Day 2

I just finished my T25 cardio since I am supposed to work out so I can maintain my girlish figure and make my husband happy.  I figured it was time to hook up with Arlene.

Today's lesson in the art of a happy husband actually wasn't too bad.  Even though she phrased it as the wife's job is to praise the husband and give him positive reinforcement 24/7 so that they can live in an environment where they can feel successful (um hey Arlene what about my recognition and praise?  Where's the responsibility of the husband in that?  I'm lucky because my hubby actually does praise me and I think we have done the work to make sure we aren't taking each other for gratitude even if we are just thanking each other for cooking dinner or cleaning out the dishwasher). 

I took this chapter to be more about letting hubby parent in his style.  This is something I was warned about before hubby deployed a couple years ago...that it would be hard for him to be gone so long and then hard for me to give up the reigns and control and parenting when he returned.  And it was!  I had to bite my tongue a lot and let hubby parent in his own way because his way and my way aren't always the same and that's okay. 

So, my fear in doing T25 is that I will be the person who doesn't lose an inch or pound.  I know I have to make a lot some dietary changes.  Instead of going balls to the wall and failing, I am going to try to add in more healthy options.  I passed up a pumpkin scone at Starbucks today even though I was hungry and came home and ate a salad for lunch and then I had a plum for a snack this afternoon.  I've cut way down on the amount of sugar I use in my coffee and I found a yogurt I really like that I think will satisfy me if I need something sweet.  I am trying to love myself and all extra 60lbs of me and stop being so hard on myself for being overweight.  And I'm enjoying success as a Thirty-One consultant! Check out www.mythirtyone.com/jennmcartor31 and let me know if you want to order or host a virtual party!

31 Days to a Happy Husband

Does it still count as exercise if you walk to Food Lion and buy wine?  Don't judge me.  Our Food Lion is brand new and really nice.  And bonus!  When I was there today I found this book

 

Of course I had to buy it so I could make sure my man is happy.  And it only takes 31 days so score!  Paul is excited that I am blogging about this book as he expects me to do every suggestion for the next month.  I wasn't sure whether to laugh or punch him.

First off, let's talk about the author...the female author.  WTF are you thinking Arlene????  Our dear friend Arlene also authored 31 Days to a Younger You in case you're an old hag like me.  Her claim to fame as been appearing on the 700 Club, The Hour of Power, and a show on TLC called Home Made Simple.  She lives, with her happy husband (seriously it says that) in So Cal.  

The introduction of the book is called "Are You Still Dreaming?"  Apparently, because I am still reading this book.  My fave section talks about how she interviewed 31 happy husbands and she tells me to choose which month " to soak your husband in tender loving care."  That sounds fun.  Can I also soak his dirty underwear and clothes in clorox and his steak dinner in marinade?  

Marriage quiz time...if you are like me then you are an abysmal failure.  Apparently my husband is the unhappiest man on the planet.  

1.  The environment of my home is warm and peaceful on most days. 

         Um, my home is a shit show every day.  Shit Show.  My home is loud and chaotic every. single. day.

2.  I drop other things (even with my kids) to make time for my husband if he needs anything.

         Um, WTF Arlene.  Is it 1855?  My husband is capable of getting himself a snack or a drink or wiping his own ass.  My 2 year old and 4 month old are not.  But thanks for this stellar advice.

3.  I never say unkind things about my husband to others.

         What the hell would I talk about with my girlfriends then?

4.  If there's a decision to be made, my husband has the final say.

          Yes, because I live in the 19th century.  Fingers crossed that women will be allowed to vote someday and slavery will end.  

5.  I enjoy having sex and look forward to making love to my husband.

         Is this an and/or statement?  60lbs overweight and 3 hours of sleep a night...sure, bring it on.  If you impregnate me again I will cut you.

6.  My husband and I talk regularly about ways to improve our sex life.      

        Sure.  After we talk about his work trips, the children, the house, the dogs, our friends, our family....oh wait, what was the question?

