We did it!

We finally made it to church!  Emma wore a pretty outfit and truthfully she looked much nicer than me.  I am always a little skeptical when people wear shorts to church and then when I got inside I understood why...no air conditioning!  And almost 90 degrees today.  Luckily I wore a top that you couldn't tell was soaking wet in the back from all the sweating I did.  I sure wish I had worn sandals though. 

Everyone was so friendly and Emma, as usual, was like a little celebrity.  I think she met just about everyone at the church before the service even started.  She was so good natured about it all, too, and didn't even fuss that her six ounce bottle drinking kept getting interrupted. 

The message was "God loves a 'hilarious' giver."  And that is me...I love to do for others for the sake of helping, not for anything for myself.  Of course helping others always leads to good feelings in yourself.  It's like when Phoebe tried to find some way to give without getting something in return and she couldn't do it because she felt good inside when she helped others.  (I miss Friends.)  Although reading this paragraph I sort of feel like I'm bragging, but I'm not really.  I promise.  I just wish everyone could take more time to be kind to one another and focus on the little things that brighten someone's day.   I wish I did more for society because there are so many amazing people out there doing amazing things for the world.

Of course after Emma's huge bottle she fell asleep and missed most all of the sermon.

She woke up just in time for the postlude and benediction though and boy oh boy did the Spirit move her.  She chimed in with her own special prayers and singing.  lol 

Speaking of prayers...keep your prayers coming for Tripp Roth.  He is feeling a little better and his mama knows that everyone's prayers are helping.  Her faith and his spirit continue to amaze me.  I think I am a little in love with this beautiful boy. 

So once again my plan was to be up in bed at 9pm and here it is 9:30pm.  Sigh...ok, I am letting the dogs and getting in bed!  Hope everyone had a great weekend and has a good week.  One month down...only 5 more to go!

27-31 July (a Paul post)

July 27


Well, my luck finally worked out with flights today. There was a chopper scheduled for 0830 to take me back home and another one was scheduled for 0835 that went to another FOB that I could go to and get back easier. I figured I would use that one as a back-up in case mine didn’t show (like what always happens to me). Well low and behold the back-up plan arrived first. I had to decide if I go for the sure thing and get off the tiny FOB I was on or take the gamble that my other one would show up. I decided to stay and it paid off. Now I’m back to my home base.

When I got home there were three packages waiting for me from Jenn. One had some stuff I had set up for her to mail, another had movies and the complete Friends series season 5 for me to watch, and the third was her attempt to keep me fat. It had Oreos, Pringles, and blueberry muffins. She is testing my resolve to get in shape. I fought back by going to the gym for 1.5 hours and then playing basketball for two more hours. As I write this I can barely stay awake.

The weather here has been nice almost every day except today. There seemed to be a haze, but it was really sand in the air. I later found out I was experiencing a sandstorm. It was not like they show on TV. It was so bad that I could feel the sand in my teeth when I would breathe. Oh what a great location this is…haha I think when we leave we should be able to turn all these FOBs into Club Meds. We could make a fortune.

FRUIT UPDATE: So the chow hall has implemented a new policy because people are drinking all the sodas and other drinks. You are now limited to two drinks per meal and people are upset they can’t take extras back to their room. I have been good and don’t drink any sodas. Well we had a shipment of food come in so there is fresh fruit for the first time in a while. I have successfully negotiated a soda for fruit swap. Now I’m stocking up on my granny smith apples and tangerines. I love it when a plan comes together.

July 28

Not a whole lot of excitement this day. The biggest news is that I was able to run commercial internet to my room. I was hoping for some crystal clear Skyping as a result and was sadly disappointed. It is a perk to be able to get to Facebook, my wife’s blog, and fantasy football sites from my room. It is $80 a month, so unless the video chat gets better I may not be renewing next month. Of course I have to make it past my fantasy football drafts first.

One casualty of today’s internet install was my workout. I am a creature of routine and the install happened at the same time as my normal workout. That along with complete exhaustion from my 3 hour workout yesterday entitled me to a day of rest. I’ll hit it hard again tomorrow.

July 29

Today was another relaxing day. I woke up to a phone call from my honey, so the day started off good. I took a tour of our chow hall with the Food Inspector. It’s amazing how small of a world it is. We got to talking about high school wrestling and low and behold this guy (from New Jersey) wrestled against a kid I knew when he was little. Sometimes we forget how small the world really is.

I had another great workout day. I worked the legs with weights, followed by 45 minutes running hills on the treadmill, and then 2 hours of basketball. I’ll be going to sleep early tonight.

Not only did I talk to my wonderful wife, but also talked to my mom and Grams. It was nice chatting with them even if it was only for a few minutes.

The big surprise of the night was for dinner we had steak and shrimp. This isn’t good just because we had a good meal, but steak is our Friday meal. I didn’t even know it was Friday. One more week down!!!

POINT TO PONDER: Here are three things that I wish normal civilian life would learn from the deployed environment:

1. People here have to walk around without iPods, cell phones, or other devices that keep people from talking to each other. Granted we can’t have these items because of possible incoming rockets, but it is nice to sit next to someone and strike up a conversation.

2. Enjoy the little things. It’s amazing how people here take such joy in a pick-up basketball game either playing or watching. Or the fact we had cake and steak tonight. Because we don’t have all the comforts of home at the tip of our fingers people seem to really enjoy the few things we have.

3. When we walk into the chow hall the first thing EVERYONE has to do is wash their hands. There are sinks right inside the entrance. How great would it be if every restaurant made every customer do that?

July 30

There was nothing interesting to write about today. I just sat around relaxing, worked out, and then played some basketball. More of the same tomorrow.

July 31

Jenn, Emma, and I have completed the first month of our deployment. I left our home on the first in what was one of the most emotional moments of my life. I have amazed myself that I have actually written every day since I have been gone. For those that have been reading up on my little adventures I’m sure you have noticed a lot of downtime. I knew I would have slow moments, but there has been far more than I was expecting. I’ve seen some very interesting things since I have been over here. Although I miss my wife and little girl more than anything, this has been a great experience so far.

Jenn and I have gotten into a routine and Skype just about every day. It is my nightly ritual and her prior to lunch ritual. We just chat about nothing while we watch Emma roll around and play. At times it feels as though I am there. I think tonight Emma started to actually interact with me on the computer. I’m sure that will continue to grow over the next few months. Although she has some hard moments, Jenn has been a superstar during the last month. She always has a smile on her face when we talk and makes me believe I have nothing to worry about back home. I believe her and that is one stress I don’t have.

In conversations with my coworkers I have realized how healthy and strong Jenn and my relationship is. I hear of other people’s struggles while we’re here. I lend a kind ear, but think to myself how lucky I am. I’ve started to have quite a few acquaintances on this FOB. I won’t say I have any friends, but that’s pretty normal for me. Acquaintances are a joy to have, but friends require work and upkeep…haha

A huge chunk of my time is spent working out and playing basketball. It’s been a long time since I played on a regular basis, but I’m slowly getting my game back. I have reached a point where people don’t seem upset to have me on their team, so that is an improvement. I have reached the first goal of losing 10 lbs. Six more and I’m under 200lbs for the first time in a few years. I have been pretty hardcore with my diet, but once I hit 199lbs I’ll let myself enjoy a few treats now and then. It’s amazing that I really don’t miss a lot of the junk I used to eat and drink. I haven’t had a soda in over three weeks and to be honest I don’t even want one. The chow hall does have ice cream and chocolate chip cookies and both of those are my downfall. I’ll be strong.

My final remarks as we close out this month reinforces something I already knew. When a deployment comes up it is truly the whole family that deploys. Jenn has had to make as many adjustments and sacrifices during this past month as I have. And I thank each and every person that has made the effort to help her out and keep her company while I’m gone. This deployment has been pretty easy for me mainly because I don’t have the stress of worrying about my life back home. A little over 5 months from now and I’ll be on my way home to kiss my wife and hold my little girl. I can’t wait.

So Big

Our day started off with a donut and coffee.  I know, I know.  But I love me some weekend Donna's Donuts coffee and donuts.  When we got home we skyped with Paul.  Poor guy usually never sees me in anything but my jammies because we skype in the morning...well, before lunch anyways.  After hearing how hot the Polish military women are maybe I should step up my game.  hehe



Skyping with Daddy (I like how they have the same smile)



Sasha & Baby Love

Our baby girl is getting so big and I just love all the new stuff she is up to!  I've been slacking on the weight loss stuff...I think my love of food and my hatred of exercise get in the way of any actual weight loss occurring.  Paul is still on The Biggest Loser: Afghanistan Edition and I had told him I was going to do yoga today and then Em fell asleep in the car and not at home so instead I took her for a walk.  Usually I put her in the car seat, put it on the stroller, and off we go. And then she usually fusses until she falls asleep.  Not very relaxing or enjoyable for either of us.  So tonight I decided to try and put her in the stroller, no car seat.

Stylin'

Hey, what's up?

