As soon as Paul left to go to Home Depot I immediately turned off ESPN football gameday recap/discuss upcoming game and Favre show to see what reality television I could get into. Afternoons are not super great for reality tv; however, I did find Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team on CMT. While this show makes me feel bad about myself in every possible way it has also made glaringly obvious the reasons why I will never be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader (I mean aside from the fact that I'm 5 months pregnant right now duh).
1. Flexibility. I cannot even bend over to touch my toes. I have the flexibility of a piece of steel and this makes toe touches, splits, etc. difficult.
2. Dance. I laugh at myself doing Hip Hop Abs (and when I say laugh I mean hysterical can hardly finish laughing) because I look so ridiculous. Plus I am only comfortable dancing when I am tipsy aka completely wasted which I somehow think the head DCC coach Kelli (with an I of course) would frown on. Showing up wasted to tryouts does not make me think I'd have a better shot at making the team. I don't think they'd be impressed with my limbs flailing about uncontrollably as if seperate from my body.
3. Hair. I can barely be bothered to brush my hair on a daily basis much less straighten my hair every day. Plus I hate having my hair in my face so I don't think dancing about on the field with my hair constantly in my eyes or mouth would make me happy.
4. Fitness. Sit ups, push ups, and a 2 mile run. I couldn't even run 2 feet if someone was chasing me with a machete. Enough said.
5. Cheerleading. I was the worst cheerleader ever in college. Worst. Ever.
6. Fat. Kelly just told this girl, who weights 123 lbs, that she looks chunky because the rest of the girls weight 112 lbs. I can't believe Kelli called this girl chunky! I would beat the shit out of someone to look like her. Her stomach is completely flat. Hmmm...I weigh 70 lbs more than Chunky. Somehow the image of my fat belly hanging over the top of those little white shorts doesn't really conjure up the sexy look they probably are going for. Plus the friction from my thighs rubbing together is likely to set said white shorts on fire and that may be frowned upon during a game. I could totally rock the top though.
Watching this show though perhaps I should make more of an effort with my appearance. My current level of self care may be testing the limits of Paul's love for me especially if it continues for the next 18 weeks. That's a long time for someone to look at their wife chillaxin on the sofa everyday with her sweats on, unbrushed hair in a pony, no make up, questionable showering.
In case anyone wants to get in shape like a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader there is a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader boot camp DVD. I will be purchasing this after Emma gets here so I can get my groove on at home and perhaps be one step closer to my cheerleading dream.
In other CMT news...if you are looking for a good reality show CMT has World's Strictest Parents. These people rock and I can for sure imagine the day that Paul and I are beating someone else's little punk kid's ass on our farm in TN as participants in this show.
Now I have to go so I can turn up the tv. Paul's drilling something in the kitchen and it's interfering with my ability to hear who's getting kicked off the team.
You're so funny. And that may be a solution as to why Paul's going to have a hard time in the kitchen. He should be cooking, not drilling.
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