Time Changes

It's hard to believe that last Easter weekend I was going through a miscarriage and my friend/ex-boyfriend committed suicide.  Although it was a tragic weekend, it was also one of the best weekends of my life.  That may sound odd considering the grief that surrounded that Easter, but we also had one of the best weekends ever.  We attended the White House Easter Egg Roll with my cousin Katheryn.   We also got to spend parts of the weekend with my other cousins, Katie and Devon and Devon's fiance Connor as well as going to the National Zoo with our dear Air Force friends, the Beach's (check out Ali's blog).  We also saw other awesome military friends, the Early's.  In the midst of heartbreak, it is still possible to appreciate and enjoy life.

It's amazing the changes that can occur in a year.  Right now I'm 33 weeks pregnant and 6 weeks away from having our newest addition Elizabeth.  This Easter we also got to enjoy Emma really getting into coloring and hunting for Easter eggs.  We saw how truly grown up she is getting when we took her to the playground today after a delicious Easter brunch and she was able to climb up and down and slide and run all over.  Her language skills are amazing to us and she uses full sentences and the appropriate pronouns.  

Although Paul tried to hurt himself and Emma going down a tall, fast slide (how I wish I had my video camera out) by tripping as he came off the slide and doing a full forward flip holding onto Emma (he may have been trying to put me into labor) we had a great time at the playground.  I may burst into hysterical tears if we have any more snow because we have had a NICE weekend.  

And hopefully next Easter we will all be healthy and happy and maybe we'll get to take both girls back to the White House Easter Egg Roll (hint, hint Katheryn).  

Sleep Fiasco

We are a hot mess of bad sleep up in here.  And as much as I'd like to fix it I sorta wonder what is the point right now.

Here is where we are at.

We just went down to VA to look for housing.  While there Em slept with Paul in one bed all week and I slept in the other bed.  She napped in the car all week since we were looking at houses.  Since we are moving into a hotel April 21st until our end of June move we decided when we got home to transition Em to the toddler bed.  If we weren't moving into a hotel without room for a crib I totally would've waited.  As it is we bought a toddler cot for Em to use at the hotel.

Em has NOT taken well to the toddler bed.  But I also think she knows something is going on, lots of changes, but doesn't really know what.  So she wants one of us to sit in her room with her until she falls asleep.

So, we bought the tot clock.  Last night Paul came up to bed about 1am.  Not long after I felt eyes staring at the back of my head.  Rolled over and guess who was visiting?  Yup, Em.  I asked her what color her clock was and that it was still blue so it was still time to sleep in her bed.  I asked Paul to take Em back to bed not knowing that he had already fallen into a coma like sleep.  She walks around to his side of the bed, he gets up, picks her up, and puts her in our bed (Em is smart and comes prepared...she brings her pillow AND her lovie when she comes into our room).  Um, what????  So I get up, go turn off her humidifier and nightlight and come back to bed.  Em slept until 7:30 so I can't really complain.

Fast forward to naptime.  Paul took Em up to bed.  She would not stay in bed.  We try to have her napping by 2pm.  Finally after much crying and me sitting in her room she fell asleep at 3pm.  I woke her up at 4:15pm.

Fast forward to bedtime.  We gave her a bath, she had milk, Paul read her stories, and Sasha (our boxer) fell asleep in her room.  Of course as soon as Paul got downstairs Sasha got up and Em followed.  Ugh!  We called up to her to go back to bed because sometimes that works.  Not so much tonight.  She laid down for a little bit and then I heard our bedroom door open (did I mention that we close all the doors on the 2nd floor, but Em figured out how to open doors today?  Super fun.) so I head upstairs to find Em has also figured out how to climb onto our bed.  She is laying in the middle with her hands behind her head, huge grin on her face, saying "Sleep with mommy."  Her fave phrase!  I take her back to bed, she's crying, and I sit in the chair until she falls asleep.  I did put her crib bumper (we use the breathable one) back up around the front of the toddler bed thinking it might help her feel more secure.

We just figured that between moving into a hotel, all of us in 1 bedroom with a newborn, and then moving to a new house in VA her sleep is pretty much going to be a hot mess until we get settled in July.  Ahhh the glamorous life of the military!

