It was the summer of 1998...the summer between my junior and senior year of college. I have to admit I was pretty hot that summer (yea lifeguarding) with a fierce tan and long blond hair...sigh...those were the days...
But I was also in this weird trying to be good faze and I wouldn't sleep with the guy I was dating all summer.
Apparently that didn't matter to him or so I thought...
The summer went by in a drunken haze...lifeguarding during the day and going out with the group at night...multiple nights a week...or having people over at the apartment Leah and I shared.
Leah, Brooke, Lauren, me, Mike, Tonya, Jeremiah, Mandy, Gene, Tracy, Alex, and whatever other random folks were around us.
Mike, Gene, Tracy, and I met through work. Leah, Lauren, Brooke, and I were sorority sisters together. We met Jeremiah and Alex through Mike. Mike had met Tonya and Mandy (who was also a KD from KY) at Pleasure Island which was our place for the summer. Buy a season pass, drink before you go (thanks Lauren, our underage designated driver all summer), and party for free. You'd think going roughly 3 nights a week would be boring, but surprisingly it wasn't.
So, Alex was the one I was dating, Gene and Tracy were dating, and Mike and Tonya were dating. The beginning of the summer I went to NJ with my mom. While I was gone they had a birthday party for Alex.
I get home and partying resumes. Except now Mandy cries every time she sees Alex and I together. I question this, but Alex and everyone else convinces me that she is just crazy. Oh, how stupid I can be...
The summer progresses and Mandy remains a raging lunatic. Too the point that her mom comes down and goes out with us to Pleasure Island. Mandy wears this camouflage, spandex dress. She then introduces Brooke and Leah and maybe Lauren to her mom as her friends..keep in mind that despite hanging out in the same group for the entire summer and being sorority sisters she had never actually talked to any of us (neither had Tonya at this point because her and Mandy were BFF). But she doesn't introduce me. Then her mom makes a comment about at least we aren't dressed slutty like she is.
Then she introduces Alex to her mom as her boyfriend...while Alex and I are holding hands...and later making out on the dance floor while Mandy hooks up with another guy!
Then Leah and I have a party at our apartment. It was truly a drunken night to remember. At one point Leah and I went outside and unscrewed a light that shined into our apartment and moved it so that it shined onto the naval base across the street. In addition to our regular crew, Mike's random friend and Mandy's whore cousin were also in attendance.
So, when Mandy gets there (how nice am I that we keep inviting this crazy ass girl to hang out with us) and sees me sitting on Alex's lap while we play cards and runs out of the apartment crying. Alex feels that he should go talk to her and leaves after her. Hours go by. I go outside. Leah goes to bed (it's fairly late or early depending on how you want to look at it). Jeremiah comes out to tell me that Mike's random friend and Mandy's whore cousin are having sex in the living room on our couch. So, I ask Jeremiah to kindly ask them to leave (okay maybe it didn't come out exactly like that) and he does.
I go back inside (after the sexscapades are over) only to find another one of our sisters, Kelly G, asleep in my bed. In my drunken state I decide a 4am bath would be a grand idea so I take a bath and then am stuck sleeping on the sex couch.
Finally Alex comes back. Keep in mind hours have gone by. He tells me that Mandy was upset because they were talking at his birthday party and she thought they were going to date. He then tells me he had to help look for Mandy's whore cousin whom they found passed out next to the dumpster (a sign perhaps?).
Summer ends and Alex and I end as well (no break up, just kind of went back to our normal lives). Mandy goes back to KY, but Tonya stays.
I am at a party one night and Tracy comes up to me and says "You know Mandy's pregnant right?" And I say, "What! Whose the father?" And she says, "Alex." And I say, "Alex who?" And she says, "Alex so and so." OMG...THE ALEX I WAS DATING ALL SUMMER!!! She then tells me Mandy got pregnant at Alex's bday party and that is why she was a lunatic all summer! Are you f**king kidding me?
