More joys of pregnancy

Since my baby blog is down AGAIN (how much maintenance can this website require????) I decided to blog here about last week's doctors appt.

So apparently one of the joys of pregnancy bedrest is changes in blood pressure. It would’ve been nice to be warned about this ahead of time. Two visits ago to the high risk ob after my ultrasound while waiting for the doctor I started to feel really light headed and dizzy. They brought me in a glass of water and had me lay on my side and I felt better. They thought it was because they had the head of the bed too low. The last time I went to my regular ob I spent the whole time waiting thinking about how hot the office was and feeling a little sick to my stomach. Last week when I went to the high risk ob…oh lordy! No one ever told me my pregnancy would be filled with embarrassing moments.

I had my ultrasound (during the ultrasound the tech opens the door to the room, starts talking to someone, and then looks at us and says, “You go to Burlington OB don’t you?” Um yes and she motions someone to come in. In walks my regular ob! Who was at the hospital attending a Silpada party. At 10 in the morning. Is this why I have to wait so long to see her at my appointments????? Just kidding cause I love my ob.), but Dr. Roque wasn’t there yet. So we go sit in the lobby to wait…and wait….

And I ask Paul to get me a glass of water. He goes into the office and gets the water and immediately the ladies ask if I’m okay (they are so nice there!) and he says I’m fine. I drink some of the water and I’m starting to feel really hot. As in profusely sweating hot. And I’m fanning myself with a newspaper except my arms start to feel weak so I ask Paul to do it and of course he asks if I want him to get some palm fronds to fan me with. I tell him that my blood pressure is low and I am going to pass out and he needs to get someone.

Paul goes back into the office and says something to the effect of my high maintenance wife thinks she has low blood pressure and isn’t feeling so good.

Well, I showed him! When he came back in to tell me they were getting me some crackers I had laid my head down on the end table (keep in mind this is in a very small waiting room full of people), continued to sweat profusely, and as soon as Paul came back I said, “I’m gonna throw up.” He grabs the garbage can from the other side of the room and gets it to me just in time…for me to vomit in front of everyone. I hear Paul apologizing to everyone. Can you say mortifying????? Luckily the other people in the waiting room were super nice and no one ran out of the room in horror.

The ladies come in with crackers and then go get a wet paper towel and then they find an examining room for me to lay down in and then there is ginger ale and ice packs and I start to feel better.

And then the phone repairman comes in to fix the phone. And leaves. And comes back. And each time tells us what he is doing. Um, okay. It was a little bizarre, but he was very polite.

And then the doctor comes in and tells us about the blood pressure thing. And then a wheelchair comes to wheel me out to the car.

The good news though is that the doctor thinks I look so good that I don’t have to go back for 2 weeks! Of course that also means no field trips for me next week, but I am excited. Of course in 16 weeks I can only imagine how I’m going to feel (do you think Paul could clean out a bedpan?).

Pregnant at 70

Thank you TLC for another fine afternoon of television programming. Today's fine selection included a show called Pregnant at 70. The title was a little misleading as only one 70 year old couple in India was documented. The rest were all women in their late 50's.

India does not have any laws saying how old is too old to have a child so when this 70 year old couple left their village to travel to the big city to get in vitro fertilization the doctor deemed them the perfect candidates to have a child. His reasoning was that older couples are more mature than younger couples. Um, yeah cause they are chillaxing in God's waiting room every day just hanging out till their number is up. What do they have to be immature about? Also in vitro is hugely expensive in the US, but maybe not in India. I wasn't sure how this couple who lived in a hut had the funds to leave the village, travel to the city, and pay for in vitro. The best was when TLC showed the mom BREASTFEEDING! Maybe TLC paid for the in vitro just to have that shot.

Another woman had been blind her whole life, had 10 other children, married a younger man (her 3rd husband), and they decided to have not 1 but 2 more children. Her 1 daughter thought the email she got saying dear OLD mom was preggers was a joke. I can see how she would make that mistake. Of course blind mom made me feel totally better about myself because I figured if she could be 110 years old and blind and a good parent then surely I'll figure out enough to keep my kid alive.

One of the other woman had a child at age 58 and then twins at age 60. Her husband was 44. Now this woman said that she automatically introduces herself to new people as an older mother because she would rather people think she looks semi good for 60 than looks older than she really is. Okay, it might help your cause if you didn't wear dresses from the 1950's everyday, had the same hairstyle as Diane Lane in Secretariat (minus the well styled time period appropriateness of it and more of a wind blown, haven't been in a salon in 15 years kind of thing), and updated your look a little bit. I know there are some hot 60 year olds out there.

The other woman lived in England, had her baby, and was in the process of trying to get pregnant again. Really? Really? And her doctor said she was a good candidate. Who are these doctors????

