I'm not gonna lie. I miss my pre baby boobies. Before I got married and had kids I had great boobs. I don't like to brag, but they may have been referred to as "porn star perfect" and they were all natural, God given. They are still all natural, but now they look like 2 pieces of chicken cutlets flattened with a meat cleaver and stapled to my chest.
Of course now I have pregnancy boobies and my body has reached the point where my giant stomach and giant boobs have become one entity. In light of these events I've decided there's no longer any need for me to carry a purse or diaper bag. I am just going to tuck my wallet and phone under the left boob and a diaper and some wipes under the right boob. I feel fairly confident that this is a full proof plan and perhaps may only become slightly awkward when I reach down my shirt to pay the cashier at Walmart. However, since I nursed Stinks for almost a year, and gave up using a cover when she was a few months old, as well as have had 2 cervical surgeries, and the longest failed labor ever any modesty I had was gone long ago. Plus allowing the workers at Walmart a peak at Mount McArtor will count as my good deed for the day.
If anyone wants to know how they too can acquire this fabulous accessory all you have to do is either be a teenager thinking about having sex OR be over 30 and spend countless months tracking your periods and ovulation cycles, having sex only during said ovulation cycle, endure a couple miscarriages, until you finally get pregnant. Super easy.
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