Then surprise of all surprises Tonya gets a job at the YMCA where we all work and she gets put on MY shift at the front desk and I have to train her! So, the first night we work together (now keep in mind we spent AN ENTIRE SUMMER TOGETHER WITHOUT EXCHANGING TWO WORDS) I say, "I have to ask you something. Is Mandy pregnant?" And she confirms it. She says she told Mike to tell me, but he didn't want to get involved (thanks asshole).
Mandy gets an abortion and Tonya and I ended up becoming really good friends. Of course we were all on a party bus for Mike's birthday and Alex said something about his girlfriend missing her period and someone said "Is this going to be another Mandy situation?" I was like I'm right here douche bags!
But all in all...it was the funnest summer I had all college! lol
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
GPS what?
I generally think my sense of direction is good. Usually if I go someplace once I can find it again.
However, there are those times....
The other day I was on my way to see a new client. I typed her address into my GPS and didn't seem like it would too hard to find. I mean Valdosta isn't that big...you can literally go from one side to the other in less than 10 minutes and a trip through downtown never takes longer than 2 minutes...and that's if you hit all the red lights.
Now, I'm coming from the other side of Valdosta (you know the wrong side of the tracks side). Valdosta literally has a bridge and train tracks to seperate the right side from the wrong side...and it gets a little tricky through there. I totally miss the turn because I had the GPS on mute. Turn the volume on and now it's telling me to turn left, but of course I'm in the right lane so I just turn right and then it tells me to backtrack about 1.5 miles. I hit Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd and thought "hmmmmm." I turn on MLK and then turn right on another road.
So, after having to go around the block to find the street I need because of course it doesn't connect to the street I'm on even though the GPS says it does I am now on Lake Park Rd. and I'm supposed to be on Old Lake Park Rd. I immediately turn in the wrong direction and have to turn around. Looking for the house number and completely don't see it. End up totally...I don't even know. Call my client and she's trying to give me directions over the phone and she says to turn right at the stop sign and I'm not even on a road with a stop sign.
I finally park and wait for her to come find me and wonder what the hell good is my GPS when it can never get me to my destination!!!
This car pulls up with this girl inside and she doesn't say anything and I say "Are you so and so?" and she nods. As I am following her into the neighborhood where I had to call the police on that guy with a gun I'm thinking "Hmm, this girl could be anyone and I am just blindly following her wherever she wants to take me."
We get to a house which I totally PASSED WHEN I DROVE DOWN HER STREET EARLIER and go inside and are together about 15 minutes when she has a family emergency and we have to reschedule to Saturday. I usually don't work on Saturday, but I really wanted to get a few extra hours in plus I don't have anything better to do.
But the whole situation reminded me of another time when I got lost in OH. I used to be a Brownie Troop leader with my friend Danielle and when I say we were the worst troop leaders ever believe me. One night I'm on my way home from Brownies (and the school where we had Brownies was not even 2 miles away from my house) and I somehow took a wrong turn. Except I didn't realize it. Thinking I'm still on the right road, imagine my surprise to come up to a stop sign...which I blew through because I wasn't expecting it and almost got sandwhiched from cars coming from both directions. After that I begin to realize something is not quite right and I call my then husband, but I don't know where the hell I am so I can't even help him tell me how to get home. Eventually through just driving around aimlessly I find a street I recognize and get home. I was only lost within 1/2 mile from my house!
Maybe my directional skills aren't as good as I initially thought they were....lol
PS I am watching my cat carry my dog's leopard print sweater around the house in his mouth and now he's attacking it. I wonder if he thinks it's an actual leopard? This cat thinks he's a dog...thanks Leah!
However, there are those times....
The other day I was on my way to see a new client. I typed her address into my GPS and didn't seem like it would too hard to find. I mean Valdosta isn't that big...you can literally go from one side to the other in less than 10 minutes and a trip through downtown never takes longer than 2 minutes...and that's if you hit all the red lights.