Little ham loved it!  She wore her sunglasses with pride (thanks Aunt Brittney & Uncle Corey) and didn't even try to take them off (it may be because they were strapped around her head).  There was no fussing and no sleeping.  It has definitely motivated me to walk more with her because she seemed to enjoy being outdoors so much.  I even signed up for Stroller Strides today to try out a few times before we head to Florida.  I figure I'll meet some mom's in my area and get some exercise in at the same time.  And Tuesday we are going to an infant playgroup for the mom's group I joined. 

I used to make fun of the military spouses who didn't work because it seemed like I was the only spouse who had a job and now I am loving my new status as the typical military spouse...staying home, raising babies.  I never thought I'd be so traditional, but here I am.

On my walk I was thinking about what it takes to make a happy relationship and while I posted my thoughts on this in SUYL--Marriage Advice I was also thinking today that it is really about a genuine desire to put your partner or spouse first.  In return they should also put you first.  I know that putting Paul and Emma first in my life (after God) makes me happy which in turn makes me a better wife and mother.  If you are in a relationship in which  your partner puts themselves first then it's time to find a new relationship.  Unfortunately a lot of women don't think they deserve a partner who cherishes them or puts them first and so they take what they can get without a true understanding of their own worth.  I have a friend who is in a relationship like that now and it makes me sad because I think she is an awesome person and I know the guy she is with doesn't realize that and is not her true love.  He puts himself first and doesn't seem to realize what a gem he has.  I just pray for the day that she wakes up and realizes that God has someone out there who is perfect for her and breaks up with her boyfriend so that she can find that perfect person.  Her boyfriend is a nice enough guy...he is not just the guy. 

I am off to bed.  We are going to church tomorrow and yes, I double checked the time.  lol 

Social Work & God

I went to Rollins College for undergrad.  When most people in Florida, or the south, hear the words Rollins College it conjures up visions of tan 20 year olds, sunning themselves on the shores of Lake Virginia or by the pool, checking their emails no less, carrying their Louis Vuitton tote.  And yes, there were a LOT of people at Rollins like that, but there were also some real people, too.  I would say I met most of my Rollins friends when I joined Kappa Delta and the only people I keep in touch with from college are my sorority sisters.  To be fair to Rollins it is an amazingly tough school academically and is always rated #1 in the southeast.

Anyways, I majored in psychology without much thought as to what I would do once I graduated.  I had always worked at the YMCA and expected to find a job as a membership director or program director at a Y.  And I did.  And I hated it.  I didn't hate the job.  I didn't like my executive director.  So, after 6 months I quit and now was back to square one with no idea what I wanted to do with my life. 

A KD emailed me and told me the state of KY was hiring social workers and so I applied with zero expectations as to what I'd actually be doing.  And as hard as the work was, and as far removed from my life at Rollins as a job could be, I loved it.  I loved helping people and feeling I was making a positive change in other's lives.  If I stayed in Cincinnati I'd probably still be working there. 

This random job has shaped the rest of my career.  I got a Master of Social Work from the University of South Florida where I met my friend Breun who introduced me to my husband.  I got my LCSW in Florida and my LICSW in Mass.  I've met amazing people, both coworkers and clients, and my life has been touched by the hand of God in the work I've done by the people whose lives I've had the privilege of being a small part of. 

So, now I am a full time mommy and while I don't miss working full time I do miss being a social worker.  I have been thinking that when Paul gets home I'll probably need to get a per diem job at night/weekends, either running substance abuse groups or writing adoption home studies or providing counseling for Tricare. 

In the mean time this missing is what has me advocating for adoption on my FB and my blog.  It's such a small thing, but it feels like something I can do, something that will hopefully lead someone to finding their child, in being a forever family to a child in need.  I pray every night for my future children and for God to lead us to our chilren that are out there waiting for us to find them.  I pray for God to open our hearts to whatever child needs us. 

My relationship with God has not always been strong.  I've done things I'm not proud of, but I feel like I am learning and growing and becoming more content and at peace with my life with every passing day thanks to God.  I believe in the power of prayer and I am the first to ask for prayers for myself or for others.  And I'll pray for you whether you ask me to or not.  I love being around people who have a strong faith.  I think our friends from Valdosta are the best examples of God's love that I could ever hope to meet because they truly embody what it means to be Christian...they lead a life of devotion to God and yet they are not judgmental of those who don't.  They speak of their love of Christ, but they don't come across as fanatical.  Their friendship has really helped to draw me closer in my relationship with God because they are such good people and amazing friends.  Shout out to Emily, Brittney, Anne-Marie, Beth-Anne, and Erika (and their spouses, too) as well as all the others who touched our lives in the short amount of time I lived there.  And this is why I post prayer requests or links to blogs for people that have amazing relationships with God. 

Last night after crying for Tripp I was thinking about how I would give anything of myself to spare Emma any kind of pain and I suddenly got it...I understood how God feels for us and how Jesus feels for us, how God gave us his Son to save us, how Jesus loves us much like a mother loves their child.  If you haven't yet read The Shack I encourage you to read it.  It's a beautiful story about a man's relationship with God.  It is a life changing read.

5 months

5 months old

I have to say I am in envy of my friends who remember to take cute pictures of their kids weekly or monthly.  Bad mom moment because I never remember to take any pics to mark the passing of each month until the day after Emma's month birthday.  So as of yesterday she is 5 months old.  In my defense she wasn't born until 11:58pm so it was close to today.  I also have blog envy for those mothers who dress their kids in cute, matching dresses that are homemade.  I don't think Emma has worn a dress but twice.  She definitely is more of a Target girl than a homemade dress girl.  It almost makes me want to learn to sew since I'm not paying money to buy these little dresses online. 

Look how big I'm getting!

It's hard to believe 5 months have gone by since Emma was born.  It really is true that I don't remember life without her.  She is learning how to blow raspberries and loves eating her toes.

She still loves her baths although I can't let her see the washcloth until the end because she LOVES to put it in her mouth.  As soon as the washcloth comes out she holds her hands out for it and in the mouth it goes.  She gets very disgruntled when bathtime ends and she has to give the washcloth up.

Breastfed babies have to take vitamin D drops.  Emma really enjoys them and as soon as I get the bottle out she opens her mouth like a baby bird.  Being the inquisitive sort I decided to try them.  Holy disgusting!  It was like a cruel joke, but at least Emma likes them. 

I was looking through my senior yearbook last night.  Mostly because I was trying to recall some people I had seen on FB.  Of course I couldn't find them in the yearbook, but I had a good time laughing at all the things people had written.  There were definitely some common themes and it made me wonder at what people thought of me.  I didn't want to wonder too much because I know some of it wasn't flattering.  It also hit me that there is a TON of stuff I don't remember about high school.  In fact I have very few memories of high school. 

Paul has been working out twice a day while deployed and avoiding sweets and soda.  I, on the other hand, have minimally changed my gluttonous ways.  Sure I've been doing WW...sort of.  I am not as strict as I should be, but I am more aware of what I am eating and trying to eat more fruits and vegetables and less crap.  I need to get it in gear since my already hot husband is going to have an even hotter body when he gets home!  I found a yoga dvd on Netflix that I love.  Crunch: Super Slimdown.  It kicks my ass!  I am a hot, sweaty mess by the end.  The abs on the instructor...amazing!  My abs...not so amazing. 

One last pic of Emma and her friends.

Adoption

You never know who your message will reach so with that being said I wanted to post a link to another blog regarding adoption.  Our Eyes Opened follows a family's journey in adopting their son from Russia.  Their adoption is complete and she finalizes everything with a blog on the importance of adoption, something I find myself increasingly passionate about. 

Although Paul and I plan to add to our family biologically next year he has promised me that we can adopt someday.  Our plan is to wait until he retires from the Air Force, but I may not be able to wait that long.  I just want to give a sibling group a loving home.  I've always pictured myself adopting 3 African-American siblings and I still am praying about adopting a child from Russia.

And if you think adoption isn't important or doesn't matter in a child's life then I invite you to look at these pictures of this sweet little boy and imagine what his life would have been like if this family had not adopted him.  I can only imagine that he would have suffered needlessly and probably would not have lived very long or had any joy in his life.  This is the family blog of Our Eyes Opened.  God has certainly blessed this child and this family in leading them to each other. 

I know adoption is not for everyone, but I urge you to please please consider opening up your hearts and your home to adoption.  If you are a loving family then imagine how much joy you can bring to a child's life that may not have ever known the love of a mommy and daddy.  It doesn't have to be an international adoption.  There are so so many children here in the US who need a forever family.  And if you think you can't afford to adopt have faith.  God will provide for you and your family. 

Thanks Paul for making me cry (20-26 July)

July 20

Everyone knows about the sacrifices that the American and NATO troops and their families make. I don’t think people that haven’t been over here know of the sacrifices others make. There are people on this base that are called OCNs or Other Country Nationals. They come from all different countries, but all the countries are poor with little opportunities. So these men and women travel to Afghanistan to work on the bases doing everything from working in the chow hall to cleaning the toilets and even some from Africa come here to clear out landmines. These people are away from their families and even though they are not the target of the Taliban, mortars and rockets can’t tell the difference of who they hurt.

