I've started seeing ads for a new reality show a la The Bachelor type shows entitled "More to Love." The premise of this show is that the average American women is size 14/16 while the average reality "star" is a size 2. So, "real" women are going to compete for a "real" man in all their glory this summer and for our voyeuristic pleasure.
Hmmm...I have been a size 14. It sucks. I am currently a size 12. It sucks. I happen to think I'm fairly hot; however, I also recognize that being this heavy makes me feel physically uncomfortable. I can't tie my shoes without my stomach suffocating me. I don't feel happy in a bathing suit. I have been doing pilates and some of the moves are difficult because my thighs are so large. I look like I'm 5 months pregnant ALL THE TIME. I would LOVE to be a size 2, but I also recognize that that may be slightly thin for me. I think a good size for me would be 8/10.
I applaud these women who want love. I know how it feels to have the skinny friend who gets all the attention from guys while you stand on the sidelines. I have been lucky enough to find someone who loves me for who I am...fat gut and all.
I WANT to see size 2 reality stars though. It gives me something to work towards. It gives me someone to focus my negative energy on that doesn't know I sit at home and say hateful things about her to my friends who watch the same asinine shows. I think Americans are too fat. I hate that as a society we are so unhealthy in our eating and attitudes towards eating. I am not exception. I didn't eat fast food for 10 years and when I fell off the wagon I fell hard. I'm lucky now in that there aren't really any fast food places convenient to our house and I definitely do not enjoy it enough to go out of my way to get it. Score 1 for Massachusetts.
I have also figured out that my weight watchers would go much better if I was more strict about my eating. I do fairly well staying within the weekly points range. I am trying to be active. But I love my Edy's Slow Churn ice cream at night (3 weight watchers point for 1/2 cup...I always eat a whole cup though). It's a struggle. Weight watchers has made me more aware of what I put into my body. I am not drinking so much. I had 2 glasses of wine last weekend and felt hammered...I guess I'm a cheap date now instead of just cheap if you catch my meaning. haha
In other reality news...let's talk about The Real Housewives of NJ. These are the most atrocious women I have ever seen. I am still trying to figure out why social services has not gone in and removed any of their children. Caroline sounds like a truck driver (I am waiting her to pull out a cigar and start puffing away as she oversees the mob). Danielle has some weird issues with age (you are gross dating a guy 20 years younger). Teresa is a psycho (who flips over a table in a restaurant in front of children all the while cussing like a maniac? Are you freakin kidding me?). Dina is a bitch (liar liar pants on fire). I like Jacklyn. I do not think it's okay to constantly cuss in front of your children or act like a freakin maniac. At least The Real Housewives of Orange County have a little bit of class (I said a little bit) and their children are older. I didn't really watch New York (although I think they seem to be crazy bitches based on the episodes I've seen) or Atlanta (they annoyed me too much).
Being unemployed has given me way too much tv watching time. My brain is rotting. I can't even make a decision anymore. The other day I spent 10 minutes trying to decide if I should take the dogs out before I went to lunch. 10 MINUTES! If I don't find a job soon I am going to end up a vegetable. Paul will come home to find me in the fetal position drooling on myself.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Massachusetts on my Mind
I sit here in the office (and by office I mean at my house, not at an actual office), looking for a job (I think I've sent out 25 resumes at this point), and listening to the dog whine. The dog is whining because of the groundhog. When faced with unexpected wildlife in your yard one may think that having an 80 lb. boxer with you would be a good thing. If the boxer was not the stupidest animal on the planet it may be. However, when the groundhog charges you there is little to be done to keep the boxer from charging the groundhog especially when the groundhog has backup in the form of another groundhog. A deadly game of chicken then ensues with you, the helpless human, being dragged behind the boxer, hoping not to be knocked to the ground, trying to avoid the dog poo that abounds (sort of like mushrooms after a good rain). Luckily the groundhog caved first and I was able to then drag the boxer behind me back to the house.
In Florida all we had to content with were alligators. Groundhog, alligator...you may think that there's no comparison. In Florida you grow up knowing to avoid the alligators. It's one of those lessons your parents teach you when you are young like look both ways before you cross the road, brush your teeth before bed, and don't play near the alligators. They are like bees. If you don't bother them then they won't bother you. Imagine my surprise when trying to get a closer look at the groundhog when it turned around and ran towards us. My futile attempts at running away were impeded by the 80 lb. dog attached to me by leash. Live and learn my friends.
