How Hot is Pregnancy

The Hotness of Pregnancy (09/21/12)

I know there are some women who glow when they’re pregnant.  Their hair is vibrant, their skin is vibrant, they only gain weight in their bellies, and they just look sexy, they feel sexy, and they want sex.

I am not one of those women.  I hate being pregnant.  I love the end result, but the 9 months before that I hate.  My hair is not vibrant because I don’t wash it.  Instead I keep it in a pony tail all day, every day.  My skin does not glow or glisten or shine except in the way of someone covered in oil.  I don’t necessarily gain a ton of weight, but that’s because I’m already fat.  When you’re fat going into pregnancy you don’t need to gain much.  Yes, I’ll lose all that pregnancy weight quickly, but guess what.  I’ll still be overweight. 

And the sexy.  Oh not so much.  Last pregnancy I was on pelvic rest from week 18 on.  This pregnancy I’ve felt so nauseous that I can’t even think about that right now.  And after today I am sure Paul isn’t thinking about it either.

This morning we met some mommy friends for a sing a long at the library and then Em and I got take out lunch and met Paul at the park by his office.  Thank goodness it was chilly and we were the only fools there.  I ate my lunch and it was soooo good.  I was sooo hungry.

Afterwards we’re walking around with Em as she’s playing on the playground and I really don’t feel well.  You know what’s coming.  I grab some airplane vomit bags that I happened to have in the diaper bag and I throw up.  In the park. 

But wait, it gets better.  Not only do I throw up profusely, I also pee on myself.  Paul asked how I survived college, throwing up after drinking, if I peed on myself all the time.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t then or at least I don’t remember it (that might be because of the alcohol).  But now every time I throw up I pee.  Sometimes it’s a little, sometimes it’s everything in my bladder, much like an elephant or a horse.

And I’m not talking “oops I tinkled a little in my panties.”  I’m talking tie my sweater around my waist, head straight home, do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not stop at the grocery, have to immediately go home and change my clothes because urine is dripping down my leg pee myself.  It was an elephant day.

So this is the scenario.  The 3 of us are in the park.  It’s cold out.  I am holding a bag of vomit, covered in pee, and I’ve never seen Paul laugh so hard. 

We drop Paul back at his office and I can tell he doesn’t want to kiss me (ya know because I’ve thrown up and I’m covered in pee).  He tries to kiss my forehead, but I’m quicker than that and he ends up kissing me on the lips.  Haha sucker! 

That’s true love ladies and gentlemen.  True love.  If you don’t have a man who will kiss you on the lips and still love after he’s seen you throw up and pee on yourself then move along and find someone who will.