When you are to the point that your children will outlive you by 70+ years or will be changing your diaper as a middle schooler then it's time to enjoy being a grandparent and just get on with life. Keep'em closed Granny. No baby wants to compete with bats and cobwebs when they're trying to be born.

In other fine television news...have you ever seen the show on WE called Raising Sextuplets? If ever a couple was gonna get divorced it's these 2. I almost can't even watch the show for their fighting all the time. My favorite of today's episode is when they lock their children in their bedrooms at bedtime so they can't get out. That seems like a good idea. I mean my parents at least only used a baby gate and only once did I knock it over trying to climb over almost falling down the stairs. Did they not ever see Jon and Kate? Don't they know that nothing good can come of a reality show based on the number of kids you have? The Duggers seem to be the weird exception so far and I think its because they partake a little too much of the happy juice or Mama Dugger has permanent brain damage from all the epidurals she's had.

Wicked Little Things

I watch this movie the other day on Netflix called Wicked Little Things. The description said it was about a mother and her 2 daughters who move to an inherited house in the PA woods and they have creepy new neighbors. Sounds terrifying. How can you go wrong with a house in the woods and creepy new neighbors????? Oh, in sooo many ways can you go wrong.

The premise was good. Abandoned house, creepy woods, some kind of mining disaster involving children. Could be really spooky. Except it wasn't. The mom and her 2 kids move to this inherited house after the dad dies and leaves it to them. Mom didn't even know it existed. Okay, why would you pack up all your crap (which in their case fit into 1 car) and move to a property you have never once laid eyes on and who know one has lived in in 50+ years. This house was disgustingly dirty. I'm talking rats and black with dirt dirty. But sure let your kids sleep on the beds that have been there for 50+ years on whatever sheets you may or may not have brought with you, have no working plumbing, eat in a kitchen with rats on the table, and have minimally working electricity. Seems like a good plan. You are mom of the year.

First off the whole movie was shot so dark that I couldn't even tell what was going on half the time. A fact for which I was glad because the parts I could see did seem kind of gory and that grosses me out.

Secondly, while the house was creepy and the woods were creepy the dead mining zombie children were not creepy.

Third, all the zombie children wanted was their revenge on the grandson of the owner of the mine who killed them. So they went around killing other people while they waited for this guy to show up and he just conveniently wanted to build a ski resort in this creepy town and showed up to research that. A ski resort??? In this creepy town that has no restaurants or shopping???? That just doesn't seem realistic to me.

The end of the movie...the zombie kids got their revenge, the mother and teenage daughter got covered in his blood, the youngest daughter befriended the zombie children, and they promised they wouldn't kill anyone ever again so mom let them have her inherited house and her and the kids moved away.

And I wasted 120 minutes of my life.

Khloe and Kourtney take Miami season 1

In my desire to watch all the reality television I can while on bedrest I spent yesterday watching Khloe and Kourtney take Miami season 1. 8 episodes and an entire afternoon of my life gone by and I have come to several observations about Khloe and Kourtney.

Kourtney's baby daddy Scott is sort of a disgusting person. I mean I always had that impression based on Keeping up with the Kardashians and the fact that he cheated on her how many times. Although it does make me wonder who are these girls that find him so attractive. He looks like he washes his hair in olive oil. Now some people may find that a plus...I mean you get the nookie and can soften your skin at the same time with his oily hair; however, I for one am not one of those people. I want my skin softened by Jergens, not Scott's greasy ass hair. And why is his hair so long? It looks like he was just rescued from being lost in the woods.

Kourtney loves to be naked. I have never pranced around on television in a thong, nor would I ever choose that. Trust me when I say that no one wants to see my naked ass. Yet perhaps if I had a better ass I would choose to show it off more. But on television...why would you think that would be okay?

I think Khloe secretly lusts after her sister and that Khloe and Kourtney have an incestuous relationship. I have never motor-boated my sister or slapped her naked ass and yet Khloe does this to Kourtney all the time. This somehow seems disturbing to me and wrong on so many levels.

How much money do you think their retail store Dash brings in? I know their bio dad was a big shot attorney and their mom is married to Bruce Jenner, but is that really enough money to allow them to live this high spending lifestyle?

Sister Wives

I have to say when I first watched this show I was prepared to be extremely judgmental of these people and to make fun of them. I mostly found myself fascinated by their lifestyle.

I actually think the sister wives would be people I'd like to be friends with. Kody--honestly I don't see the appeal of him. I mean for sure my husband is a hottie so I can see why other women would want to marry him. But Kody...yeah sure he drives a Lexus so I assume he has a pretty good job, but he acts like a teenage boy most of the time. All I can say is that he must be dang good in bed to keep attracting these wives.