Speaking of alligators and a fascination with animals. My father has an alligator in the lake behind his house. He often goes out and feeds the ducks old bread. Imagine his surprise when he throws down some bread and an alligator comes out of the water and eats it. I believe feeding alligators may also be a felony in Florida. Luckily the alligator was more concerned with eating the bread than eating my father and no one was around to report him...or save him if the alligator had had other intentions. I'm pretty sure my 60+ year old dad could NOT outrun an alligator.
So, here I sit...unemployed, friendless, broke, and running out of reasons to get out of my jammies everyday. The packing is slowly winding down and is almost done and I am starting to wonder what the heck I'll do with myself all day when I don't have unpacking to do. I am also wondering why I can't find certain things like a giant basket that I kept in the living room that held blankets and the blankets. I mean there are only so many boxes large enough to hold such a thing. This afternoon I may venture down into the basement to see what boxes I can find that are supposed to be in the house. The basement scares me only in that I'm terrified I'll hear footsteps upstairs while I'm downstairs. As this is the oldest home I've ever lived in I am afraid that it is haunted.
The sound of the construction trucks across the street fill my senses with their noise and shake the entire house. The fact that the bed sometimes shakes when they begin work in the morning (usually at such an hour that I'm still in bed) only confirms my fear of the house being haunted.
I am not sure how I feel about Mass at this point. I've enjoyed the weather...some days. Wearing a sweatshirt and jeans in June is a little ridiculous to me, but people keep reassuring me that hot days are to come. We found a very good ice cream place (Mac's Dairy Farm) and have eaten at some excellent restaurants. I know there is a ton more fun things to see and do and if it would ever stop raining perhaps we could do them.
So, I forge ahead. Sending out my resumes, unpacking boxes, catching up on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and sleeping 9+ hours a night. I guess overall I cannot complain. A job will come. I have faith.
In Florida all we had to content with were alligators. Groundhog, alligator...you may think that there's no comparison. In Florida you grow up knowing to avoid the alligators. It's one of those lessons your parents teach you when you are young like look both ways before you cross the road, brush your teeth before bed, and don't play near the alligators. They are like bees. If you don't bother them then they won't bother you. Imagine my surprise when trying to get a closer look at the groundhog when it turned around and ran towards us. My futile attempts at running away were impeded by the 80 lb. dog attached to me by leash. Live and learn my friends.
Speaking of alligators and a fascination with animals. My father has an alligator in the lake behind his house. He often goes out and feeds the ducks old bread. Imagine his surprise when he throws down some bread and an alligator comes out of the water and eats it. I believe feeding alligators may also be a felony in Florida. Luckily the alligator was more concerned with eating the bread than eating my father and no one was around to report him...or save him if the alligator had had other intentions. I'm pretty sure my 60+ year old dad could NOT outrun an alligator.
So, here I sit...unemployed, friendless, broke, and running out of reasons to get out of my jammies everyday. The packing is slowly winding down and is almost done and I am starting to wonder what the heck I'll do with myself all day when I don't have unpacking to do. I am also wondering why I can't find certain things like a giant basket that I kept in the living room that held blankets and the blankets. I mean there are only so many boxes large enough to hold such a thing. This afternoon I may venture down into the basement to see what boxes I can find that are supposed to be in the house. The basement scares me only in that I'm terrified I'll hear footsteps upstairs while I'm downstairs. As this is the oldest home I've ever lived in I am afraid that it is haunted.
The sound of the construction trucks across the street fill my senses with their noise and shake the entire house. The fact that the bed sometimes shakes when they begin work in the morning (usually at such an hour that I'm still in bed) only confirms my fear of the house being haunted.
I am not sure how I feel about Mass at this point. I've enjoyed the weather...some days. Wearing a sweatshirt and jeans in June is a little ridiculous to me, but people keep reassuring me that hot days are to come. We found a very good ice cream place (Mac's Dairy Farm) and have eaten at some excellent restaurants. I know there is a ton more fun things to see and do and if it would ever stop raining perhaps we could do them.
So, I forge ahead. Sending out my resumes, unpacking boxes, catching up on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and sleeping 9+ hours a night. I guess overall I cannot complain. A job will come. I have faith.
