The Real Housewives

I know y'all watch the Real Housewives...at least one of the series. Don't lie and try to act all highbrow. We all have a little trash in us. I may have a little more than the average person. I blame the baby. If I hadn't been on bed rest then I wouldn't have gotten hooked on so many reality shows!

My fave by far is Real Housewives of New Jersey followed by the OC. I don't watch any of the other series, but I have seen bits and pieces here and there. So my overwhelming question is this...who fights like that with their friends???? I have never once in my life had a full out brawl with my friends. Sure we might get annoyed with each other from time to time, but an argument...never.

I'm just gonna give you some of my opinions on this season of RHONJ and RHOC. Keep in mind..these are my OPINIONS. That means you don't have to agree with me. Let's also keep in mind that I'm posting about a reality tv show. No need to get all irate and defensive of your favorite castmate. I'm not judging...okay, maybe I am judging, but you don't have to agree with me. I've seen some of y'all's tweets and I know how strongly (aka irrationally) you feel about your fave castmate.

In terms of a rating system (thanks Sarah and Andy) we will categorize our castmates by the following scale: riff raff, street rat, and dirty brown water trash.

RHOC
Vicki: Vicki turned 50 this year and gasp her grown ass daughter went ahead and got married..the gall of her! I am so excited to see that she married a military man (I may be biased just a little bit) and I hope it works out! Girl, call me if you need any advice (ya know cause I know everything). I typically like Vicki for her go get it attitude and strong business sense, but was sad that her and Don couldn't work it out. I wondered if she had spent as much time and attention on her marriage as she does on her business if things would've been different. I also saw something that implied that Brooks was the gentleman that hung out with Tamara and Vicki in Cabo last season...he certainly did look like Brooks. I do think Vicki is a little bit of a hypocrite because it's okay for her to talk about how awful Slade is, but yet she doesn't own to the accusations that Brooks has done the same things. She can dish it, but she for sure can't take it. Rating: riff raff

Gretchen: Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen...Slade, really? You must really have a thing for older men cause he's like your dad's age. And why is there always one housewife who thinks she can sing? I know bad singing and I'm here to tell ya we are the same in this regard sister. You have 10,000 careers going on...pick one already! Rating: street rat

Tamara: I am so happy you finally left that loser husband of yours and have a hot new boyfriend. Boy oh boy are you one loud cookie. I think you'd fit in well with the Girls Next Door (except for the fact that you got your boobies removed which I actually applaud). Rating: street rat

Alexis: You, by far, are the creepiest of all the OC housewives. Between your controlling, creepy husband and your Jesus Barbie looks and your "career" of being a tv personality (tv anchor you ain't sweetie...every time they show clips of your tv segment all I can think is Oh Honey...I can send you some learn to read books if you need them. You seem to struggle with your cue cards) it is sometimes painful to watch your insecurities play out on television. Rating: dirty brown water trash

Heather: Love her! Think she is the classiest housewife ever to grace the OC screen. I think describing herself as an actress is a bit of a reach (when you haven't done something in a million years then it's time to take it off your resume), but I do really think she is fantastic. Rating: fabulous

Slade: Creepy, creepy Slade. Where do I begin? I'm not sure why you are unable to date women your own age. Actually I am sure. A woman your own age would see through your bullshit in a heartbeat and would NOT put up with you. Why do you feel the need to turn every girlfriend you have into a singer? Jo who? I'm not sure what you do for an actually job anymore, but it appears to entail sponging off Gretchen. Let's hope for a Slade free season next year. Rating: dirty brown water trash

RHONJ
Jaclyn: I am so relieved you finally kicked your bratty daughter Ashley out of your house. Yes, she is your daughter. Yes, you love her, but holy crap. She needs a good ass kicking. I am anxiously awaiting your show down with Theresa. I think you are awesome, but I sense you have a little riff raff in you.

Caroline: My fave NJ housewife! I would pay money to meet Caroline and have a glass of wine with her. I love how she is with her family and her marriage and her kids and I think she is a great role model and a little gangsta. She'd kick your ass and not look back. Lauren, stop beating yourself up so much about your weight! You are fantastic! If I was younger, and single, I'd totally want to marry Albie or Chris. Rating: fabulous riff raff

Melissa: I would beat someone up to have your body. Your husband ain't shabby either. Y'all are so funny together and have put up with way more than I ever would have from your sister in law (cuckoo, cuckoo). It is time for the two of you to walk away from that crazy Theresa. Sometimes you gotta love your family from afar and this is one of those times. I see a little street in you and so as fabulous as you are...rating: street rat (except in your case I mean that as a compliment).

Kathy: You are a great mom! You and Melissa are a great addition to the show. I would've loved to have gone to your end of the school year pool party. I do wonder though..what's up with your hubby's weird glasses? Rating: fabulous

Theresa: Holy crazy balls. What has happened to your girl? For all the success you have in your life you seem so insecure and jealous! I'm sure your steroid psycho husband does not help matters (I cannot wait to see the type of men your daughters end up with...I see a RHONJ spinoff in the future) with all his "going away" (how old are you? Just suck it up and say jail. You ain't fooling anyone with your "going away." He wasn't on a club med vacation for pete's sake). You are definitely the Danielle Staub on this season with your crazy accusations and fighting and paranoia. No wonder no one likes you! It's time to grow up and start acting like a mom and reign your bratty kids in and leave that douchebag husband of yours (really what grown man grabs other mens balls? That's disgusting.). I'm sorry to be so harsh, but someone has to say it like it is. As much as I'd like to support you I can never buy one of your books because you're just so hateful and ugly to your friends. Rating: dirty brown water trash

Whose your favorite housewife and why?

Shame

Oh the shame I felt at my tv choices today...it's just that I was so tired and worn out from my whirlwind weekend with my sister and having to stand up for 15 minutes every hour and it was cold out and I just wore my jammies all day...I have a thousand excuses, but none that really counteract my shamefulness. 

Today from 1pm to 7pm I watched....a Jersey Shore marathon (the 1st season).  6 hours.  6 hours of my life I can never get back.  6 hours of Ronny beating people up and girl fights and Snookie showing her goodies for all the world to see and the situation talking about how awesome he is and really none of the girls he brings home sleep with him.  I may have gotten an STD just from watching it.  Why? Why? Why do I do this to myself?  And the new season starts January 6th and I feel like these idiots have sucked me into their bizarro world. 

And while I watched tv today (I did watch Kathie Lee & Hoda, too) I ate 2 English muffins, 7 slices of bacon, cantaloupe, a hard boiled egg, a Carnation instant breakfast, hot chocolate, and 4 cookies.  And then Paul brought home Girl Scout cookies which I will be tasting, while I watch Biggest Loser, as soon as I finish typing.  To be fair I only gained 1/2lb in 3 weeks between doctors appointments.  On the flip side of that I was overweight BEFORE getting pregnant so...whatcha gonna do?  I love the sugar and cookies. 

And I just realized this morning that Christmas is only 10 days away so I guess I should mail Christmas presents off.  Yikes!  Of course I just ordered my Christmas photo cards today.  We'll call them New Years cards and be done with it. 

And I only have 9 weeks, at most, until baby Emma gets here.  I actually don't feel that stressed about all we need to do probably because I will be able to do more activity each week and will be able to get all the small stuff done.  And really if it doesn't get done who is gonna know?  The nursery is done.  She has a place to sleep.  I am going to produce milk.  She has a wardrobe to rival Kim Kardashian's.  What else does she need? 

Tomorrow though I vow to be more productive!