Must love dogs what?

This is what I've gone through the last few days. Keep in mind that 2 weekends ago I spent 30 minutes cleaning up 90lb. dog diarrhea.

Yesterday woke up at 6:30am and found dog vomit all over my $300 Restoration Hardware duvet. So, have to take the duvet off the down comforter and put it in the wash. Go back to bed. Wake up later and have to wash the down comforter.

Have to go to Verizon because my cell phone is broken...this is the 2nd LG Voyager I've had that has broke since I've lived in Valdosta.

Get home from dinner, am sitting on the couch, and suddenly smell something awful. Immediately put the dogs outside, but its too late. Dog diarrhea on the carpet in the dining room (don't you want to come eat dinner at my house). Did I mention that I just had shampooed the rugs on Monday or Tuesday?

Get my 1am phone call from my international stalker. Am pissed. Answer the phone and say "You have the wrong fucking number. You need to stop calling me If you call again I'm going to call the fucking cops." The guy says, "I'm sorry." 45 seconds later he calls back except I can't answer the phone because my cell phone still isn't working right. Am paranoid and scared from watching the movie "Taken" with Paul over the weekend. Worried that I am about to be kidnapped because I was rude to my international stalker. At least he called at 1am and not his usual 3am or 4am.

Have to work in Tifton today. Get to my 1st client's apartment. He doesn't have a shirt on. Um, okay, weird. Go to 2nd client's house. She is in shut down mode and barely responsive. Only have 2.5 more hours to work a miracle with her. Go back to 1st client's house to meet with him and his girlfriend. A female and 2 males are standing at the bottom of the stairwell...the female was SELLING MARIJUANA to one of the males. I have to say excuse me so I can go up the stairs. White woman in a black neighborhood...social services, probation and parole, or law enforcement...I'm expecting to get a bullet in the back as I go up the stairs plus I can hear them saying, "Whose she?" Last week when I was there I parked next to a car and the 2 guys were standing outside their car smoking pot. Nice.

Back to Valdosta. Rush home to let the dogs out. Don't anticipate being gone long so I put Beauty in her cage and leave Beast, Sasha, and Jojo out with the tv on. Go to client's house and am there for 1.5 hours. Then have to go back to Verizon because my cell still isn't working. Get a new phone (but was proud of myself because I really want a blackberry and instead took the free Voyager because I'm poor). Then have to go to Publix to get cat litter. Get home and found vomit EVERYWHERE because one of the dogs (or all 3 of them) had eaten 2 bars of almond bark, a bottle of parmigiana blend bread seasoning, and perhaps some enzyme supplements for acid reflux. Call the on call vet and leave a message. Have to shampoo the areas that are covered in vomit. Hit the diarrhea spots from last night. Am CRYING because I'm so overwhelmed and still have to mow the grass because I don't have time the rest of the week and if I waited till next week it would've been physically impossible. Try to let the amazing vomiting dogs outside with me, but Sasha and Jojo attack the lawn mower to the point that Sasha grabbed the front wheel and picked the front of the lawnmower up off the ground. So, inside they go.

Mowing the lawn takes longer when the lawnmower cuts off every 5 feet because your weeds (the backyard looked like it was covered in parsley) are knee high. Poor Beasty would get lost in there. An hour later get the backyard done. May have suffered a minor heart attack in the process and at one point almost threw up from breathing so heavy and sweating so much. Glad I skipped the gym.

The vet calls back and tells me not to worry about it. He says the vomiting was good and milk chocolate isn't that bad for dogs. It's really the baking chocolate you have to worry about. I guess we'll see if everyone survives the night.

FINALLY get to eat dinner....very healthy (NOT) homemade nachos. I used almost an entire container of fat free sour cream. At least it was fat free. Go to turn AC up and have to clean dog poo up from the hallway.

Am exhausted and going to bed. Am trying to walk in gratitude for all that I have and remember how lucky I truly am.

