Deployment

January 27, 2011—Paul came home and asked me how much I liked being a military wife and then said he had gotten orders to deploy. I feel like I held it together pretty good (all the previous times I’d imagine hearing these words involved me in hysterical tears although I’m not going to lie and pretend I haven’t cried a little since then). Since the day we’ve met I’ve been in denial that he ever would really deploy. He’s not in a career field that typically deploys although obviously it’s always a possibility. I understood when Paul explained being in the military without deploying is like being a firefighter without ever fighting a fire. But still I continued to believe he wouldn’t deploy even while feeling selfish because if Paul doesn’t deploy it means someone else’s loved one does.


I know that we are not the only family going through this. Our good friends in Japan are facing a deployment and another Captain in Paul’s office is deploying at the same time he is (and she has a 14 week old baby and an older child). Other families have faced much longer and riskier deployments. I get that.

Our friend Chelsea in Japan updated her blog the other day to reflect what she is going to work on while her hubby is deployed. I thought it was a great blog and a great idea. There are so many things I could accomplish while Paul is away. Of course I’ve said that during any period of unemployment in my life, but this time I really will need positive things to occupy my thoughts and times.

1. Get in shape and lose the baby weight! Paul and I want to do a tropical family vacation when he gets back and I want to look sexy in a bikini for once in my life. I tend to overeat when stressed or depressed and I do not want Paul to come home to a chub a lub. Although I know he’d love me either way I am tired of feeling overweight and unhealthy.

2. Garden, garden, garden. I learned a lot from the garden I had last summer and I’d like to make some changes in how I plant things and also enjoy my garden since last summer I was prego and had morning sickness. I also need to work on our landscaping.

3. Organize and par down our possessions. We have so much stuff and as much as I’ve given away to Salvation Army I am sure I can get even more organized.

4. Paint our bedroom. The color is nice, but it ended up being a lot pinker than I thought it would be.

5. Learn how to be a good mom. Take lots of pictures of Emma for Paul. Keep her safe and healthy. Make a scrapbook of her first year. Take videos.

6. Visit friends. Plan a good traveling schedule and some quality time with my closest friends. Grand Island, Huntsville, Cincinnati, Valdosta are some of the places I’d like to visit.

7. Take Emma to see my aunt and uncle in Amelia Island. I love that place!

8. Write to Paul every day. Skype as much as possible with Paul even if I have to get up in the middle of the night to do so.

9. Enjoy spending time with my family in Florida.

10. Go to church. Strengthen my relationship with God.

I know I’ve said this before, but I never really understood all that military families go through until I married someone in the military. As exciting as I think moving is and as much as I enjoy all our new adventures, it is a constant saying goodbye. For military wives it is always looking for a new job. For children, it’s new schools and new friends. And for those who deal with frequent deployments, it is constant worry and anxiety. At the same time, it is new friends, new experiences, and adding to your military family. The best part of the military is the sense of family that comes when you meet the friends you become close to at a base. It’s knowing that you have someone to rely on when your spouse is out of town. Its comfort for your spouse knowing someone is there to take care of you if you need. It is heartache, but it is also blessings.

Paul’s deployment still doesn’t feel real to me though. I don’t think it will actually feel real until he is boarding that plane, but at least I know we have a loving support system around us to get us through.