I can even see the appeal of sister wives. You always have a built in babysitter. You only have to see your husband every so many days. Cooking and cleaning seems like it'd be a lot easier with other wives to share those chores. You have 16 slave children to do crap around the house. BUT you only see your husband every so many days. I know that I am not evolved enough to watch Paul be in love with someone else.  I would be so jealous all the time. 

I think overall, while this family loves each other a lot, it does seem to be a slightly...I'm actually not even sure of the word. I cannot imagine my parents being okay with me choosing this lifestyle, but I'd guess it'd be different if we had grown up in that lifestyle.  It just seems so male centered.  Like the man is this special being and the women are there to serve him and worship him.  Although the family does seem to have an equality in terms of decision making BUT everything revolves around this guy.  I just don't know.

I do know that I don't think the state of Utah should prosecute these people.  If he is only legally married to one woman and they aren't using state benefits for anything then I think the state doesn't have a case as it doesn't appear like any laws have been broken.  But I also think if a family chooses polgamy and a man chooses to have 200 children then he should be obligated to pay for all those children and NOT be able to utilize welfare.     

Do you think deep down inside every man would want to be a polygamist?  lol 

Just saw an ad for another new reality show...Sarah Palin's Alaska...I will definitely be watching that show with full expectations of making fun of Sarah Palin.  And mostly cause I love Alaska!  It's the most beautiful place. 

Social work

In reading my most recent NASW News (a publication for social workers who are members of the NASW--National Association of Social Workers) I was struck by their articles on social work safety. In all the jobs that I've had as a social worker (and there have been many) safety is an issue that is addressed during orientation; however, without any real suggestions as to how to keep yourself safe at work. Companies or state agencies acknowledge that you, as a social worker, will be placing yourself into potentially unsafe situations; but discourage, and in some cases forbid, you from carrying anything to protect yourself. No pocket knives, pepper spray, weapons of any sort.

I think people who are unfamiliar with social work probably do not even realize how dangerous certain areas of social work actually are and the type of situations social workers end up in on a daily basis. The norm becomes putting yourself into unsafe situations rather than the exception.

Starting my career as a child protective services worker I would have to say at 22 years old I was very naive about the potential for danger that exists in that sort of job. You are going into homes where people have lost their children and providing services to them. In many instances these families have mental health issues or substance abuse issues that have precipitated why you are there in the first case. Or they live in areas that are crime ridden, gang ridden, drug ridden due to low socio-economic status. What a volatile situation that can be.

In GA I provided outreach services as a clinician. Since I subcontracted and made my own schedule there was no one to know who I was seeing or when. I took it upon myself to let Paul or my mom know the address of where I was going and when I expected to be done. Of course when you text your mom that you'll be done in an hour and to call you if she doesn't here from you and 5 hours go by before you realize hey my mom didn't call and you call her to say what the hell you realize this can be a flawed process. In the 8 months that I worked in GA I was involved in 2 situations that involved guns (one of which I left my female client's bedroom to find the very tiny living room filled with 8 men I didn't know and my female client told them I didn't like black people) and weekly went to an apartment building where I witnessed drug deals and active drug use. Having to pass people on a stairwell who are in the process of a drug deal is a scary situation.

I don't think my social work experiences are any different from any other social workers. I had once read that social work is the most dangerous profession after police and fire and I can see how that is true.

Being pregnant and getting ready to have my own child I am not sure I have it in me to do outreach services anymore. NASW News listed the lives lost of social workers over the past couple decades and the thought of leaving my baby girl and my husband because of the safety of my job...I just can't. That's not to say I don't love being a social worker and helping people. I think I've just progressed to a point in my career where I can be a little more choosy about the jobs I take and the situations I'm willing to put myself in. I have my own child to think about now.



1964 MISSISSIPPI

Michael Schwerner

Schwerner, a social work student, was one of three civil rights workers found shot to death in a dam on Aug. 4, 1964. Schwerner, Andrew Goodman and James Chaney had gone to Mississippi during Freedom Summer to investigate the burning of a black church.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Schwerner, 24, a New York native, went to Mississippi in January 1964 with his wife, Rita, after having been hired as a field worker for the Congress for Racial Equality. On Jan. 15, 1964, Michael and Rita left New York in their VW Beetle for Mississippi. After talking with civil rights leader Bob Moses in Jackson, Schwerner was sent to Meridian to organize the community center and other programs in the largest city in eastern Mississppi. He became the first white civil rights worker to be permanently based outside of the capital of Jackson.

1987 WASHINGTON

Norman W. Fournier was shot by a client whom he went to pick up on an involuntary commitment order on Aug. 4, 1987. A social worker for 25 years, Fournier served as mental health coordinator for Pierce County.