7.  I make an effort to look attractive with my clothes, hair, and makeup even on days when I see only my husband.

       This made me pee on the couch laughing.  Arlene clearly has not read my posts on my grooming and my resemblance to various animals.  Oh Arlene.  I will try not to look like a homeless person at least one day a week.  

8.  I am a healthy body weight and exercise at least 3 times a week.

       If by healthy you mean 60lbs overweight and if by exercise you mean my arm muscles lifting my wine glass and dessert fork then yes, this statement is true.

9.  My husband and I go on a date at least once a month.

      We go on a date as much as I get to go to the bathroom by myself.

10.  We still enjoy romance, kissing once a day for at least five seconds.

         Well, let me get out my watch.  We're lucky if we get to spend five seconds in the same room.  Does it count if you kiss 5 times for 1 second?  

According to relationship expert Arlene and all the letters after her name for all the schooling she has done in psychology (I must've missed them in the author bio) my relationship is on "shaky ground. Reading this book is perfect timing." before we get divorced or he kills me in a murder/suicide scenario because I've made him so unhappy with my horrific lack of wifelyness.    

Apparently I have a lot of work to do over the next 31 days.  Sigh.       

 

The Truth Comes Out

On Thursday night we had parent night at the toddler's new school.  As we sat there in shock that we are actually old enough to have a child in school (granted she is only 2 1/2 but we expected her not to attend school until age 4).  Since we already had a babysitter with the girls (and for those that know me know that this is a HUGE deal that I'm leaving my girls with a sitter) we decided to go out to dinner. 

AT 8 O'CLOCK AT NIGHT!

As we walked onto the downtown mall in shock that we were going out to dinner AT 8 O'CLOCK AT NIGHT I felt a strange sense of my being my old self.  The pre kids self. 

Over dinner though the husband revealed something so shocking that I am not sure how I can look at him the same way. 

When we first moved to MA we didn't have air conditioning in our house and during the day our house would get hot.  So hot that our poor boxer would get sick and throw up/poop in her cage almost every single day.  The husband would usually get home first from work so he got the honors of cleaning out the cage.  Keep in mind an 80lb boxer needs a big cage. 

Except some days the husband apparently would get home, see that our boxer had gotten sick, decide he couldn't deal with it, and he'd go sit in the Walmart parking lot and wait for me to get home and clean the cage! What!  Really? 

Can you imagine me hauling a giant dog crate full of shit out of our front door so I could wash it out? 

I just looked at him and shook my head. 

And then because we had never been out after dark since we've lived in VA we totally missed our neighborhood on our way home and drove right past it! 

Love is Ugly

I realized something today as I was crawling around wearing my husband's dirty knee pads, sweating my ass off, using a drill to screw deck board onto our new deck. Paul looked at me as brown, dirty sweat ran out from the bottom of the knee pads and said, "You've never been hotter," and he was serious.

Any relationship can have flowers, and romance, and getting gussied up for dates. Most relationships start that way. You get dressed up, you go out, you wear perfume, and your best panties, and a month or a year or more goes by and the relationship ends. It's easy in the beginning.

The real part of the relationship comes later. It's when you look at each during the ugly moments and realize you are still in love. It's funerals and farts and getting fat and being hateful with each other because it's just that day and it's staying. The ugly part is staying together no matter what life throws at you, no matter how bratty you might act, through tears and laughter, and realizing that you aren't that sexy 20 something anymore. And if you or your spouse thinks someone else is hot, it's being secure enough in your relationship to know that no matter how hot someone is your spouse isn't going to stray. And you don't stray because you know the grass isn't greener and your yard is pretty darn nice.

It's knowing as your crawl around in the hot sun, screwing on deck board, that your husband thinks your amazing. It's looking at your husband, who has spent every available hour on the weekends and after work for the last 2 weeks building a new deck, and thinking he's the most incredible husband ever.

Yup, anyone can have flowers. Not many people are lucky enough to get to the ugly parts.

The Great Debate

Tonight over our dinner at Outback (no appetizers go us!) we had the following debate.  Paul is going to the Super Bowl next year for the 6th time.  The Super Bowl next year is in New Orleans.  This is the last hoorah for the group of guys Paul has gone with for 5 years.  I told Paul he wasn't allowed to hand out any beads and he didn't understand. 

