Two Weeks Down

We have been living in the hotel for just over 2 weeks.  In that time I have NOT gone into labor, I have barely cooked, i have learned that I never want an electric stove again, and I have learned that we can live in a space the size of my previous living room/kitchen and not kill each other.

The staff at the hotel is amazing!  They make breakfast every morning, they clean our room, dinner is served 4 nights a week, AND they went grocery shopping for me.  Plus they sell beer and wine in the lobby so you know where I'll be once I pop this kid out.  Did I mention there is a pool?  It's not open yet, but I'm confident that by Memorial weekend I'll be bikini ready and laying in the sun.  And if I'm not exactly bikini ready then who the hell cares because they sell beer and wine in the lobby!

Of course we just found out our remaining 80lb dog has a parasite and now we have to deworm her while keeping her from licking our toddler and keeping our toddler from touching her butt.  Why are toddlers obsessed with dog butts?  Hopefully we won't worm the rest of the dog population here at the hotel.  Sweet peanuts!

I took a bath last night in our tub.  To give you an idea as to how large I've gotten imagine an infant tub with a whale in it.  Or this...

There ya go!  My stomach stuck up approximately a foot and a half above the edge of the tub.  As the toddler likes to tell me, "Mommy, you big!"

So I'm off to the ob this afternoon where she'll tell me I'm not dilated, my hopes of a natural child birth will be dashed, and I'll be having my c section on Monday as scheduled.  Sigh.

A Long, Long Night

I am most every pregnant woman feels this way towards the end of the pregnancy...when you are just so uncomfortable and miserable and huge that you would pay a voodoo witch doctor to cast a spell over you if it meant you could deliver a healthy baby even one day earlier.

So, yeah...

With the toddler I had horrible acid reflux my whole pregnancy.  The kind where you wake up suffocating on your own stomach acid.  It was a super good time.

With this munchkin I've had horrible leg pain.  Not Charlie horse leg pain (although I did have one of those the other night, too), but just joint pain.  My hips, knees, ankles all are painful at night.

Did I mention we are living in a hotel now?  We made a valiant effort to have the toddler sleep on her cot last night, but when she was still awake at almost 10pm I called.  Time of death 9:54pm.  The little con artist had outlasted us.

We threw her in bed with us and all went to sleep.  I woke up to use the restroom, thinking I had to have been in bed awhile.  Nope.  It was 11:19.

Back to bed.  Woke up again because my hips hurt and I had to pee.  Surely it was the middle of the night.  Nope.  1:09.  Sweet mother of God!

Back to bed.  Woke up again.  Well, you know the story.  This time birds were outside chirping so surely it was close to daybreak.  Nope.  3:08am.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?????  I know most people would be thrilled to think they get an extra 2, 3, 4 hours of sleep, but I was just ready to get out of bed and get up for the day so my legs would feel better.

I finally decided to sit up in bed which did help my hips except the toddler had a nightmare and decided she needed to lay on mommy.  Not such an easy task when mommy is sitting up.

I felt like night was never going to end which I tried to be grateful for at 3:08am when I was sitting on the toilet for what felt like the 50th time.  Ya know last night on earth and all that crap.

And lest you think I'm just a complainer I am super grateful for this pregnancy and for what looks like a healthy baby in there.  I don't need a million comments on being grateful.  I practice gratitude in my daily life.  I get it.  I am probably one of the most grateful people on the planet.  But sometimes shit just hurts and just because I need to complain a little doesn't mean I'm not grateful for every head butt in the ribs or kick in the cuchina.

In other news, the Nascar pit crew that the military sent to pack us finished 85% of the packing  yesterday and thinks they'll be done by  noon today.  These guys are AMAZING!  Let me just say, too, that if you are a military family and get packed up by TMO offer to buy them lunch.  Most times they won't accept, but they surely appreciate the offer and will work extra hard for you.  The lead guy yesterday told me most people don't even offer which made me sad.  I offer everyone who does work at my house at least a glass of water or a soda or something.  I think it just is a nice common courtesy.

Oh, and the toddler has decided she would like to start using the potty.  When we are living in a hotel, about to have a baby, and my mom and sister are going to be watching her in a couple weeks.  The toddler has impeccable timing.

Okay, I need to go shower.  I have to stop and get donuts before I head over to our house with the toddler.  Mmmmmm donuts....

Nothing Says Good Morning

Like a Charlie horse in your calf. And nothing scares a toddler like waking up, walking into mommy's and daddy's bedroom, and finding daddy running around the bed like its on fire while mommy flops around her back like an upside down turtle as daddy screams "What can I do?" And Mommy screams,"Get me up, get me up."

I thought I was soooo lucky with Em because I never had 1 Charlie horse and I was thinking maybe I'd be sooo lucky this time, too.

Apparently not.

Phoebe (FRIENDS) - The Evander Holyfield Phase aka Rock My World

If you're a Friends fan like I am then you should remember Phoebe's Evander Holyfield phase...and the life size cardboard cutout she gave to Rachel during Rachel's pregnancy when Rachel was experiencing the second trimester.  Most people probably know what I'm talking about regarding the second trimester.  If not, ask your mommy friends.  To be fair, I have never gotten to experience the joys of the second trimester (thanks a bunch incompetent cervix), but I've heard it's glorious.

Let's just say that right now I am going through a Rock phase as in Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as in the man of my dreams...literally...every freaking night and there is nothing I can do in my actual life to alleviate any residual symptoms which sort of sucks for Paul right now because he'd be getting lucky every night.

Of course 2 nights ago I dreamt that I was at someone's house (John Cena's?) eating burritos with The Rock and my cousin Katie.  So bizarre.

But last night...well, I'll leave that up to your imagination.  And if someone wants to get me a lifesize cardboard cutout of The Rock I would not object in any way.  Just message me for my address.  Thanks!

Hot Mess part 156

2:20am

Em, "I WANT DADDY!  I WANT DADDY!  I WANT MOMMY!"

Paul stumbles into Em's room and brings her back into our bed.

Em, "Water please, mommy.  Sip of water."

Me, "Here's some water.  Go to sleep."

6:18am

Em, "Mommy milk.  Milk mommy please."

I stumble downstairs, get the milk, haul my giant whale body back upstairs, and give my sweet toddler her milk.

6:28am

Em, "Go potty, Mommy. Go potty."

Me, "You need to go potty?"

Em, "Go potty."

