Every Time

How come whenever our boxer gets sick in her crate she does it in the back forcing me to crawl into the crate to clean it up?

She is obsessed with Emma's poopy diapers. Today she threw up a diaper wipe.

It's that kind of day in our household.

Transformation Complete

Remember growing up how your grandma or your mom or your auntie always watched her stories in the afternoon...Days of Our Lives, General Hospital, As The World Turns...No stay at home mom in the 1970's and 80's ever missed their stories.

I can remember watching Days of Our Lives when I was little and even as I got a little older and then life got busy and I had to get a job and wasn't home in the afternoon anymore. When I got to MA I supervised a woman who, no lie, taped 3 hours of soap operas A DAY and watched them after work.

So yesterday we were home and after lunch I put the tv on and Days of Our Lives was on and an hour later my transformation to stay at home mom/housewife is complete as I watched the entire show! And man oh man those characters that were young and hot when I was young are now old, old, old (still hot though).

I wonder if there's a soap operas for dummies so I can catch up on the 15 years or so that I missed (because all the characters that were babies when I was young are now grown ups but I don't remember who belonged to who.).

Who else watches soaps these days?

Stroller Strides

So, I've been going to Stroller Strides and last Friday was a banner day for me. To keep things in perspective for you, you can probably imagine how someone feels after finishing a marathon...super proud of themselves and exhausted...that's how I feel every time I work out. Every single time. I guess because exercise has made such a rare appearance in my life for the last few years that the fact that I have been consistently going for a month continues to amaze me.

Anyways, Stroller Strides. I met my friend Jessica last Monday for class and Tuesday could barely move. I hurt in places that I didn't even know I had muscles in. Friday when I showed up to class there were 4 pregnant women in class, one of whom was 38 weeks pregnant. I flashed back on to when I was 38 weeks pregnant with Em and I can guarantee my ass was NOT running, doing jumping jacks, or push ups. I can't even do a jumping jack now without becoming winded (as evidenced during SS on Friday). These pregnant women ran circles around me! Literally because we did a lot of running and I did get lapped a few times by a prego or 4. And my push ups...abysmal! We did push ups off a metal barrier thingy and I had my legs bent at a 90 degree angle to my waist to the point that my calves became sore. lol I guess flexibility isn't in my vocabulary either.

My other favorite part was that 3 of the pregos were thinner than I am and 1 of the non pregos in class was so thin that I am not sure how she carried a child inside her (actually most of the women in class are so thin that I wonder how they carried a child). It's never a good day when you're heavier than a pregnant woman. But it does motivate me to continue working out.

So on Friday I was proud of myself for going, I did enjoy class because we were outside and it was beautiful, but I was definitely embarrassed by my lack of physical fitness.

I need some ice cream. Ice cream makes everything better. Back to SS tomorrow.

A Serious Question

Remember how when you were growing up the only thing that made the end of summer bearable was knowing that fall tv would soon be starting. As summer ended you could look forward secure in the knowledge that very soon Zach Morris, Cliff Huxtable, Doogie Howser, and Tim the Tool Man Taylor would be showing up at your house. NBC rocked Thursday nights with Friends and the original 90210 reigned supreme. Remember when Donna lost her virginity to David??? Remember when everyone else lost their virginity to Dylan??? Those were the days!

TV shows had seasons that went from late August/early September to May. That is like an entire school year and then when the shows had their season finales it was time again for summer break! Need I say it again...those were the days!

So what happened? It seems like now we are lucky if our favorite shows have 8 episodes! I can barely feel invested in a show with only 8 episodes. And just when you are good and wrapped up in a show then its pre-empted by basketball or baseball (shudder) or American Idol (seriously who still watches this??? No one who has won the show has lasted more than a year in the industry with a few exceptions...shout out Kelly Clarkson and Jennifer Hudson who I don't even think won...why is AI on all year long???).

Instead of being able to stay with your beloved characters for an entire season beginning in September you have to stalk the tv guide channel and internet to even find out when your show is starting. This one starts in September, this one in October, this one did start in September and then went off the air in November, and is coming back in April (did I mention I hate AI)...Bones I'm talking to you. Where have you been????? Just when I get interested in a show all the sudden the season is over (hello Terra Nova!).

It's almost enough to turn me off tv all together. I can't keep it all straight. So for Christmas this year Mr. Television Executive can we please just have a real tv season instead of mini seasons of 50 different shows?

Thank you and good night.

Words Emma Says

Words Emma says:
dada
sasha
this
yum
yeah
bubble

Words Emma does NOT say:
mama

Emma has also learned the sign for milk and you should see her frantically using both hands when we get up in the morning asking for milk. Hilarious! And God help mama if she's slow in getting the milk because Emma is not shy about letting her displeasure known.

We're pretty sure she talks back to us because she will point at us and then become very animated.

I'm scared for us when she actually does begin to talk.

Fat Girl No More

You know how they say at some point in every addiction you reach rock bottom.  Well my addiction has been overeating and I've hit rock bottom.  Or at least I hope this is rock bottom because if I gain any more weight I am going to sink like a rock this summer in the pool. 

