I was reading a Blogher blog by Susan regarding choosing monogamy or NOT choosing monogamy. I really enjoyed reading everyone's comments although most of the comments aired on the side of polyamory. Polyamory is, in my definition, the practice of open love. Certainly it seems to be a much more openly discussed topic lately appearing on sex talk shows to Dr. Phil to magazines. I started to formulate my reply and realized it was shaping up to be a blog or maybe a mini blog.
Having spent my 20's running away from monogamy, including an ill fated starter marriage to a great guy, I didn't anticipate meeting someone I call the love of my life at 31 years old. He, too, spent most of his 20's in 2 ill fated marriages and a variety of non-relationships. I never planned on getting remarried and was happily contemplating being single, dating, and single parenthood for the rest of my life.
But, oh when I met my husband...lightening struck, Cupid's arrow hit me square in the heart, and it was love at first sight! I knew 30 minutes into our date that I had met "the one" and even snuck off to the bathroom to send my friend Mary a text saying, "I met the man I'm going to marry." Mary knew this was huge because of all the guys she had known me to date I had NEVER said this before. And my case for monogamy was cemented.
Poor Paul...he on the other hand didn't think our date was going well and didn't think I liked him. And we both were openly casually dating or, in my case, trying to date, other people when we started talking. In fact, he had driven from Valdosta to Jacksonville the night before to go on a date and I had my own lunch date the afternoon that Paul drove down to meet me.
Luckily, my lunch date was AWFUL! First off, the guy was way late. I was actually getting ready to leave (and we had decided to go to First Watch which I love) when I looked up to see this hot, sweaty mess standing in front of me. No, no, no, no. Please God no. And he has a backpack. I wanted to pretend I wasn't me. Stupid internet dating (I was the worst internet dater in the history of internet daters unlike my dad who got some 785 emails on eharmony or some crap). "Jenn?" Yes, that's me. Inwardly groan and want the floor to open up and suck me out of the restaurant. You know when you are going to have zero chemistry with someone? Take that feeling and multiply it times 1000 because your date has RIDDEN HIS BIKE to your date because his truck wouldn't start. And then to continue in theme of awkward and bad does not choose to go to the restroom when he gets to your date to wash his face or straighten himself up. How I didn't throw up right then and there I have no idea. I've never eaten so fast and was happy to be on my way. I couldn't even bring myself to offer him a ride home and although he wanted to go out again clearly it was not meant to be.
So, my expectations for my date with Paul were low and yet when I opened the door at his arrival my first thought was, "Oh thank God." He was delicious! Cute, cute, cute guy. Beautiful eyes. Handsome man. And I was gone, done, off the market.
We spent the best weekend together, cramming about 5 different dates into 2 days...dinner and drinks, brunch, the Ringling Museum, and dinner. And it was perfect. And I can only assume Paul's Jacksonville date was not as fantastic as our date because he never went out with her or anyone else again.
Now we're happily married, expecting our first child together, dealing with A LOT of stressors in our first years together and coming out the other side stronger and more in love. To be fair, we get on each other's nerves and we annoy each other and sometimes we snip at each other and sometimes I am sure we want to kill each other, but every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY, I look at my husband and think about how much I love him and how blessed I am to have him and how happy I am with him. And if in your own relationship you don't have that and you aren't married yet then run the other way. And if you are married and you've lost that then do whatever you need to do to find it again. Because life is too short to spend your life with someone who doesn't complement who you are as a person, who doesn't fulfill you in some fundamental way, and who doesn't make your heart sing.
Amen!
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