Hustle her to the bathroom, notice her diaper has leaked and her jammie pants are wet, read Green Eggs and Ham TWICE, she does NOT go potty.

6:40am

Back to bed and notice a HUGE wet spot on our sheets.  Strip off the bottom sheet, put 2 pillow cases over the wet spot on our mattress, pull up the top sheet, throw Em back on bed, and crawl between top sheet and blanket.  Give Em my phone so she can watch Rapunzel.

7:00am

Em, "Wake up.  Wake up."

Come downstairs.  Get Em set up with breakfast.  Go into basement to let dogs out and notice that our boxer has peed all over the floor.  Luckily, she peed on the rug remnant we use to wipe our feet in the unfinished basement.  Sigh.

Haul whale body back upstairs, throw sheets into washing machine, get my breakfast, try to work.

Em fusses on and off ALL FREAKING MORNING.  Finally finish most of what I need to do and off we head to Target.

I could not look worse today if I had tried.  My hair looks like rats have nested in it over night, none of my maternity shirts fit, but thank goodness for maternity pants and that panel of fabric that goes up and over your belly.  Luckily I can't see anything below the top of my stomach so I don't care that the rest of the world is subject to viewing the belly panel, and I barely could muster up the energy to put on moisturizer much less make up.

And I fed my daughter something called a chicken stick for lunch that came in a jar of oil because I didn't realize we were out of frozen chicken nuggets.

Maybe I should've gone to Walmart today instead of Target.

Time Changes

It's hard to believe that last Easter weekend I was going through a miscarriage and my friend/ex-boyfriend committed suicide.  Although it was a tragic weekend, it was also one of the best weekends of my life.  That may sound odd considering the grief that surrounded that Easter, but we also had one of the best weekends ever.  We attended the White House Easter Egg Roll with my cousin Katheryn.   We also got to spend parts of the weekend with my other cousins, Katie and Devon and Devon's fiance Connor as well as going to the National Zoo with our dear Air Force friends, the Beach's (check out Ali's blog).  We also saw other awesome military friends, the Early's.  In the midst of heartbreak, it is still possible to appreciate and enjoy life.

It's amazing the changes that can occur in a year.  Right now I'm 33 weeks pregnant and 6 weeks away from having our newest addition Elizabeth.  This Easter we also got to enjoy Emma really getting into coloring and hunting for Easter eggs.  We saw how truly grown up she is getting when we took her to the playground today after a delicious Easter brunch and she was able to climb up and down and slide and run all over.  Her language skills are amazing to us and she uses full sentences and the appropriate pronouns.  

Although Paul tried to hurt himself and Emma going down a tall, fast slide (how I wish I had my video camera out) by tripping as he came off the slide and doing a full forward flip holding onto Emma (he may have been trying to put me into labor) we had a great time at the playground.  I may burst into hysterical tears if we have any more snow because we have had a NICE weekend.  

And hopefully next Easter we will all be healthy and happy and maybe we'll get to take both girls back to the White House Easter Egg Roll (hint, hint Katheryn).  

Fat Boobies

I had a check up with my ob today.  I hadn't washed my hair in 4 days; I could climb a tree with my toenails because I can't reach my feet anymore; and, in the grand tradition of what the hell were we thinking, just moved the tiny dictator into a toddler bed which resulted in me being awake from midnight till 1am AFTER I had taken a benadryl at bedtime.  And as the tiny dictator told me earlier today I have "fat boobies."

This is me.

This is me holding the tiny dictator.

And of course who is sitting across the waiting room from me but this person.

Beautiful with gorgeous red hair, make up done, hair did, cute outfit, only has gained weight in her tiny belly even though she's like 5'9", with a 3 year old in tow.  I looked like I had been run over by a truck.  Carrying explosives.  Made of dog poo.

I would say I felt ashamed except that would require caring...which clearly I don't...at least not about my appearance.  

Beauty queen gets called back first so she is leaving as I am going into the examing room and I hear the nurse tell her "any time now" and she responds, "I know.  Hopefully tonight.  Fingers crossed." and I'm all like "I hate you, bitch.  No one likes a bragger."  

So I'm telling Paul this story as I'm getting ready to take a shower because I realize I have to wash my hair and I'm more like the cover of National Geographic than the cover of Cosmo.    

My hair (just picture it with my face...hell maybe that is me)

And my loving husband is all like "You should be embarrassed."  Hater.  He did redeem himself slightly when I told him that the tiny dictator said I have "fat boobies" and his response was "I like your boobies" which is impressive because I can literally carry an encyclopedia under each one right now.  In fact it's sort of a game in our house to see what exactly I can hold just using the area under each boob.  

Yeah, we suck.  

So, I took my fat boobies and my sloth toenails into the shower and washed my hair.  I really have no excuse not to since it's one of 4 areas on my body I can reach (the other 3 being my arms, face, and ginormous belly).  

At least I don't smell.  

  

House Hunting with a Toddler

House hunting with a toddler has to be one of the circles of hell.  I mean it's not bad enough that I lost interest after the first 2 days of being in the car all day driving from house to house, but now I have to entertain a 2 year old and try to have an adult conversation with realtors and home builders while chasing my daughter through their model home before she can break that Home Goods ceramic vase they oh so conveniently have placed at her level. 

I will say that we are sooooo lucky that Em is such a good natured, easy going child.  Other than a few tantrums/melt downs per day she has been super good.  And I can't really blame her for the meltdowns.  She has missed her nap every single day and been forced to take a late nap in the carseat and she's been going to bed super late each night.  By the afternoon I am pretty ready to have a meltdown myself. 

Sadly she thinks the el crappola hotel we are staying at is now home.  She asks to go home every afternoon because in her words, "I go in this house. I go in this house. I go in this house.  I go in this house."  Yup, Em we keep taking you in all these super nice houses and we keep bringing you back to the el crappola every night.

To summarize our hotel the included breakfast is 2 different types of cereal or a waffle or piece of bread, there has been a cop sitting outside on our side the past 2 mornings, construction workers who come into town for the weekend to work are staying here, and thank God the people next door checked out before I had to call in my suspicions that it was a room full of children with no adult supervision due to them running up and down the hall at 10 o'clock at night. 