1987 KENTUCKY

Paul T.Grannis

In 1987 Paul Grannis, a social worker in northeastern Kentucky, was shot to death by the father of an adolescent following a removal.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

1988 PENNSYLVANIA

Linda Rosen

In Pittsburgh, Linda Rosen, age 27, a hospital caseworker, was shot and killed by Edith Anderson in a psychiatric emergency waiting room at the St. Francis Medical Center. Anderson was being interviewed to determine if she needed help when she suddenly pulled out a gun. Rosen immediately turned and ran calling for security guards. At that point Anderson began shooting. After killing Rosen, she took three hostages. After negotiation the hostages were released and Anderson was taken into custody.

1988 WEST VIRGINIA

Ladonna Wolford was beaten to death with a baseball bat by two teenagers at a shelter for runaways in July 1988.

1989 CALIFORNIA

Robbyn Panitch

Robbyn Panitch, 36, of Los Angeles County, was stabbed on Feb. 21, 1989, by a deranged client whom she was counseling at a Santa Monica mental health clinic. Robbyn, a psychiatric social worker, was stabbed more than 30 times by the psychotic Air Force veteran at her county Health Department office.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

1991 MARYLAND

Tanja Brown-O'Neil

In June 1991, 29-year-old Tanja Brown-O'Neil, a Baltimore social service worker, was stabbed to death at her workplace by a man who was apparently furious at not receiving his food stamps.

1992 NEW YORK

Florence A. Pike Denise Van Amburg Nancy Wheeler Phyllis Caslin

The four women and their killer died when 50-year-old John T. Miller walked into the Schuyler County offices with a 9mm handgun and shot one after the other, pausing once to tell a woman working in a nearby office that she could leave. Afterward, he calmly told deputies that he had "hurt everyone I came here to hurt." Then he held the gun to his right temple and pulled the trigger.

For 26 years, he had denied paternity of a daughter born to a former girlfriend in his hometown, nearby Montour Falls. Through four arrests and two six-month jail terms for failure to pay child support, and a life apparently spent evading Schuyler County authorities, he refused to pay - and refused to take court-ordered blood tests to determine if he was the father. When $51 was garnisheed from his paycheck on Oct. 5, he told co-workers at the trucking company in a Cleveland suburb where he worked as a driver that he was leaving for New York to "settle the matter."

1993 MICHIGAN

Rebecca Binkowski was stabbed in her car on Feb. 3, 1993, by a tenant at an apartment complex for persons with mental illness, where she worked as a resident manager. A graduate student at Western Michigan University, Binkowski was awarded her master degree in social work posthumously.

1993 MICHIGAN

Barbara Synnestvedt was beaten and strangled by a teenage inmate and sex offender at a juvenile detention center on April 25, 1993. Synnestvedt worked at the W.J. Maxey Training School.

1996 MASSACHUSETTS

Linda Silva was gunned down on Sept. 12, 1996, in a parking lot in Provincetown. No witnesses ever came forward despite the fact that the intown location was busy and, at the time of the shooting, 7:30 p.m., the area was still in daylight.

The 6 1/2-year search for the shooter of the DSS social worker came to an end when 39-year-old construction worker Paul DuBois was arrested in Branson, Mo.

Prior to the shooting, DuBois had been involved in a long bitter custody battle with his ex-wife that began with their split in 1993. After years of fighting in Barnstable Probate Court, DuBois was the party who initially called DSS to make complaints about his ex-wife's parenting of their two children. Linda Silva was the DSS social worker assigned to investigate the case.

1996 SOUTH CAROLINA

Josie Curry Michael Gregory Jimmy Riddle

The three caseworkers were shot to death on Sept. 16,1996, at the North Augusta office of the Aiken County Department of Social Services. Police say David Mark Hill walked into the office armed with a semi-automatic handgun, upset that his children were being put into foster care.

1997 INDIANA

Steve Tielker was shot by a client on probation for child molestation on April 28, 1997. Tielker, a Family and Children's Services supervisor, counseled both victims and perpetrators of sexual abuse. The client, whom he was counseling under court order, also fatally shot a probation officer before taking his own life.

1998 CONNECTICUT

Donna Millette-Fridge was stabbed by a client while walking to work at a community mental health outreach program on Sept. 22, 1998. Millette-Fridge, 36, recently had received her master's degree from the University of Connecticut School of Social Work in West Hartford.

1998 MICHIGAN

Lisa Putnam

Child Protective Services worker Lisa Renee Putman was killed during a home visit in May 1998 in Macomb County.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

1999 OHIO

Nancy Fitzgivens

For her entire life, Nancy Fitzgivens dreamed of becoming a social worker. Marriage and three children delayed but did not deter her dream. At age 50, she obtained her degree, concluding a 10-year educational journey. In 1999, she became a social worker at the Franklin County Children Services to do child protection work. On Oct. 16, 2001, she died after she was attacked while making a home visit. Fitzgivens was honored by a scholarship in her memory for a social work student at Ohio State University, by donations given to Children Services for its Holiday Wish Program, by a memory quilt signed by her colleagues and friends, and by various plaques and other tributes.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

1999 WISCONSIN

Carlos Hernandez

Carlos Hernandez, a Social Development Commission youth outreach worker, was killed outside an SDC office by a masked gunman.

