Since I am blessed to be married to someone in the military and thus blessed to have excellent health insurance you best believe I take full advantage of that. I have been to the doctor more in the last 2 months in Florida than I have been the entire 2 years we've lived in New England. In my defense I have been sick. Both baby and I have fought terrible upper respiratory infections and she also had an ear infection. 2 rounds of antibiotics a piece and steroids for me and I finally thought we were better! Alas I appear to be sick...again. At first I thought maybe I had developed some kind of allergy to the Christmas tree we just bought because my symptoms started the same night we bought the tree home. I've been taking allegra and using the NeillMed sinus rinse, but I seem to be getting worse and not better. Ugh! I can NOT do another round of antibiotics!
I digress. Anyways as part of my excellent health insurance my pcp asked if I wanted to have my cholesterol, etc checked and I convinced him that I may have a thyroid problem and he should check (without telling him that I've had my thyroid checked before, it's always normal, and that I consistently gain weight because I am beyond a terrible eater--literally the only vegetables I've had over the last 2 days have come in the form of chicken Caesar salad and the only fruit I had was a slice of pumpkin bread from Starbucks and some lemon in my ice tea. I told you BEYOND terrible).
So I go in for my blood test today. It's a fasting blood test so it's 9am and I have had nothing to eat or drink yet. It must've been casual Friday because the nurse had on jeans and flip flops (PSA if you wear flip flops make sure your toes aren't fugly looking. Bare toenails are okay, but half painted chipped nails are not). She puts the rubber thing on my arm and starts looking for a vein. She keeps pressing in the center of my elbow crook and I finally tell her that they usually use the vein slightly to the side. One thing you don't want to hear your nurse saying as she gets ready to shove a needle in your arm is "Your veins are just so small." Repeatedly. As in over and over. The first try was a prick and a miss. The needles in my arm, but she totally misses the vein. Oops.
Move on over to the left arm. Rubber thing on, pressing around looking for a vein. Again, I point out the vein slightly to the side and offer up that they usually use a butterfly needle. She asks if I've ever had blood drawn from my hand. Really? We're going there? She asks if that's ok. What am I going to say? No. The butterfly needle goes into my hand, blood starts to flow into the tubing, and then nothing. Her response, "What happened to the blood? Where did it go?"
So it's back over to the right arm and I kindly say to her, "If you want to get someone else I promise I won't judge you." Cause seriously who wants to be covered in bandaids from a simple blood test. She laughs and says unfortunately there isn't anyone else. The pediatric nurse apparently does even less blood draws than she does and the other choice is my actual PCP who probably hasn't done one since med school.
The next tool she pulls out is to put the blood pressure cuff on my arm and inflate it as much as possible. This time she actually hits the vein AND gets blood out. During all this I have to say, "Um, my hand is falling asleep" at which point she looks down and notices that my hand is, in fact, turning purple. "Oops your hand is turning purple," as she laughs. Oh lordy.
Finally we are done and I immediately drive to Starbucks for a breakfast sandwich (hello bacon & gouda I love you) and a venti decaf nonfat mocha with whip cream. Delic!
So we shall see....nothing I'm sure....
I guess I'll have to give up my dream of a thyroid problem as excuse for my weigh gain and move on to my goal of being on The Biggest Loser. Sigh...
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