Luckily, we have our 80lb boxer to protect us.  She's so brave that earlier tonight when I took her outside she got spooked by a man pushing a grocery cart, 2 men sitting in a car, leaves blowing by us, the gate in front of the dumpster moving, a truck going by on the road, her reflection in the glass door, a man coming out of the hotel, and Paul & Emma.  Last night Paul & Emma took her outside and Sasha literally hid behind Emma when a man was walking by 50 feet away from them.  Our 9lb chihuahua is braver than Sasha.  However, it is sort of nice that the other very nice patrons in our hotel don't know that Sasha is more likely to piss herself if a man in a hat approaches us than she is to protect us from him. 

I'm pretty sure I haven't eaten a vegetable in 4 days unless you count the salad bar at the all you can buffet we've eaten at twice already.  I have; however, availed myself of every bathroom in every model home, rental, and house for sale we've seen.  Ahh the joys of being pregnant.  There was one powder room in a for sale we looked at that was so small I almost got stuck between the wall and the toilet. 

We also looked at a framed up new construction home today and for some reason I thought I could walk between 2 studs to go between rooms.  It sure would've been embarrassing if they would've had to cut me out like I was briefly afraid they were going to have to do when I got stuck.  Have you ever seen a cartoon where a hippo gets stuck in an inner tube?  That was pretty much what I looked like. 

We were supposed to be heading home tomorrow, but decided to stay an extra day to finalize some things.  Which isn't a bad thing since once again we are getting snow in MA.  Can I tell you how much I am over it snowing in MA?????? 

Okay, I have to lay down.  My back is killing me.  Probably because I walk around with a 25lb watermelon strapped to my front..

30 Weeks

I'm not gonna lie.  Pregnancy makes me a cranky bitch.  I know this, I recognize this and if you haven't seen me or talked to me much lately it's probably because you are annoying the shit out of me.  Don't take it personally because it's truly not you, it's me.  If there is one thing I've worked on over the past 5 years is recognizing when something is my issue versus someone else's issue. 

All this crankiness is my issue. 

My big fat, 30 weeks, look like I'm birthing an elephant because my amniotic fluid is high issue. 

On Saturday I'll be 31 weeks pregnant and in the home stretch; however, 2 months seems like an eternity right now.  As always I am uber grateful to just be pregnant and to have what looks like a healthy baby (despite her big belly from the extra amniotic fluid).  I have good insurance, excellent doctors, and the cerclage is holding things together beautifully. 

(OMG my daughter just wiped a booger on my hand.  Excuse me while I gag.)

I'm not gonna lie though.  I am uncomfortable.  I am large, I cannot make any decisions or think about the future at all (did I mention we sold our house, close on April 26th, are moving into a hotel, having the baby May 13th, and moving to VA June 25th?), and I am just ready to be settled in VA, enjoying a glass of wine.

Do I sound whiney (whiny? whinie?) enough? 

So bare with me while I spend the next 2 months in cranky blissdom.  I'm trying not to infect anyone else with my bitchiness. 

Ahhh Boobies...the new purse

I'm not gonna lie.  I miss my pre baby boobies.  Before I got married and had kids I had great boobs.  I don't like to brag, but they may have been referred to as "porn star perfect" and they were all natural, God given.  They are still all natural, but now they look like 2 pieces of chicken cutlets flattened with a meat cleaver and stapled to my chest. 

Of course now I have pregnancy boobies and my body has reached the point where my giant stomach and giant boobs have become one entity.  In light of these events I've decided there's no longer any need for me to carry a purse or diaper bag.  I am just going to tuck my wallet and phone under the left boob and a diaper and some wipes under the right boob.  I feel fairly confident that this is a full proof plan and perhaps may only become slightly awkward  when I reach down my shirt to pay the cashier at Walmart.  However, since I nursed Stinks for almost a year, and gave up using a cover when she was a few months old, as well as have had 2 cervical surgeries, and the longest failed labor ever any modesty I had was gone long ago.  Plus allowing the workers at Walmart a peak at Mount McArtor will count as my good deed for the day. 

If anyone wants to know how they too can acquire this fabulous accessory all you have to do is either be a teenager thinking about having sex OR be over 30 and spend countless months tracking your periods and ovulation cycles, having sex only during said ovulation cycle, endure a couple miscarriages, until you finally get pregnant.  Super easy. 

Ain't No Shame in my Game

Another pregnant friend of mine recently posted about how she hadn't shaved in 5 weeks since she's on pelvic rest.  I'm also on pelvic rest, but I like to keep a tidy area and I'll tell you why.  I feel that if my obs have to be looking at my junk then at least they should be able to easily see what they're looking for plus I'm a little bit vain.  I know you may never have guessed that by looking at me on a daily basis (seriously I haven't brushed my hair in like 4 days and if I leave the house I just make sure to wear my wedding ring so people know that some poor man did, in fact, marry me as if that excuses my slovenly ways).  And being pregnant you never know how many people at any given time might be peering at your chucky. 

Case in point...getting a cerclage put in at a teaching hospital.  The first time I got molested by Doogie Howser I was 22 weeks pregnant and there were probably 15 people in the room.  That's a lot of people whose job it is to be all up in your junk. 

This time when I got my cerclage put I was only 14 weeks pregnant.  The attending ob and her resident were both females.  The anesthesiologist and his resident were both males.  I am fairly certain that the resident ob and the resident anesthesiologist made plans for a date as they were supposed to be getting me ready for surgery.  Don't worry about me y'all.  Make your date.  I'll input my own information into the computer chart. 

The anesthesiologist resident perhaps should've kept his mind on his job and NOT on getting into the resident ob's junk.  His placement of the spinal was, let's say, less than smooth.  Certainly not as smooth as his game with her.  My back was painful for 2 days! 

After they get the spinal in they help you lay down onto the bed.  A spinal takes effect very quickly so as you are laying down your legs are going numb.  The attending anesthesiologist takes this little needle and starts poking you to see if you're numb enough for the surgery yet.  As he's doing that the doctors are hoisting your legs up into stirrups that hang from over top of you.  So you know how embarrassing it can be at your annual ob exam laying there with your legs in stirrups.  Imagine now that your legs are at a 90 degree angle to your body.  Now add in a huge ass spot light to highlight your chucky.  There is no way in hell I could've gone into that appointment all Demi Moore hairy 80's vagina (if you really need to know then google Demi Moore and her Playboy spread from the 80's.  Fair warning it looks like her vajajay is being attacked by a bear).  And then they clean you and insert a catheter. 