Now, I'm coming from the other side of Valdosta (you know the wrong side of the tracks side). Valdosta literally has a bridge and train tracks to seperate the right side from the wrong side...and it gets a little tricky through there. I totally miss the turn because I had the GPS on mute. Turn the volume on and now it's telling me to turn left, but of course I'm in the right lane so I just turn right and then it tells me to backtrack about 1.5 miles. I hit Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd and thought "hmmmmm." I turn on MLK and then turn right on another road.
So, after having to go around the block to find the street I need because of course it doesn't connect to the street I'm on even though the GPS says it does I am now on Lake Park Rd. and I'm supposed to be on Old Lake Park Rd. I immediately turn in the wrong direction and have to turn around. Looking for the house number and completely don't see it. End up totally...I don't even know. Call my client and she's trying to give me directions over the phone and she says to turn right at the stop sign and I'm not even on a road with a stop sign.
I finally park and wait for her to come find me and wonder what the hell good is my GPS when it can never get me to my destination!!!
This car pulls up with this girl inside and she doesn't say anything and I say "Are you so and so?" and she nods. As I am following her into the neighborhood where I had to call the police on that guy with a gun I'm thinking "Hmm, this girl could be anyone and I am just blindly following her wherever she wants to take me."
We get to a house which I totally PASSED WHEN I DROVE DOWN HER STREET EARLIER and go inside and are together about 15 minutes when she has a family emergency and we have to reschedule to Saturday. I usually don't work on Saturday, but I really wanted to get a few extra hours in plus I don't have anything better to do.
But the whole situation reminded me of another time when I got lost in OH. I used to be a Brownie Troop leader with my friend Danielle and when I say we were the worst troop leaders ever believe me. One night I'm on my way home from Brownies (and the school where we had Brownies was not even 2 miles away from my house) and I somehow took a wrong turn. Except I didn't realize it. Thinking I'm still on the right road, imagine my surprise to come up to a stop sign...which I blew through because I wasn't expecting it and almost got sandwhiched from cars coming from both directions. After that I begin to realize something is not quite right and I call my then husband, but I don't know where the hell I am so I can't even help him tell me how to get home. Eventually through just driving around aimlessly I find a street I recognize and get home. I was only lost within 1/2 mile from my house!
Maybe my directional skills aren't as good as I initially thought they were....lol
PS I am watching my cat carry my dog's leopard print sweater around the house in his mouth and now he's attacking it. I wonder if he thinks it's an actual leopard? This cat thinks he's a dog...thanks Leah!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Jenn's 911 call of the day
Let me tell you about my random Thursday:
It all began last night. It was extremely windy out and I had trouble sleeping (I mean more trouble than usual) because I have an intense fear of tornadoes. As I lay there devising a plan to save ourselves and our pets (this involved either quickly dragging the dog kennels into the hallway from the spare room, covering them with the spare bed, opening some windows, and then Paul & I hiding in our closet covered by pillows OR getting the dogs out of the cages and into the closet with us and the pillows...the cats unfortunately were on their own as I just could not figure out a way to corral them in enough time before the tornado hit the house). I finally fell asleep (courtesy of some melatonin--FYI great sleep aid, but will give you WEIRD dreams) only to be woken up by thunder and lightening. Finally fell back asleep only to be woken up by Paul's alarm clock which he decided to reset for another HOUR! Then I dozed in and out until 9:15am.
I was going to go to the gym this morning; however, felt watching an old episode of Tori & Dean Inn Love that I had tivo'd was more important...followed by an extensive searching of The Girls Next Door online, specifically Bridgette Marquedht. I am obsessed with knowing why they all broke up and felt the need to waste an hour of my life trying to find out.
Got dressed. Went to Publix and got subs for our lunch. Waited for Paul to come home. Had lunch with Paul.