I think the best example of sacrifice I see is on my FOB. The local Afghans that work here live and eat on the base. For security reasons they are allowed to leave the FOB once a week to visit with their families. So seeing Afghans at all hours of the day and night is not unusual. What is unusual is to see children. We have an Afghan woman that lives here and has her son and daughter with her. I started asking around about this and heard a story that will break your heart.

If the story that I’m hearing is true, this lady worked on the FOB and the kids stayed at home with her husband. Like many of the people that support our efforts her family was attacked. Her husband was killed as a revenge for her working on base. Because of this the people running the FOB (not sure if it was an American or Polish decision) let her bring the children to live with her on base. So while walking around the FOB and tolerating the heat and blowing sand, you can get a glimpse of two children playing and having fun. It’s strange how your perception can change. We are here worried about the dangers of being on this FOB in the middle of Afghanistan and in the minds of this woman there is no safer place for her and her children.

On another note I got two packages from Jenn today. Most of the stuff was things that I packed for her to send me, but one of the pleasant surprises was a box of chocolate chip muffins. I have been doing excellent with my diet and workouts, so I decided to splurge and have some. Although they were really good I could tell my body wasn’t use to the sugar, but it was worth it. I was also happy to find out that my package that I sent her, which includes her birthday present, made it to her one day early!!

July 21

Today is the love of my life’s birthday. The first thing I did when I woke up was call her so I could be the first to tell her “Happy birthday!” I think everyone reading this knows Jenn, but if not let me describe her to you.

Jenn is the most caring person I know. She has given much of her life trying to help others to have a better life. The stories she can tell of her social work and counseling amaze me every time I hear them. But her caring goes beyond just her jobs. She cares for her friends and family stronger than anyone I have ever met. When her friends or family hurt, she hurts just as bad or worse. Sometimes she cares so much for others that it scares me. But nothing makes her happier than helping someone else.

Jenn enjoys life. She finds so much joy in the little things like cookouts with friends, a nice glass of wine, a good book, or just sitting around telling stories. She is always true to herself and never fake. She is willing to make fun of herself to bring a smile to someone else. She helps me enjoy just sitting around the house or running errands. If someone knows Jenn even if for only minutes their life is better for it.

Jenn is the best mommy Emma could ever have. I know Jenn has said in the past that she wondered if she would ever have a child. The world would have been a darker place if she hadn’t. Emma will grow up with so much love around her that she will only know how to spread it just like her mommy. I always wanted kids, but looking at it now I don’t know if I could have done it with anyone else. Emma is so lucky.

Jenn is the best wife I could ever imagine. She is my rock when I need it and softens me when that is what’s called for. We have been through so much in the little time we have been married, but I wouldn’t change anything. I have never seen two people complement each other like we do. We don’t need to be doing anything to be happy as long as we are doing nothing together. Her smile lights up my day and her laugh warms my heart. To be with anyone else is unthinkable. It feels like we are still in the honeymoon phase, but also as though we have been together forever. I am truly the luckiest man in this world.

I have spoken with many people that either are or have deployed and so many of them have struggles in their relationships. Some because they grow apart and others because they depend so much on one another that they can’t survive being apart. I know I have only been deployed a little while, but I know we will be just fine. Jenn is strong and independent, so she can take care of herself. But she also does a great job of making sure I know she would rather me be there. It’s a good feeling to know you are wanted, but not needed. Jenn and I aren’t together because we need someone to be with, but rather because when we met we knew we wanted to be with each other. That balance is what makes us so strong and will keep us together for the rest of our lives. I love her like nothing in this world!

July 22

So my day started out like many others. I arrived at the flight terminal at 0500 with hopes of getting a flight only to be disappointed AGAIN. Tomorrow I should actually have one (unless it gets cancelled), so I have to be there at 0500 again. Because of all my time sitting in the terminal hoping to get news I haven’t been able to talk to Jenn besides a 5 minute hello and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I don’t like the days that I can’t talk to her.

On another note… I would kill for an apple, banana, or orange right now. We get very limited fresh fruit or vegetables here. When we do the Polish fill their pockets, so we run out quick. The rumor is that they have stills so they are using the fruit to make alcohol. They can have all the liquor they want but just leave me a damn apple!

I have added basketball to my workout routine. There is a small court on the FOB and they play pick- up games every day. I got on the court today and played pretty well, so I should be able to play more. It’s 4 on 4 full court but it is a miniature court so I can survive. The team I played with today was me and three older guys against some 19 and 20 year olds. We dominated them. They may have had quickness and athleticism, but we were smarter and bigger. I basically pounded this little kid into the ground. We won four straight games and now I can barely walk. Good times!!!

July 23

It FINALLY happened. I got a flight and now am on some FOB in the middle of nowhere with only a few hundred people on it. This place is small. The chow hall is a tent and there is not a single woman on the whole base. I feel for the Army guys living here. I love and am 100% committed to my wife, but I would hate to be on a base with nothing but guys for six months to a year.

So the story of my flight is interesting. I was sitting in the terminal from 0500 to about 0730 with my hopes of getting on a helicopter slowly fading away. Then the guy at the terminal gets a phone call. It’s another base saying that they have a helicopter with no missions for the day and does he have a use for it. He of course said yes because he has this desperate Captain that has been in his terminal everyday for the last week and a half. Oh he also has two other guys going with nine boxes of freight that has mission essential stuff in them. I’m guessing the sad Captain was not the reason the helicopter came and got us, but I’ll tag along.

So now I’m here. I’m scheduled to be here for three days, but could have finished all my work today if I knew there was another flight home tomorrow. But instead I’m hearing people say it is harder o get off this FOB than it was to get to it. Please God let that not be true!

In regards to the “Biggest Loser: Afghanistan Edition” my streak ended again today. This one was pretty good. I worked out every day since July 12. It ended due to exhaustion from getting up at 0400, sore from working out followed by basketball last night, and actually having work to do and feeling productive. I’ll get back there tomorrow. I thought my body could use a break. And FYI… I lost 6 pounds already. There is a guy at Ghazni that has lost 60lbs in four months. I’m not sure Jenn would be a fan if I came back at 170lbs.

July 24

Today was a very busy day for me. I had a deadline of the 25th to get 10 audits done and couldn’t start until I landed yesterday. I was successful and got them sent in a day early. Since it was my first month I really wanted to beat my deadline. You don’t want to look bad to the bosses your first time around. So my reward for finishing early is that I get to sit around a wait for a flight. This is like déjà vu all over again.

I was able to get a decent workout in even though there aren’t great facilities here. I did some weights and then ran laps around a concrete pad not much bigger than a basketball court. There was also a huge tire I flipped back and forth like you see on TV. If you haven’t tried that it is quite the workout. The best part was when a group of guys I know walked up 45 minutes into my running, sprinting, tire flipping, etc routine and laughed because of how slow I was “sprinting”. I’m not in the best of shape but I really don’t know many people who can sprint hard 45 minutes into a session.

My diet definitely will suffer when I make trips out here. They have an Army combat kitchen. That means few options and the food isn’t all that healthy. I have to give the two cooks credit because they are keeping a few hundred of us fed in the middle of Afghanistan even though their truck load of food has been delayed a few days.

One note of interest from today. This base is guarded by Afghan security contractors. That means we hire local Afghan civilians to walk around with loaded guns and guard the base. These people pass as much background checks as we can do, but that isn’t much. I make it a point to be extra nice to them. Reason #1 is because it’s just the right thing to do. They are human beings and deserve respect like everyone else. Reason #2 is a little selfish. If one of these guys decides to turn on us I’m hoping he thinks “There is that guy that is always nice to me. I’ll wait for him to leave before I shoot up the chow hall.” So imagine my face when some Army sergeant decided to berate a group of these guys for being slow while getting dinner. I entered the room after the ordeal, but got a small taste of what he had to say. Some people just don’t get the reality that we are living in. It’s stupid people like that Army sergeant that makes people hate Americans. I on the other hand will keep smiling and waving, because I feel pretty good when the Afghanistan people smile and wave back.

July 25

Stop me if you have heard this one. I’m going to bed tonight with no idea if I am going to have a flight tomorrow. I’m hoping I do and I’m supposed to be scheduled for one, but as usual the system was down and they couldn’t tell me the schedule. Since this place is so small there isn’t a terminal to go to which means I’m counting on the guy finding me when he finally gets the schedule. I have my fingers crossed because this place makes my current home of Ghazni seem like a paradise.

Since I worked so hard the past couple days to meet my deadline I had nothing to do today. My day consisted of a 0800 wake up followed by breakfast, watched an episode of Dexter, elliptical for 45 minutes, lunch, watched Shawshank Redemption, worked out again doing weights and the bike, dinner, another episode of Dexter, disappointment that I couldn’t find out about my flight, Skype with Jenn, and now bed. This will be my life on the days I don’t have an audit to do. I feel those days will be abundant and I will almost always be in “trying to get a flight mode.”