Of course since they only used a spinal I have the ability to lay there the entire time thinking about how people are staring at my junk.  And by staring I mean I can feel them RIGHTHERE getting intimate with my junk in ways that the hubby has not been allowed to do in a long long while.  Sigh.  All you can do is lay there and wait for the embarrassment to be over.   My mantra was along the lines of "This is their job.  They are professionals.  They see tons of vaginas.  There's no need to be embarrassed."  I can tell you this though it is definitely worse than child birth in terms of what is occurring down there. 

Finally it's over and they cover you up, whale hoist you back to the other bed, and wheel you to recovery where only 1 poor nurse now has the fun job of checking your pad for bleeding (seriously who goes to nursing school for that...that's why those bitches get paid so much money!  Pad checking). 

I'll tell you what these 2 little munchkins that have grown inside my body are going to hear for the rest of their lives every time they act up stories about what we went through to get them here!  And any potential suitors are going to have to hear about my cerclages. 

To be fair in regard to the whole shaving thing, I did have laser hair removal so my upkeep is pretty minimal.  Thank goodness!  However, if I hadn't and I could no longer reach, don't think I wouldn't make hubby get out the razor.  Like I said ain't no shame in my game. 

17 weeks

I haven't blogged about the pregnancy in awhile, but its because our toddler is becoming a TODDLER (I can NOT hear the word no one more time).

I'm in that weird pregnancy space where I don't feel pregnant, I don't feel the baby moving much yet, and I just look fat. Although people do seem to notice I'm pregnant perhaps because I look about what I did when I was six months along with Em. Yikes! What is 9 months going to look like???

Of course we are once again having to take a break from all extracurricular activities (cough, cough you know what I mean. If you don't, don't ask). We figured out we've spent over half our marriage being celibate (2 pregnancies and a deployment). Lawdy. At least we know our marriage isn't based on sex. Haha

I finally started Christmas shopping. I usually am done early but we had so much other stuff going on in October and November (I've been to the airport like 10 times in 5 weeks or something crazy) that it just wasn't a priority.

And hubby tells me tonight he's volunteering tomorrow as a Salvation Army bell ringer which is something I've wanted to do FOREVER! So he is going to try to sign him, me, & Em up for the 22nd. Yay!

And I've decided to forgo sending Christmas cards this year to make a donation to a charity instead. Although there's a good chance I'll put one of those annoying holiday letters on my blog. I know you'll be waiting with baited breath.

Hope everyone is calm and joyful. Remember there's no reason to be stressed! Santa is coming!

How Hot is Pregnancy

The Hotness of Pregnancy (09/21/12)

I know there are some women who glow when they’re pregnant.  Their hair is vibrant, their skin is vibrant, they only gain weight in their bellies, and they just look sexy, they feel sexy, and they want sex.

I am not one of those women.  I hate being pregnant.  I love the end result, but the 9 months before that I hate.  My hair is not vibrant because I don’t wash it.  Instead I keep it in a pony tail all day, every day.  My skin does not glow or glisten or shine except in the way of someone covered in oil.  I don’t necessarily gain a ton of weight, but that’s because I’m already fat.  When you’re fat going into pregnancy you don’t need to gain much.  Yes, I’ll lose all that pregnancy weight quickly, but guess what.  I’ll still be overweight. 

And the sexy.  Oh not so much.  Last pregnancy I was on pelvic rest from week 18 on.  This pregnancy I’ve felt so nauseous that I can’t even think about that right now.  And after today I am sure Paul isn’t thinking about it either.

This morning we met some mommy friends for a sing a long at the library and then Em and I got take out lunch and met Paul at the park by his office.  Thank goodness it was chilly and we were the only fools there.  I ate my lunch and it was soooo good.  I was sooo hungry.

Afterwards we’re walking around with Em as she’s playing on the playground and I really don’t feel well.  You know what’s coming.  I grab some airplane vomit bags that I happened to have in the diaper bag and I throw up.  In the park. 

But wait, it gets better.  Not only do I throw up profusely, I also pee on myself.  Paul asked how I survived college, throwing up after drinking, if I peed on myself all the time.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t then or at least I don’t remember it (that might be because of the alcohol).  But now every time I throw up I pee.  Sometimes it’s a little, sometimes it’s everything in my bladder, much like an elephant or a horse.

And I’m not talking “oops I tinkled a little in my panties.”  I’m talking tie my sweater around my waist, head straight home, do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not stop at the grocery, have to immediately go home and change my clothes because urine is dripping down my leg pee myself.  It was an elephant day.

So this is the scenario.  The 3 of us are in the park.  It’s cold out.  I am holding a bag of vomit, covered in pee, and I’ve never seen Paul laugh so hard. 

We drop Paul back at his office and I can tell he doesn’t want to kiss me (ya know because I’ve thrown up and I’m covered in pee).  He tries to kiss my forehead, but I’m quicker than that and he ends up kissing me on the lips.  Haha sucker! 

That’s true love ladies and gentlemen.  True love.  If you don’t have a man who will kiss you on the lips and still love after he’s seen you throw up and pee on yourself then move along and find someone who will.

Surprise!

Surprise!  I'm pregnant!  I just hit 12 weeks, we've had 3 ultrasounds, and heard the heartbeat on doppler.  The baby looks great.  I was so excited to have a normal pregnancy as compared to last time, but Thursday I got diagnosed with a partial placenta previa and a cyst on my ovary and told to take it easy.  Easier said than done with a toddler and a husband who is traveling and working more than usual.  We'll manage though.  Below are the two pictures we put on Facebook to tell our friends.  

Emma wore her soon to be a big sister shirt to the airport last week when we picked up my dad and his lady friend and my dad didn't even notice!  I finally had to say to him that Emma wore a special shirt for you.  haha  I knew Patsy would know as soon as she saw me that I was pregnant.  I have definitely popped!  It is true that with the second you start showing much earlier.  Of course I was happy because I heart maternity clothes and was extremely happy to put on those maternity pants. 

And I know I've been a blog slacker and I apologize, but I was so sick between week 4 and week 9.  I just couldn't work up any energy (I had to reserve my energy for vomiting, but on the plus side I lost 5lbs) for blogging, plus all I wanted to write about was being pregnant and we weren't telling people until we knew things looked okay.  Hopefully this pregnancy will be the one to get me out of that awful miscarriage club.  I would like to resign my membership. 

So tell your friends and look forward to funny pregnancy posts.  I promise to do a better job blogging! 

Hope everyone had a safe and happy Halloween!  