Went to see a client. Noticed what looked like a controlled burn (minus anyone or anything monitoring it) on the side of the highway. I didn't pay too much attention because people in GA love to burn things like no ones business. I swear I pass some kind of fire on a daily basis. Must be because they have NOTHING ELSE TO DO IN SOUTH GA. An hour and a half later went back by this fire. Noticed the fire was larger and had spread and still not one single person monitoring it.
Made the difficult decision to call 911 just to make sure and this was our conversation:
Her: 911, what's your emergency?
Me: Hi, I'm just calling to see if y'all are aware of a fire on the side of highway 84.
Her: Um, no ma'am we are not. What is the location?
(now I have to try and figure out what the hell direction this road goes in and where the hell I am)
Me: Um, does 84 go east to west. It was near Delmare.
Her: Where?
Me: Um, on the way to Naylor, but on I guess the west bound side. Oh, near CCC Rd.
Her: On the way to Valdosta?
Me: Yes.
Her: What is your name?
(and here is where it always gets dicey because I do have a fear of being arrested someday for false reporting or my excessive use of the 911 system)
Me: Jennifer.
Her: What number are you calling from?
I tell her the number. She thanks me and we get off the phone.
2 miles up the road is the fire station and as I get up near the fire station and am debating whether to stop and try to clarify my bad location description a fire truck pulls out and across the road and heads towards the fire...SUCCESS!
So, I immediately want to call Paul, but remembered he was teaching class so I called my sister to gloat.
Get to another client's house. Let's just say that it did not end well.
I then do the Wii fit for 50 minutes...after he chastises me for my lack of work out commitment and calls me overweight he also tells me I lost 1.5 lbs...in the past 23 days. I did rock the Wii fit yoga though and have the high score for all yoga poses.
Then dinner, tv, and bedtime...such a glamorous life I lead! No complaints though. I have a lot to be grateful for!
It all began last night. It was extremely windy out and I had trouble sleeping (I mean more trouble than usual) because I have an intense fear of tornadoes. As I lay there devising a plan to save ourselves and our pets (this involved either quickly dragging the dog kennels into the hallway from the spare room, covering them with the spare bed, opening some windows, and then Paul & I hiding in our closet covered by pillows OR getting the dogs out of the cages and into the closet with us and the pillows...the cats unfortunately were on their own as I just could not figure out a way to corral them in enough time before the tornado hit the house). I finally fell asleep (courtesy of some melatonin--FYI great sleep aid, but will give you WEIRD dreams) only to be woken up by thunder and lightening. Finally fell back asleep only to be woken up by Paul's alarm clock which he decided to reset for another HOUR! Then I dozed in and out until 9:15am.
I was going to go to the gym this morning; however, felt watching an old episode of Tori & Dean Inn Love that I had tivo'd was more important...followed by an extensive searching of The Girls Next Door online, specifically Bridgette Marquedht. I am obsessed with knowing why they all broke up and felt the need to waste an hour of my life trying to find out.
Got dressed. Went to Publix and got subs for our lunch. Waited for Paul to come home. Had lunch with Paul.
Went to see a client. Noticed what looked like a controlled burn (minus anyone or anything monitoring it) on the side of the highway. I didn't pay too much attention because people in GA love to burn things like no ones business. I swear I pass some kind of fire on a daily basis. Must be because they have NOTHING ELSE TO DO IN SOUTH GA. An hour and a half later went back by this fire. Noticed the fire was larger and had spread and still not one single person monitoring it.
Made the difficult decision to call 911 just to make sure and this was our conversation:
Her: 911, what's your emergency?
Me: Hi, I'm just calling to see if y'all are aware of a fire on the side of highway 84.
Her: Um, no ma'am we are not. What is the location?
(now I have to try and figure out what the hell direction this road goes in and where the hell I am)
Me: Um, does 84 go east to west. It was near Delmare.
Her: Where?
Me: Um, on the way to Naylor, but on I guess the west bound side. Oh, near CCC Rd.