PS Have y'all ever seen the match.com commercials where "real members" tell a little about themselves--"it's okay to look"? Have you noticed they are all generally attractive? I used to be on match.com and I can tell you that I NEVER saw anyone I was remotely attracted to on there. Oh well. I have my honey now and couldn't be more in love if I wanted to. :)

I really hope my tomorrow does not involve dog poop or vomit. I can't take much more of that!

Those were the days

Remember when as soon as you got back to school after winter break you started to daydream about spring break...how you counted down the endless weeks until that 1 glorious week off with nothing to do but drink excessively and get sunburned on a daily basis...how it was only the thought of that 1 week of pure gluttony that got you through the boring beginning of spring semester. Man, oh man, THOSE were the days!

Spring break is almost here at VSU. Students walking around campus today will be leaving tomorrow for far off lands with ne'er a thought on their minds, but where they are going to get drunk next. I have to admit as I drove through campus today I experienced a slight bit of jealousy. Okay, more than a slight bit. A huge, gut gnawing, deep sigh of longing, why am I so old, jealousy.

Instead, today I ran errands, saw no clients, earned no money, and well, let me just tell you what I did today...woke up, rescheduled a client for tomorrow because her wallet got stolen, read, went to the gym, came home, showered, went to lunch, went to Paul's accountant, went to the library, read, tried to see a new client, new client wasn't home, left a note, went to Walgreens, went to the library again, returned home, put a load of laundry in, cleaned the carpets, put the clothes in the dryer, ate dinner, watched tv, packed for the weekend, put laundry away, and now more tv and internet.

I guess I feel I had a busy today because I certainly ran around a lot, but it would've been nice to have earned some money. You don't realize how much you need a full time until you don't have one. I would rather work than not work. Well, I'd rather work a job I like.

But I miss spring break. I miss college. I wonder how I got this old. I wonder how I'll feel in 9 years when I'm 40. I think about all the kids I've worked with who are now in their 20's with their own lives and own families. I miss the beach. I miss drinking and staying up late. A friend told me over the weekend that she thought people who didn't want to have children were unnatural and she couldn't understand that. I can understand that. There are days when I crave having a child and there are days that I cannot imagine having a child. I think part of having a child means that you accept getting older because you age as your child age. If you are childless you can pretend at youngness. You don't have to face the reality of getting older so early. Children mean being selfless (or it should to an extent) and I am not sure I'm there yet. It scares me this growing up, and growing older, and being a parent. But at the same time I don't want to wake up at 40 and regret not having children. I know Paul wants kids. He probably wants them more than I do (at least right now). I still want us to have fun and to be able to travel and to be selfish for a little bit longer. Once you have a child you can't give him/her back. And hopefully you're own mental health is in a good place before you have a child so you don't pass that craziness on to your poor unsuspecting offspring.

It's strange how a blog I thought was going to be about spring break has turned into a blog about aging. I guess that is the same way life is...you start off heading one way and end up in a totally different direction.

My Random Weekend

I wonder sometimes if anyone has as much randomness in their lives as I do:

Thursday: Took the dogs and drove down to FL for the weekend. It seemed to take forever to get there. Dropped the dogs off at my mom's and went to the store to buy ingredients for our dinner. Accosted the girl scout and her mom selling cookies outside Publix as have not been able to find girl scout cookies in Valdumpster. Go home and cook a delicious dinner from the Campbells Soup website except forgot to put milk in it. I guess it could've been more delicious. Did enjoy my cookies for dessert.

Friday: Went to Cyesis and saw my kids and ate lunch up there with my Cyesis family. Fun, fun, fun! Afterwards went over to Teen Court and saw my Teen Court family and my friend Amanda who works in the same building. Reminisced while driving around Sarasota. Feeling very homesick since Paul has been out of town for work. Don't think I ever appreciated how nice Sarasota is while I lived there.