July 26

This morning was a classic example of my current life. When I woke up I found out a chopper was coming to get me at 0930, but I needed to be packed and at the HLZ (Helicopter Landing Zone) an hour before in case it comes early. I got there and found a nice shady spot besides a large armored vehicle. I sat and leaned against the tire and started to read a book for my military course I’m taking. After a few minutes three more people showed up to hope and catch the flight, but it was I who had a designated seat on this one. It got past 0930, but I had no worries (really I have zero faith a flight is ever coming) because a helicopter can sometimes be a couple hours late if they get stuck somewhere on the way.

At one point we thought we heard a helicopter coming so I threw on my body armor and helmet, so I could jump on. After a while we realized it was a false alarm. A few more minutes go by and I joke that as soon as I go through the hassle and take my body armor off the helicopter will show up. By this time my nice comfortable shade was shrinking and we were all getting as close to the armored truck as possible to stay out of the heat. I finally broke down and took the armor off and sure enough a helicopter came over the horizon.

As it comes it passes overhead but the sergeant that is arranging our flight says not to worry because “the helicopters always go overhead and then whip around to land.” So we all got our stuff together and watched the chopper, but sadly there was never any “whip around.” So the sergeant makes a phone call and finds out that some VIPs basically took our chopper and we weren’t getting out of here today.

So here I sit in my purgatory waiting and hoping for another flight. This is my life. I feel like a hitchhiker trying to get picked up on the side of the road. Maybe I should start showing some leg to the choppers as they pass by.

On a happier note, I did get a nice long workout in. I think I might have slightly hurt my shoulder yesterday, so I just did cardio today. Over an hour of cardio, so that should lose a pound…haha I then got to Skype with Jenn. We Skyped for 45 minutes and a good 30 minutes of it was me and her watching Emma roll around on the floor. One thing I love about Jenn is that we can be quiet together. A lot of people and couples that I know don’t think silence can be considered “spending time together,” but with us we can both sit back and enjoy just watching Emma together. It was almost like I was there. Emma is getting so big and it’s amazing to me how alert she is and how she is starting to really play. I can just sit and watch her and my amazing wife knows me enough to just let me do that. Maybe I’ll get lucky and we’ll be Skyping when she crawls for the first time. That would be like winning the lottery!

The Princess Bride

Last night I took Emma to see The Princess Bride at Christopher Columbus Park in Boston.  3 years ago I never would have thought that I'd be watching a movie outdoors in Boston and it's still so weird to me that we live here, even more strange that I am here while Paul is in Afghanistan.  Of course I can only imagine how weird and surreal our friends who are living overseas must feel all the time.  I LOVE The Princess Bride (so much so that we used a quote from it on our wedding invitation and in our wedding ceremony).  Of course Emma being 5 months old was unable to appreciate it, but I can't wait to watch it with her when she's older. 

We went with some friends and it started about an hour past Emma's bedtime.  In my head she was going to fall asleep in the car and sleep through the whole movie lying next to me on the blanket.  hahahahahahaha

She cried.  She fussed.  She had a bottle.  She cried some more.  I tried to nurse her (no thank you Mom).  I finally put her in her car seat and spent an hour rocking it.  She fell asleep about 9pm and my friend Danielle made the comment that hopefully she'd sleep later in the morning since she fell asleep so late.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that was probably not likely. 

This is one of those situations where I should've trusted my instincts.  I thought about putting Emma in her jammies before we left the house and since it was a little chilly by the water I was glad I had brought an extra blanket to wrap around her.  I always worry about her being too hot or too cold.  Of course I also regretted not bringing a sweatshirt and wearing the pants I originally had on because I was freezing! 

We got home after 11pm and then I had to change Emma in to her jammies.  I nursed her foolishly hoping for a little extra sleep, but my little rooster began to crow for her boobies at 3am (like clockwork this girl is) so I got up and nursed her again.  I debated on trying to just get her back to sleep without nursing, but she let me know quite loudly that she was NOT on board with that plan.  I think she yelled at me!  She did sleep until 6:45am after that, but then she was ready to be up.  Luckily, she is content to play in my bed while I snooze on and off next to hear, but by 8am we were up and ready to go.  Soooo tired!  As soon as Paul comes home I am heading to a hotel for a night of uninterrupted sleep.  lol 

Even though she is supposed to be napping now she is talking away to her blankie in her swing.  This girl. 

I did cut off all my hair last week.

And I love it!

And Emma is now able to sit in a highchair (sort of).  Here is a pic of her at sushi.

And one of her making her old man face.

And with her buddy.

Every day I am amazed at the new things she is doing: eating her toes, blowing raspberries, rolling all over the place...it seems like she is doing something new every day. 

Hope you enjoyed!

SUYL--Marriage Advice

Kellys Korner has a weekly post called Show Us Your Life.  This weeks topic is marriage advice.  In my 20's I for sure would have said that I was NOT the person to be giving marriage advice.  My first marriage was a disaster.  Actually I was the disaster.  I was not ready to get married, I knew I wasn't ready to get married, but it was like a carousal that kept going faster and faster making it impossible to get off.  I figured I loved T enough and could make it work.  Boy, was I wrong.  A bad relationship is like drowning.  The more I felt myself go under the more I struggled and fought to remember who I was, who I wanted to be.  I didn't like the person I was in my marriage.  I wanted to be in my 20's.  My ex and I were very different.  He was very traditional.  I wasn't.  He wanted to stay home on the weekends.  I didn't.  He was ready to start a family.  I wasn't sure I would ever be ready.  Finally I made the choice to end my marriage.  As painful as that choice was to make it was more painful to remain married.  Neither of us were happy.  We both deserved better. 

Fast forward through 4 years of bad relationships and I have met Paul and am getting married again.  I was not sure when I got divorced that I would ever get to this place again.  I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to get married again.  Paul, having been divorced, felt the same way I think.  We just didn't see the need to get married until we spent a weekend with my BFF Cory and her husband Brian and their 6 month old daughter Abs.  We met them in NY over July 4th weekend to babysit Abs while they went to a wedding.  Paul and I realized on the way home that we wanted that...we wanted to be a family and we decided to get married on the next holiday weekend.

Labor Day weekend found us in Florida surrounded by a small group of family and friends, getting married on the beach by our friend Mimi.  We had a brunch afterwards and spent the rest of the day hanging out at the pool with our friends, enjoying cocktails and the sun.  It was the perfect weekend!

So what is different?  For one thing I am older and more mature.  When I turned 30 I found a certain peace in my life and I think that has made all the difference in the rest of my life.  I always encourage people to enjoy their 20's.  You grow and change so much during your 20's that I think only a rare few can navigate that time as married couples.  Most of us need that time to figure out who we are as people, much less as a spouse. 

Marriage is not about changing the fundamental things that make you who you are, but it is about learning to compromise.  Paul and I went into our relationship basically saying this is who we are, take it or leave it.  And we compromise.  Sometimes a lot.  You can't enter a relationship and not be willing to give a little.  It is not always your way.  If you aren't willing, can't, or don't want to compromise with your partner then you shouldn't be in a relationship.  Marriage is a partnership. 

Talk about the important things.  How do you feel about finances, raising children, where you want to live, family, religion, etc.  To me, those are deal breakers.  If you can't agree on those things then move on.  It's so important to be on the same page.

Learn to pick your battles.  Paul and I are not perfect by any means and we do occasionally pick at each other, push each others buttons, and get on each others nerves, but we also let go of thing very quickly.  There is nothing in our lives that is worth staying mad at each other over.  Paul knows if I say the words frying pan then its time to back off (going back to a time that he was annoying me and I told him I wanted to hit him with a frying pan).  We also get so frustrated some times that we end up laughing at each other and ourselves. 

Laughter.  We laugh all the time.  At each other, at ourselves, at our lives.  A marriage is not worth much if there's no laughter in it. 

Paul and I have already been through so many stressful things in our marriage (job loss, multiple moves, a miscarriage, a baby, medical disability) and now we are journeying through Paul's deployment to Afghanistan.  There will always be people in life who are in a better situation than you, but the flip side is that there will always be people worse off than you.  It's important to keep your life in perspective.  Put your spouse first and expect them to put you first. 

Maybe Paul and I cherish each other more because we've both been divorced.  We know how lucky we are to have found each other and we try to demonstrate that to each other every second of every day.  Marriage is work and the more work you put in the better your marriage will be.  I think an ability to be happy with yourself also leads to an ability to be happy in your marriage.  If you aren't happy or content in your own life then you won't be happy or content in your marriage. 

I don't have all the answers.  I live and learn new things every day and am constantly adjusting how I approach my marriage.  And I make sure I thank God every single day for my family--a husband that loves me and our daughter. 