Paul:  Giving a dollar to a girl on stage is worse.

Me:  What?  No, it's not. 

Paul:  Yes it is.

Me:  A stripper is a professional.  She's not some drunk college girl looking for a random hook up by showing her boobies. 

Paul:  A stripper shows her vajajay.  She rubs all up against guys in a private room.  A drunk college girl is the middle of the street. 

Me:  Yes, but at the end of the night the stripper just wants to go home alone.  She's not looking to go home with a client.

Paul:  Well, a college girl isn't going to want to go home with me.  I'm gonna be the old guy.

Me:  A drunk college girl will go home with a anyone.  No beads. 

So, my question to you is which is worse:  drunk college girl trying to get beads or a stripper?

The Mystery Spot

Last night I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed and I hear Paul exclaim as he crawled into bed, "Hey, why is the bed all wet?" 

Huh? was my response.  I walked out of the bathroom and Paul shows me this rather large wet spot on his side of the bed. 

Me: Maybe the ceiling is leaking.

Sadly this could be a real possibility in our house, and we both looked up, but no water dripping from the ceiling. 

Me: I have no idea.

Paul: It smells sweet like flowers.  Did you spill perfume or something on the bed?

(Yes, I roll around with open bottles of perfume and lotion on the bed while Paul is at work.)

Me: Um, no.

Paul:  Are you sure you didn't spill something on the bed?

Me:  What would I have spilled on the bed? 

I lean over to smell the wet spot (who does that????  Paul and I do.) and Paul pushes my face onto the mattress.  Some people might get mad over that.  I chose to laugh like a hyena because it was hilarious!

Paul:  Did you put lotion on the baby?

Me:  It's not lotion.  I did have the baby on the bed today for naked nap time.

Before you call the authorities on me, Emma has an awful diaper rash that has resulted in an open sore on her little bum (we have a pedi appointment tomorrow) so I was giving her some naked bum time to air it out. 

Me:  But I had her on a towel and a pee pad under her and she did pee on that.  Hey, why is my pillow all wet?

And then I flashbacked to naked nap time.  I saw Em waking up.  I saw Em crawling around the bed, onto my pillow, and over on Paul's side of the bed, and I realized that she must have peed again!  Sneaky little heathen!

Paul:  Well let's just change the sheets.

Me:  Um, we don't have any clean sheets.

Paul: What?  Why?

Me:  Um, because I haven't washed them yet from the last time I changed them.  Here, we'll just put a towel down.

And this is how we slept.

Paul:  This towel sucks.  It's scratchy. 

And I spent today washing sheets.  And chuckling to myself about how we slept in pee.  And about how Paul rubbed my nose in it like a dog.  You would've laughed, too, if you had been there. 

Good times in our household, good times.

We're Bringing Sexy Back aka Why Emma Won't Get a Sibling

So we have decided to try and give Emma a little brother or sister and this week is the week to try.  Last night we were getting ready for bed and we were reminiscing talking about how when we first met we couldn't get enough of each other.  Oh, wait.  This blog may be a little TMI so if you are easily offended or family (Theresa this means you.  Stop reading.  Do not read this to Grams) or not interested in TMI then stop reading here.  Okay, you've been warned. 

Anyway, I asked Paul how to get things started.  I mean between bedrest and a deployment we are a little out of practice.  He laughed and said he couldn't remember.  He said we used to make out and kiss more with tongue.  I said yeah, but that seems like a lot more work now.  Now instead of just getting all wrestly with it we fight over who is in the middle of the bed because whoever is in the middle gets to be on the bottom.  Although last night the fact that I ate an ENTIRE pizza won out.  No one wants their spouse throwing up on them in the middle of nookie (which is not breastfeeding like my mother thinks). The following conversation then occurred while things were getting started.

Me:  Maybe we should go to an adult store.

Paul:  What would we get?

Me:  I don't know.  A game?

Paul:  What kind of game?

Me:  One that tells you what to do and stuff. 

