A retrospective

I know it's been awhile since I've written anything.  I'm not sure why.  I haven't been on my computer much, partially because I got an iPhone and partially because Emma requires a lot more entertaining now that she's older and partially because we have been traveling and sick and sick and traveling.  It's been never ending.  I think we've both been to the doctor more down here than in the entire time we've lived in Mass. 

And there has also been a part of me that hasn't been sure what to say about my stay in Florida so far.  For sure it has been fantastic to watch  my family and Paul's family interact with Emma and really great for her to get to spend time with other people.  On the other hand I am not sure how good the trip has been for me.  Yes, it has been a good trip, but I mean...well, I don't have much purpose here.  I had the expectation that I would get here and slip seamlessly back into my old life of seeing friends, hanging out, etc. acknowledging that I would have a tiny tag-along.  And it hasn't been like that.  I've seen friends, good friends, but I've seen most people only one time.  I didn't take into account that just as my life has changed with us moving so, too, has their lives changed.  People have busy lives, lives that make it hard to see an unemployed, on a long ass vacation momma and her baby.  People have jobs and families and commitments.  I didn't really think about all that.  I didn't think about how challenging it would be to be away from my house, MY life in Mass.  I didn't realize how much I would miss my Mass friends.  Am I happy we came?  Absolutely.  Would I do it again?  Yes, but for a much shorter period of time probably. 

And I tracked down the post I wrote BEFORE Paul left listing all my goals and gosh, I have been so unproductive.  I don't think I've met ANY of my pre-deployment goals. 

1. Get in shape and lose the baby weight! Paul and I want to do a tropical family vacation when he gets back and I want to look sexy in a bikini for once in my life. I tend to overeat when stressed or depressed and I do not want Paul to come home to a chub a lub. Although I know he’d love me either way I am tired of feeling overweight and unhealthy.

Well, I'm still overweight, still unhealthy.  I finally cancelled my monthly donation to WW.  I've actually gained weight living at my dad's (thanks wine and sugar and dessert and overeating).  Paul on the other hand has been a working out machine and is currently doing Cross Fit.  I have a gym membership (thank goodness it was free), but haven't been able to use it because Em and I have been sick for 3 weeks!  I did just decide to give up alcohol and soda for a month.  It's been over a week with no alcohol and just since Dec. 1 with no soda.  Still fat.


2. Garden, garden, garden. I learned a lot from the garden I had last summer and I’d like to make some changes in how I plant things and also enjoy my garden since last summer I was prego and had morning sickness. I also need to work on our landscaping.

Um, yeah, NOT. 

3. Organize and par down our possessions. We have so much stuff and as much as I’ve given away to Salvation Army I am sure I can get even more organized.

I did go through a ton of stuff and make donations to Big Brothers Big Sisters Foundation.  And I got organized in a lot of the rooms and closets and rearranged furniture.  So I do feel pretty good in this category. 

4. Paint our bedroom. The color is nice, but it ended up being a lot pinker than I thought it would be.

I dodged a bullet here because our insurance paid for most of the interior of our house to be painted as part of repairs from last winter's damage.  So, our room got painted, but I didn't have to do it!  Sweet!

5. Learn how to be a good mom. Take lots of pictures of Emma for Paul. Keep her safe and healthy. Make a scrapbook of her first year. Take videos.

I feel I am a pretty good mom.  I feel I can always improve something.  I did take tons of pictures, mostly on my phone.  Let's see Em has been sick and to the ER twice and feel off the bed once and almost rolled off the changing table (that was all my friend though) and....I brought her baby book with me and have done nothing with it.  Sigh...

6. Visit friends. Plan a good traveling schedule and some quality time with my closest friends. Grand Island, Huntsville, Cincinnati, Valdosta are some of the places I’d like to visit.

Well, I made it to Valdosta.  And Dallas.  I've seen some friends and feel like I am going to miss seeing a lot of people because my time is quickly approaching to head home.

7. Take Emma to see my aunt and uncle in Amelia Island. I love that place!

We made it to Amelia Island!  Of course I didn't realize Em's ear infection had not cleared up with antibiotics and she cried for 2 days so we probably won't ever be invited back, but we made it!
8. Write to Paul every day. Skype as much as possible with Paul even if I have to get up in the middle of the night to do so.

After realizing that our lives are boring and it takes a crap long time for letters to go back and forth we did not write each other, but once.  I did send Paul cards for all the important events (anniversary, birthday, holidays, etc.), but that was about it.  We have skyped about 99% of the time and that is my priority every day.  And we do talk on the phone.  Sometimes I miss him more than others so those days we might skype and then talk on the phone, too.  We are so blessed to be able to have that ability when so many others don't.

9. Enjoy spending time with my family in Florida.

I am afraid my parents are going to need counseling for depression when I take Em back to Mass.  I said something to my mom today over lunch about us leaving and she started to cry.  I feel guilty already. 

10. Go to church. Strengthen my relationship with God.

Sickness, teething, and sleepless nights have made it hard to get up and get ready on Sunday mornings (no excuse I know), but we have started getting up and watching Joel Osteen on Sundays which I actually really enjoy.  He always has a good message that I can relate to even though I cannot imagine going to a church that huge!  And he tweeted me back one day so you know I'm happy. 

So, that is where we stand.  31 days until Paul gets home.  31 days until life gets back to normal!  Not that I'm counting down or anything.