Monday, June 8, 2009
People say funny things
Some of my favorite things I've seen/experience since moving to MA is weird people (minus when I fell up the stairs and ended up covered in bruises including a huge one on my ass).
Paul and I went to dinner in Lowell the other night (and ate at a fantastic tapas restaurant and I only had 1 sangria--stupid weight watchers) and decided to walk around the block afterwards and kind of scope out what other restaurants were around. We start to walk by this youngish couple (by youngish I mean younger than us, but older than 21) who are having a very heated discussion on the side of the road. She's leaning against her car and he's standing on the sidewalk (and picture the stereotypical northeastern, Italian hair/clothes/etc--more like Jersey). And what do our poor ears hear as we pass?
Her: (something to this effect)--"You told me to put a strap on on, you bent over, and we called it a night."
We did not hear his response...probably because we were laughing too hard. I mean what else can you assume, but what you assume when you hear something like that.
Today's weird interactions include:
An older, heavyset man walks in front of my car and blows me a kiss. I laughed out loud.
Later at the post office as I'm walking up to the mailbox two late teen/early 20's guys pass me and the one guy says, "She's too tall man. You'd have to climb her to fuck her." I proceeded to pull out behind them, laughing, and laugh more when they drive one tenth of a mile before pulling into a driveway. Really? You couldn't have walked that far? I mean I'm a fat ass and I would've walked that far (and I know I'm a fat ass because my scale screams "Fat ass, fat ass" every time I weight myself. I'm afraid to get on the Wii fit because I think it may blow up. So I signed up for Weight Watchers and I figured out while I'll lose weight using this method--because I'm freaking STARVING all the time. I think I've eaten my weight in carrots and celery this past weekend. But all my friends SWEAR that WW is the way to go for weight loss. We shall see...we shall see...).
Tomorrow I have 2 job interviews...wish me luck!
Paul and I went to dinner in Lowell the other night (and ate at a fantastic tapas restaurant and I only had 1 sangria--stupid weight watchers) and decided to walk around the block afterwards and kind of scope out what other restaurants were around. We start to walk by this youngish couple (by youngish I mean younger than us, but older than 21) who are having a very heated discussion on the side of the road. She's leaning against her car and he's standing on the sidewalk (and picture the stereotypical northeastern, Italian hair/clothes/etc--more like Jersey). And what do our poor ears hear as we pass?
Her: (something to this effect)--"You told me to put a strap on on, you bent over, and we called it a night."
We did not hear his response...probably because we were laughing too hard. I mean what else can you assume, but what you assume when you hear something like that.
Today's weird interactions include:
An older, heavyset man walks in front of my car and blows me a kiss. I laughed out loud.
Later at the post office as I'm walking up to the mailbox two late teen/early 20's guys pass me and the one guy says, "She's too tall man. You'd have to climb her to fuck her." I proceeded to pull out behind them, laughing, and laugh more when they drive one tenth of a mile before pulling into a driveway. Really? You couldn't have walked that far? I mean I'm a fat ass and I would've walked that far (and I know I'm a fat ass because my scale screams "Fat ass, fat ass" every time I weight myself. I'm afraid to get on the Wii fit because I think it may blow up. So I signed up for Weight Watchers and I figured out while I'll lose weight using this method--because I'm freaking STARVING all the time. I think I've eaten my weight in carrots and celery this past weekend. But all my friends SWEAR that WW is the way to go for weight loss. We shall see...we shall see...).
Tomorrow I have 2 job interviews...wish me luck!
Friday, June 5, 2009
The move to Boston
I thought I'd be able to blog while moving, but our stay in crappy Motel 6 without Internet and our marathon day 2 drive followed by a week of no home Internet prevented me so here goes...
Day 1: Paul made me wake up at the ungodly hour of 5am. The only people who should be awake at 5am are college kids still up from the night before, farmers, and people who make donuts. It just isn't right. There is nothing good about 5am. After I stumble off the bed I have to catch the cats to sedate them for the car ride. I cannot listen to 12 hours of cats crying without driving us off a bridge and Simba tends to have a nervous bladder/sphincter so the vet took me pity on me and supplied me with a limited quantity of cat tranquilizer (I say limited quantity because apparently people take this recreational...come on people, it's not like it was Special K). (FYI..can hear a dog throwing up...that's always pleasant)
Load up the cars with dogs and cats. Now the hard part. Saying goodbye to mom. Lordy how I cried! I did go though. I stopped crying before we hit the interstate (when I moved to GA I cried all the way to Plant City). Paul, Sasha, Jojo in his trucks while I'm in my car with Beast, Beauty, Simba, and Sherman. We roll out at 6am.