False Hope

Science is amazing, but it can also be misleading. It used to be that a woman had to wait until she missed her period to take a home pregnancy test and find out if she was pregnant. Now you can take a home pregnancy test up to 5 days before your period starts and find out if you're expecting.

And that's what I did last week, Wednesday to be exact, and guess what...it was positive! I took another test on Thursday and that was positive. We were overjoyed. Friday I had a doctor's appointment and she did a pregnancy test at her office and it was negative. Suddenly I wasn't so overjoyed. She reassured me that it was still early, that maybe their test just wasn't as sensitive, but my heart sunk a little bit.

And over the weekend I continued to have positive HPTs, but the positive line got fainter and fainter and my symptoms (nausea and exhaustion) disappeared. Yesterday I was pretty certain I was going to get my period and this morning I did. I'm guessing it was a chemical pregnancy or very early miscarriage.

So, here I am...3rd lost pregnancy. I cried this morning on the way to Stroller Strides and I'm crying now as I write this. I have 2 friends up here who have children around Emma's age. They are both pregnant again and I'm so so happy for them. But, BUT it's so very very hard to be around friends who are pregnant right now. It's sort of like a little dagger to the heart and I can't imagine how people who truly struggle with infertility must feel. I can't imagine years and years of this feeling. I don't consider myself struggling with infertility. I can get pregnant. I just can't stay pregnant (with the exception of my beautiful, wonderful Emma Bean).

I keep repeating to myself "All in God's time" and I'm trying to hold out that He must have something good in store for us or know that something is coming up that it's not the time for me to be pregnant (maybe an earlier than expected military move or whatever), but I still feel sad. I really thought this was it, that I was going to be having a baby around March 28th, 2013, and now I'm not.

Now I'm not.

Post Dump

So when I found out I was pregnant I started writing about it assuming I'd be able to post them with a happy outcome.  I still wanted to share what I had written (because I assume you want to read it.  lol). 

Guess What (written 03/17/12)

As you know I’ve been trying to lose weight.  I’ve been going to the gym.  I’ve been watching what I eat.  I started Couch to 5k so I could run the Disney Princess Half Marathon in 2013 (and a 5k or 2 this summer).  We had tried to get pregnant and it just didn’t seem to be happening (okay, Paul had only been home for 2 months, but it happened so quickly with Emma) so we decided to stop trying and move forward with adoption.  I had contacted the state and we had gotten our application packet. 

The day before I was supposed to get my period I thought “hmmm” and I took a pregnancy test.  Well guess what!  Yup, I’m pregnant due Nov. 26^th.  The only thought I had was holy shit.  The line on the pregnancy test was super light but I texted it to Paul and he replied, “Well you didn’t think you were pregnant.”  I replied, “Um, there are 2 lines there.”  What!  To say we were both shocked was an understatement (although we shouldn’t have been.  I mean hello we were actively trying to get pregnant). 

Friday morning I woke up and took another pregnancy test.  Yup, still positive.  I went to the base and had my blood test and that came back positive.  I guess we are having a Thanksgiving baby. 

Because I’ve had a miscarriage my ob is having me go for a blood test on Monday and again on Wednesday to make sure my hCG levels have doubled.  Fingers crossed! 

We spent the day in Boston and on the way home we were talking about how awful my first labor and delivery was and I finally had to say stop because I started to have an anxiety attack.  Lol  My ob and I will def be having a talk because I feel like I need to know what to expect this pregnancy. 

So, I’m not sure when this will get posted.  Probably after we at least hear the heartbeat and make sure everything is going well so at least another month. 

I guess my fitness blogging will now revert back to a pregnancy blog.  Aren’t y’all excited????  haha

3/21/12

Because I’ve had a miscarriage my ob is having my hCG levels tested.  I went for the first blood test Monday and go for the second blood test today.  Of course since I found out I was pregnant last week I’ve had cramps which I know is normal, but is making me anxious that I’m going to miscarry.  I know realistically that since I’ve had Emma there is nothing to indicate that this won’t be a healthy pregnancy and baby, too, BUT knowing and feeling are two different things. 

I pray that today’s hCG levels have doubled from Monday since that is what they are looking for.  That’ll indicate a better chance for a viable pregnancy. 

But meanwhile I’m just trying to relax and know that everything will be okay whatever happens. 

Miscarriage (3/28/12)

Because I have had a miscarriage my ob has been having me go in for blood tests to test my hCG and progesterone levels.  Last week I went on Monday and Wednesday with the expectation in a healthy pregnancy that my hCG levels would double.  My hCG levels were not quite doubled, but fairly close and my progesterone was within normal limits, but on the low end.  The ob started me on a progesterone supplement and had me repeat the blood work today. 

My hCG levels aren’t doubling and my progesterone actually went down despite being on the supplement for a week. 

I admit I had a good cry.  I didn’t realize how much I wanted another baby until I got pregnant.  And then I decided that no matter what happened, if this baby was not meant to be, then I was going to approach things with a positive attitude.  I’ve continued working out although I had stopped the couch to 5k program so I can resume that and I can also go back on my fitness pal and count calories again (which I stopped when I found out I was pregnant).  My friend Michele has lost 17lbs counting calories and I am so proud of her and so inspired by her.  She’s in FL, but I bet she looks fantastic!  FYI she was a bad influence on me in high school. 

And I would so much rather have this happen now when I’m only 5 weeks along then later in the pregnancy.  I just watched the season finale of 19 Kids and Counting and my heart was so sad for the Duggars as they birthed and buried their 17 week old baby.  Things can always be worse and to me, as sad as I am, I have friends who have lost babies and children and I cannot imagine their heart ache.  Mine is nothing compared to that.  

God continues to bless us with our healthy and wonderful baby Emma and right now that is enough.  

Sad 3/29/12

It’s so strange to go from being so elated and excited about your pregnancy and dreaming about your new little bundle of joy and planning for the future to anticipating a miscarriage, knowing that this possibly isn’t a viable pregnancy and being so so very sad. 

It’s a very quick movement from not pregnant to pregnant to not pregnant again.  It’s overwhelming and underwhelming all at the same time.

I go from wanting to sob to looking forward to the summer to wanting to sob again. 

We will know more tomorrow.  Until then trying to keep my head and spirits up. 

