Sleep is for Wimps

I initially go to bed so hopeful.  This is going to be the night she sleeps through the night is the mantra I say over and over as I fight off the tension that comes from knowing she is probably going to be awake as soon as I fall asleep. 

Last night it was light's out at 9:30pm for me.  Em had been asleep since 7:15pm.  I was laying in bed, dosing off, but not yet fully asleep when I hear her.  Whah, whah, whah.  Sigh.  Groan.  It's 11:20pm.

I walk, blurry eyed, down the hall to her room.  She has no interest in her passy, but is happy to have me rub her back.  I do love this little bean.  Rub, rub, rub.  I see her eyes close and softly tiptoe from the room.

I make a pit stop at the bathroom and as I lift the lid of the toilet it slips out of my hand and as it's slamming back down I wait for what I know is coming.  Whah, whah, whah.  Sigh.  Groan. 

This time she is really upset.  Perhaps because her mother just scared the crap out of her.  I change her diaper and as I am standing up I hit the footboard of the bed with my knee cap.  HOLY HOT BURNING PAIN.  I sit on the ground and contemplate Em and I just sleeping at the foot of the bed for the rest of the night.  I finally get off the ground and put Em back in her crib.  I give her some Tylenol and get her back to sleep. 

I hobble back into my room, climb into bed, and close my eyes.  Whah, whah, whah.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??????  Sigh. Groan. 

Ya know I'm just gonna nurse her because I am exhausted.  I put her on the bed and climb up beside her and it feels like someone has hit me in the knee with a bat made of concrete.  She nurses, is drowsy, back into the crib.  Tiptoe from the room.  Climb back into bed.  Close my eyes. 

Whah, whah, whah.  WHY DOES MY CHILD HATE ME?????

More nursing, more back rubbing.  Back to sleep.  Back to my room.  Climb back into bed.  Eyes closed.  Whah, whah, whah.  I look at the monitor and she is rolling over so I wait.  She settles down. It's 1:15am.

3:50am.  Whah, whah, whah.  Sigh.  Groan.  This time I just bring her into bed with me.  I have no idea what times she woke up to nurse the rest of the night because I can no longer feel my nipples.  I find it's easier just to sleep with my boob hanging out so that Em can use me as a kitten uses it's mother.  I think Em is a boobie-juice-aholic.  She wants to nurse all night long.   

7:15am and she's awake.  I feel like I have spent the night with my eyes vacationing on the beach.  They brought a ton of bags with them for their vacation.  I look like a zombie. 

Who is this cranky baby and what has she done with my happy baby?  And why don't they make baby Tylenol pm?