Reasons why prisoners have more freedom than pregnant ladies on bedrest

1.  Daily showers--prisoners are allowed to take daily showers.  Sure they may have to fend off the unwanted advances of their same sex, but at least they get to experience soap and water (just don't bend over if ya drop the soap).  Bedrest mamas are lucky to shower every other day for 2 minutes.  Do you know how hard it is to wash your body and hair in under 2 minutes especially when you're told not to bend over and can't reach your feet????  Other ladies are limited to whore baths (pits, tits, and ass) or showering once a week using a shower chair.  Invalid much?  Plus even if you do get to shower more often after prolonged periods on bedrest you are so exhausted from inactivity that the thought of standing in the shower just seems too overwhelming. 

2.  One hour of exercise daily--prisoners are allowed free time to exercise.  Bedrest ladies are allowed time to sit up...if they're lucky. 

3.  Fresh air and sunshine--prisoners are allowed to go outside once per day.  Bedrest ladies...not so much.  The only fresh air I get is when the mailman rings the doorbell to deliver a package or I go to the doctors.  Plus I live in MA.  It's dark here at 4:30pm in the winter.  The only sunshine I see is through the window overlooking the backyard.  Women on hospital bedrest are limited only to the sunshine they show on tv! 

4.  Spending time with other people--Prisoners get more visitors than women on bedrest.  Plus prisoners have each other.  My social interaction is limited to the few brave souls who have come to the house, my husband, Facebook, and Babycenter.  Perhaps this goes back to the not showering? 

5.  Conjugal visits--bedrest is often accompanied by pelvic rest.  Need I say more? 

6.  A good nights sleep--prisoners may have to share their room, but they get to rest pain free.  Bedrest ladies have pain in their hips all the time from constantly lying down on their sides.  Add to that acid reflux/heart burn, insomnia, constant need to pee, and the inability to roll over.  When I start to roll over at night I end up getting stuck on my back like a turtle and then thrash around in bed until I get onto my other side.  How Paul sleeps through this I will never know?  Plus I am either freezing or lying in a pool of sweat or lying in a pool of sweat, wake up to use the bathroom, and then come back to a freezing cold pool of sweat. 

7.  3 meals a day--bedrest ladies are told not to cook.  Food choices are limited to what you can whip up in under 5 minutes (not a lot of choices) and what your hubby makes for dinner.  Prisoners are given 3 hot meals a day.  I would've killed someone for some Cracker Barrel oatmeal with brown sugar and milk this morning.  It was all I could think about last night as I lay in bed.  Heck, I would've settled for some Quaker instant oatmeal except we don't have any. 

I am a hot mess.

Maybe I should start writing to prisoners?