For a minute I thought I was at Walmart

The other day I ran to Target to get some stuff and for a minute I had to stop and look around because it seemed like I was at Walmart. Now I'm not gonna make any derogatory comments about Walmart or the people who shop there, but my friends who patronize Walmart and Target will know exactly what I'm talking about.

I decided to make a bathroom break, because unlike Walmart the Target bathrooms are typically clean, and I left my cart outside the door. Since none of those check out lanes were open and there would be no reason for anyone to be down there unless they were using the restroom I felt secure with my cart. Um, not so much. It was gone when I got out of the bathroom. Of course I was too lazy to walk back down and get another cart so I decided I'd carry all my stuff.

I started in the luggage section, walked back to the beauty section on the other side of the store, passing the carts as I walked across the store, didn't stop to get a cart, and then walked back across the store to the toy section...all the while carrying a suitcase and an armload of travel size supplies. I did stop in the electronics section to grab a basket which for some reason were placed near the cameras.

I wanted to buy a toy for my niece Abby who Paul and I are going to see this weekend. I have something specific in mind, but am not sure where it'll be so I start at the first toy aisle. You know those children's balls that have glitter in them and light up when you bounce them? There's a boy about age 11 holding one of these in pink and he says to me, "Sparkly balls...just doesn't seem right." How am I even supposed to respond to that? I just mumbled something and quickly hurried past him.

5 minutes later I got to meet his brother age 17. Brother asks me what time it is so I respond, "Quarter of twelve." Brother just stares at me with a completely blank expression so I say, "11:45." "Mom, it's 11:45!" I regret that I didn't at least turn my head to see what mom looked like, but by then I was ready to be out of Target before anyone else could talk to me.

Paul tried to get me arrested

For my married female friends let me ask you these questions: You trust your husband to not lead you into a bad situation, to always have your best interest at heart, and to give you good advice right? Me, too.

So, last night we go into Boston to meet some friends for dinner. It was downtown so too far to park at the coast guard base and walk (which is our usual M.O.) plus it was rainy. I would've been quite happy to look for street parking because I can parallel park (unlike someone else I live who will remain nameless); however, Paul said that he would rather we park in a garage.

We pull into a garage not too far from the restaurant and Paul tells me to turn left. I'm trying to read a sign posted before the gate into the garage and Paul's saying just pull in, what are you doing so I take my ticket and we go into the garage (during all this time your license plate is taped as is your face when you get your ticket)...which is ALL reserved parking spaces. We get lost in this maze of an underground garage for what feels like forever before finding our way back to the exit.

Now in most large cities you do not get any kind of freebies so 0-20 minutes in the garage was like $8. There is a car in front of us paying and getting ready to exit the garage and Paul tells me to just follow that guy through the gate, but go quick. So, I do. Well, those little gates stay in the air for a total of about 1.3 seconds. The next thing I know the gate has hit the top of my car and is scraping along my roof rack and actually may have been ripped off and fallen to the ground behind us. Paul's response "I can't believe you just did that!" Um, YOU TOLD ME TOO!!!!

I am MORTIFIED! And instead of leaving the garage we go across the aisle into the public section of the garage where we park the car. For the entire dinner I am imagining that my car is going to have a boot on it when we get back, that's it going to be towed, that there's going to be a ticket. I have so much anxiety that I don't even want to go back and get the car after dinner.

None of those things happen; however, I am convinced that I will be getting a ticket in the mail or a court summons or a bill for damages. If anyone is in law enforcement or legal work and has any idea of what I may be facing and could please email me or leave a comment on my FB I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm too pretty to go to jail although my loving husband apparently wanted me to get arrested.