Day 2

I just finished my T25 cardio since I am supposed to work out so I can maintain my girlish figure and make my husband happy.  I figured it was time to hook up with Arlene.

Today's lesson in the art of a happy husband actually wasn't too bad.  Even though she phrased it as the wife's job is to praise the husband and give him positive reinforcement 24/7 so that they can live in an environment where they can feel successful (um hey Arlene what about my recognition and praise?  Where's the responsibility of the husband in that?  I'm lucky because my hubby actually does praise me and I think we have done the work to make sure we aren't taking each other for gratitude even if we are just thanking each other for cooking dinner or cleaning out the dishwasher). 

I took this chapter to be more about letting hubby parent in his style.  This is something I was warned about before hubby deployed a couple years ago...that it would be hard for him to be gone so long and then hard for me to give up the reigns and control and parenting when he returned.  And it was!  I had to bite my tongue a lot and let hubby parent in his own way because his way and my way aren't always the same and that's okay. 

So, my fear in doing T25 is that I will be the person who doesn't lose an inch or pound.  I know I have to make a lot some dietary changes.  Instead of going balls to the wall and failing, I am going to try to add in more healthy options.  I passed up a pumpkin scone at Starbucks today even though I was hungry and came home and ate a salad for lunch and then I had a plum for a snack this afternoon.  I've cut way down on the amount of sugar I use in my coffee and I found a yogurt I really like that I think will satisfy me if I need something sweet.  I am trying to love myself and all extra 60lbs of me and stop being so hard on myself for being overweight.  And I'm enjoying success as a Thirty-One consultant! Check out www.mythirtyone.com/jennmcartor31 and let me know if you want to order or host a virtual party!

31 Days to a Happy Husband

Does it still count as exercise if you walk to Food Lion and buy wine?  Don't judge me.  Our Food Lion is brand new and really nice.  And bonus!  When I was there today I found this book

 

Of course I had to buy it so I could make sure my man is happy.  And it only takes 31 days so score!  Paul is excited that I am blogging about this book as he expects me to do every suggestion for the next month.  I wasn't sure whether to laugh or punch him.

First off, let's talk about the author...the female author.  WTF are you thinking Arlene????  Our dear friend Arlene also authored 31 Days to a Younger You in case you're an old hag like me.  Her claim to fame as been appearing on the 700 Club, The Hour of Power, and a show on TLC called Home Made Simple.  She lives, with her happy husband (seriously it says that) in So Cal.  

The introduction of the book is called "Are You Still Dreaming?"  Apparently, because I am still reading this book.  My fave section talks about how she interviewed 31 happy husbands and she tells me to choose which month " to soak your husband in tender loving care."  That sounds fun.  Can I also soak his dirty underwear and clothes in clorox and his steak dinner in marinade?  

Marriage quiz time...if you are like me then you are an abysmal failure.  Apparently my husband is the unhappiest man on the planet.  

1.  The environment of my home is warm and peaceful on most days. 

         Um, my home is a shit show every day.  Shit Show.  My home is loud and chaotic every. single. day.

2.  I drop other things (even with my kids) to make time for my husband if he needs anything.

         Um, WTF Arlene.  Is it 1855?  My husband is capable of getting himself a snack or a drink or wiping his own ass.  My 2 year old and 4 month old are not.  But thanks for this stellar advice.

3.  I never say unkind things about my husband to others.

         What the hell would I talk about with my girlfriends then?

4.  If there's a decision to be made, my husband has the final say.

          Yes, because I live in the 19th century.  Fingers crossed that women will be allowed to vote someday and slavery will end.  

5.  I enjoy having sex and look forward to making love to my husband.

         Is this an and/or statement?  60lbs overweight and 3 hours of sleep a night...sure, bring it on.  If you impregnate me again I will cut you.

6.  My husband and I talk regularly about ways to improve our sex life.      

        Sure.  After we talk about his work trips, the children, the house, the dogs, our friends, our family....oh wait, what was the question?

7.  I make an effort to look attractive with my clothes, hair, and makeup even on days when I see only my husband.

       This made me pee on the couch laughing.  Arlene clearly has not read my posts on my grooming and my resemblance to various animals.  Oh Arlene.  I will try not to look like a homeless person at least one day a week.  

8.  I am a healthy body weight and exercise at least 3 times a week.

       If by healthy you mean 60lbs overweight and if by exercise you mean my arm muscles lifting my wine glass and dessert fork then yes, this statement is true.

9.  My husband and I go on a date at least once a month.

      We go on a date as much as I get to go to the bathroom by myself.

10.  We still enjoy romance, kissing once a day for at least five seconds.

         Well, let me get out my watch.  We're lucky if we get to spend five seconds in the same room.  Does it count if you kiss 5 times for 1 second?  

According to relationship expert Arlene and all the letters after her name for all the schooling she has done in psychology (I must've missed them in the author bio) my relationship is on "shaky ground. Reading this book is perfect timing." before we get divorced or he kills me in a murder/suicide scenario because I've made him so unhappy with my horrific lack of wifelyness.    

Apparently I have a lot of work to do over the next 31 days.  Sigh.       

 

T25 day 2

Holy sore legs.  In the first 2 minutes of working out today I wanted to cry.  No dry heaving though!  It is clear to me that I can NOT work out when the kids are awake.  Between the baby crying in her swing while trying to fall asleep and the toddler asking for a new snack every 10 seconds and trying to work out with me and the husband rushing in to grab his suitcase in order to rush off on a work trip, I think I took 10 breaks BUT I eventually got it done.  My 25 minutes turned into 60 minutes of working out.  haha

I think the husband's fave part today was when my legs gave out and I fell over as he sat on the couch tying his shoes. 

I think tomorrow I'll have to try and work out while the toddler is in school.  Assuming I can move when I wake up in the morning.

T25 Day 1

Holy mother of .....

My cousin, who has become super fit, let me borrow the first T25 DVD and I just finished my first work out. You know how you work out and you feel good and feel like you're pretty fit and then you get pregnant and don't work out for a year and try to start again and it pretty much sucks ass...yeah that.

My favorite part, other than the 2 minute cool down at the end, was how I couldn't keep up with the woman doing the modified work out.  The absolute best part was when I had to take a break every 2 minutes to dry heave in the living room followed by going upstairs to shower, finding dog poop on the bathroom floor, and gagging into the toilet. 

Since if you looked at me naked from the front you may confuse with me

I really can't go on the way I have been.  I know I've said this before, but I can no longer see my feet. 

Wish me luck!  I'll keep you posted!