Her: On the way to Valdosta?
Me: Yes.
Her: What is your name?
(and here is where it always gets dicey because I do have a fear of being arrested someday for false reporting or my excessive use of the 911 system)
Me: Jennifer.
Her: What number are you calling from?
I tell her the number. She thanks me and we get off the phone.
2 miles up the road is the fire station and as I get up near the fire station and am debating whether to stop and try to clarify my bad location description a fire truck pulls out and across the road and heads towards the fire...SUCCESS!
So, I immediately want to call Paul, but remembered he was teaching class so I called my sister to gloat.
Get to another client's house. Let's just say that it did not end well.
I then do the Wii fit for 50 minutes...after he chastises me for my lack of work out commitment and calls me overweight he also tells me I lost 1.5 lbs...in the past 23 days. I did rock the Wii fit yoga though and have the high score for all yoga poses.
Then dinner, tv, and bedtime...such a glamorous life I lead! No complaints though. I have a lot to be grateful for!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The Proposal--Feb. 7, 2009
Did anyone see the movie "Bride Wars?" Remember where the Kate Hudson character basically proposes to herself...that was basically me this evening...
Last night we went out for a romantic dinner, went to First Friday, and then Paul was planning on proposing...except I got drunk! So, he figured he couldn't propose if I was hammered!
Then this morning he was going to slip it on my finger while we were cuddling except I got out of bed before he was awake. So, he asks me to come back to bed to cuddle and I say I have things to do so he says just for 2 minutes. I lay down and exactly 2 minutes later I get out of bed. He had the ring IN HIS HAND! lol
Tonight we go to a party and Paul says something and my response is "So where's my ring?" And Paul said "It's in our bedroom." And I said "No it's not. You would keep it in your office at work." And Paul insists that it's at home, on a thumb tack on the back of his night stand. So, I say "I bet you $100 there's a not a ring." And we shake on the bet. And Paul says that he can offer me other proof that he has the ring.
We get home and we go in the bedroom and we're lying on the bed and Paul says, "I proposed once and you said no." And I reminded him it was because he didn't have a ring and he says, "So, if I propose again are you going to say yes?" And I say, "If you have a ring." And he leans over and turns back around and has a ring in his hand and says, "Will you marry me?" And I start laughing and crying and he puts the most beautiful ring on my finger!
Our engagement story is perfect for us as a couple because it is totally who we are as a couple...
Plus his other proof was that he called my dad yesterday on his way home from work and asked for his permission...awwwwww!
And I found out that he ordered the ring before he went to the Superbowl and picked it up the day he got back...after he came home for lunch and we had a fight at lunch...he left from lunch and went and got the ring so he must love me tons to want to still marry me after that...lol
Oh, and now we're watching the History of Sex on the History channel...lol
Last night we went out for a romantic dinner, went to First Friday, and then Paul was planning on proposing...except I got drunk! So, he figured he couldn't propose if I was hammered!
Then this morning he was going to slip it on my finger while we were cuddling except I got out of bed before he was awake. So, he asks me to come back to bed to cuddle and I say I have things to do so he says just for 2 minutes. I lay down and exactly 2 minutes later I get out of bed. He had the ring IN HIS HAND! lol
Tonight we go to a party and Paul says something and my response is "So where's my ring?" And Paul said "It's in our bedroom." And I said "No it's not. You would keep it in your office at work." And Paul insists that it's at home, on a thumb tack on the back of his night stand. So, I say "I bet you $100 there's a not a ring." And we shake on the bet. And Paul says that he can offer me other proof that he has the ring.
We get home and we go in the bedroom and we're lying on the bed and Paul says, "I proposed once and you said no." And I reminded him it was because he didn't have a ring and he says, "So, if I propose again are you going to say yes?" And I say, "If you have a ring." And he leans over and turns back around and has a ring in his hand and says, "Will you marry me?" And I start laughing and crying and he puts the most beautiful ring on my finger!
