I’m currently sitting in the Boston airport awaiting a flight to Baltimore. I get to stay there for about 24 hours and then take a flight to Kuwait and then to Afghanistan. Since this is my first post I figured I would take a moment to reflect on my thoughts in regards to my deployment.
The idea of landing in a warzone and spending 6 months surrounded by “hundreds of thousands of people who want me dead” (as one of my predeployment training instructors said) has created next to zero concern for me so far. I’m sure once my feet hit the ground in Kuwait that will change.
A 100% of my thoughts and concerns right now (and for the past months) are my wife and little 4-month old princess Emma. I was able to hold it together really good emotionally until the last hour. My wife, Jenn, and I were lying on the bed as I played with Emma. All I could think about with each kiss and snuggle I gave her was that this will be the last time I get to hold THIS Emma. I know in six months I’ll be home and they will be there to greet me, but that will be 10-month old Emma. I know she’ll be just as sweet and cute, but the change will be so drastic. I leave a little girl that just learned to roll over and tries to eat her feet and when I get home my little girl will either be walking or trying to and be eating solid food. Having Skype, pictures and video through email, and hearing stories from my wife will help fill the void, but it hurts knowing I will not get to hold 5,6,7,8, or 9-month old Emma. My wife is quick with the camera, but I probably won’t see the first time she crawls or reaches for the coffee table to stand up. I just don’t know how people went through this before email and Skype. I’ve been in the military for 13 years and can retire in 7 years… but for the first time in years I thought about walking away. I have to keep reminding myself that I’ll only be there for only 6 months unlike many who go for 12 or 18 months.
So how will I survive the next 6 months without going crazy with worry about my little girl? That’s a simple answer… she has the best mom ever. As selfish as it sounds my only concern is for what I am missing. I can be selfish like that because I know my wife is strong and will do everything in her power to care for Emma. If she needs help she’ll ask and we have such a great network of friends and support system for her to use. She’ll probably get annoyed with all the people asking her if she needs anything. As much as I am going to miss my little girl, I am going to miss her momma. Not because of the big stuff, but because of the laughter we share just driving around or the pouty face she gives me when she does something silly that makes me laugh. My wife is my true soul mate. I know she is a far stronger woman than she thinks. She is not just strong enough for her to survive, but she is strong enough to support Emma and me.
So as I said, I’m writing this as I’m reflecting on my thoughts in regards to my deployment. So here it is in a nutshell. I’m about to go to Afghanistan for 6 months and as I write this I realize one thing I already knew. I am the luckiest man on Earth.
Oh ny word Paul! Thanks for making me cry first thing in the morning at work!!! You are the luckiest man on Earth next to Clay :-). Thank you for your sacrifice. I'll try and keep your two girls out of trouble when I visit. And I will tell Gavin to keep his hands and kisses to himself!
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