2004 KANSAS

Teri Zenner

Teri Zenner was stabbed to death while visiting a 17-year-old client, Andrew Ellmaker, at his home. Ellmaker was charged with her death. Zenner's slaying validated her husband's concerns and those of many of the 320,000 licensed social workers nationwide who frequently venture into the homes of clients in hopes of getting lives back on track.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

2005 WASHINGTON

Marty Smith

In 2005, Marty Smith, a Washington state crisis responder for the state mental-health system, was killed while checking on a schizophrenic client whose mother had called to say he wasn't taking his medications.

Instead of consenting to a hospitalization, Larry Clark attacked Smith with his fists and then a carving knife as Clark's mother screamed for help outside.

Smith, 46, died in Clark's dining room. He is the first designated mental-health professional to die on the job in Washington since 1987.

2005 ILLINOIS

Marilyn Bethell

Marilyn Bethell had wanted to be a substance abuse counselor for years. Just as she was getting the chance to live her dream, she disappeared.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Police say they suspect foul play after the bizarre crash involving her car and two armed men, after which it was revealed that Bethell was missing.

Bethell graduated from the College of DuPage with an associate's degree in applied science, specifically addiction counseling.

2006 KENTUCKY

Boni Frederick

On Oct. 16, 2006, Boni Fredrick, a Social Service aide in western Kentucky, was murdered while supervising a home visit with an infant. The killing sent shock waves through the community and the agency.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

2008 MASSACHUSETTS

Diruhi Mattian

Mattian, a psychotherapist from Wilmington, was murdered by her teenage client during a visit to his apartment, according to police.

Police say Diruhi Mattian, 53, was stabbed to death by Thomas Belanger, 18. He then turned the knife on himself and slit his throat, police said.

Mattian was the program director for the Lawrence FLEX program. FLEX provides services to families with children with chronic mental illnesses and requiring intensive therapeutic involvement.

I got molested by Doogie Howser MD!

I went for my weekly u/s yesterday at 9:30am with high hopes that my cervix had gotten longer. I'd been on progesterone for a week so I was really hopeful that it was helping. Instead we found out that my cervix went from 1.8 to 1.2 and Dr. Lim (high risk ob) said it was time for a rescue cerclage and sent us to Beth Israel in Boston. As we weren't anticipating this Paul was in his uniform and neither of us had eaten breakfast. Well, I had a carnation instant breakfast at 8:30am (as I would be asked about 50 times during the day).

We got to Beth Israel at about 11:30am and went right up to the L&D floor. Beth Israel is a huge hospital! We were on the 10th floor. I got registered and then we waited. They brought us back to gyn triage about 12:15pm and got me changed into a gown and we hung out with nurse Tina. They weren't sure if they would be able to operate that day or if I'd have to spend the night in the hospital.

Dr. S, the high risk ob fellow, came to introduce himself and take me down for another ultrasound. Dr. S was all of 12 years old. The whole time we were with him the Doogie Howser theme song was running through my head. So, he's doing the ultrasound and during a vaginal ultrasound they press down on your stomach to see if the pressure causes the cervix to open more. Well, he wasn't really paying attention and started kneading my right breast. Is my first though "hey this seems inappropriate?" Of course not. My first thought is "maybe he's checking my heart" (not even the right side of my body, but I'm just gonna refer you back to rolling poop). He finally notices the horrified look on the nurse's face and looks down to what he's doing and he is mortified. I, on the other hand, am trying not to pee on him because I'm laughing so hard.

So, poor Dr. S, having just molested a patient, runs out of the room and gets Dr. R (the actual specialist, not just a resident). Dr. R apologizes because now they are wondering if we are going to sue Dr. S. Dr. R does a physical exam on me and explains all the risks and benefits of the cerclage. It was kind of one of those situations that I could've hung out with a very short cervix for the rest of my pregnancy or based on its current rate of shortening I could've gone into labor in the next couple weeks. It really wasn't a choice for us as we felt it was our best option for having a healthy baby.

We go back up to triage to wait and see if when we can get into the OR. Poor Paul is starving so I send him to get food. I am starving as well, but can't eat until they decide if they are gonna operate today or tomorrow. Not even 10 minutes after Paul leaves nurse Tina gets a call that an OR opened up and to prep me for surgery. I call Paul so he can come back and the chief resident comes in and wants me to be on a fetal monitor for 15 minutes to make sure I wasn't having contractions (thank God no). Tina puts an IV in, Paul gets back, we talk to the chief resident, and I'm wheeled to pre-op. While they are going through all the pre-op stuff (and I'm asked 50 times when the last time I had anything to eat or drink was) the anesthesiologist comes over and starts her spiel and then I get transferred to a different anesthesiologist (Dr. B) who also is 12 years old and a resident (Dr. X). Emma starts moving and I start crying. Everyone thinks I'm crying because I'm nervous about the spinal (which I was), but I was crying because I was so worried for my baby.