And then I farted.  On him.  We laughed (naked mind you which is so not sexy when you're sporting a Santa belly like I am.  Talk about jiggling like a bowl full of jelly.) until we had tears streaming down our face.  We were hysterical.  And then Paul said, "Well, you did just eat all that pizza." 

And this is why Emma won't ever get a sibling. 

Only My Dad

I sent Paul a box of dvd's for him to watch and leave in the morale building.  He got them today and called me. 

Paul--"I got the boxes you sent me."

Me--"Oh good." 

Paul--"Did you pick out the dvd's?" 

Me--"Yeah. I just got them out of my dad's movies in the living room. I tried to pick out action dvd's because I thought the guys would like them."

Paul--"Oh really.  Well, you picked out an action movie all right." 

Me--"What do you mean?"

Paul--"It's a good thing I looked through them before I put them in the morale building."

Me--"Why?"

Paul--"Ass Play 4?"

Me--"What!"

Apparently my dad stuck a pornographic film starring Jenna Jameson into my box of dvd's and I didn't see it.  We laughed so hard and then of course Paul immediately took the movie to the burn pile and destroyed it because it is against General Order 1 to have porn.

Only my dad.  Only my dad.

2 years

I've been a blog slacker.  Life has been crazy hectic lately and I've been neglectful.  Here's a quick recap:

I had an awful cold for a week.  Every day I had to remind myself it could be worse because I was exhausted and miserable.  My worst fear of Paul being gone was getting sick and yet I survived.  I give so much credit to single moms and I appreciate Paul so much more.  Life will be so much easier when he gets home. 

Em and I went to Dallas to see my friend Katie, her hubs, and 2 kiddos.  Katie and I have been friends since 7th grade!  I was super nervous about such a long flight with Em, but she was a trooper and did well.  I have realized that flying Jet Blue has ruined me for other airlines as I kept looking around for my tv and wondered why I wasn't getting any free snacks! 

It averaged 108 degrees the entire time we were there and although Katie told me before hand that it was a dry heat I quickly realized that is something people from TX tell their friends so that they'll come visit.  It was like being on the sun! 

I also got a feather in my hair and rocked some cowboy boots.  FYI cowboy boots=also hot.  Not just hot as in we looked dang good, but hot as in causing my whole body to sweat.  When Katie and I first went downstairs in our boots I believe David's response was "You guys aren't really going out like that, are you?"  And if you are a Friends fan then you've seen the episode where Monice buys the expensive boots she can wear with everything and you can well imagine how our night went. 

Em also went swimming for the first time and LOVED it!  I also got to see my old BRLS friend Christine who I hadn't seen since I was 21 (um that is 13 years)!  All in all we had a great time and I can't wait to see them again. 

at Jasper's (thanks Most Eligible Dallas)

Being in TX we missed Hurricane Irene completely although we lucked out in our area. 

Back from TX and in a mad rush to kept the house ready to be gone to FL for 3 months.  Squeezed in a Stroller Strides class and woke up sore in places I didn't know it was possible to be sore in.  College football season started and since Paul is gone I got to outfit Em in support of my team.

Go Noles!!!!!!

Today is my 2 year anniversary.  I feel very lonely tonight and am missing Paul tons.  I can't wait for him to get home.  When Em and I got home from having lunch at our friend's I found beautiful flowers waiting for me.  Even from Afghanistan Paul knows how to make me feel loved and special.  How lucky am I! 

And that's where we're at.  This week we are wrapping up life here and packing and getting ready to head first for a family vacation on Cape Cod and then heading south till Paul gets home. 

Hope everyone had a safe and happy Labor Day weekend.  :)

The Princess Bride

Last night I took Emma to see The Princess Bride at Christopher Columbus Park in Boston.  3 years ago I never would have thought that I'd be watching a movie outdoors in Boston and it's still so weird to me that we live here, even more strange that I am here while Paul is in Afghanistan.  Of course I can only imagine how weird and surreal our friends who are living overseas must feel all the time.  I LOVE The Princess Bride (so much so that we used a quote from it on our wedding invitation and in our wedding ceremony).  Of course Emma being 5 months old was unable to appreciate it, but I can't wait to watch it with her when she's older. 