PS Where do kids learn to fib?  In the past 2 days Em has told me twice that each of our dogs ate a crayon when I found 2 of them, at different times, broken on the ground AND when she had pooped and I asked her if she did she told me it was her Pluto toy dog!  I'm hoping she is just being creative and using her imagination.  Shaking my head.

Gay Marriage

Let me start off by saying that this is NOT intended to start any kind of political debate about gay marriage.  I think with the topic of gay marriage we are NOT going to change each other's minds by leaving passionate comments about why our views are right and other views are wrong on Facebook, Twitter, or other forms of social media.  So please save your fingers and don't leave a comment about how I'm wrong and you're right or vice versa.  This isn't that kind of post.

Okay, now that that is out of the way I am happily surprised by the number of friends I have who have changed their profile picture to the red equality flag (or whatever it is called).  I know I have a large number of conservative friends and I have also enjoyed reading their shares from pastors and what not about gay marriage.

I often struggle with integrating my ingrained social worker/civil rights beliefs with my religious side as they often seem at war or at least it is presented that way by others on Facebook.  Somehow by saying that I believe and support gay marriage I am somehow not allowed to believe in Jesus Christ or God or the Virgin Mary or at least that is the impression I get from some people.

I will admit that I don't attend church as often as I should or even as often as I'd like.  And I feel that my beliefs tend to be more of the spiritual variety than the truly religious quality some of my close friends present.    I have been blessed in my life to have been gifted with friends who are deeply religious, who I can ask questions of, and who truly exemplify what it means to be Christian.  Unfortunately, my experiences working in child protective services and social work sometimes leave me jaded as to what a religious leader looks like especially when the news loves to focus on those leaders who are doing things wrong instead of promoting people who are doing it right.

Regardless, I realized this morning that by sometimes allowing my social worker side to prevail that I am missing out on what it means to lead by religious example.  Yes, I believe in and support gay marriage, but I also can respect and support my friends who believe otherwise.  I'd hope that, in their Christian hearts, that they would also open their minds to supporting others who believe differently than them.  Because isn't that what being a Christian is about...loving each other, praying for each other, supporting each other even when we may not land on the same side of the political fence?  I hope I'm not that far off base in what I believe Christianity to mean.

Perhaps I am naive and perhaps I am oversimplifying things, but I would much rather live in a world where good people with good hearts and good intentions can lead the lives they want and deserve than focus on inhibiting others in areas that I'm not sure will matter in the long run.  I'm sure the God I love has bigger things to worry about than if Adam loves Eve or Steve.  I'd rather Him focus His efforts on helping us end human trafficking or homelessness or war or divorce or finding homes for all the beautiful orphans that are in dire need.  Maybe the beauty of loving God is that He can be all things to all people if they only believe.

Perhaps all I needed to say was best said by someone else:

The Toddler Bed

I thought Em was ready for the toddler bed.  Okay, I didn't really, but circumstances have sort of forced us into this transition (we are getting ready to move into a hotel for 2 months before our military move).  We knew she'd be sleeping on a toddler cot at the hotel so we wanted to transition her to the toddler bed now in preparation for that.

It hasn't been as awful as I thought it would be except for naptimes which to be honest have not been that great in our house recently.  We have a LOT of change going on right now.  We sold our house, traveled to VA to find a house, are having a baby, moving to a hotel.  I know Sweet E knows something is going on, but how do you explain to a 2 year old all of those things?

So basically Sweet E only will fall asleep at night if someone sits in her room until she falls asleep.  I sort of am okay with this.  I don't want this to be our habit forever, but with everything that is happening I feel like she might just need the extra support right now.

Naptime she wants to get out of her bed and play.  Yesterday she did not take a nap at all, only woke up once during the night, fell back to sleep relatively quickly (with mommy half asleep in the rocker), and stayed in bed till almost 6:45 this morning.  Mommy needs to get stuff done during naptime plus I NEED that down time during the day and sometimes I just need a nap, too!

I just ordered her a tot clock so I am hoping that helps get her on a better sleep schedule.

