Some oldies but goodies!

Originally written on Feb. 18, 2009:
How am I not a Playboy playmate?
Current mood: confused
I mean, besides the obvious reasons such as weighing approximately 90lbs. more than a playmate; not having huge, fake breasts; not having a flat stomach; excessive amounts of cellulite...
If you can look past those reasons, then I don't understand why I'm not Hugh Hefners next girlfriend. Yes, the thought of being physically intimate with him makes me throw up in my mouth a little, but I think, for enough money and fame, I could get over that. (And I am obsessed with knowing if he sleeps with all his girlfriends or just the main one or none of them...does anyone know???)
I certainly have the personality to be a Girl Next Door as I love to walk around naked (although most people would NOT want to see me walk around naked). I'm funny and loud and outgoing and people like me. I am less obnoxious than Kendra, smarter than Holly, and I like Bridgett so I can't say anything bad about her. I definitely am BETTER looking than the twins that he has as his next girlfriends. Even though they are from FL...yuck! He could've done better.
Maybe if I work out really really really hard at the gym (oh, and find the money to pay for liposuction and a personal chef) my new goal can be to be in Playboy. I think Paul would support that. Besides Bridgett is like 36 and I'm only 31...I got time.
I guess while I wait for my big, naked break I will continue to enjoy life here in south GA (Valdumpster holla) with my fiance...
Do you think Playboy will ever do a big girls edition? If so, I'm all over that!
PS I usually don't like to talk about my clients, but just to illustrate the differences between the races...my gay, black, female client wants to gain weigh so she can be "thick" like me (yes, she called me thick at our session today) because she thinks she is too thin and I want to be thin like her because life isn't fair! She eats like crap and doesn't exercise and has 2 kids and has a much better body than me...I guess the grass is always greener on the other side...lol.
PPS I am officially a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and can now start looking for a job in Boston!!! Oh, and I'm getting married!!!!


Saturday, January 17, 2009
Gran Torino and funny conversations
Current mood: contemplative
Paul and I have seen some good movies lately...Marley & Me, Bride Wars, and tonight Gran Torino. I have to admit I was not that thrilled about going, but since Paul so graciously took me to see Bride Wars I felt that, in the spirit of compromise, I needed to take him to see Gran Torino.
Whoa...
It was a truly fantastic movie. You know that when you are leaving a theater and everyone is absolutely silent that the movie touched people way down to their souls.
So, I sent my mom, dad, and sister a text message that said "Gran Torino is sooo good and sooo sad."
From this my dad calls and leaves me a voicemail about how he just got my message...um, yeah dad because I just sent it 2 minutes ago.
So, I call him back and he says "Oh, you're driving home? Are you having problem with the Gran Torino?"
So, I say "What?"
My dad thought my text meant that I was driving in a Gran Torino and having problems with it and was stuck on the side of the road. Hmmmmmm....luckily one of his friends was with him and explained that Gran Torino was also a movie.
But people who know what completely random associations I make should now understand where I get that trait from...poop rolling down the road anyone? A shark's tooth on a deck of a cruise ship...I mean bird poop?
Anyways, it was a truly moving, spectacular, change your outlook movie. Go see it!