Guess What (written 03/17/12)
As you know I’ve been trying to lose weight. I’ve been going to the gym. I’ve been watching what I eat. I started Couch to 5k so I could run the Disney Princess Half Marathon in 2013 (and a 5k or 2 this summer). We had tried to get pregnant and it just didn’t seem to be happening (okay, Paul had only been home for 2 months, but it happened so quickly with Emma) so we decided to stop trying and move forward with adoption. I had contacted the state and we had gotten our application packet.
The day before I was supposed to get my period I thought “hmmm” and I took a pregnancy test. Well guess what! Yup, I’m pregnant due Nov. 26th. The only thought I had was holy shit. The line on the pregnancy test was super light but I texted it to Paul and he replied, “Well you didn’t think you were pregnant.” I replied, “Um, there are 2 lines there.” What! To say we were both shocked was an understatement (although we shouldn’t have been. I mean hello we were actively trying to get pregnant).
Friday morning I woke up and took another pregnancy test. Yup, still positive. I went to the base and had my blood test and that came back positive. I guess we are having a Thanksgiving baby.
Because I’ve had a miscarriage my ob is having me go for a blood test on Monday and again on Wednesday to make sure my hCG levels have doubled. Fingers crossed!
We spent the day in Boston and on the way home we were talking about how awful my first labor and delivery was and I finally had to say stop because I started to have an anxiety attack. Lol My ob and I will def be having a talk because I feel like I need to know what to expect this pregnancy.
So, I’m not sure when this will get posted. Probably after we at least hear the heartbeat and make sure everything is going well so at least another month.
I guess my fitness blogging will now revert back to a pregnancy blog. Aren’t y’all excited???? haha
3/21/12
Because I’ve had a miscarriage my ob is having my hCG levels tested. I went for the first blood test Monday and go for the second blood test today. Of course since I found out I was pregnant last week I’ve had cramps which I know is normal, but is making me anxious that I’m going to miscarry. I know realistically that since I’ve had Emma there is nothing to indicate that this won’t be a healthy pregnancy and baby, too, BUT knowing and feeling are two different things.
I pray that today’s hCG levels have doubled from Monday since that is what they are looking for. That’ll indicate a better chance for a viable pregnancy.
But meanwhile I’m just trying to relax and know that everything will be okay whatever happens.
Miscarriage (3/28/12)
Because I have had a miscarriage my ob has been having me go in for blood tests to test my hCG and progesterone levels. Last week I went on Monday and Wednesday with the expectation in a healthy pregnancy that my hCG levels would double. My hCG levels were not quite doubled, but fairly close and my progesterone was within normal limits, but on the low end. The ob started me on a progesterone supplement and had me repeat the blood work today.
My hCG levels aren’t doubling and my progesterone actually went down despite being on the supplement for a week.
I admit I had a good cry. I didn’t realize how much I wanted another baby until I got pregnant. And then I decided that no matter what happened, if this baby was not meant to be, then I was going to approach things with a positive attitude. I’ve continued working out although I had stopped the couch to 5k program so I can resume that and I can also go back on my fitness pal and count calories again (which I stopped when I found out I was pregnant). My friend Michele has lost 17lbs counting calories and I am so proud of her and so inspired by her. She’s in FL, but I bet she looks fantastic! FYI she was a bad influence on me in high school.
And I would so much rather have this happen now when I’m only 5 weeks along then later in the pregnancy. I just watched the season finale of 19 Kids and Counting and my heart was so sad for the Duggars as they birthed and buried their 17 week old baby. Things can always be worse and to me, as sad as I am, I have friends who have lost babies and children and I cannot imagine their heart ache. Mine is nothing compared to that.
God continues to bless us with our healthy and wonderful baby Emma and right now that is enough.
Sad 3/29/12
It’s so strange to go from being so elated and excited about your pregnancy and dreaming about your new little bundle of joy and planning for the future to anticipating a miscarriage, knowing that this possibly isn’t a viable pregnancy and being so so very sad.
It’s a very quick movement from not pregnant to pregnant to not pregnant again. It’s overwhelming and underwhelming all at the same time.
I go from wanting to sob to looking forward to the summer to wanting to sob again.
We will know more tomorrow. Until then trying to keep my head and spirits up.
Faith (3/29/12)
You know God I am okay with whatever is going to happen with this pregnancy. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through another pregnancy or newborn stage. I know people say that you forget the labor and birth as soon as you hold your precious baby. I haven’t forgotten. I’ve had a lot of anxiety about the end of the pregnancy and delivery. But this pregnancy has shown me that I do want another baby. I do want another newborn. We still want to adopt, but our plan will be to adopt later.
We are so blessed in our Emma. I look at her and feel so much love that I can hardly stand it. It seems overwhelming at times. And I have things to look forward to this summer if I’m not going to be pregnant.
So I know You know this, but I want You to know that I know that I’ll be okay. I have faith that You have a plan for us, for this pregnancy, or the next.
Thank You for showing me that I do desire another baby. And of course for giving us the ability to try, trying is half the fun! Thank You for our healthy, beautiful, wonderful Emma. Thank You for a husband who loves me and supports me and believes in me and forgives me when I go retail crazy during his deployment. Lol Thank You for the amazing friends You’ve brought into our lives and for our families. We have so many blessings in our lives and to You we give praise and thanks.
I'm so sorry for your loss but happy that you've been able to get something from it. You're an amazing chick!
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