Friday night: Went on a date with my dad. Went to a tapas restaurant in Pt. Charlotte. Yummy! Everything tastes good with a good bottle of wine though...hehe! Seriously, it was all tasty. Then decided to go get ice cream in Venice (gotta have my Kilwins). On the way there we saw A CAMEL! As we drove down Main St. my dad said that the wine store was open. He asked if I wanted wine or ice cream and of course I said both. So, we go to the wine store and it was like some weird bizarro old people bar...imagine a well lit, non-smoky bar, full of social, chatty, senior citizens. I was the youngest person there by 30 years. When I got out of the bathroom my dad was talking to a woman who I found out had been a realtor he worked with previously to buy a house. She thought I was his date! After we enjoyed our glass of wine and each bought a bottle of wine (and were the last people to leave at 9pm if even), we went to Kilwins and enjoyed some ice cream. I then went back to my mom's and watched tv with her.

Saturday: Woke up and took Jojo to the farmers market in Sarasota with my mom (stopped at Starbucks on the way). Wondered why I didn't go to the farmers market more when I lived there. We then went to eat lunch at C'est La Vie...the best bread I've ever had! I mean I have been there and usually go because their bread is that good. Bread with tons of butter. Jojo sat patiently by my side and enjoyed his own little slice of bread heaven. Across the street from us was a puppeter with an elephant playing the piano! Then my mom made me go with her to my old house to pick up her composter that I was using. I had to pee so bad and Melissa had the screen doors all locked so I had to pee in the backyard! I then decided I had to ride that camel I saw last night and made my mom take me over there. Well, the camel guy was out to lunch so I settled for having my picture taken with a baby tiger instead. The men working at the little zoo in the parking lot in front of Ross (clothing store) all appeared to have been recently released from prison and in dier need of a dentist. We then went back to mom's and had our own personal dog park with my 4 dogs and her 3 dogs. I then let Sasha go swimming which she loves. I then had to take a nap from which I almost didn't wake up.

Saturday night: I met my friend Jennifer at Mattison's City Grill for dinner. She lost over 20 lbs. and looks absolutely fantastic! People who have the will power to lose weight fascinate me because I am soooooo lazy and unmotivated despite my constant complaing about how fat I am. After a very delicious dinner (I even went vegetarian with grilled portobello mushrooms and goat cheese) and some even better glasses of wine we decided to go to Marina Jack's. We initially sat outside and had a beverage; however, when I went inside to use the restroom I noticed a piano bar. When I came back outside and told Jennifer she had the same reaction I did which was awesome! So, we moved the party inside and got a seat right up front. We ordered another beverage and some potato skins. This woman walks in who I recognized except I thought it was a caregiver from Cyesis. She came over and gave me a hug and I said, "Long time no see" because I had seen her yesterday. Jennifer and I spent a good deal of time watching a woman who had an extremely inappropriate short dress on...so short that we were in fact convinced that it was a tunic top and not a dress at all. We bet on how long it would take before her underwear were showing. And she was no spring chicken, nor was she a playboy bunny. And the pianist played Mambo #5...WATCH OUT...apparently old people LOVE that song because everyone got up to dance. This weird threesome of 2 women and 1 man were extremely good dancers and perhaps swingers as well. Although if he had asked me to dance I would've said yes just to dance cool like them.

Saturday/Sunday early morning: In the middle of the night I woke up and thought "That wasn't the caregiver from Cyesis. It was Dr. Post from the school board." She is the district discipline coordinator and I used to attend her expulsion meetings for a job I had. Then I spent the rest of the night and all day Sunday trying to figure out who the hell I hugged at the bar. I still have no freaking clue and it's driving me crazy!

