Wakey Wakey

So my plan to do some sort of cleaning today while Emma napped was derailed by my nap.  During my slumber on the couch both our chihuahua Beast and our Boston terrier Jojo jumped up on the couch.  We usually don't let the dogs on the couch, but I was cold and too lazy to get up to get a blanket so Beast huddled near my feet felt good.  Jojo opted for the top of the couch. 

While I was sleeping I sort of heard Jojo coughing and assumed that he had gotten a piece of food stuck in between his gums and lips (something that happens with regularity) and was trying to get it out.  He stopped after a few seconds and jumped off the couch so I rolled over and went back to sleep.

After a couple hours awhile I thought that I should get up and get some things done before Emma woke up.  I reached up to grasp the top of the couch to help haul my giant self to a sitting position and put my hand RIGHT INTO VOMIT!  OMG!  GAG! 

Nothing will ruin your post nap peace like vomit.  I stumbled into the kitchen, got the paper towels, a wet washcloth, and a plastic bag and mentally prepared myself for the task ahead.  I don't like cleaning up vomit on a normal day.  When I'm pregnant...oh lawdy.  I can almost throw up just typing this. 

I cleaned and gagged, gagged and cleaned and by the time I got back into the kitchen...well, I'm not gonna lie.  I may have thrown up in the sink just a little bit. 

I let the dogs out and since I earlier had noticed that someone had thrown up in their crate overnight I grabbed all the crate towels and threw them in the washing machine. 

By then little miss independent was up and ready to run so I went to get her.  I'm pretty sure everyone has told me that 3 is worse than 2 in terms of terrible, but Emma has decided she is going to start at 20 1/2 months asserting her independence.  She is usually a joy, but when she wants or doesn't want something she is not afraid to let us know it. Boy, does she let us know it.  Yikes!

She gave daddy a run for his money yesterday at Chili's and I'm pretty sure he's never going to take her back.  Although he did take her to Target and let her pick out a dog chew toy, not for our dogs, but for her.  That's how we roll.  He also took her to Chuck E. Cheese's.  He's a  brave, brave man. 

Unfortunately he's working on a special project at work and we pretty much only get to see him on Sundays which sucks for all of us.  Hopefully this phase will be all wrapped up by Christmas and his hours will go back to normal instead of 7:30am to 10pm Monday thru Saturday.  He's so exhausted.  I'm exhausted, too.  Mad props to all the single parents. 

Is it bedtime yet?  My sister is flying in tonight, Paul is picking her up at the airport, and I already told her I'd see her in the morning cause there's no way I can stay awake till 11:30pm.  The joys of being 35 and pregnant with a toddler. 

Oh, and had an ob appointment today.  Baby's heartbeat is great!  One more month till we find out the sex!

UPS

A couple weeks ago I got a package in the mail from Callaway Golf.  Considering as I haven't golfed in years, nor have I ever ordered anything from that company it wasn't surprising that the package was addressed to someone else.  We've lived in our house for 3 years.  Our house sat empty for 2 years before that.  And I'm pretty sure that the package was for the former owner's son. 

So, like a good citizen I call Callaway Golf and they say just to drop the package off at my local UPS store and say that I'm refusing it.  Well, my local UPS store is like 30 minutes away and the one day I stopped by to drop the package off it was closed. 

I'm pretty lazy so I thought I'll just write return to sender, wrong address and put it in a UPS drop box in my town.  The first time I tried to do that someone had jammed a box that too large in the opening and blocked it.  The second time I was successful and I thought I was finished with this package. 

Imagine my surprise when I got home the next day from running errands and the package was on my doorstep!  What!  I felt like I was being haunted!  You have got to be freaking kidding me!

So, finally last weekend I made it back to the UPS store and the following conversation ensued (imagine my piece being said with a slightly southern accent).

I get in line behind a woman who had 1 brown box and 1 flat rate box from the post officer.  The clerk measures and weighs the flat rate box and says, "That'll be $20."  The woman says, "But that's more than the post office.  That's a flat rate box."  Clerk says, "We don't have flat rate boxes."  Woman, "So are you saying I should take it to the post office?"  Clerk, "Yes."  I wanted to grab the woman and shake her and ask what is wrong with you???

Then it's my turn. 

Me, "This package was delivered to my house, but this person doesn't live there. I'm refusing to accept it." and I put the package on the counter.

Clerk, "Someone needs to pay for it to return it."

Me, "I talked to Callaway Golf and they said all I needed to do was drop it at my local store and say I was refusing it."