Happy birthday

My husband made me cry in public today.  Let me back up a second.  Today is my birthday.  34 to be exact.  It's hard to believe that I am 34 years old when I still feel like I should be in my 20's.  But I have no complaints and while most people felt I should be doing something to celebrate my birthday I have to say I felt content all day.  The only way the day could have been better is if Paul would have been here to celebrate it with Emma and me. 

Packages from Paul and my mom both arrived yesterday.  I knew Paul's was a birthday present, and some uniforms, so I didn't open it.  My mom's also had a birthday present in it so I saved that as well (she had previously given me a Nook so I wasn't expecting anything). 

Emma got me up early (I guess she was excited for my birthday) so I packed us in the car in our jammies and headed off to Donna's Donuts to get breakfast.  They have great coffee and amazing donuts.  500 calories later and we were home enjoying our coffee and donuts.  I ate while Emma played in her exercauser and then I opened Paul's present.  He sent me a beautiful jeannie lamp from Afghanistan.   It is sitting on our mantle as I type.  My wish didn't come true though because Paul's still in Afghanistan. 

I wasn't planning on going out to lunch but when I had showered and was ready by 10:45am we headed off to Cracker Barrel.  Since Emma got up so early she had her 2nd nap of the day while I ate lunch.  When we got home we found flowers from my sister.  After lunch we got to skype with Paul before he went to bed (4am comes early...fingers crossed he gets a flight to another FOB).  Right before we skyped the doorbell rang and Paul had sent roses. 

Em and I hung out at home until it was time to head off to the Hearts Apart cookout on the base.  Right before we left the house the doorbell rang again and it was Edible Arrangements with not one, but two arrangements.  Since I can't eat 5lbs of chocolate covered fruit I brought one arrangement to the cookout with me.  I was sort of expecting them to cancel it because it was literally 100 degrees out today, but they still had it.  Emma was a super trooper even though I know she was hot.  I brought a water spritzer to cool her off and let her suck on the outside of my water bottle.  Sanitory...no, cooling...yes.

It was fun meeting new people and my amazing husband had another surprise for me.  He called the Airmen and Family Readiness Center last week and told them it was birthday.  They got me a cake, balloons, a card, and sang happy birthday to me.  This is were the crying comes in and it was all documented by the photographer so keep your eyes open for a future post about where my picture ends up (AFRC brochure, base paper, base website...who knows????). 

I ordered a pizza when I got home which I ate with a glass of wine (yes, I ate a whole pizza...don't judge me) as well as some chocolate covered fruit and I also gave my disgusting dogs a bath.  Today was NOT a weight watchers day.  lol 

All in all my birthday may not have been exciting, but it was a great day.  Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut (short) and having lunch with my friend Jessica.  I'll try to post a pic. 

PS Paul was not able to get on the flight so he's going back to bed and trying for an 11am flight. 

My Heart is Full Tonight

Boy, I am struggling tonight.  I am missing Paul something fierce and of course I've been catching up on my blogs and came across 2 that broke my heart.  The first was about a little baby boy who died after a reaction to the Hep B vaccine.  This freaked me out so badly that I texted my friend Rebekah (God love her for putting up with my craziness) and she assured me that since Emma has already had her first 2 doses then she is fine.  If you want to read more about Ian's story I will warn you that I cried for about an hour over my heart ache for this family.  You would think I'd learn my lesson by now in reading sad things...I can't even watch the SPCA commercials and have to change the channel when they come on or turn the volume off and shut my eyes.  I need to avoid sad stories about children all together. 

I then spent the rest of the night in a funk.  I just feel blah, blue, down, apathetic.  Emma is asleep and I know I need to shower and head to bed, but I just don't have any motivation.  It's a good thing I don't have any sweets in the house or I'd be chowing down.  I can usually fool myself during the day by keeping busy and really the daytime isn't much different because Paul would have been at work, but I am so lonely at night.  I miss Paul so much and he's only been gone 2 weeks.  I think time will go much faster and things will be much easier for me emotionally when I get to Florida because I'll be staying at my dad's.  They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and I think that will definitely be the case for us.  This hasn't even been the longest we've been apart before at 2 weeks, but it feels so different.  Maybe because I know Paul is halfway around the world in a war zone. 

The second thing that made me sad is Teri Lynn's story.  It makes me so sick the things we go to war for and yet children all over the world are suffering and the US does nothing.  I know its not the US's place to police the world, but it sometimes seems as if we are doing that already.  Why does this little human life mean nothing to us?  If I won the lottery I would build a beautiful orphanage for these little lambs.  It makes me cry to think that they never get to know the gentleness of the human touch much less the love of a mommy and daddy.  If I could I would be on a plane right now to give some of these children a home.  Maybe someday.  I pray every night for these babies and for our home to someday be opened to a sibling group in need of a family here in the US, but also to bring a child from overseas into our home.  I have actually been thinking of starting an adoption resource website in hopes of bringing more awareness to adoption and the need for adoptive parents.  I just need to learn how to build a website or find someone to teach me or do it for me.  Any volunteers?

Paul sent me his latest updates from his FOB and I posted it earlier tonight.  I laughed so hard at the thought of him trying to squeeze under his bed and then quickly sobered up when I read the part about the 3 soldiers who had been killed.  Death is a reality and a part of life in any war.  It's certainly the part I don't like to think about and yet for those serving our country overseas it probably is something that is always there slapping them in the face.  It may be easy to pretend your life is normal (what is normal when you're in a war?) over there until moments like those.  For whoever those soldiers were I'll say a prayer tonight.  I hope that I never get that call that their families have gotten because I can imagine few things worse.  Losing Emma, losing Paul...I shudder at the thought and am not sure how anyone survives that.  I guess you do though because you have to, but I certainly pray every night that I never find out if I can survive that.  It is already like half my heart is halfway around the world...the other half is here asleep in her crib. 

I'm glad I asked my PCM (the famous Rebekah) to up my zoloft because my chest is tight and my anxiety is rocking tonight.  I haven't felt anxiety this bad in 2 weeks.  Of course I also had a hard time sleeping last night and was up several times checking on Emma.  She is now rolling over and occasionally rolls onto her tummy during the night.  I know this is normal, but it makes me anxious!  All you hear now is "back to sleep" from everyone and it's so ingrained that it's hard to rest easy knowing she may flip onto her stomach during the night.  Plus I am a lunatic new mom on a good day.  Of course when I was growing up parents always put their babies to sleep on their tummies so I guess it's not too bad.  I made myself stay in bed and let her sleep on her tummy this morning and I was sure proud of myself.  If I only I had that much willpower in the trying to lose weight department. 

Well, I guess this is long enough.  I had planned on being in bed by now so I need to go let the dogs in and then I'll try to read a bit (fyi I love my Nook even though I don't have any Nook friends yet) although I'm pretty sure I've already read the book I'm reading. 

My goal for this week is to finish my to do list, give the dogs a bath, and go to church on Sunday!  And I have the deployed spouses group to look forward to on Thursday and then Friday I am getting a haircut thanks to eversave (thanks Brittney for turning me on to eversave...it's sort of like groupon).  Since my hair is falling out all over the place I figure I'll just cut most of it off and then let it grow again until Paul comes home.  It's a good thing that I have a lot of hair because of every living thing in our household I am the one shedding the most right now.  So gross.

14-19 July

July 14


So my morning started off with some excitement. At 0400 I was awoken by a big boom that shook my CHU. I was still half asleep when the second boom happened. I rolled off the bed and put my body armor and helmet on and tried to crawl under the bed. Let’s not forget I way over 200lbs, so basically I could get about one shoulder under the bed. I laid there, face down for what felt like an eternity. And of course I needed to pee. Not oh wow I need to pee, but OH MY GOOD I’M ABOUT TO PEE MYSELF (keep in mind I drink about 12-13 bottles of water a day here). I held it while there were about two more booms. I couldn’t go outside to the bathroom, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had to resort to peeing in a water bottle while my CHU was shaking from explosions. I’m not sure if you have tried to pee in a water bottle while wearing body armor that includes a groin guard, but it’s far from easy. After lying there for a little longer I heard voices outside. I used my vast military training to low crawl to my CHU door to see what they were saying. As I made it over there I figured out there were two guys just sitting on the porch outside shooting the crap. I then realized all the “explosions” were the Polish shooting practice shots. I was in full “survive a massive attack” mode and everyone else was just relaxing and sleeping! I peed in a water bottle for nothing. Well, in the big scheme of things I would rather it be us shooting than them.

I got a pleasant surprise today when I ran into a couple Air Force people. I had seen one or two walking around or in the chow hall, but I thought we were few and far between. After meeting these two, I found out that the entire surgical clinic is run by Air Force. There are about 20 of them. They told me to stop by sometime because they have a pretty good spread. And I thought I was going to be spending 6 months with only American and Polish army people.

On another note, I was on my own today. I did an audit and it was pretty easy. I finished fairly quick and was able to relax and watch a couple movies. I fly out tomorrow at 0600 to a different FOB to check them out. This should be a pretty interesting time. I have no idea if I’ll have internet or phone, but hopefully I can talk to Jenn. This will also test my commitment to working out, but I will not let the streak die again.