What's your best tips for transitioning to the toddler bed and helping your toddler stay in bed?

Fat Boobies

I had a check up with my ob today.  I hadn't washed my hair in 4 days; I could climb a tree with my toenails because I can't reach my feet anymore; and, in the grand tradition of what the hell were we thinking, just moved the tiny dictator into a toddler bed which resulted in me being awake from midnight till 1am AFTER I had taken a benadryl at bedtime.  And as the tiny dictator told me earlier today I have "fat boobies."

This is me.

This is me holding the tiny dictator.

And of course who is sitting across the waiting room from me but this person.

Beautiful with gorgeous red hair, make up done, hair did, cute outfit, only has gained weight in her tiny belly even though she's like 5'9", with a 3 year old in tow.  I looked like I had been run over by a truck.  Carrying explosives.  Made of dog poo.

I would say I felt ashamed except that would require caring...which clearly I don't...at least not about my appearance.  

Beauty queen gets called back first so she is leaving as I am going into the examing room and I hear the nurse tell her "any time now" and she responds, "I know.  Hopefully tonight.  Fingers crossed." and I'm all like "I hate you, bitch.  No one likes a bragger."  

So I'm telling Paul this story as I'm getting ready to take a shower because I realize I have to wash my hair and I'm more like the cover of National Geographic than the cover of Cosmo.    

My hair (just picture it with my face...hell maybe that is me)

And my loving husband is all like "You should be embarrassed."  Hater.  He did redeem himself slightly when I told him that the tiny dictator said I have "fat boobies" and his response was "I like your boobies" which is impressive because I can literally carry an encyclopedia under each one right now.  In fact it's sort of a game in our house to see what exactly I can hold just using the area under each boob.  

Yeah, we suck.  

So, I took my fat boobies and my sloth toenails into the shower and washed my hair.  I really have no excuse not to since it's one of 4 areas on my body I can reach (the other 3 being my arms, face, and ginormous belly).  

At least I don't smell.  

  

House Hunting with a Toddler

House hunting with a toddler has to be one of the circles of hell.  I mean it's not bad enough that I lost interest after the first 2 days of being in the car all day driving from house to house, but now I have to entertain a 2 year old and try to have an adult conversation with realtors and home builders while chasing my daughter through their model home before she can break that Home Goods ceramic vase they oh so conveniently have placed at her level. 

I will say that we are sooooo lucky that Em is such a good natured, easy going child.  Other than a few tantrums/melt downs per day she has been super good.  And I can't really blame her for the meltdowns.  She has missed her nap every single day and been forced to take a late nap in the carseat and she's been going to bed super late each night.  By the afternoon I am pretty ready to have a meltdown myself. 

Sadly she thinks the el crappola hotel we are staying at is now home.  She asks to go home every afternoon because in her words, "I go in this house. I go in this house. I go in this house.  I go in this house."  Yup, Em we keep taking you in all these super nice houses and we keep bringing you back to the el crappola every night.

To summarize our hotel the included breakfast is 2 different types of cereal or a waffle or piece of bread, there has been a cop sitting outside on our side the past 2 mornings, construction workers who come into town for the weekend to work are staying here, and thank God the people next door checked out before I had to call in my suspicions that it was a room full of children with no adult supervision due to them running up and down the hall at 10 o'clock at night. 

Luckily, we have our 80lb boxer to protect us.  She's so brave that earlier tonight when I took her outside she got spooked by a man pushing a grocery cart, 2 men sitting in a car, leaves blowing by us, the gate in front of the dumpster moving, a truck going by on the road, her reflection in the glass door, a man coming out of the hotel, and Paul & Emma.  Last night Paul & Emma took her outside and Sasha literally hid behind Emma when a man was walking by 50 feet away from them.  Our 9lb chihuahua is braver than Sasha.  However, it is sort of nice that the other very nice patrons in our hotel don't know that Sasha is more likely to piss herself if a man in a hat approaches us than she is to protect us from him. 