Paul kisses me goodbye and I'm wheeled back to the OR. Dr. S admits that he was mortified and apologizes again for molesting me. I told him that we laughed hysterically when he left the room and not to worry about it. I did not tell him that we would be telling everyone we knew what happened. lol The nurse holds my hands while Dr. B supervises Dr. X in putting a spinal in me (did I mention that Beth Israel is a teaching hospital) and then they lay me back down on the table.

There was no modesty in that surgery. Dr. R supervised Dr. S and the chief resident during the surgery, the nurses were there, and the 2 anesthesiologists and maybe some other people. I couldn't see because they put a sheet up. You are awake the whole time and you know your legs are spread eagle being held up in the air with something and everyone is peering into your chucky. The surgery takes about an hour and of course having not eaten since last night I had the worst acid reflux. Dr. B gets me this nasty antacid drink and sits my head up a little which helped a lot. I felt a lot of pulling during the surgery so she also gave me some pain meds in the middle because it was very uncomfortable.

The surgery went well and they wheel me into recovery. Dr. R and Dr. S come back to check in and then they go to update Paul. Even Dr. B comes to check on me! Not being able to feel your legs is such a creepy, weird feeling. They finally let me have some graham crackers and apple juice (yay!), but only cause they wanted me to take medication. They moved me from the bed into a reclining chair and finally Paul got to come back. Nurse Chloe shift is done so nurse Bernadette comes on. She wants me to try and walk to the bathroom since I can't leave the hospital until I pee. Again, no modesty because I was so happy that she came into the bathroom with me and helped me. She left to get my chair to wheel me back and I thought well, I'm just gonna sit on the toilet until she gets back here and was so happy to see her come back. I could never be a nurse because I would never want to have to help someone pee, change someone's pad, and then pull up the very attractive mesh panties the OR nurse put on me. God bless nurses.

They discharged me and I got to go home to eat! We stopped to get my meds on the way home and Paul said, "You know this is the 4th hospital you've been in since we've lived in Boston." I was in a lot of pain so I took a percocet when I got home and waited up to take my next dose of meds.

I had the best experience at Beth Israel. All the doctors and nurses were so nice and I felt that I was totally taken care of. Although it was unexpected I was so happy to have had the surgery at BI. I hope they send me a survey so I can tell them how happy I was with their service.

And surprisingly we didn't find any doggie surprises when we got home. We usually crate the dogs if we are going to be out of the house for long periods of time; however, having gone to the hospital unexpectedly yesterday the dogs were out from 8am to 9pm and no one had any accidents (that we've found). Even Beauty who usually is a terrible dog when it comes to that.

So now I'm back to chillaxin on bedrest. And hoping for a positive outcome...baby Emma in February!

Reasons why I'll never be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader or any other cheerleader for that matter

As soon as Paul left to go to Home Depot I immediately turned off ESPN football gameday recap/discuss upcoming game and Favre show to see what reality television I could get into. Afternoons are not super great for reality tv; however, I did find Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team on CMT. While this show makes me feel bad about myself in every possible way it has also made glaringly obvious the reasons why I will never be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader (I mean aside from the fact that I'm 5 months pregnant right now duh).

1. Flexibility. I cannot even bend over to touch my toes. I have the flexibility of a piece of steel and this makes toe touches, splits, etc. difficult.

2. Dance. I laugh at myself doing Hip Hop Abs (and when I say laugh I mean hysterical can hardly finish laughing) because I look so ridiculous. Plus I am only comfortable dancing when I am tipsy aka completely wasted which I somehow think the head DCC coach Kelli (with an I of course) would frown on. Showing up wasted to tryouts does not make me think I'd have a better shot at making the team. I don't think they'd be impressed with my limbs flailing about uncontrollably as if seperate from my body.

3. Hair. I can barely be bothered to brush my hair on a daily basis much less straighten my hair every day. Plus I hate having my hair in my face so I don't think dancing about on the field with my hair constantly in my eyes or mouth would make me happy.

4. Fitness. Sit ups, push ups, and a 2 mile run. I couldn't even run 2 feet if someone was chasing me with a machete. Enough said.

5. Cheerleading. I was the worst cheerleader ever in college. Worst. Ever.

6. Fat. Kelly just told this girl, who weights 123 lbs, that she looks chunky because the rest of the girls weight 112 lbs. I can't believe Kelli called this girl chunky! I would beat the shit out of someone to look like her. Her stomach is completely flat. Hmmm...I weigh 70 lbs more than Chunky. Somehow the image of my fat belly hanging over the top of those little white shorts doesn't really conjure up the sexy look they probably are going for. Plus the friction from my thighs rubbing together is likely to set said white shorts on fire and that may be frowned upon during a game. I could totally rock the top though.