July 15

Well I got up and went to the terminal at 0600 for my 0700 flight. After waiting around for four hours they finally cancelled all the flights. I thought Delta was bad, but at least when they delay you they give you some timeframe even if they change it multiple times. We all had to just sit there and wait because “at any minute the helicopter could show up.” It didn’t. So now that I missed my reserved flight I have to try and fly standby to get there. Hopefully I get there tomorrow. I left some slack in my schedule hoping to get back from the FOB early, but now I guess my goal is to get back on the day planned.

Some good news is that I’m starting to get more comfortable and knowledgeable about this place. I was awoken again this morning at 0400 by explosions, but figured out very quickly that it was the Polish doing practice shots. So no body armor or peeing in a bottle was necessary.

This evening our FOB started to do a morale night on Fridays. A few of us got together and played spades, while others played some video games. I haven’t played spades in forever so it’s no surprise that I made some mistakes and we got whooped pretty good. It’s a nice change of pace and a chance to meet people that you wouldn’t normally talk to. It’ll probably be something to look forward to each week, so it should help time go by a little faster. And since I got word that there are no flights tomorrow, I stayed out a little later since I can sleep in. My body has started to get used to my 0515 wake up, so I wonder if I’ll be able to sleep in. I’m willing to try.

July 16

I slept in this morning since I have zero to really do today. It’s amazing when you have trained your body to believe that sleeping all the way until 0730 is a big deal. I know my wife right now would kill to sleep until 0730 because Emma has decided that sleeping through the night was fun for a little bit, but not anymore. So since I’m most likely not going to have any cool or interesting things today to talk about I should do my two week wrap up.

It’s been two weeks since I have been gone. Needless to say this has been an emotional journey already. I’ve never been accused of being openly sensitive or emotional. I think anyone who has read my first few posts can assume that has changed a little. I look back at some of it and wonder “did I really write that for the world to see?” Well, the answer is no. I wrote it for Jenn and Emma to see, but since my ramblings seem to be somewhat entertaining to the masses I decided to let everyone behind the curtain. Jenn and I made an agreement to try and write about what was going on each day I was gone. The idea is to include all of it in some form of a book to be given to Emma later on. I figured Jenn would have all the cool stories and mine would be filled with monotonous updates like “see yesterday’s post.” I’m sure I’ll get there soon, but something changed when I sat in the airport before I left (actually about an hour before I left home). From an early time in my life I have tried to keep a lid on my emotions. Those that know me and my past can probably understand or at a minimum aren’t surprised by that admission. But the thing that changed is a realization that being more free with that stuff will help me be a better husband and father.

I knew when I left I would miss my honey and baby girl. I knew I would miss them more than anything in the world. Well, I NEVER thought I could miss them as much as I really do. But to be honest it feels good. There are a lot of people in this world that don’t have such a strong loving connection with someone else… or two someone elses. It was a long and winding path that brought me and Jenn together, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Part of me would love to have met her earlier in life, but it would have never worked. Jenn and I fit so perfectly together because of how our past shaped us. And of course Emma is the perfect baby for us. If we would have met earlier, fell in love and got married we wouldn’t have had Emma. We may have had a baby and Jenn always wanted a daughter named Emma, but we wouldn’t have had this Emma. I know I wouldn’t have wanted her any other way.

I’m starting to look at this time away as less of a deployment and more of a sabbatical. I like to think of it as an emotional cleanse. Of course I would rather not be away from my wife and daughter, but while I am I think I should take this time to do some serious inner searching and realization. My hope is doing this now will help ensure things from the past will never interfere with the happiness of the present and future. I’ll be honest, I’m not planning to share all the deep thoughts of my mind during this time, because truthfully no one would want to know everything that makes this brain tick. But I figured I should give you all a warning if some more of that emotional crap comes out.

Now with all that previous stuff being said, I do plan to try and share some of the funnier side of my adventure. As I said in yesterday’s post, last night the FOB had its first Morale Night (at least that I know of and everyone else is saying it’s new). A guy I know that is visiting this FOB and I decided to try our hands at playing Spades. He is apparently great and I am pretty good, but very very rusty! We sat down and played against two guys that seem to be really good (and a little sneaky too). The first game we played we got crushed. And to be honest it was mostly because of me. I made a couple boneheaded plays, but I can brush it off. The second game we were kicking their butts all over the table. I don’t know how many of you play Spades, but we were up almost 300 to 0… yes I said zero. They then decided to do something called “blind 6” which apparently if you get lucky and pull this off it’s a crap load of points. Spades has so many different ways to play and everyone seems to have their way.

Well, they came back and beat us. It was a crushing defeat, but the only saving grace is that neither of us really talked any trash. No one was really paying attention to the game, so I chalked it up to a learning experience. Well, I thought no one was paying attention. This morning in the bathroom after I finished brushing my teeth a guy walked by. I said “good morning” and he said “wow, I can’t believe you lost that second game like that!” I guess my reputation precedes me.

Update: Just when I thought nothing interesting would happen today, something does. As I was at the terminal to see if I could fly out tomorrow (which I can’t) a helicopter with a red cross landed. I saw the ambulance come around the corner and knew what I was about to see. They pulled a wounded person out of the helicopter, put him in the ambulance, and took him to the trauma unit. No one could tell if it was an American, Polish, local, man, woman, young, or old. But does it really matter? Sure it may stab me in the heart a little more if it was an American because I would have more of a connection, but in the scheme of things my connection to that person is insignificant. I don’t know how serious the injury is, but there is a person out there that may or may not know their loved one is hurt. A father or mother, daughter or son, wife or husband, or just good friend may get some awful news soon. Or will they get wonderful news? If you find out a loved one had been injured in a war even if the injury is serious, is that good news or bad? Injuries are awful but it could be worse…much worse.

July 17

Well, I knew it was going to happen at some point. There just wasn’t anything interesting to write about today. I sat around my CHU and watched some TV shows and the movie Tombstone that a guy had let me pull off his hard drive. By far the biggest challenge of this deployment will be dealing with days like this. A feeling of unproductively that just makes the day drag on. Tonight I went to the terminal and there are no flights for me to take tomorrow either. Tomorrow will probably be another day of the same.

One highlight is that I got to Skype with Jenn and Emma. I don’t think Emma exactly understands the fact that her Daddy is on the computer screen, but I do see her respond to my voice. I enjoy when Jenn puts Emma on the floor with the webcam on her and walks away to do something. I could just watch Emma play with her feet for hours. I guess I don’t have much really to complain about, because nobody has ever truly died or been injured from boredom.

July 18

I finally found an advantage to the 8.5 hour time difference. When I went to breakfast this morning the Tampa Rays vs Boston Red Sox game was playing. It was the 11th inning of a scoreless game. While it was after midnight at the game I could enjoy it while eating my eggs and sausage. I stayed in the chow hall as long as I could, but had to leave when it was the 14th inning and still scoreless. I figured once all the chairs in the entire chow hall were stacked except mine, it was time to go. I think one of my projects for today will be to buy a cable adapter for my computer. I think there are about 4-5 channels I can get.

My day was filled with worrying about getting my cable set up and motivating myself to workout. I had my usual and wonderful conversation with Jenn about her day and what she had planned. My day was going to end as others to be forgotten as one of many.

That all changed as I was returning from the restroom for my last trip before bed. FOB Ghazni is very dark at night. So dark that as you are walking you can easily run into someone without knowing they are there. Most of us use red or blue flashlights because the light doesn’t travel as far and you don’t want to stand out from a distance. As I was walking back from the restroom I saw a pickup truck right near my CHU about to head out to the helipad. The brake lights were the only illumination. Those lights were just bright enough to see the six people lined up behind it. They were pallbearers for the casket that was in the back of the truck. The journey home had begun for this person. It was sad to see that truck pull away with the coffin in the back. The event was only made sadder when the next one pulled around the corner and was followed by a third. The three vehicles were followed by a crowd of about 40 soldiers. I couldn’t tell if they were Polish or American soldiers. In the darkness I could hear a small service being held for the three service members before they loaded them onto the helicopter. Like most people I have seen coffins draped in flags, but nothing hits you like seeing a coffin reflecting brake lights in the Afghanistan darkness.

July 19

First thing I experience this morning was an email from a person I hadn’t talk to in years. She was responding to an email that I apparently sent to everyone in my address book. I guess that will teach me not to log into my Yahoo account from the morale building. Who would have thought that an Afghanistan open computer network wouldn’t be safe…haha So if you received that spam email, I’m sorry.

Jenn has always laughed at me when I say someone looks like someone else. She’ll look at them and then look at me like I’m crazy. I noticed that I am starting to see a lot of people around the FOB that remind me of people back home. I think it is a coping mechanism to make you feel more comfortable. Today I saw a guy that looked so much like a former cadet I had to walk up to him and ask where he was from. I saw a woman that looked like someone I was stationed with. At the gym there was a girl that looked like our friend Chelsea. The guy I work with looks like I combined three of my friends into one person. Maybe it’s a search for familiarity in a strange place.