Our engagement story is perfect for us as a couple because it is totally who we are as a couple...
Plus his other proof was that he called my dad yesterday on his way home from work and asked for his permission...awwwwww!
And I found out that he ordered the ring before he went to the Superbowl and picked it up the day he got back...after he came home for lunch and we had a fight at lunch...he left from lunch and went and got the ring so he must love me tons to want to still marry me after that...lol
Oh, and now we're watching the History of Sex on the History channel...lol
Another One Bites the Dust--Dec. 7, 2005
From my myspace blog:
So my theme song...another one bites the dust...I cannot do relationships. I don't understand dating, I am not good at it, and I am tired of getting my heart broken. In the past year and a half I have gotten divorced, had a huge fight with a guy I was in love with forever which allowed him to meet the love of his life, dated a guy who was so beyond committment phobic that they needed a new word (he has since started dating one of my close friends so I guess he got over his phobia--good for him--that's nice), dated another friend who decided he'd rather date random bar chicks and girls from the internet, dated a cop who thought I was too good looking and intelligent (he actually told the people who set us up that), and a fireman who apparently either died or fell off the earth because he just stopped calling (what is that??? just call and say you don't want to go out anymore--it's okay--be a man!). My ex-husband has a new girlfriend, love of my life obviously new girlfriend (that he's planning on proposing to), ex dating my close friend (let me say that I am a kick ass friend b/c I've actually hung out with both of them!), asshole that I wasted 6 months of my life already has a new girlfriend (was the bed even cold from when I left??? We only broke up 2 weeks before you met her or maybe not ya big cheater), and Fireman...well, who knows, maybe he moved although he has not had any problem checking his match.com profile from wherever he is...
I wouldn't say that I'm bitter. More resigned to my fate as a "setter upper" aka the girl guys date and work all their weird bullshit out on so they then can move on to the girl they want to marry. But it definitely does not make me want to date...anyone....ever again...
Do other people out there share this fate? I like to think of myself as "The Angel of Love" helping others find true happiness...with other people. And if I hear one more time from a married or coupled friend "Don't worry. He's out there. You'll find him." SHUT UP! Maybe he's not out there and that is okay. Everyone couple needs that single female friend they envy because she is unencumbered and gets to travel and have exotic adventures and send their kids cool toys from other countries while they are stuck at home changing shitty diapers. :)
That is my rant for the day. Hope it made you laugh even though, sadly, it's all true...
So my theme song...another one bites the dust...I cannot do relationships. I don't understand dating, I am not good at it, and I am tired of getting my heart broken. In the past year and a half I have gotten divorced, had a huge fight with a guy I was in love with forever which allowed him to meet the love of his life, dated a guy who was so beyond committment phobic that they needed a new word (he has since started dating one of my close friends so I guess he got over his phobia--good for him--that's nice), dated another friend who decided he'd rather date random bar chicks and girls from the internet, dated a cop who thought I was too good looking and intelligent (he actually told the people who set us up that), and a fireman who apparently either died or fell off the earth because he just stopped calling (what is that??? just call and say you don't want to go out anymore--it's okay--be a man!). My ex-husband has a new girlfriend, love of my life obviously new girlfriend (that he's planning on proposing to), ex dating my close friend (let me say that I am a kick ass friend b/c I've actually hung out with both of them!), asshole that I wasted 6 months of my life already has a new girlfriend (was the bed even cold from when I left??? We only broke up 2 weeks before you met her or maybe not ya big cheater), and Fireman...well, who knows, maybe he moved although he has not had any problem checking his match.com profile from wherever he is...
I wouldn't say that I'm bitter. More resigned to my fate as a "setter upper" aka the girl guys date and work all their weird bullshit out on so they then can move on to the girl they want to marry. But it definitely does not make me want to date...anyone....ever again...