Faith (3/29/12)

You know God I am okay with whatever is going to happen with this pregnancy.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through another pregnancy or newborn stage.  I know people say that you forget the labor and birth as soon as you hold your precious baby.  I haven’t forgotten.  I’ve had a lot of anxiety about the end of the pregnancy and delivery.  But this pregnancy has shown me that I do want another baby.  I do want another newborn.  We still want to adopt, but our plan will be to adopt later. 

We are so blessed in our Emma.  I look at her and feel so much love that I can hardly stand it.  It seems overwhelming at times.  And I have things to look forward to this summer if I’m not going to be pregnant. 

So I know You know this, but I want You to know that I know that I’ll be okay.  I have faith that You have a plan for us, for this pregnancy, or the next. 

Thank You for showing me that I do desire another baby.  And of course for giving us the ability to try, trying is half the fun!  Thank You for our healthy, beautiful, wonderful Emma.  Thank You for a husband who loves me and supports me and believes in me and forgives me when I go retail crazy during his deployment.  Lol  Thank You for the amazing friends You’ve brought into our lives and for our families. We have so many blessings in our lives and to You we give praise and thanks. 

Loss

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matt 5:4

(written 4/3/12)


After I had my first miscarriage it seemed like people came out of the woodwork to tell me they too had had a miscarriage. I didn’t realize first pregnancy miscarriages were so common. I remember someone even telling me about their 4 or 5 miscarriages and saying to Paul that I didn’t think I could go through that. The loss of our first baby was so painful even though I was only 10 weeks along. I felt like my heart was breaking.

And then we had our Emma. She truly is the light of our lives and makes my heart feel overwhelmed with love for her and I know Paul feels the same way because we talk about it all the time.

About 2 weeks ago I had a positive home pregnancy test and a positive blood test. Because of my earlier miscarriage my ob sent me to the lab to have a blood test to check my hCG and progesterone levels. The hCG started off okay, but the progesterone was low. I’ve been going twice a week for blood tests and started on progesterone supplements.

To say the last 2 weeks have been a roller coaster would be an understatement. My hCG is slowly rising, but my progesterone would go up a little and down a little and up a little and down a lot. Hope and sadness played war with my emotions and overall I’ve just felt blah the last 2 weeks when I should be so excited about this baby. I’ve been realistic though in knowing that I most likely would miscarriage. My ob’s office has prepared me for that.

So based on some things that have happened yesterday and this morning I am pretty sure the miscarriage is happening. I go back for another blood test on Wednesday and then an ob appointment that afternoon. Honestly if I am going to miscarry then I just want it over with. I just want a resolution. This uncertainty is hard.

I keep telling myself that I just need to know that God has everything planned and all in control, but honestly I never pictured myself as the person who would have multiple miscarriages. That is a club I never wanted to join. Pregnancy is supposed to be natural. It’s what women’s bodies are born to do. I mean if you are between the ages of 12 and 17 you can get pregnant and carry a baby with no problems. If you are established in your life and in a stable relationship then climbing Mount Everest might be easier than pregnancy apparently.

But this experience, this loss, makes me realize what an even more amazing blessing Emma is, the fact that despite ALL the issues I had during that pregnancy, that I carried her past term, and that she’s here in our lives…God definitely had His hand in her for sure. And if she’s the only baby that I ever get to carry then I can only give thanks to God for that and rest secure in the knowledge that she won’t be the only child we have because we are committed to adopting.

So, that’s that. This is where we are. It’s nice to know that our marriage is strong as we continue to weather many storms. And if miscarriage, coupled with a couple things that happened to me when I was in my 20’s, are what God thinks I can handle then I am good with that.

Why Emma may be an only child

While my beautiful baby Emma sleeps beside me in her bassinet in the hospital I thought I'd take a moment to write her birth story and all the fun we had trying to bring her into this world.

Thursday we had our 41 week check up and a BPP.  The BPP showed that Emma was measuring 9.2lbs with an AFI (amniotic fluid level) of 5 which is low.  My ob was out of town, but Dr. R from her practice was concerned with her fluid level being low and her being big.  He decided to induce me and called ahead to the hospital.  I called the hospital every 2 hours until I was told to come in at 11pm.

We ate dinner at Friendly's, waited for our wonderful friends to come watch the dogs, and headed off to the hospital to have our baby girl.  Dr. R was the doctor in working the pit that night and was already at the hospital when we got there.  I was optimistic.  When we rang the buzzer to L&D and the nurse asked if she could help us I replied, "I'm here to have my baby!"  Haha.  Or so I thought.  Dr. R gave me cervadil at 12:30am, I got an ambien, and slept till 4am. 

4am I started to have contractions.  12pm Dr. R came in to check me.  I had made zero progress.  No dilation, cervix still thick and high.  So, on to citotek (?spelling)--an oral med taken every 4 hours to induce labor.  Dr. F, another ob from my practice, was in the hospital so he checked me later on.  No dilation.  They let Paul and I off the unit to go walk around the floor and I am convinced I will be showing up at my ob's office Monday morning to say, "WTF!  Dr. R told me I wouldn't be leaving the hospital without a baby!" as we imagine the look of surprise on their faces.   

So now it's Friday night.  Dr. D, the pit doctor, came in and said that he had talked to Dr. W, the on call dr for my ob for the weekend, and that if I continued to make no progress and my AFI was normal in the morning (Saturday) that they were going to send me home.  WHAT!  Keep in mind I've been having contractions every 5-8 minutes for over 12 hours at this point.  Another ambien and I actually slept pretty good.  Our nurse woke me up early Saturday morning to go get my AFI and I just know it's normal and I'm going to be sent home. 

The tech measures the baby and she gets 9.1lbs.  Dr. W comes in and tells us the AFI came back lower (3.8) and so he is going to insert a balloon catheter into my hooha as well as start pitocin (which they previously didn't want to do b/c I wasn't dilated).  All the mother's reading this know how sensitive your cervix is when you are pregnant...now imagine someone pulling your cervix outside of your vajajay, using forceps to hold it as he inserts a balloon into you and inflates it with saline.  Holy mother! 

A few hours go by and my contractions are getting closer together and stronger.  I get up to go to the bathroom and the balloon falls out.  Hallelujah we've hit 4cm!  Everyone is sure we are on the road now to a vaginal delivery.  It's now 11amish.  An hour later and I'm at 5cm.  Good sign!  I get an epidural and it's wonderful.  I sleep, I don't feel any contractions at all.  I think this is the best thing ever!