It’s funny that I write all this stuff like I’m the first one that has ever deployed. I’ve got a ton of friends who have already been over here, so I guess my experience is nothing new. I have been watching a miniseries called “The Pacific.” It was a HBO miniseries similar to Band of Brothers, but depicts Marines going against the Japanese in WWII. One thing is for certain, I feel very lucky to be where I am now when compared to what those guys experienced. I may see a wounded person or coffin every once in a while, but these guys stormed a beach knowing many if not most would never come home. I complain about my Skype being slow or Facebook being blocked in my room. Watching that show puts a lot in perspective. It’s nice knowing that even though I need to be careful and watch out, the odds are extremely in my favor to come home safe and sound. People in previous wars didn’t have that confidence to keep them going day after day. So I’ll go to sleep on my crappy mattress and appreciate that it isn’t a hole in the ground with Japanese gunfire over my head.

Buffalo Wild Wings

I took Emma down to my old job today to meet my friend Greg for lunch.  It was the first time I had brought Emma down there and of course she fell asleep in the car so I had to wake her up when we got there.  She was a little teary eyed at first with all these new faces staring at her, but quickly rallied into the happy girl I know and love.  She gives smiles to everyone!  I think she is going to be quite the social butterfly/flirt when she gets older.  I can see one daddy who is going to be wrapped around her finger when he returns from deployment. 

I used to work with a guy named Ken.  He is a giant.  Literally he's like 6'7" tall.  I called him my giant when I supervised him.  He asked if he could hold Emma and I handed her over, but was worried about how she'd react because she doesn't always do good with people she doesn't know well (she's sort of in a mommy phase).  Don't you know that little flirt snuggled right up to him.  She looked like a newborn nestled on his chest and loved stroking his goatee.  She burrowed her head right into his neck.  I think she would have stayed there all day if we hadn't been trying to get out the door to lunch.  It was the sweetest thing.  I've never seen her take to someone she didn't know like that.

Of course they just opened 2 new Buffalo Wild Wings up here (and of course Paul is missing out on it) so off we headed to Buffalo Wild Wings.  These are like the only wing places up here and don't you know I ate 12 wings.  I should've gotten some to bring home.  They were so good that I felt guilty about enjoying them so much with Paul stuck in the sandbox.  I offered to send him some buffalo sauce, but he declined as no wings over there either.  lol  I am sure we'll be going there as soon as he gets home. 

I can only imagine how many weight watcher points buffalo wings are and I didn't even work out today.  I am exhausted from Stinky waking me up early every morning this week (like 3:30am early).  Definitely am going to try and get to bed early tonight. 

Heading Towards 2 Weeks

Who knew that Paul would the writer of the 2 of us?  I expected daily, dramatic writings out of myself while he was gone.  Mostly I find I have little to say.  I think part of it is because if I don't write about it then I don't have to think about it, and I can just be in denial that I won't see him until January.  If I write about his deployment then he's deployed.  I have been so impressed by Paul's words.  He is experiencing so many new things when, for the most part, my life is the same albeit minus him being here.  My routine during the week is the same.  The weekends are a little different.  I definitely feel lonelier.  I miss Paul.  There is no doubt about that.  And of course, much like it was when he was here, I don't care much about his actual job--all I wanna know is what'd you eat???  lol  I guess some things never change. 

I hate the thought of Paul being lonely or bored over there.  I think he would've had a more enjoyable experience if he had stayed in Bagram as the base he's at is small with no BX/PX and nothing really to do at night.  I can't imagine working and living in one small room (his CHU pronounced chew, not chewy as I like to call it).  Luckily I've sent him some stuff to brighten his walls.  Nothing crazy because I know he wouldn't like that, but just momentos from home.  Hopefully his boxes start arriving soon! 

The favorite part of my day is when I get to talk to Paul.  We are so blessed thus far in his deployment.  My heart aches for army spouses as they deploy for so long and go to places without much ability to contact their loved ones. 

Regardless of Paul's reason for joining and staying in the military I am so proud of him.  I am proud to be an Air Force wife, I am proud to say my husband is an Air Force officer, and I am proud to tell people he's deployed. 

Paul is the feeling his lack of reliable internet connection.  He is missing out on what is going on in the world.  Well, I can't help him with that.  I don't watch the news, I don't watch sports.  I can tell him what the real housewifes are up to or what the Kardashians are doing, but I can't tell him whose running for what political office or if the NFL is going to have a season this year.  The only sport I follow is college football (Go Noles!) and I can't wait to put Emma in her FSU outfits!

I am never one to wish my life away, but I do hope the next 6 months go by quickly so Paul comes home safe and sound.  Luckily, I am so busy taking care of Stinky that I have little time to think about what is actually happening in the world around Paul right now.  Plus I don't want to think about it.  I just look forward to talking to him, praying for his safe return, and sending him care packages. 

I will say it's nice to not have to prepare dinner every night.  Not nice enough that I don't want him home, but a little break for myself in the cooking department.  haha  Tonight I had an English muffin and some corn on the cob.  I was going to make egg salad, but I forgot until just now.  Oh well. 

In Emma's world--she is rolling over like a champ, playing with her feet, and talking up a storm.  She screeches like a howler monkey and laughs at the dogs.  She is in 6-9 month onesies and will soon be moving up in jammie sizes as well I'm sure.  She goes to sleep like a superstar, but doesn't consistently sleep through the night yet.  We're getting there though. 

I tell her a 1000 times a day how much her daddy loves her and misses her and she loves to hear the sound of his voice either when he calls or on skype or when we listen to his book.  I love to hear the sound of his voice, too.  January can't get here quick enough!

7-13 July

7 July
My wife believes I’m addicted to the internet, so she probably thinks the withdrawals I’m going through right now are healthy. Since I left I have had a total of a couple hours on the internet and next to no access to TV. I think this more than anything has led to a feeling of isolation. It’s not anything serious and soon I will be set up in my “permanent” living quarters and I’ll have much better access. Jenn updated me on the Cassie Anthony trial verdict, but that’s about all the news I’ve gotten. What about the NFL lockout? I need my football. What about the political primary debates going on now? What about the troop movement in Afghanistan or plans by our new Secretary of Defense? That would be a nice chunk of information. Or how about all the stuff going on that I can’t ask about because I don’t even know it exists? Sitting where I am right now makes me wonder back to previous wars. The isolation from the “real” world must have been unbearable. We always think about letters from home to get updates about the family, but those letters must have included news also. In our world of instant information it is interesting to take a step back and realize how spoiled we are. I may have to buy some internet time at the wireless hot-spot to get a fix for my addiction. Not much but just enough to take the edge off.

8 July
Apparently “Biggest Loser: Afghanistan Edition” is starting to work. I woke up today and can barely move my arms. My triceps hurt so bad from yesterday’s workout, but sadly I didn’t even work out my triceps. It sucks being fat, old, and out of shape. For the most part I have stayed away from the sweets besides my gumballs that Jenn got me before I came over. Today is the first day since I have been to Afghanistan that it seems really hot. I’m not sure if it is any hotter than the other days or if the comparison to Kuwait is wearing off. I’m pretty much in “hangout” mode until they get me a flight to my next FOB. I already ran today, but just maybe I’ll hit the gym too. It’s pretty hard to kill time over here when you aren’t working. I have some Afghans coming to hook up internet in my room later today. That should give me something to do until I leave. Maybe I’ll get to Skype for the first time with Jenn and Emma. That would keep me going for a few days.

All in all, I’m starting to get adjusted to being deployed. I’m over the jetlag and the climate isn’t affecting me any worse than if I were in Arizona or New Mexico. In some ways it is more comfortable than a hot day in Boston or Florida, because it is a dry heat. I’m just itching to get to my FOB and get started working. My days will be filled with new adventures and experiences at the beginning. I’m sure after a while the monotony will kick in.
I’ve gotten to talk to Jenn every day since I’ve been here. I’m not much of a phone person, but just listening to her talk about her errands or what Emma did brightens my day. It seems every time I call her Emma is talking away in the background. Jenn puts me on speakerphone and says Emma smiles at the sound of my voice. That brings tears to my eyes with joy. I’m not an emotional guy but being away from Jenn and Emma sure brings it out of me. In a way I’m pretty proud of it. There have been times when I wondered if I would ever feel such an emotional connection with anyone. I thought I loved Jenn more than I could love anyone in the world until Emma came along. Just thinking about Emma fills me with such joy and love. I guess sometimes the only way that love and joy can come out is in liquid form secreting from my optical cavities.