Clerk, "But someone still needs to pay for us to return it.  Or you can give it to a driver."

(Let's just take a little sidebar here.  What the hell is the difference if I drop it at the store and say I'm refusing it or give it to a driver and say I'm refusing it?  Am I supposed to stalk UPS drivers and wait until I see one pulled over?)

Me, "I tried that already and it showed back up at my house the next day."

Clerk, "But I can't take it unless you pay for it."

Me, "Listen, I understand that this isn't your problem.  It's not my problem.  It's Callaway Golf's problem.  I'm not paying for it.  I'm not taking this package back.  You can throw it away for all I care." and with that I turned and ran out of the store.

Now, during this whole exchange a father and his elementary school age daughter were behind me.  And of course who are the first people we see when we get to the mall.  The father and daughter walking in right ahead of us.  The daughter gave me the wide eyed, "you're the crazy lady from the UPS store" look and the father gave her the "don't make eye contact" look.

Emily and I were already laughing because of the whole exchange at the UPS store and this was just the icing that made us laugh harder.

If this package comes back to my house I'm opening it and raffling the contents off on this blog.

13 weeks

Tomorrow. I'll be 13 weeks tomorrow and it looks like I'm having a giant. There would be no hiding this baby until week 20 like I did with Emma (ok maybe it wasn't so much as hiding as me telling people I was just getting fat).

For the most part I feel good. Not so sick, more energy, only vomiting every other day.

Emma is as cute as ever. Her recent activities including "cuddle, cuddle" with mommy if she gets told no for anything and helping daddy carry wood in and build fires in the fireplace. Lest you think we're terrible parents we don't actually let her play with fire. She sits next to daddy and hands him things for the fire. She knows that its "hot" as she'll tell you repeatedly.

It's our last weekend before Paul starts his crazy work schedule. Yay. (Do you get the sarcasm in that yay?)

Hope y'all have a great weekend!!!

Surprise Part Deux

Paul arrived home from Colorado today and, being the good wife that I am, Em and I braved the cold and rain to go pick him up at the airport.  I even decided to be extra sweet and park the car so we could go inside and wait.  Of course I can never time anything perfectly so we had a little bit of time to kill.  Apparently landed and at gate are 2 totally different things that can span 30 minutes of time. 

As we were waiting and watching the people coming off the escalator finally we saw Paul AND HE WAS TALKING TO A HOT GIRL!  Um, what!  I wasn't sure what to do and thought this feels awkward.  I actually thought about moving so he couldn't see us.  Crazy pregnancy hormones. 

So, him and this girl come through the security door and start to walk towards me and I'm just staring at her and she's staring at me and she says to Paul, "Does she not recognize me?" and then I realize it's my friend Emily!  Holy shit! 

All I could do was hug her and laugh.  Apparently her and Paul cooked up this scheme for a surprise visit and, unlike some of my other friends who will remain nameless-cough Cory and Brian cough-both kept it a total secret.  I was surprised!  After I got over thinking Paul met some hoochie on the airplane of course.  

Now it totally makes sense why Paul asked me if the sheets in the guest room were clean (which he's NEVER asked me before EVER) and not to plan anything for this weekend.  Oh the little sneaks!

How Hot is Pregnancy

The Hotness of Pregnancy (09/21/12)

I know there are some women who glow when they’re pregnant.  Their hair is vibrant, their skin is vibrant, they only gain weight in their bellies, and they just look sexy, they feel sexy, and they want sex.

I am not one of those women.  I hate being pregnant.  I love the end result, but the 9 months before that I hate.  My hair is not vibrant because I don’t wash it.  Instead I keep it in a pony tail all day, every day.  My skin does not glow or glisten or shine except in the way of someone covered in oil.  I don’t necessarily gain a ton of weight, but that’s because I’m already fat.  When you’re fat going into pregnancy you don’t need to gain much.  Yes, I’ll lose all that pregnancy weight quickly, but guess what.  I’ll still be overweight. 

And the sexy.  Oh not so much.  Last pregnancy I was on pelvic rest from week 18 on.  This pregnancy I’ve felt so nauseous that I can’t even think about that right now.  And after today I am sure Paul isn’t thinking about it either.

This morning we met some mommy friends for a sing a long at the library and then Em and I got take out lunch and met Paul at the park by his office.  Thank goodness it was chilly and we were the only fools there.  I ate my lunch and it was soooo good.  I was sooo hungry.