We went with some friends and it started about an hour past Emma's bedtime.  In my head she was going to fall asleep in the car and sleep through the whole movie lying next to me on the blanket.  hahahahahahaha

She cried.  She fussed.  She had a bottle.  She cried some more.  I tried to nurse her (no thank you Mom).  I finally put her in her car seat and spent an hour rocking it.  She fell asleep about 9pm and my friend Danielle made the comment that hopefully she'd sleep later in the morning since she fell asleep so late.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that was probably not likely. 

This is one of those situations where I should've trusted my instincts.  I thought about putting Emma in her jammies before we left the house and since it was a little chilly by the water I was glad I had brought an extra blanket to wrap around her.  I always worry about her being too hot or too cold.  Of course I also regretted not bringing a sweatshirt and wearing the pants I originally had on because I was freezing! 

We got home after 11pm and then I had to change Emma in to her jammies.  I nursed her foolishly hoping for a little extra sleep, but my little rooster began to crow for her boobies at 3am (like clockwork this girl is) so I got up and nursed her again.  I debated on trying to just get her back to sleep without nursing, but she let me know quite loudly that she was NOT on board with that plan.  I think she yelled at me!  She did sleep until 6:45am after that, but then she was ready to be up.  Luckily, she is content to play in my bed while I snooze on and off next to hear, but by 8am we were up and ready to go.  Soooo tired!  As soon as Paul comes home I am heading to a hotel for a night of uninterrupted sleep.  lol 

Even though she is supposed to be napping now she is talking away to her blankie in her swing.  This girl. 

I did cut off all my hair last week.

And I love it!

And Emma is now able to sit in a highchair (sort of).  Here is a pic of her at sushi.

And one of her making her old man face.

And with her buddy.

Every day I am amazed at the new things she is doing: eating her toes, blowing raspberries, rolling all over the place...it seems like she is doing something new every day. 

Hope you enjoyed!

SUYL--Marriage Advice

Kellys Korner has a weekly post called Show Us Your Life.  This weeks topic is marriage advice.  In my 20's I for sure would have said that I was NOT the person to be giving marriage advice.  My first marriage was a disaster.  Actually I was the disaster.  I was not ready to get married, I knew I wasn't ready to get married, but it was like a carousal that kept going faster and faster making it impossible to get off.  I figured I loved T enough and could make it work.  Boy, was I wrong.  A bad relationship is like drowning.  The more I felt myself go under the more I struggled and fought to remember who I was, who I wanted to be.  I didn't like the person I was in my marriage.  I wanted to be in my 20's.  My ex and I were very different.  He was very traditional.  I wasn't.  He wanted to stay home on the weekends.  I didn't.  He was ready to start a family.  I wasn't sure I would ever be ready.  Finally I made the choice to end my marriage.  As painful as that choice was to make it was more painful to remain married.  Neither of us were happy.  We both deserved better. 

Fast forward through 4 years of bad relationships and I have met Paul and am getting married again.  I was not sure when I got divorced that I would ever get to this place again.  I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to get married again.  Paul, having been divorced, felt the same way I think.  We just didn't see the need to get married until we spent a weekend with my BFF Cory and her husband Brian and their 6 month old daughter Abs.  We met them in NY over July 4th weekend to babysit Abs while they went to a wedding.  Paul and I realized on the way home that we wanted that...we wanted to be a family and we decided to get married on the next holiday weekend.

Labor Day weekend found us in Florida surrounded by a small group of family and friends, getting married on the beach by our friend Mimi.  We had a brunch afterwards and spent the rest of the day hanging out at the pool with our friends, enjoying cocktails and the sun.  It was the perfect weekend!

So what is different?  For one thing I am older and more mature.  When I turned 30 I found a certain peace in my life and I think that has made all the difference in the rest of my life.  I always encourage people to enjoy their 20's.  You grow and change so much during your 20's that I think only a rare few can navigate that time as married couples.  Most of us need that time to figure out who we are as people, much less as a spouse. 