On Saturday let's just say that Paul got to see more things than he wanted too.  I've never seen anyone gag so much.  lol  6:30pm and my epidural has worn off.  I'm still 5cm dilated.  The anesthesiologist is with a case so I have to wait till 7pm for the next anesthesiologist to get there.  She comes straight to my room and tops me off.  Ahhh relief. 

Our favorite nurse comes back on (although all the nurses in L&D were amazing, but we had just worked with Wendy before several times!).  By 8pm I am still feeling all the contractions on my left side and can totally feel my left leg.  So Wendy calls the anesthesiologist back and my only option is to have the original epidural removed and have a new one placed.  We do this and I get pain relief...for another hour and a half.  By 10:30pm I'm in a lot of pain, can feel every contraction, and still am only 5cm dilated.  Plus my cervix has actually thickened back up.  And I have blood in my urine bag.  And the baby is not in position.

Keep in mind I have now been in the hospital for 48 hours and have been in active labor for over 12 hours.  Wendy comes in to tell us that Dr. W has called in the surgical team.  Dr. W comes in and tells us that I am going to have a c-section.  Wendy preps me and Paul and wheels us down to the OR. 

The anesthesiologist gives me more medication; however, I am so nauseous from laying down that I throw up through the entire operation.  At one point I knock over the little bowl into my hair.  I have no idea why anyone would elective to have a c-section.  It was literally the most painful experience I've ever had.  I was told to expect a little tugging and pulling (and even on tv birth shows all these women seem to only experience minor discomfort).  I felt every single thing the 2 ob's were doing.  When they were pulling Emma out I thought they were trying to kill me.  Oh, and we found out that she was sunny side up which is why she couldn't get into birth position.  It was the longest 30 minutes of my life.

It made me sad that I was in so much pain that when they walked by with me with Emma I could barely find any joy in seeing her.  I never wanted to be one of those melodramatic mamas who cries and screams and whines through out her labor and up to the c-section I hadn't been.  But during the c-section I lost it.  I cried, I threw up, I just wanted it to be over.  And when I heard Emma cry for the first time and Paul came over crying I did cry...partially at hearing Emma and partially at my own pain.  I am not even sure there are adequate words to describe how painful my c-section was. 

The special care pediatrician was there because Emma had pooped in utero and they had to suction out her lungs, but Paul said she handled it like a champ.  She didn't even cry when she got her first shot! 

So all my friends who have c-sections look beautiful and smiling in their first pics with the baby while I look like a drowned rat.  lol

But our beautiful baby girl is here.  She is amazing.  It still doesn't seem possible that she was in my tummy not even 24 hours ago and now she's hanging out with us.  Very surreal and I can't believe the hospital is going to let us leave with this little munchkin.  We love her so much already!

As an added bonus I now get to spend an extra 4 days in the hospital (making my total stay 6 days--how much has Tricare paid for this pregnancy????  lol).  The food is delicious, I get served all my meals in bed, and I get to wear jammies all the time.  What could be better than that? 

Emma Grace born 02/26 @ 11:58pm, 8lbs 11oz, 20.5 inches

And our friend Wendy came to visit us today! 

More updates to follow! 

If THIS didn't induce labor nothing will

Although I was cranky as all get out on Sunday we actually had a pretty good day...breakfast at Cracker Barrel, a movie, and hanging out at home the rest of the day.  Oh, and the pedicure.  I had read that there are pressure points in your feet and ankle that can induce labor so I headed off to get my toe nails did.  She didn't really give me the massage I was expecting (although I do love my elephantastic pink polish) so when I got home I found a youtube video showing all the pressure points, made Paul watch it, and reclined on the couch while he massaged my feet. 

Fast forward to 8:45pm.  We're sitting in the living room.  Paul's watching tv and I'm reading my book when all of the sudden my heart starts racing.  I don't say anything for a few minutes because I'm sure it's going to pass.  Finally I ask Paul to time me while I take my pulse.  My pulse is beating so fast, but in 10 seconds I count 23 beats so roughly 120bpm.  Paul suggests I call the ob, but I want to wait a few minutes.  I take my heart rate again and same thing.  I call L&D and they suggest calling my ob.  I ask Paul to take my pulse and he says my  heart is beating too fast he can't even count the beats.

I call the on call ob.  She is not a doctor in my practice (I guess my practice shares their weekend on call with another practice), but I saw her the last time I had my NST.  She suggests that I am having bad heartburn and that it will resolve itself, but to be on the safe side I can go to L&D to be checked.  So off we head to the hospital.  At this point its about 9:10pm.  My chest is tight and I can't breathe.

We get to L&D about 9:30pm.  I notice a certain ob's name on the board as being there.  My heart is still racing, but the baby is moving like crazy.  They hook me up to the fetal monitor and also hook my heart up to a monitor.  My heart is beating so fast that the alarm keeps going off.  The nurse, also the nurse we saw last time, says words I never want to hear "I'm going to get Dr. Nagler."  Dr. Nagler was the ob I had at the beginning of my pregnancy who terrified me and who I hated.  I'm sure just hearing her name made my heart race faster.  Paul hears Dr. Nagler say, "Thacker's on call for Burlington.  Send her to the ER."  The relief was palpable. 

I ask nurse Wendy if I can use the restroom before we go down and she says no!  She says we need to get me down to the ER immediately.  At this point it's almost 10pm.  She wheels me downstairs and into triage.  They take my vitals again and it seems like it takes forever for them to sign me in.  My heart rate at this point...over 170bpm and I'm starting to feel light headed. 

The ER nurse comes in to take me for an EKG and I ask if I can use the restroom.  She says AFTER the EKG.  Well the EKG was so bad that she tells me I have to use the bathroom as quickly as possible and makes Paul go in with me.  As soon as I get out and climb back on the gurney she rushes me into a large examining room.  She immediately goes back to the door and calls for help.  All these nurses rush into the room as well as 2 doctors and before I know it they are hooking me up to another EKG, putting an IV in, and giving me oxygen.  The one ER doctor tells me I am in SVT and they need to slow my heart rate immediately.  It has been between 180 and 200bmp for over 2 hours at this point. 

My choices for slowing my heart rate...the use of adenosine (a medication administered through the IV that is class C for pregnancy) or by sedation and the use of electrical current.  I chose the adenosine.  He warns me that it may be uncomfortable as its going to slow my heart almost to stopping so that it can resume a normal rhythm as another nurse is putting defibrillator pads on me and the other doctor is asking a nurse to go get a crash cart just in case. 

