10. When Emma cries she makes the same face as ventriloquist Jeff Dunham’s puppet Walter. http://www.jeffdunham.com/ (see photo)
9. Many times I have said “my dogs are my kids” and now I realize how wrong that was. They have similar qualities but not even close to the same thing.
8. Apparently three weeks is too young to self-soothe.
7. I said I wasn’t going to change diapers, but now I have such an intense fear of Emma getting a diaper rash or yeast infection that I check every five minutes to make sure I change her ASAP. I’m now the NASCAR pit crew of diaper changing.
6. In my first week I learned how many things you can do with one hand, this week I learned putting the lid on a bottle should not be one of them. Don’t worry a breast milk bath is good for a baby’s skin.
5. Anyone that says “sleep when Emma sleeps” must have great control of their own narcolepsy.
4. Don’t let the cute face full you. The one time Emma was calm and cooperative during a diaper change, she was just drawing me into a trap. Once I let my guard down she peed and sharted on me. If you don’t know what sharting is, she farted and shot poop at me!
3. Anyone who says that a baby can only see 6-12 inches away has not seen Emma’s face light up at the sight of Jenn’s boob from across the room.
2. No matter how hard I try I am going to get on Jenn’s nerves. I think it is jealousy because I can immediately fall asleep when I have a chance. That military basic training is coming in handy.
1. We ran into a pregnant woman in the mall and she asked us some questions about having a baby. It’s actually pretty amazing how much we already know.
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