Marriage is not about changing the fundamental things that make you who you are, but it is about learning to compromise.  Paul and I went into our relationship basically saying this is who we are, take it or leave it.  And we compromise.  Sometimes a lot.  You can't enter a relationship and not be willing to give a little.  It is not always your way.  If you aren't willing, can't, or don't want to compromise with your partner then you shouldn't be in a relationship.  Marriage is a partnership. 

Talk about the important things.  How do you feel about finances, raising children, where you want to live, family, religion, etc.  To me, those are deal breakers.  If you can't agree on those things then move on.  It's so important to be on the same page.

Learn to pick your battles.  Paul and I are not perfect by any means and we do occasionally pick at each other, push each others buttons, and get on each others nerves, but we also let go of thing very quickly.  There is nothing in our lives that is worth staying mad at each other over.  Paul knows if I say the words frying pan then its time to back off (going back to a time that he was annoying me and I told him I wanted to hit him with a frying pan).  We also get so frustrated some times that we end up laughing at each other and ourselves. 

Laughter.  We laugh all the time.  At each other, at ourselves, at our lives.  A marriage is not worth much if there's no laughter in it. 

Paul and I have already been through so many stressful things in our marriage (job loss, multiple moves, a miscarriage, a baby, medical disability) and now we are journeying through Paul's deployment to Afghanistan.  There will always be people in life who are in a better situation than you, but the flip side is that there will always be people worse off than you.  It's important to keep your life in perspective.  Put your spouse first and expect them to put you first. 

Maybe Paul and I cherish each other more because we've both been divorced.  We know how lucky we are to have found each other and we try to demonstrate that to each other every second of every day.  Marriage is work and the more work you put in the better your marriage will be.  I think an ability to be happy with yourself also leads to an ability to be happy in your marriage.  If you aren't happy or content in your own life then you won't be happy or content in your marriage. 

I don't have all the answers.  I live and learn new things every day and am constantly adjusting how I approach my marriage.  And I make sure I thank God every single day for my family--a husband that loves me and our daughter. 

Waiting for life to change

It is hard to believe that after all the stresses Paul and I have faced in our first 2 years together that our lives in 2011 will be even more chaotic, insane, and full of change.  Life is always changing...that is inevitable, but I thought for sure the only change we'd face in 2011 would be the addition of our little Emma Grace.  I guess it's true that God laughs when you're busy making plans.  From our house falling apart to my recent heart issue to Paul's upcoming deployment...whoa...but what should seem overwhelming doesn't anymore. 

I've been so worried about something terrible happening during labor or something being wrong with Emma or Paul's deployment.  People have asked me how did I even cope with what was going on Sunday night and wasn't I worried and the answer is no.  Everything happened so quickly and I was so uncomfortable that there really wasn't time for me to be worried about anything other than Emma's health and even that, I will admit, was not at the front of my mind.  All I really worried about was breathing and making it through.   I could see the fear on Paul's face and I have no idea what my face looked like while everything was going, but it felt very surreal.  And before the moment (and by the moment I mean the 5 minutes it took to get me hooked up to all the equipment, the doctors and nurses rushing around the room, the crash cart, the medicine) and after the moment Paul and I still laughed.  We held hands and we talked about our giant turkey baby Emma and everything we've been through and we laughed. 

And since then all the changes, all the tears, all my fears and anxieties, and what not don't seem so important.  Our lives are about to change in a HUGE way.  At some point Emma will be forced out of her little home and into our big home.  She will be here and we will love her more than we already do.  Our marriage will change, hopefully for the better.  We will spend the next couple months writing our wills and getting power of attorney's drawn up and preparing for Paul's deployment.  He will travel twice for work and we will travel once for pleasure.  Emma will get bigger.  And then it'll be time to head for the airport and to say "See ya in 6 months" and "I love you" (okay, I'm a little teary eyed writing this part) and Emma and I will wave goodbye as Paul heads overseas and we'll be so proud of him!  And Emma and I will work in the garden and take lots of pictures to send her daddy and travel some more and then head down to Florida for a few months so she can meet all mommy's friends and spend time with her grandparents. 

