Today

Today was a day filled with doubt and joy.  Today was a day where hopelessness and hopefullness met...the numbness inside lifted by sweet baby kisses and big baby blue eyes and snuggling.  The sweet scents of my little one fill my nose as she nestles inside the wrap, asleep on my chest.  Looking down and seeing her beautiful face gives me peace like nothing else and for a moment the anxiety goes away.  Today was a day in which Emma didn't breastfeed much, but I did pump and Paul fed her the bottles.  Today was a day that I got out of bed at a decent time, showered, fed my baby, and she slept while we ate at our favorite breakfast place.  Today was a day that we went to Target and I felt overwhelmed by our outing and by my house being a pig sty.  Today was a day that I only got teary eyed a few times and only cried once when making dinner seemed like a lot to do, but I did it and I got through it.  Today was a day in which I realized that I haven't been asking Paul for help as much as I should because I still feel like I'm not doing enough.  Today was a day in which we gave our munchkin her first real bath and she loved it and I loved seeing her enjoy it. 

Today was a day that I survived.  I didn't let anxiety overcome me and I didn't give in to all the tears I felt.  Today. 

And tomorrow I will do it all again.