Do other people out there share this fate? I like to think of myself as "The Angel of Love" helping others find true happiness...with other people. And if I hear one more time from a married or coupled friend "Don't worry. He's out there. You'll find him." SHUT UP! Maybe he's not out there and that is okay. Everyone couple needs that single female friend they envy because she is unencumbered and gets to travel and have exotic adventures and send their kids cool toys from other countries while they are stuck at home changing shitty diapers. :)
That is my rant for the day. Hope it made you laugh even though, sadly, it's all true...
Why am I not a Playboy playmate?
I mean, besides the obvious reasons such as weighing approximately 90lbs. more than a playmate; not having huge, fake breasts; not having a flat stomach; excessive amounts of cellulite...
If you can look past those reasons, then I don't understand why I'm not Hugh Hefners next girlfriend. Yes, the thought of being physically intimate with him makes me throw up in my mouth a little, but I think, for enough money and fame, I could get over that. (And I am obsessed with knowing if he sleeps with all his girlfriends or just the main one or none of them...does anyone know???)
I certainly have the personality to be a Girl Next Door as I love to walk around naked (although most people would NOT want to see me walk around naked). I'm funny and loud and outgoing and people like me. I am less obnoxious than Kendra, smarter than Holly, and I like Bridgett so I can't say anything bad about her. I definitely am BETTER looking than the twins that he has as his next girlfriends. Even though they are from FL...yuck! He could've done better.
Maybe if I work out really really really hard at the gym (oh, and find the money to pay for liposuction and a personal chef) my new goal can be to be in Playboy. I think Paul would support that. Besides Bridgett is like 36 and I'm only 31...I got time.
I guess while I wait for my big, naked break I will continue to enjoy life here in south GA (Valdumpster holla) with my fiance...
Do you think Playboy will ever do a big girls edition? If so, I'm all over that!
PS I usually don't like to talk about my clients, but just to illustrate the differences between the races...my gay, black, female client wants to gain weigh so she can be "thick" like me (yes, she called me thick at our session today) because she thinks she is too thin and I want to be thin like her because life isn't fair! She eats like crap and doesn't exercise and has 2 kids and has a much better body than me...I guess the grass is always greener on the other side...lol.
PPS I am officially a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and can now start looking for a job in Boston!!! Oh, and I'm getting married!!!!
If you can look past those reasons, then I don't understand why I'm not Hugh Hefners next girlfriend. Yes, the thought of being physically intimate with him makes me throw up in my mouth a little, but I think, for enough money and fame, I could get over that. (And I am obsessed with knowing if he sleeps with all his girlfriends or just the main one or none of them...does anyone know???)
I certainly have the personality to be a Girl Next Door as I love to walk around naked (although most people would NOT want to see me walk around naked). I'm funny and loud and outgoing and people like me. I am less obnoxious than Kendra, smarter than Holly, and I like Bridgett so I can't say anything bad about her. I definitely am BETTER looking than the twins that he has as his next girlfriends. Even though they are from FL...yuck! He could've done better.
Maybe if I work out really really really hard at the gym (oh, and find the money to pay for liposuction and a personal chef) my new goal can be to be in Playboy. I think Paul would support that. Besides Bridgett is like 36 and I'm only 31...I got time.
I guess while I wait for my big, naked break I will continue to enjoy life here in south GA (Valdumpster holla) with my fiance...
Do you think Playboy will ever do a big girls edition? If so, I'm all over that!
PS I usually don't like to talk about my clients, but just to illustrate the differences between the races...my gay, black, female client wants to gain weigh so she can be "thick" like me (yes, she called me thick at our session today) because she thinks she is too thin and I want to be thin like her because life isn't fair! She eats like crap and doesn't exercise and has 2 kids and has a much better body than me...I guess the grass is always greener on the other side...lol.
PPS I am officially a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and can now start looking for a job in Boston!!! Oh, and I'm getting married!!!!
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