So all these doctors and nurses are standing around staring at me as the nurse administers the med and I know they are there in case my heart stops completely.  Feeling your heart almost stop is an awful feeling.  I could literally feel my heart slowing down in my chest and I started to cry because it was scary and uncomfortable.  They had Paul get up and rub my foot and another nurse was rubbing my arm and holding my hand and the doctor kept saying, "It's almost over, it's almost over."  And finally it was.  I could breath again.  My heart rate was normal (and by normal I mean between 100bpm and 112bpm). 

We stayed in the ER another couple hours while my blood work was checked and it all came back normal.  Basically they have no answer as to why this happened or if it could happen again.  The doctor did say some people have just 1 episode and some people have regular occurrences that require ongoing use of medication. 

So, if through all that I didn't go in to labor than I have to believe nothing short of my ob using medication to induce will cause Emma to come out at this point.  After all her excitement last night she has been a quiet girl today and I hope there aren't any lasting effects from that medication.  Thankfully I'm so far along in my pregnancy that there shouldn't be and my ob said I made the right choice (she also couldn't believe that the on call ob told me it was heart burn or that I keep having so much stuff going on in my life). 

I went to see a cardiologist tonight and the tech said everything looked normal, but that the doctor would review the results and call me.   

At this point I'm just praying God keeps Emma and I safe and healthy through the rest of this pregnancy and delivery.  I see the ob on Thursday to schedule my induction.  I'll let y'all know!

Why I am Never Going to be Able to go Anywhere with Our Child by Myself

I have been the laziest of lazies today.  If our house cleaner wasn't coming over today there is a good chance I may have stayed in bed all day.  I did shower and get dressed and then rushed around trying to pick up some clutter so she could actually clean.  Luckily we have been much better about our clutter and throwing things out and donating things to Salvation Army so it was minimal. 

By 10:15am I was done with that, Mary was here doing her thang, and I was snuggled in the recliner, watching The Today Show, and eating Raisin Bran Crunch (I have never loved cereal as much as I have since I've been prego.  Seriously I eat cereal every day now). 

And that was pretty much the rest of my day.  I did have a brief spurt of energy where I thought I would wash the rug in front of the kitchen sink and the one in front of the door and by wash I mean throw it into the washing machine (FYI...the backing on the one rug NOT in good shape.  After Mary cleaned the bathroom I then got little pieces of plastic backing all over the floor and inside the washing machine and had to ask Mary if I could use her vacuum to clean it up--dang Paul and his 200lb, need a degree in physics to use, Kirby) and then Mary insisted she would clean it up and had to vacuum out the INSIDE of the washing machine--God love her for putting up with me.  Oh, and that rug went straight into the garbage and NOT into the dryer). 

When Mary left around 2pm I rustled up the energy to put a frozen pizza in the oven and have some of that (not impressed) and then continued my couch cruise. 

Finally at 4:15pm I couldn't stand it anymore.  I was so bored, so out of sorts, and so unmotivated that I forced myself to get up and go clean the garbage out of my car.  (Last year my friend Cory came to visit and was appalled by the condition of the inside of my car that she made me clean it out while she was here.  Since then I've tried to have more respect for my vehicle with period de-cluttering.  As I haven't been driving much since I was put on bedrest and lost my job it was quite awful.)  An entire garbage bag later and I was done.

So, I decided to practice using the car seat.  Keep in mind I was on bedrest for months (5, but whose counting) and what do you have lots of when you're on bedrest?  Time.  I had plenty of time to research consumer reports, ratings, product reviews, and any other car seat information I could find.  And research I did.  I ended up buying the Britax Chaperone in cow print with the matching stroller (I know, I know...everyone told me to get the snap & go stroller, but being a first time mom I wanted the whole shebang). 

When the police officer installed the car seat she felt the best fit would be to put it in the middle seat.  Luckily I have an SUV or there is no way this thing would've fit (which I knew going into this Britax thing).  She showed me how to install everything and I have to say it looked pretty easy.  When is anything I ever try to do easy?

1)  Get the car seat OUT of the base.  Well, this seems easy enough.  I know there has to be some kind of release lever somewhere on the car seat.  Hmmmm....keep in mind it's 20 degrees out, I'm 9 1/2 months pregnant, and have a parka and gloves on.  Where the heck is this release lever????  No directions on the base anywhere.  There's directions on how to put the seat into the base, but none how to get it out.  Okay, but I have smartly left the manual in the car seat so when we ever have this baby (which is gonna be never) we can figure out how to get her in the car seat.  I find the page with the instructions for removing the car seat (4 whole sentences) and the lever is what I have been pushing in.  All I can think about is "OMG if I had an emergency my baby would die because I am never getting this car seat out."  20 minutes later... I have a snotsicle and have finally gotten the car seat out.  I had to climb into the car to do it and I'm breathing like I've just run a marathon, but I did it! 

2)  I realize that my baby is going to have some serious issues with me heaving the car seat around while I'm trying to get it out of the base so I decide to try and move the car seat to behind the passenger seat.  Maybe if the car seat was closer to the door I could more easily get it out.  Now all I have to do is remove the base.  The base has these things that snap over the seat belt and I cannot get these unsnapped to save my life.  I broke a nail INSIDE MY GLOVES trying to do this.  I had to take my scarf off to cushion my fingers, but 15 minutes later and the snaps are open.  7 minutes later and I have the seat belt out.  I pull the passenger seat forward and slide over the base.  I am smart enough to not latch it in without checking out the passenger seat situation.  The car seat fits behind the passenger seat, but the passenger would have to sit straight up with their knees touching the dashboard.  Clearly this isn't going to work.

3) Re-installing the base.  By now it's almost dark outside.  My snotsicle has reached epic proportions and I am freezing.  Snaps, seat belt, car seat.  Cannot get the stupid bubble in between the 2 lines that tells me the car seat is in right position.  Have to figure out how to remove car seat to adjust base.  Up, down, up, down...why won't this stupid bubble move???  Get a towel per instruction booklet.  Realize I do not have the energy to try to get those stupid snaps undone to put the towel under the end of the base.  Maybe our driveway isn't level?  I'll look at the car seat when I go somewhere tomorrow (ob, post office, whatever) and see if its level.  Try again to practice removing the car seat and that's when I realize it.

I am NEVER going to be able to go anywhere alone with my child because I am never going to figure out how to get the car seat out of the car.   

Back to my couch cruise thoroughly defeated.