And Paul will be serving our country.

July 4th will pass.

My birthday will pass.

Our anniversary will pass.

Thanksgiving will pass.

Paul's birthday will pass.

Christmas will pass.

Emma will be 11 months old.

And Paul will come home.

Life will change again.  And life will be good....the entire time...life is good...laughter, tears, goodbyes and hellos...time passes...seasons change...life changes, but it's good.

Monogamy or Not

I was reading a Blogher blog by Susan regarding choosing monogamy or NOT choosing monogamy.  I really enjoyed reading everyone's comments although most of the comments aired on the side of polyamory.  Polyamory is, in my definition, the practice of open love.  Certainly it seems to be a much more openly discussed topic lately appearing on sex talk shows to Dr. Phil to magazines.  I started to formulate my reply and realized it was shaping up to be a blog or maybe a mini blog. 

Having spent my 20's running away from monogamy, including an ill fated starter marriage to a great guy, I didn't anticipate meeting someone I call the love of my life at 31 years old. He, too, spent most of his 20's in 2 ill fated marriages and a variety of non-relationships. I never planned on getting remarried and was happily contemplating being single, dating, and single parenthood for the rest of my life.


But, oh when I met my husband...lightening struck, Cupid's arrow hit me square in the heart, and it was love at first sight!  I knew 30 minutes into our date that I had met "the one" and even snuck off to the bathroom to send my friend Mary a text saying, "I met the man I'm going to marry."  Mary knew this was huge because of all the guys she had known me to date I had NEVER said this before.  And my case for monogamy was cemented. 

Poor Paul...he on the other hand didn't think our date was going well and didn't think I liked him.  And we both were openly casually dating or, in my case, trying to date, other people when we started talking.  In fact, he had driven from Valdosta to Jacksonville the night before to go on a date and I had my own lunch date the afternoon that Paul drove down to meet me. 

Luckily, my lunch date was AWFUL!  First off, the guy was way late.  I was actually getting ready to leave (and we had decided to go to First Watch which I love) when I looked up to see this hot, sweaty mess standing in front of me.  No, no, no, no.  Please God no.  And he has a backpack.  I wanted to pretend I wasn't me.  Stupid internet dating (I was the worst internet dater in the history of internet daters unlike my dad who got some 785 emails on eharmony or some crap).  "Jenn?"  Yes, that's me.  Inwardly groan and want the floor to open up and suck me out of the restaurant.  You know when you are going to have zero chemistry with someone?  Take that feeling and multiply it times 1000 because your date has RIDDEN HIS BIKE to your date because his truck wouldn't start.  And then to continue in theme of awkward and bad does not choose to go to the restroom when he gets to your date to wash his face or straighten himself up.  How I didn't throw up right then and there I have no idea.  I've never eaten so fast and was happy to be on my way.  I couldn't even bring myself to offer him a ride home and although he wanted to go out again clearly it was not meant to be. 

So, my expectations for my date with Paul were low and yet when I opened the door at his arrival my first thought was, "Oh thank God."  He was delicious!  Cute, cute, cute guy.  Beautiful eyes.  Handsome man.  And I was gone, done, off the market. 

We spent the best weekend together, cramming about 5 different dates into 2 days...dinner and drinks, brunch, the Ringling Museum, and dinner.  And it was perfect.  And I can only assume Paul's Jacksonville date was not as fantastic as our date because he never went out with her or anyone else again. 

Now we're happily married, expecting our first child together, dealing with A LOT of stressors in our first years together and coming out the other side stronger and more in love.  To be fair, we get on each other's nerves and we annoy each other and sometimes we snip at each other and sometimes I am sure we want to kill each other, but every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY, I look at my husband and think about how much I love him and how blessed I am to have him and how happy I am with him.  And if in your own relationship you don't have that and you aren't married yet then run the other way.  And if you are married and you've lost that then do whatever you need to do to find it again.  Because life is too short to spend your life with someone who doesn't complement who you are as a person, who doesn't fulfill you in some fundamental way, and who doesn't make your heart sing.