Sunday: Stupid time change! Am so exhausted can hardly get out of bed. Being slightly hungover probably did not help. Eventually dragged myself out of bed, but decided against a shower because I thought I might take Sasha to the dog beach later. Went to brunch with my mom. Went home. Watched my mom try to take down an antenna off the little house (let's just say she was not successful). Really want a nap, but need to get ready to go to Strawberry Festival and want to stop by my dad's first. Receive a call from Breun about her friend who had passed away. Went to dad's for a quick 30 minute visit and then drove to Breun's. Went with Breun to visit her friend whose husband passed away the night before. Oddly, her friend's neighbor also died in his sleep the night before as well. Am very sad for Breun's friend. They are a younge couple, younger than me. Can't imagine Paul dying now. Breun and I went to the Strawberry Festival and wandered around enjoying corn dogs, strawberry shortcake, elephant ears, and lemonade. 10,000 calories later and some wacky pictures we got ready to see Jessica Simpson. A couple Breun is friends with was also there and we sat with them and chatter while we waited for the concert to start. As we're talking I look over and see a guy I went to middle and high school with! Breun and I go to our seats and I had to say hi to this guy as we were friends. Of course his wife is gorgeous and I look like I belong at the Plant City Strawberry Festival aka hillbilly heaven. Clinton and Stacy would've been so disappointed in me...in my unattractive jeans, fitted t-shirt, pink converse and keep in mind that I hadn't showered, nor washed my hair since Thursday. So, I bite the bullet and say hi and we're chatting. I tell him how I'm getting married to Breun's 7th grade boyfriend and he laughs becuase he had just told his wife that I was HIS 7th grade girlfriend (longest two weeks of my life! Just kidding!). He's a doctor and was supposed to be a plastic surgeon and told me at our 5 year class reunion he'd give me free lipo, but instead he went general medicine and offered me Botox. Hmmm... Funny. I found out later that he got to meet Jessica Simpson (who looked awesome and in no way, shape, or form fat) so I am sure I looked extra assy to him with my greasy hair. If anyone wants to submit me to What Not to Wear I would much appreciate it. Thanks. My grossness did not stop me from getting late night Taco Bell becuase I was surprisingly starving when I got back to Venice at 11pm. Hmmm, why can't I lose weight? Damn you general medicine! My mexican pizza and nachos were damn tasty though.

Monday: I woke up and went to let the dogs out and noticed some poop. As its early and I am tired I cannot deal with this so I let the dogs out and figured I'd clean up when I woke up (it was on linoleum, not carpet). When I got up again later I noticed that it wasn't just a little poop it was our 90 lb. boxer had had diarrhea EVERYWHERE! It smelled like something died in her and then crawled out and died again on the floor. Which is exactly what you want to smell after consuming a corn dog, strawberry shortcake, and late night Taco Bell the night before. It took me 30 minutes to clean up this shit. Now, it could've taken so long becuase I kept having to stop to gag and cover my nose and mouth with a Clorox wipe which was the only thing I had handy (the one time I don't bring my Vicks vaporub somewhere with me). I finally showered and packed up the car and head back to Valdosta. Of course there was construction traffic so it took me an hour to get out of Sarasota, but I did stop at Jersey Mike's for a sub to eat on the way home. Luckily Sasha waited till I finished eating to expel her terrible gas (for the next 4 hours). She was nice enough to warn me with a sound similar to air being let out of a balloon and then stank explosion. I saw a dead cow, stopped at an exit to give the dogs some water and saw an accident where the guy in front of almost ran over the EMT because the ambulance stopped right in front of us (no worries, just a fender bender), stopped at a rest area and a man walked into the bathroom while I was washing my hands, and saw a massive forest fire. I did begin to call 911, but hung up becuase I figured anyone driving by would've seen the huge cloud of smoke. 911 then called me back and the dispather left me a message and said, "If this is an emergency please call (at which points he hesitates) 9-1-1" and then he also leaves the non-emergency dispatch number which made me laugh hysterically. I refrained from calling back.