I'm pretty sure I haven't eaten a vegetable in 4 days unless you count the salad bar at the all you can buffet we've eaten at twice already.  I have; however, availed myself of every bathroom in every model home, rental, and house for sale we've seen.  Ahh the joys of being pregnant.  There was one powder room in a for sale we looked at that was so small I almost got stuck between the wall and the toilet. 

We also looked at a framed up new construction home today and for some reason I thought I could walk between 2 studs to go between rooms.  It sure would've been embarrassing if they would've had to cut me out like I was briefly afraid they were going to have to do when I got stuck.  Have you ever seen a cartoon where a hippo gets stuck in an inner tube?  That was pretty much what I looked like. 

We were supposed to be heading home tomorrow, but decided to stay an extra day to finalize some things.  Which isn't a bad thing since once again we are getting snow in MA.  Can I tell you how much I am over it snowing in MA?????? 

Okay, I have to lay down.  My back is killing me.  Probably because I walk around with a 25lb watermelon strapped to my front..

The South

The best (and some would say the worst) part of military life is moving every 3 to 4 years.  I LOVE it!  Waiting to find out where we're headed next is like Christmas and seriously after we had been in Mass for a year we were ready to move.  Clearly we are not northerners.  I thought I might be (I am from Jersey after all), but nope.  We are southerners at heart. 

So Thursday we headed down to VA to check out our next assignment and scope out some homes.  I have to say as soon as we crossed into VA it was like my heart woke up.  I was mean in the north.  I have been snarky and judgmental (y'all I pray about it every night!).  But here I finally feel like I can take a deep breath. 

First off, people in the south are friendly!  Like super friendly.  The nurse at my ob's office has a sister who lives in GA.  She went down for the weekend and she just couldn't believe people were THAT nice.  They are. 

For example, on Wednesday in our town in MA I went to grab a to go lunch from a local restaurant.  They have a salad bar which I love and I probably go once a week.  I look like I'm about to birth a whale at any moment AND I'm pushing my 2 year old in a stroller.  A man coming into the restaurant at the same time I was leaving wouldn't/didn't hold the door for us.  Why yes, kind sir, let me and my giant belly and stroller get out of YOUR way.  And this isn't a one time occurrence either.  I am actually taken aback when people in Mass hold the door open for me because it's such a rare occurrence.   

Last night at dinner because I have to sit 4 feet away from the table to accomodate my belly a young boy about 10 years old bumped me.  It wasn't his fault, but he apologized.  And everyone HOLDS the door open even if they have to wait 5 minutes for you to get there and everyone says excuse me if they are walking past you.  Sigh.  Heart. 

Sadly, we have also been excited about the southern chain restaurants in our new town...Hardees, Chik Fi La (seriously I took Chik Fi La to work one day in MA and only 1 person in my office knew what it was), Waffle House, Bonefish, Arbeys and THE BUFFET.  People in the north do not understand the beauty of a buffet. 

We went to a buffet restaurant for lunch and it. was. GLORIOUS!  Angels sang while we ate lunch.  There is a good chance we will way 800lbs when we move again in 3 years. 

And there are black people here.  We seriously know 4 black people in MA and 3 of them are military people.  I'm not sure why the only people to live in MA are white people, Indian people, and Asian people but that seems to be the case.   

So far we are loving VA and I really don't want to go back to Boston.  Waaahhh.

Okay, off to play with my lunatic toddler who won't nap because she has all this pent up energy from driving around all morning looking at houses.  At least she is sleeping good at night.   

30 Weeks

I'm not gonna lie.  Pregnancy makes me a cranky bitch.  I know this, I recognize this and if you haven't seen me or talked to me much lately it's probably because you are annoying the shit out of me.  Don't take it personally because it's truly not you, it's me.  If there is one thing I've worked on over the past 5 years is recognizing when something is my issue versus someone else's issue. 

All this crankiness is my issue. 

My big fat, 30 weeks, look like I'm birthing an elephant because my amniotic fluid is high issue. 

On Saturday I'll be 31 weeks pregnant and in the home stretch; however, 2 months seems like an eternity right now.  As always I am uber grateful to just be pregnant and to have what looks like a healthy baby (despite her big belly from the extra amniotic fluid).  I have good insurance, excellent doctors, and the cerclage is holding things together beautifully. 

