Gratitude in grief

“Happiness is the greatest paradox of nature.  It can grow in any soil, live under any conditions.  It defies environment.  It comes from within; it is the revelation of the depths of the inner life as light and heat proclaim the sun from which they radiate.  Happiness consists not of having, but of being; not of possessing, but of enjoying.  A martyr at the stake may have happiness that a king on his throne might envy.  Man is the creator of his own happiness; it is the aroma of a life lived in harmony with high ideals.  For what a man has, he may be dependent on others; what he is rests with him alone.  Happiness is the soul’s joy in the possession of the intangible.  It is the warm glow of a heart at peace with itself.” 

I read this quote in a book (The Summer Kitchen) and it has really stuck with me.  I know so many people who seem to be stuck in a rut of sadness.  Their focus is on the losses they've experienced in life or the changes their lives have undergone and they can't move on from that.  Grief, loss, death are a part of the life cycle.  As hard as it is to say goodbye and to let go of those we love we have no other choice.  That is the world we signed up for.  That is "life" as we know it.  When you stay focused on the negative you miss out on all the wonderful things happening in the world.  Perhaps I am being naive for choosing to see the world through rose colored glasses, but perhaps I just refuse to contribute any more negativity to the world.  Our world is negative enough as is without me adding to that.  And it frustrates me to hear people portray themselves as needing to be pitied all the time, to be so locked into the negativity that they allow to consume their lives.  You live that way if you choose to live that way. 

I have wondered what I have done to be so blessed with my friends and family.  I cannot stop thinking about the love I felt during my pregnancy and how blessed I have been by the people who have sent items for Emma.  She, for sure, is going to be a much loved little girl and I can't wait to share her with all our loved ones.  I can't wait to pass along items to my next friend to get pregnant (or perhaps my sister some day--hint, hint--get on it Karin).

Being pregnant (31 weeks today) and counting down the days until our little one gets here I've spent many nights wondering how I would deal if, God forbid, Emma was stillborn or died of SIDS or any of the other worries parents go through.  Would I be able to recover from that loss? 

And being on bedrest I spend a lot of time reading other people's blogs.  Strangers I don't know whose lives have provided me with joy and sorrow.  And it amazes me the gratitude and joy that people can feel in the face of overwhelming loss.  From a parent who has lost their child born too soon to survive to a parent who has a lost a child born too sick to survive past 5 years of age to a parent who has suddenly lost one of their twin toddlers just before Christmas....all these blogs I have read have had one common theme...through their seemingly insurmountable grief these families have relied on their faith in God to help them face their loss with gratitude and even joy for the time they got to spend with their little one.   

I read a blog today written by a mother of 20 month old twins.  On December 9th one of her twins died suddenly in her sleep.  I cannot imagine the grief this family must feel and yet this mother chose to write her blog today about gratitude....the gratitude she feels for her pastor and church family; for the person who paid for her daughter's funeral service; for the 700 people who came to celebrate their daughter's life; for the 20 months she got to spend with her child; for their friends who came to visit; for their friends who cleaned up the house they have for sale; for the person who put a new roof on their house; for the pictures and videos they have of their children; and she said this, "My prayer for you is that you will love your babies every day, you will kiss them every day, you will hug them every day and you will cherish every minute you spend with them. I think back to the last day i spent with Evie. She wanted me to hold her and i was frustrated because i had so much christmas shopping, wrapping and cleaning to do. Did that matter, not one bit. I gave her a bath, put her pjs on, we read a book, i laid her in her bed and kissed her. If i had only known that would be the last time. You never know when something will be your last."  She said she can feel God's grace upon her and that she looks forward to the day when she can be with her two daughters (I believe she had previously lost another child at birth--both daughters she lost have the middle name Grace).

And she ended the blog with these words, "May God bless you as much as he has blessed me." 

If this mother can face her life with gratitude during a time of terrible loss then surely we can look to the blessings bestowed upon us with the same grace and gratitude.  

So I will leave you with her words, "May God bless you as much as he has blessed me."