Watching this show though perhaps I should make more of an effort with my appearance. My current level of self care may be testing the limits of Paul's love for me especially if it continues for the next 18 weeks. That's a long time for someone to look at their wife chillaxin on the sofa everyday with her sweats on, unbrushed hair in a pony, no make up, questionable showering.

In case anyone wants to get in shape like a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader there is a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader boot camp DVD. I will be purchasing this after Emma gets here so I can get my groove on at home and perhaps be one step closer to my cheerleading dream.

In other CMT news...if you are looking for a good reality show CMT has World's Strictest Parents. These people rock and I can for sure imagine the day that Paul and I are beating someone else's little punk kid's ass on our farm in TN as participants in this show.

Now I have to go so I can turn up the tv. Paul's drilling something in the kitchen and it's interfering with my ability to hear who's getting kicked off the team.

Netflix

So, given that I most likely will be spending the next 19 weeks on bedrest we broke down and joined Netflix. I know people rave about Netflix, but honestly I never had any desire before to join. There's so many tv shows I currently watch that to try to add movies into that mix or go backwards and watch prior seasons of shows...well, there just isn't enough time in the day for all that. Of course now there is time in the day for all that so...

I just went through and rated tv shows/movies I've seen for Netflix's "Top Picks for Jennifer." These are the shows/movies that Netflix things I will enjoy. I will post them and then we'll decide how old Netflix thinks I am:

1. What About Brian (I've never even heard of this show)
2. Gossip Girl
3. Dawson's Creek
4. How I met your mother
5. King of Queens
6. Gilmore Girls
7. The Hills
8. One Tree Hill
9. The O.C.
10. The Office
11. Twilight: New Moon
12. Desperate Housewives
13. Keeping up with the Kardashians
14. Brothers & Sisters
15. 90210 (the original)
16. Grey's Anatomy
17. Sex and the City
18. Seinfeld
19. October Road (huh?)
20. Friends

I'm pretty sure Netflix thinks I'm a 15 year old girl. Could this be perhaps because I only gave 5 stars to shows/movies that 15 year old girls like and in reality have only seen things that teenage girls enjoy? I mean there were movies on that list that I've never even heard of (Syriana what?). And Titanic totally deserved 5 stars--I saw it 3 times in the movie theater alone (and cried hysterically every single time). Oh Netflix how much I look forward to your future suggestions although seriously it doesn't seem like my cultural repertoire will be expanding at all. Especially if you keep picking reality shows for me! (although I am excited to catch up on all the seasons I've missed--I mean I missed Kourtney's whole pregnancy and Khloe's wedding and Kim/Reggie's breakup so clearly I have a lot of catching up to do!)

The Millionaire Matchmaker

Today's reality tv show topic...Patti Stanger aka The Millionaire Matchmaker. I watched one...two...five episodes today and was reminded of something that I've wondered about in the past when I've watched her show.

Before I met Paul I debated sending a picture in to her so that I could try and meet a millionaire. I think I would've been attractive enough to pass her stringent standards (and by stringent I mean very low). I know some of you may find that hard to believe, but when I was thinner and took the time to do my hair and make up and put on clean clothes I was a smoking hottie.

I realized though that if I was selected I would totally be with someone just for money because I'VE NEVER SEEN AN ATTRACTIVE MILLIONAIRE on her show. Never. Not once. I have never watched her show and thought "Dang he's fine." I usually actually throw up in my mouth a little. And how come every 40 year old bachelor thinks that he is hot enough to date a 23 year old and have her like him for her. If you are 40 and a bachelor there is a reason you've never been married. It might be time to explore that with a professional. And FYI you are not hot enough to date a 23 year old. Especially if you are on Millionaire Matchmaker.

The other question I have is...has anyone actually seen a couple who ends up staying together and getting married on this show? At the end of every episode the millionaire usually does something totally douchy that turns the gold digging 23 year old off in such a manner that she decides there may be another millionaire out there for her. On the one episode today 23 year old Teal had sex with her millionaire Azgros (okay, um the word gross is in his name...enough said) and then cried when she told Patti about it because it was so disgusting. Really you couldn't figure that out ahead of time. This is a person who brought his entire family to the 2 way mirror spy on the girls and pick one thing. I can't imagine why this love match didn't work out.

And Patti gets so mad when the millionaires and their skanks don't do what she says to the letter. It cracks me up. Especially because um, you've dated the same guy for 5 years and haven't sealed the deal. I'm just saying...

Patti makes me laugh and I'm not hating on her show. I just don't think she's a very good matchmaker. I want to see a success story!