Afterwards we’re walking around with Em as she’s playing on the playground and I really don’t feel well.  You know what’s coming.  I grab some airplane vomit bags that I happened to have in the diaper bag and I throw up.  In the park. 

But wait, it gets better.  Not only do I throw up profusely, I also pee on myself.  Paul asked how I survived college, throwing up after drinking, if I peed on myself all the time.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t then or at least I don’t remember it (that might be because of the alcohol).  But now every time I throw up I pee.  Sometimes it’s a little, sometimes it’s everything in my bladder, much like an elephant or a horse.

And I’m not talking “oops I tinkled a little in my panties.”  I’m talking tie my sweater around my waist, head straight home, do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not stop at the grocery, have to immediately go home and change my clothes because urine is dripping down my leg pee myself.  It was an elephant day.

So this is the scenario.  The 3 of us are in the park.  It’s cold out.  I am holding a bag of vomit, covered in pee, and I’ve never seen Paul laugh so hard. 

We drop Paul back at his office and I can tell he doesn’t want to kiss me (ya know because I’ve thrown up and I’m covered in pee).  He tries to kiss my forehead, but I’m quicker than that and he ends up kissing me on the lips.  Haha sucker! 

That’s true love ladies and gentlemen.  True love.  If you don’t have a man who will kiss you on the lips and still love after he’s seen you throw up and pee on yourself then move along and find someone who will.

Confessions of an Awesome Parent

We are awesome parents and I have proof.

Emma and her boobies...she loves to put balls from her ball pit under her shirt.  I think it's hysterical.  Daddy does not.

I was too lazy to make a real dinner last night or sit at the kitchen table.  We had BLTs (I threw a piece of Kraft American processed cheese on Em's to make it healthier) and tater tots for dinner.  Daddy watched football, Em watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the Ipad, and I read my book while we ate.  Sigh.

Some more post dinner ipad tv watching while she has her milk.

We let Em help load and unload the dishwasher.  She may or may not put utensils in her mouth.  We may or may not put them back into the dishwasher.

I also turned Em's car seat around at 14 months, let her eat in the car (usually McDonald's, tater tots from Sonic, or goldfish), and let her watch tv in the morning (dude I am tired in the morning!  I can't be all let's make some crafts at 7:30am.)  We occasionally let Em have sweets especially if she's with us and we want sweets.  How are we gonna eat ice cream and not give her any?  Sometimes I go to the gym and pretend to ride the stationary bike so Em can play in the babysitting room and I can have a break.

BUT Em is healthy and happy and overall well taken care.  I don't think we could love anyone more than we love Em.  

And we'll see baby part two tomorrow at my MFM appointment and hopefully get some info on my placenta and what happens next with my cervix (which actually looked really good at last week's ultrasound).  

I would say get out and vote but facebook has drained all ability to care about this election from my soul.  No, it's not fair to blame facebook.  It's everyone's constant posts on Facebook that are NOT about why you should vote for their candidate, but why you shouldn't vote for the other candidate.  It definitely seemed this election that people were really hateful towards others with different opinions from them AND really emotional, instead of factual, in supporting their candidate.  Can't we all just get along?

Surprise!

Surprise!  I'm pregnant!  I just hit 12 weeks, we've had 3 ultrasounds, and heard the heartbeat on doppler.  The baby looks great.  I was so excited to have a normal pregnancy as compared to last time, but Thursday I got diagnosed with a partial placenta previa and a cyst on my ovary and told to take it easy.  Easier said than done with a toddler and a husband who is traveling and working more than usual.  We'll manage though.  Below are the two pictures we put on Facebook to tell our friends.  

Emma wore her soon to be a big sister shirt to the airport last week when we picked up my dad and his lady friend and my dad didn't even notice!  I finally had to say to him that Emma wore a special shirt for you.  haha  I knew Patsy would know as soon as she saw me that I was pregnant.  I have definitely popped!  It is true that with the second you start showing much earlier.  Of course I was happy because I heart maternity clothes and was extremely happy to put on those maternity pants. 

And I know I've been a blog slacker and I apologize, but I was so sick between week 4 and week 9.  I just couldn't work up any energy (I had to reserve my energy for vomiting, but on the plus side I lost 5lbs) for blogging, plus all I wanted to write about was being pregnant and we weren't telling people until we knew things looked okay.  Hopefully this pregnancy will be the one to get me out of that awful miscarriage club.  I would like to resign my membership. 

So tell your friends and look forward to funny pregnancy posts.  I promise to do a better job blogging! 

Hope everyone had a safe and happy Halloween!