Monday night: MetroOne Progressive Dinner. Fun, fun, fun! After a huge ass meal to go with my even huger ass and some beer (I totally wasn't going to drink until they said the beer was included and you can't pass up free beer) my friend Brittany took me to Spook Hill. She told me how this doctor and his family used to live there and he came home from work one night to find his entire family murdered. He doesn't like people to be at his house so if you stop in front of his house, put your car in neutral, he pushes your car up the street which is on a hill. I am totally skeptical. We get there and she puts the car in neutral. The car freaking rolls up the hill and not just a slight roll, but we got up over 10 miles per hour. I then made Brittany turn around so the back of the car was facing uphill and we rolled backward up the hill. All my hairs stood up! I then had to go home alone and felt kind of creeped out.

You will be proud of me becuase Tuesday I saw another forest fire and did not call 911 at all...it was slightly easier because a cop had just passed me and I hoped he would've reported a fire.

So, that was random weekend...Appropriate pictures are on my facebook in an album entitled Random weekend.

My worst fear

The entire time I've lived in GA I have been terrified of being pulled over by a GA police officer. Now to be far my fear is based on the following: stereotypes, the television show Cops, the movie The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (I understand this movie was based in TX, but GA seems eerily similar in mindset), and reports from my clients interactions with the police which are NEVER good.

And today my worst fear came true...I got pulled over by an Adel, GA police officer! I had just gotten off the interstate and didn't realize the speed limit as I had only seen a sign that said 45mph. The officer informed me I was going 52 in a 35 and asked why I was driving so fast. I explained to him that I had never been on this road before and was on my way to do a home study for DFCS. And then I said how I was hoping it was Officer Turner. He asked if I knew Officer Turner and I said I did, he used to work with my fiance.

He took my license, went back to his car, came back, and gave me a warning. Yeehaw! Especially since he told me that ticket would've bee $188. Yikes! He ended up being really nice and even went over my directions with me (I felt I needed to pretend to need help since I had claimed to be trying to make sure I was on the right road initially).

When I finally got to my client's house she was raising a family of baby squirrels whose nest had fallen out of a tree which made me laugh because Bob and Sheri had just talked to people who were raising squirrels that morning. Random!

A dog's life

I've been thinking a lot about our fish (Diamond, Lil Mo, Big Dawg, Metros, and Chelsea) and what would happen to them when we leave...okay, I've really been thinking about boring it would be to be a fish stuck in a tank and wondering what the hell do they think about all day stuck in that tank, swimming around and around, never getting anywhere (much life my job). So, I mentioned something to Paul when I talked to him earlier about these things and of course he was hateful saying he was going to flush the fish down the toilet to which I reminded him that Big Dawg would probably not fit down the toilet so he said he'd let the cats have them and then I got upset so we had to change the subject.

The new subject...the dogs and cats (1 guess as to who chose this topic of conversation) and how they are all just chillaxing in the living room, not doing anything. And Paul mentioned that MY life was much like the dogs and cats lives which made me think:

My life is like our dogs and cats. Let me give you the evidence:

1. I get up whenever I want, often with no real purpose for waking.

2. Upon waking I take care of my "business."

3. I may or may not leave the house on any given day.

4. I may clean myself during the day...or I may not (closely related to #3).

5. You can often find me napping on the couch during the day...covered with 3 dogs and 2 cats with another dog next to the couch.

6. I love to eat.

7. I weigh twice as much as our Boxer.

8. I may or may not exercise during the day. I will chase things, like the ice cream truck.

9. I have to sleep completely covered with blankets...much like my little dogs.

10. I love to give kisses and to snuggle.

11. I constantly nudge Paul's hand so that he rubs my feet, plays with my hair, etc.

12. I am fiercely loyal.

13. I can spend hours in meaningless activities.

14. I will sleep in front of the fireplace for days if given the opportunity.

15. I am an expert at conserving energy.

16. I am easily distracted....by bugs, clouds, noise...

Hmmm...sad...