6:30am--Simba escapes from the cat confinement unit I had constructed in the rear of my SUV. Keep in mind Simba is also sedated and moving like a drunken sailor.
6:45am--a struggle ensues in which I fight to keep the drunken sailor off my lap. Luckily his sedation enables me to toss him wherever I can by the dog harness I put on both cats and he falls asleep in mid-air. A narcoleptic cat is a funny thing.
7am--Paul gets a flat tire. I am ahead of him so have to find an exit, wait in traffic, turn around, go back to the southern exit, turn back around, and eventually park behind him.
7:45am--Buttcrack Billy from AAA shows up to change the tire. While waiting I meet a very nice young couple who hit the same thing Paul did in the road and are now parked behind me with a flat tire. I let the girl use my cell phone as she didn't have one. I figured I could catch her if she took off with it plus where the hell is she going to go. Apparently her and her husband have been living apart due to unemployment issues and now are both going to be living in the same place and she just started a new job.
8am--have to go to a gas station because Paul's spare tire is almost a flat tire.
8:30am--after filling up tire and getting McDonald's we are finally back on the road.
My day is spent fending off the drunken sailor and eventually giving up on confining him as he seems content to lay behind me in awkward positions.
7pm--Stop for the night in Fayettville, NC at Motel 6. Have to smuggle our menagerie into the hotel room. Fun times for all. Meet the slightly odd man staying next to us who has a golden retriever.
Day 2:
6am--up and at'em! Get cats sedated (have learned that will need to re-sedate around lunchtime as pills wear off), get all animals loaded and hit the road at 7am.
Have a fairly uneventful day driving, but hit the end of NJ around 6pm and realize we are only about 4 hours from our new home. Decide to just go for it and drive the rest of the way.
6:30pm--leave the travel plaza and head over the GWB in rush hour. I am exhilarated by the traffic. Beast also enjoys the city smells (I have the windows down). Beauty shakes like a leaf the entire time (to be fair I had the windows, it was a little cold in the car, and she has no fur).
Finally arrive at our new home around 11pm. It is freezing cold! It is almost June! WTF!!!
Our furniture wasn't arriving until Monday so we camped out in our house for 6 days or so. The air mattress lost its allure by night 3. As did eating out.
Our neighbors brought us a plant...he's retired Army and she is an agent with Homeland Security who drinks beer and cusses like no one's business. My love is sealed when she uses the word douchebag.
The next day their dog will not shut up. I have since gone over and asked them not to leave their dog out all day because his constant barking is going to result in something bad happening.
I weighed myself today (after my free donut from Dunkin Donuts) and that week of eating out for everyday has not ended well. I promptly signed up for weight watchers because I should not look like I'm 5 months pregnant. Feel better when my friend tells me that she weighs 6 lbs. more than me and also 10 lbs. more than she did while giving birth to her son. I'm not that bad off yet. However, when I fell going UP the stairs my extra pounds probably contributed to that act of clumsiness. I am covered in black and blue marks and am happy I didn't break anything (although I do have health insurance now). I thought I may have given myself a black eye which won't look good at my job interviews next week.
Am starving despite eating what Weight Watchers calls "filling" foods. Those bastards lie! And now I only have 8 points left for the day. Which since I want a glass, or two, of wine with dinner leaves me with only 4 to 6 food points to play with.
Oh well. At least I finally showered. It's really hard to be motivated to get dressed much less shower when your day consists of getting coffee at Dunkin Donuts in the morning (you don't even have to change out of your jammies when going through the drive-thru) and unpacking all day. Since it's Friday I'm even gonna put on make up and perfume....Paul is one lucky guy I'll tell you what.