I think what the real trigger for me has been, not only understanding how much weight I've gained in the last 10 years (45lbs y'all!), but knowing how easy it would be to gain another 45.  Also when your hubby comes back from his deployment and the 2 of you weigh the same...well, that's just the kick in the teeth you need.  Of course my hubby's been home since mid January and I've just not come to the realization that things have got to change.  Okay, I've always known things have got to change, but right now I feel good about the upcoming changes. 

Knowing I am possibly going to see 2 of my dearest friends this summer who are both moms and both super skinny (Emily and Cory I'm talking about you!) and that there is a possibility bathingsuits will be needed...um, hello no one wants to be the fat friend.  Not that Cory or Emily or their wonderful husbands would ever make me feel uncomfortable, but still. 

I've also gotten to the point where I am embarrassed to be naked in front of Paul.  He tells me constantly all the time how beautiful I am and how much he loves me, but I want to feel proud of myself in front of him and right now I don't. 

When you have a belly that rivals Santa Claus and you can feel it jiggling like a bowl full of jello all the time it ain't pretty people.  Ain't pretty at all. 

Originally I thought I'd be pregnant by  now, but I'm not so we've decided to take a break from that thus giving me zero excuses to not be serious about my weight loss!  No excuses.  I've joined a gym and found that I actually really enjoy it.  I went to Stroller Strides this morning and while I felt like I was going to throw up most of the class I do feel like I got an awesome work (and I didn't even cry...much) out so my friend Jessica and I will be doing that with Em and Felicity.  (FYI Jessica is a skinny mom, too.  Her work out pants do NOT roll down under the weight of her belly.)

And then it's such a gorgeous day out that I went outside and raked leaves for an HOUR!  Do you know how hard it is to rake leaves especially when your lunch was a 200 calorie lean cuisine????  You'd have thought I had just finished running a half marathon the way I was panting.  But I felt so proud of myself because it was something that needed to be done, I got an extra work out from it, and I may or may not be working off the credit card debt I ran up while Paul was deployed (I was sad.  Don't judge me. lol Seriously though credit cards are no joke.  Don't be a loser like me.). 

I've also been tracking what I eat on the my fitness pal app.  And I have decided that I am going to train and run the Disney Princess Half Marathon in 2013 AND I've enlisted the help of several good friends to run with me (and Paul). 

I'm putting it out there that I'm starting this journey at 191lbs.  Holy hell.  How did it get this bad? 

If you're doing something great to lose weight and it's working for you then brag on yourself and leave a comment sharing your success. 

Ooops, gotta run.  The tiny dictator is up from her nap. 

Roomba

We keep our roomba charging in the living room under a china cabinet. Usually Em doesn't touch it, but this afternoon she crawled over to it and pressed the clean button. I guess she decided she was tired of crawling around in dog hair and the floors needed vacuuming.

Of course she then just sat there, forcing roomba to spin in circles as she was blocking it's exit path.

Em just makes me laugh all day!

Oh The Horror

There are things people told me I would do when I became a mother that I just didn't believe.  This weekend was a testament to how wrong I was.

Em has had a little stomach bug.  Friday she had a couple of gross diapers and by gross I mean DISGUSTING!
You know what happens when you are out to lunch, having sushi, and you go to change your baby's diaper, and find explosive diarrhea...you will throw up!  Thank goodness the toilet was next to the changing table and I was able to keep one hand on Emma while I threw up in the toilet.  Oh, and remember how we use cloth diapers...yeah, I then had to carry that stinky diaper in the diaper bag.  The diaper bag is not made of steel nor is it magic.  As we sat and finished lunch I could SMELL the diaper.  Smell it. 

Then Saturday she seemed like she was feeling better.  She played.  She had a good day.  Sure her appetite was still a little off, but whose isn't when you have a tummy bug. 

Saturday night Em was crawling around on the floor and she spit up a little.  Paul had just asked if I thought she was feeling okay and I said yes as I picked her up off the floor AND SHE PROJECTILE VOMITED ALL OVER ME!  And I'm not talking a little baby spit up I am talking me COVERED in vomit.  And by covered I  mean I had to get into the tub with Emma because I was COVERED in vomit.  Paul was gagging in the kitchen as I just stood there as the puke kept coming out of her mouth.  Remember the pea soup scene in The Exorcist...it was like that except more, so much more.  And the smell.  Oh the smell. 

Sunday I woke up feeling awful.  I slept most of the day and thank God felt better today.  I again thought Em would be fine today, but she woke up literally covered in shit.  I don't know how she hadn't woken herself up there was so much shit.  It was like a poop diaper.  It was leaking out onto her clothing.  This happened twice today.  I will never look at cream of chicken soup the same way again. 

Oh and the second time she was in a cloth diaper because I foolishly thought there can't be anymore poop in her.  How wrong I was.  So we are back to disposable diapers until this passes.  Between the dogs and Emma I literally spend my entire days cleaning up some form of poop, vomit, or urine.  Who knew my life would someday revolve around bodily fluids?