Jerseylicious

So, who has seen the show on E! called Jerseylicious?  As you may know from previous posts I have developed an obsession with all reality shows based in NJ (Real Housewives, Jersey Shore, Jersey Couture, Jerseylicious).  I think because I narrowly escaped being a Jersey shore girl (holla to my parents who moved us to FL when I was 6---could you imagine me with long, black hair; 2 inch long fake fingernails; tons of makeup, fake & bake tan) that I just am fascinated by what might have been. 

I have no idea when Jerseylicious actually airs as I prefer to watch when E! shows it as a marathon and luck of all luck one was on last weekend!  In the course of watching this show I was able to make a few observations:

A) If was this salon owner I would FIRE every single one of these girls.  2 of your stylists got into a physical fight outside the Sonic next door to your salon and that's not a problem????? 

B)  Your shorts should not be so short that they barely cover your cooter.  Trust me when I say that no one wants to see that especially when you are cutting their hair. 

C)  Going on a date with a man you met at a male strip review because he was stripping...well do I even need to say anything else?

D)  Going on a date with a guy who has on more jewelry than you (FYI no self respecting man wears a gold chain anymore)...again, what else can I say? 

E)  A man who thinks it is acceptable to show up to your date with a sleeveless, fleece sweatshirt on and then leave it halfway unzipped is not someone worth having a conversation with; however, based on the fact that he thought you were stupid...it may be time to put down the nail glue and crack open a book.  As NBC always tells us "Knowledge is power." 

F)  Wearing a shiny gold leotard over black tights with a gold headband and green scrunch socks to the gym and then proclaiming you've never been to a gym before...what is that?  Have you also never watched television before or seen any Hollywood gossip magazine that are full of celebrities running, going to yoga, etc. and noticed that not once, outside of 1985 and the Solid Gold Dancers, is someone in a shiny gold leotard? 

G)  I am not sure how you get close enough to your eyes with your 2 inch long fingernails to coat them in 52 coats of mascara, but scientists may want to study you.  I, on the other hand, would not let you come near my face with a washcloth much less near my eyes with an eyeliner pencil! 

H)  New Jersey and the natural look are apparently not acquainted.  If you have enough make up on that Ringling Bros may mistake you for one of it's clowns...well that's too much make up.  Make up techniques should come from MAC,  not Barnum & Bailey. 

I)  There is not one part of me that can imagine looking at one of these guidos and thinking "damn, how you doing?" 

If you have not yet seen this show then you are missing out!  I highly recommend it (if you are up for a dose of some good cat fighting, white trash fun).  It's especially fun to head to Jersey and see these creatures in their native habitat.  I don't understand how a state so close to NYC can have such poor fashion sense???  If you aren't able to get to NJ and are in the MA area then head on over to the North Shore where the Jersey girl's distant cousin resides.  Perhaps there is hope for me yet!

PS Just saw a commercial featuring Theresa from NJ Housewives for Sizzle Tan...lmao