(OMG my daughter just wiped a booger on my hand.  Excuse me while I gag.)

I'm not gonna lie though.  I am uncomfortable.  I am large, I cannot make any decisions or think about the future at all (did I mention we sold our house, close on April 26th, are moving into a hotel, having the baby May 13th, and moving to VA June 25th?), and I am just ready to be settled in VA, enjoying a glass of wine.

Do I sound whiney (whiny? whinie?) enough? 

So bare with me while I spend the next 2 months in cranky blissdom.  I'm trying not to infect anyone else with my bitchiness. 

Naptime or What I Like to Call the Universe's Cruel Joke Played on SAHM

To give you a little background my now 2 year did not sleep for the first year of her life.  People who said sleep when the baby sleeps risked getting punched in the face by me.  She didn't nap, she didn't sleep at night, and it didn't help that my husband was enjoying his 15 hours of sleep per night during his vacation in the desert.

Now I realize that naptime is really the universe's way of saying f**k you to stay at home moms.  It's payback on behalf of all those women who have to work everyday while we stay eating bonbons, watching reality tv, and getting fat.  (and God help you if you tell me that your child naps for 5 hours every afternoon)

I think for a large portion of stay at home moms we approach naptime with the same trepidation we might use when trying to kill a spider in our home.  You know it's something that needs to be done and yet you dread it with every fiber of your being.  Dread mixed with unbridled optimism that today will be the day that your child naps. 

Today we had to run to Walmart to return this crappy humidifier (fair warning do not waste your money on a Honeywell humidifier.  I don't know how a company who makes pretty much every single piece of an airplane including the engine can NOT make a simple humidifier.  I may never fly again.)  Because our sweet sweet daughter had been up since 5:30am she fell asleep in the car on the way home at 11:30am.  Not only on the way home, but actually on our street.  I thought this is great.  I'll just sneak her up to her crib and she'll take a nap and I can eat lunch and have 5 minutes to relax and get things done. 

I'm sure my other SAHM's can relate to that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when, after you've congratulated yourself on successfully getting your child into the house; getting her shoes off; getting her jacket off; getting her into the crib; and getting yourself back downstairs, you hear not 30 seconds later that tiny voice on the monitor.  Mommy, mommy, *singing*, *singing*, *talking to stuffed animals*, *playing* and you know that You. Are. Screwed. 

So I get Em up and feed her lunch and eat my own lunch, during which she has a massive poo (ya know the kind you can hear), and I know I have to change her diaper and that there's a good chance I'm gonna throw up on her.  So we head upstairs around and it's now 1pm and I put vicks in my nose and inhale a baby wipe (it was THAT bad y'all) and gag and try not to throw up and finally get Em into her crib. 

Where she cries, and plays, and whines, and wants to go potty, and on and on and on.  Around 2pm I try laying down with her.  hahahaha  And the thing is that she is soooo funny that I have a hard time not laughing (even though my soul feels like crying for the desperation I feel at needing a break from my child). 

Around 2:30 my phone, which is downstairs, starts ringing...and ringing...and ringing.  Em, like her daddy, is very concerned about me not answering my phone so finally I go down to see what the emergency is.  I return some phone calls (and tell the hubby that if he comes home and asks me what I got done today there is a good chance he'll be punched in the face) and as I'm on the phone I can hear Em running around upstairs and I realize there will be NO naptime today...for the second day in a row. 

No naptime.  I feel like I've just learned that there is no Santa Claus. 

Now I'm sure all you working moms are thinking "oh poor baby, gets to stay home and play with your child all day.  Boo hoo."  And yes that thought has crossed my mind as well.  In my defense I did get FIRED during my pregnancy and I also went crazy after the baby was born (literally crazy, like had to take medication crazy) which would've made returning to work at that time challenging considering I worked with the mentally ill and 4 months after said baby arrived my husband deployed to Afghanistan so...it's not been all fun and games over here in our household.  But yes, I do thank God every day for my blessings and the ability to stay at home...even when I want to run screaming naked into the yard.