My day on the Jersey Shore in Miami

So being stuck on bedrest, reading stranger's blogs, and watching Jersey Shore reruns has made me wonder "What would a day in my life be like if I spent it on Jersey Shore?"

"Holla bitches," I scream as I sashay through the doors of the Miami skank pad. I'm rocking my dayglo tan, inch long acrylics, long straightened black hair, and spandex mini tank dress. The only thing holding my boobs in is the laws of gravity and some duct tape. I look like a total guidette.

The Situation hands me a vodka/tequila/rum smoothie and the chants of "Chug, chug, chug" fill the air. As its almost time to go out to da club I quickly down a jagerbomb and go into the bathroom to touch up my make up. Another 9 coats of mascara, black eyeliner in an inch thick line on both uppper and lower lash lines, and enough bronzer to tan a ginger kid and I'm ready to get my drunk on.

The cab driver, knowing that 11pm is time to get our groove on, is already waiting outside. We pile inside and I immediately pick a fight with Angelina. She is the ultimate skank-ho and is clearly not as attractive as me. A full out girl fight ensues in the cab, but the cab driver doesn't miss a beat and gets us all safely to da club without once pulling over. He doesn't even miss a traffic light when Ronnie starts uncontrollably vomiting. Some people just can't handle their steroids and tequila. Party foul! It's okay though because Sammi is there to make sure he's all cleaned up. Having been through this before she pulls some wetwipes and a clean shirt out of her save Ronnie purse. Crisis averted!

As I'm not into hooking up with a random grenade, I instead choose to hook up with a grenade from the Jersey Shore house. As Pauly D seems the most pathetic at 30 years old, and the closest to me in age, I immediately give him my come hither look except it's hard to blink my eyes in a sexy manner since they are weighed down by a pound and a half of eyeliner and mascara. He knows what I mean though and we get our grind on. We continue dancing all night...mostly because my hands get stuck in his gelled out hair. I dance like a pro thanks to that stripper work out DVD I've done everyday for a week in preparation for my trip to Miami. The other girls are clearly jealous of me as I have the most rocking body, its definitely better than Snookie's booze bloated munchkin body.

We head back to the house with the skankopotomuses and slutosauruses that all the housemates are gonna expose to various STDs tonight. It's like cockroaches scurrying away from the light as each person heads to their bed with their conquest for the night. The cab drivers know to be back outside at 4am to drive home these paragons of society.

I pass out face first on the living room floor, my mini tank dress exposing my thong clad chucky. It's all good though cause I got my Brazilian on before I left Jersey to head to Miami. The next afternoon I wake up with a condom wrapper and some cheetos stuck to my face and crawl to the couch. A shot of vodka clears my booze addled head and my make up and hair have that sexy morning after quality so I decide not to shower. An hour at the beach and my tan is fierce. I head home with integrity intact and an appointment to get some penicillin from my doctor. My parents will be so proud!

Adventures in cooking

Paul has been doing tremendous at his new cooking duties although I'm sure he hopes the doctor takes me off bedrest. I don't have the heart to tell him that even if the doctor takes me off bedrest I may still be told not to cook, clean, etc.

Friday night Paul made chicken breasts, corn, sugar snap peas, and crescent rolls. Watching him trying to make a crescent roll was hilarious! He comes into the living room holding this roll of dough and unsure what to do with it. I asked if he read the directions and he admitted that he did not and had already thrown away the container. lol

Saturday I woke up with severe stomach pain. Bad enough that we went to the ER to make sure I wasn't in labor. Everything with the baby looked good and the doctor felt it was a GI issue. I'm sure it had nothing to do with Fridays dinner....I slept most of the day on Saturday and felt better by mid-afternoon.

Today required Paul to go grocery shopping. Now Paul has come with me when I've grocery shopped and he's stopped to pick up a few things, but he hasn't ever done a full on grocery shop by himself. I made him a list and off he went. It seemed as if several hours went by, along with a couple phone calls with questions, before I got a text that said he was finished with my list and now freelancing. Hmmmmm...as its Sunday and I know Paul loves football I planned an easy dinner for him...ham bbq. Deli ham, bbq sauce, butter, and buns.

Tomorrow though is pot roast in the crock pot meaning Paul will have to start the crock pot before he leaves for work.

Really though Paul has been amazing. I don't know what I did to get blessed with such an amazing husband, but I truly am lucky. He's taken everything in stride and without complaint. And we have had quite the stressors in our time together...I lost my job, moved to GA to live with him, couldn't find a full time job, we moved to Boston, bought a house, had several months of me being unemployed again, got married, had a miscarriage, and now bedrest. But through it all we've leaned on each other and taken everything with good attitudes and gratitude for the blessings we have. I couldn't imagine my life without Paul and there isn't anyone else I'd rather share my life with.