Update: Just when I thought I was going to be sitting around Bagram for a few days I get asked “How soon could I be ready to go?” My response was as soon as I needed to be and within an hour I was on a helicopter flying through the Afghan mountains. It was my first time in a helicopter and the ride was pretty good. I was checking out how intent and zeroed in the two gunners were. They seemed ready to shoot at any second. When I got to my landing spot I chatted with one of the gunners and realized he was about 13. He couldn’t even grow a mustache. I have truly gotten old. So now I am sitting at some random FOB in the middle of Afghanistan trying to catch another helicopter ride to my new home. Let’s hope my 0500 show time pays off.
TODAY’S POINT TO PONDER: There are about 31,000 people on Bagram Air Field. The only clean water to drink comes in bottles and most people average about 10 a day. That is 310,000 water bottles a day and for the most part no recycling exists. Where are the tree huggers?

9 July
The way today began was very disappointing. I woke up around 0400 so I could get ready, packed, and over to the terminal to hopefully jump on a helicopter to my new home. After spending an hour there it finally got time for them to call names for the flight I wanted. I had no idea where I was on the list or how many people they would be taking. It’s like listening for your name at a raffle that is giving away prizes, but you don’t know how many they are giving away. When they finished calling names I sat there for a couple minutes and then went back to my room. I was down because I foresaw a day of boredom.
Then I saw an email from Jenn. I tried to get a hold of her last night to Skype and she never responded. She told me that if I got up early to email her before she went to sleep. I did and she answered, so we got on Skype. I know I have had a chance to talk to her every day, but to see her beautiful smiling face made my day. And if your day is made by 7:00 am then the rest is just gravy! We chatted about everything and nothing and it was awesome. She even took the computer into the nursery so I could see my little lady sleeping. As usual anything with Emma brought tears to my eyes, so we talked about random stuff. It was great.

After hanging up with Jenn, I had breakfast and headed to the office for this FOB. One of the downfalls of me missing out on this morning’s flight is that I won’t have any overlap with the guy I’m replacing. At this office is a nice girl I met last night and she agreed to let me shadow her around today. So I’m about to head out and do some work (sort of). It’s amazing how a week of deployment with no actual job can make you crave something to do.
So I had the opportunity to shadow the person that does my job here. It looks like it should be an easy, but interesting job. I’ll explain what I do in a future post. I also spent two hours of my day in the gym. It’s amazing how much cardio you can do when you don’t have any other commitments for the day. I wrapped up the day by watching a bootleg movie that you can buy for a dollar. Some are actually great quality. I do wonder why the bases let the Afghans sell bootleg movies out in the open. It seems sketchy to me. Finally I sat down and was able to Skype with Jenn again. This time Emma was awake, so I got to see here thrashing away as Jenn tried to get her interested in me on the computer screen. The video was shaky so hopefully my future home has better service.

Off to bed. I have another 0500 show time with hopes of catching a flight.

July 10
Home sweet home. I was able to jump on the chopper this morning and made it to my new home Forward Operating Base (FOB) Ghazni. I’ll be here until approximately Jan 3, 2012. It’s a quaint little place. It is actually a Polish run camp, so the vast majority of people here are Polish. It’s pretty small, so there isn’t much besides a chow hall, gym, and one morale building. There is not a PX/BX, so anything you need has to be shipped, bought when visiting another FOB, or bought from one of the local overpriced shops. I’ll have a work/live container housing unit (CHU) which means they took a big box like the ones on ships/semi-trucks and split it in half. The front will be my office and the back is my living space. My CHU will have internet and cable, but I have to acquire a TV from somewhere. They sell them here, but the prices are pretty steep because you have no other options unless you get one sent from home or buy off the internet. We have 3 people from DCMA here and we are in a little row. It’s like a small neighborhood with pallets for porches. The Captain I’m replacing is still here, so I’m in a temporary unit until he leaves tomorrow. Once he is gone I can finally fully unpack and start making a home.
This will be the main FOB for me to work out of but I will travel to a few others that are nearby. I should be able to ride a helicopter to most, but I hear there is one that is only a mile down the road. That will probably require me to ride in a convoy every so often, but such a short distance should be safe.
For the most part we are out here on our own, so if we do our jobs we can pretty much relax and not have to worry about the boss. Although being at Bagram would have had its perks (multiple chow halls, gyms, and PXs) it is nice not to be working right down the hall from your leadership.
I’ve already hit the gym and it’s not too bad. My plan is to spend a lot of time there over the next 6 months. I have some fitness goals in mind but mainly just want to look good when my wife sees me in January!
We had a send off for the guy I replaced. He’s heading home tomorrow and I’ll be able to move into my semi permanent home. I have a decision to make, because a bigger CHU will open up in a couple weeks. I’m not sure I’d want to pack up and move again, but we’ll see. I found out a group of guys get together each night to smoke cigars and play music. I’m not a cigar smoker, but it’s nice to see a social scene that draws people out of their rooms. The only drawback is that this little get together is right outside my new CHU’s door. That may be further motivation to move when the bigger one opens.
July 11
The first sleep in my new home was eventful. About 0300 we had some incoming mortar attacks. The sirens and speakers are pretty quiet in our section so I wasn’t really sure what was happening. I did spend about 30 minutes sleeping in my body armor, but soon the all clear was given. It’s an interesting feeling to lie in bed and hear the howitzer cannons going off when we shoot back. Strangely I didn’t have any fear something bad was going to happen. It was more of a weird calmness. One thing I did learn that is very valuable is that this area of Afghanistan gets pretty cold at night. I might need Jenn to send me some long sleeve shirts.

The helipad is right next to us, so the CHUs rattle each time a helicopter takes off or lands. In a way it’s pretty cool, but I’m sure that will wear off. It will be handy when I have to fly out or come back because I won’t need anyone to pick me up. It’s a 2 minute walk from the terminal.
Over breakfast there was a lot of discussion about mortar attacks and what could happen. The prevailing philosophy is that when it’s your time to go… you’ll go. It doesn’t matter if you are in Afghanistan or driving to work in Massachusetts. I like that idea because it takes the worry off of you. Of course this doesn’t mean you temp fate.

Since my sleep got messed up I didn’t get up early and go to the gym. I’m committed to finding sometime today to go. It may be tonight, but I’m not breaking the streak this early.

My internet in the room stopped working so I had to go to the morale building and wait in line. I was able to get on Facebook and check my email. I even got to IM with Jenn a little. After that I looked down at my watch and realized how late it was. I had to make the very difficult decision to let the streak end and resume early tomorrow morning. The new streak will be much, much longer!

July 12
The streak began again. My workouts have been killing me because of a combination of being out of shape and the high altitude of FOB Ghazni. I’ve lost a couple pounds already, but I’m expecting it to pour off over the next couple weeks. A combination of working out and a drastic reduction of sweets should do the trick. The guy I‘m working with has dropped over 10 pounds in his first 11 days.
I actually got around to doing some work today. My first event was a staff meeting with the Polish leadership of the FOB. I barely speak English good and now I have to talk to some Polish guys about how crappy their fire prevention program is. Let’s just say they didn’t always like the stuff we were saying, but they caught on to how important it is not to have a burn barrel five feet away from 300 gallons of jet fuel…among other things. I followed that up by stepping in when a Command Sergeant Major in the Army tried to chew out my Staff Sergeant fireman. I guess the Sergeant Major thought this Captain was going to stay in the room when he took my guy outside. I don’t like when people get yelled at for doing their jobs and doing them well. After a few minutes the Sergeant Major saw how much we appreciated his cooperation and how we are working together to keep HIM out of trouble.
Now I’m in my room “studying” for work tomorrow. I guess I don’t have anything better to do until I Skype or call Jenn.
Update: I have made progress. I can actually Skype with Jenn and see Emma without sobbing like a 5 year old girl that got her pigtails pulled.

July 13
Today I got a good taste of what I’ll be doing here. Many people have asked me what my job will be so here it is. When we are in a deployed environment like this we have contractors, which include some Afghanistan people, which do a lot of different tasks. What services are done by a contractor depends on how big the FOB/base is and how the military wants to set it up. These services can be small items like laundry service and port-a-potties or large services like chow hall(s), fire prevention, base security, etc. These contractors get paid hundreds of millions and sometimes billions of dollars to do these services throughout Afghanistan and Iraq. My job is to do audits and inspections of the contractors to ensure they are doing what they are supposed to and the government and taxpayers are getting what they pay for. The country is broken up into areas and there is a main FOB for each area. I live at that FOB and will travel to the other ones in my area.

I know I’m not kicking doors down, flying airplanes, or doing some other cool job (pilot isn’t a cool job), but this is very important. As an example we have inspected and discovered the fire prevention on our FOB is junk. Finding this and bringing it up will hopefully prevent some tragedy later on. Also we have all read stories about military contractors scamming tons of money for not doing stuff. Well I’m here to stop that. Another side of that is a lot of military take advantage of the contractors to get stuff done that shouldn’t be and I’m here to stop that too. For a guy with my normal career field it’s not every day that I get to jump into some helicopters, butt heads with the Army, and even have to meet with Polish leadership.

The best part is I get a 6 month break from just sitting behind a desk. And I also get to use my best quality which is being able to tell someone that they suck and having them agree without being mad. I know… it’s a gift!



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