Day 1: Paul made me wake up at the ungodly hour of 5am. The only people who should be awake at 5am are college kids still up from the night before, farmers, and people who make donuts. It just isn't right. There is nothing good about 5am. After I stumble off the bed I have to catch the cats to sedate them for the car ride. I cannot listen to 12 hours of cats crying without driving us off a bridge and Simba tends to have a nervous bladder/sphincter so the vet took me pity on me and supplied me with a limited quantity of cat tranquilizer (I say limited quantity because apparently people take this recreational...come on people, it's not like it was Special K). (FYI..can hear a dog throwing up...that's always pleasant)
Load up the cars with dogs and cats. Now the hard part. Saying goodbye to mom. Lordy how I cried! I did go though. I stopped crying before we hit the interstate (when I moved to GA I cried all the way to Plant City). Paul, Sasha, Jojo in his trucks while I'm in my car with Beast, Beauty, Simba, and Sherman. We roll out at 6am.
6:30am--Simba escapes from the cat confinement unit I had constructed in the rear of my SUV. Keep in mind Simba is also sedated and moving like a drunken sailor.
6:45am--a struggle ensues in which I fight to keep the drunken sailor off my lap. Luckily his sedation enables me to toss him wherever I can by the dog harness I put on both cats and he falls asleep in mid-air. A narcoleptic cat is a funny thing.
7am--Paul gets a flat tire. I am ahead of him so have to find an exit, wait in traffic, turn around, go back to the southern exit, turn back around, and eventually park behind him.
7:45am--Buttcrack Billy from AAA shows up to change the tire. While waiting I meet a very nice young couple who hit the same thing Paul did in the road and are now parked behind me with a flat tire. I let the girl use my cell phone as she didn't have one. I figured I could catch her if she took off with it plus where the hell is she going to go. Apparently her and her husband have been living apart due to unemployment issues and now are both going to be living in the same place and she just started a new job.
8am--have to go to a gas station because Paul's spare tire is almost a flat tire.
8:30am--after filling up tire and getting McDonald's we are finally back on the road.
My day is spent fending off the drunken sailor and eventually giving up on confining him as he seems content to lay behind me in awkward positions.
7pm--Stop for the night in Fayettville, NC at Motel 6. Have to smuggle our menagerie into the hotel room. Fun times for all. Meet the slightly odd man staying next to us who has a golden retriever.
Day 2:
6am--up and at'em! Get cats sedated (have learned that will need to re-sedate around lunchtime as pills wear off), get all animals loaded and hit the road at 7am.
Have a fairly uneventful day driving, but hit the end of NJ around 6pm and realize we are only about 4 hours from our new home. Decide to just go for it and drive the rest of the way.
6:30pm--leave the travel plaza and head over the GWB in rush hour. I am exhilarated by the traffic. Beast also enjoys the city smells (I have the windows down). Beauty shakes like a leaf the entire time (to be fair I had the windows, it was a little cold in the car, and she has no fur).
Finally arrive at our new home around 11pm. It is freezing cold! It is almost June! WTF!!!
Our furniture wasn't arriving until Monday so we camped out in our house for 6 days or so. The air mattress lost its allure by night 3. As did eating out.
Our neighbors brought us a plant...he's retired Army and she is an agent with Homeland Security who drinks beer and cusses like no one's business. My love is sealed when she uses the word douchebag.
The next day their dog will not shut up. I have since gone over and asked them not to leave their dog out all day because his constant barking is going to result in something bad happening.
I weighed myself today (after my free donut from Dunkin Donuts) and that week of eating out for everyday has not ended well. I promptly signed up for weight watchers because I should not look like I'm 5 months pregnant. Feel better when my friend tells me that she weighs 6 lbs. more than me and also 10 lbs. more than she did while giving birth to her son. I'm not that bad off yet. However, when I fell going UP the stairs my extra pounds probably contributed to that act of clumsiness. I am covered in black and blue marks and am happy I didn't break anything (although I do have health insurance now). I thought I may have given myself a black eye which won't look good at my job interviews next week.
Am starving despite eating what Weight Watchers calls "filling" foods. Those bastards lie! And now I only have 8 points left for the day. Which since I want a glass, or two, of wine with dinner leaves me with only 4 to 6 food points to play with.
Oh well. At least I finally showered. It's really hard to be motivated to get dressed much less shower when your day consists of getting coffee at Dunkin Donuts in the morning (you don't even have to change out of your jammies when going through the drive-thru) and unpacking all day. Since it's Friday I'm even gonna put on make up and perfume....Paul is one lucky guy I'll tell you what.
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