for no reason. They are the ones who laugh with you and may not even know why they are laughing...they just know something made you laugh and that's good enough for them.

I feel bad for women that have never known the joy of female friendships. Female friendships are a gift from God and I could never imagine my life without my friends. Whether you have 1 good friend or a 100 a friend brings something extra to your life, something that family or a spouse can't provide and shouldn't be expected to provide.

So I think Sex and the City is about more than cocktails and sex and money. It ultimately is about friendship...deep, enduring, abiding friendships.