Long Distance Relationships

are HARD! I think hardest for me because so many things seem so much more out of my control and anyone who knows me knows that I LIKE TO BE IN CONTROL (an unfortunate trait I inherited from my mother). It takes a lot for me to just let go and trust someone not to hurt me. I keep reminding myself things my therapist has told me...mainly, it's none of my business, worrying doesn't change anything (e.g. if he's going to cheat then he's going to cheat...me worrying about it only negatively affects me--although I guess ultimately my relationships as well--sort of like a self fulfilling prophecy). In a relationship where you are in the same area, for the most part, you know where the other person is and what they are doing and who they are doing it with (unless you have one of those really sneaky, lying, rat bastard boyfriends). In a long distance relationship there is no telling what the other person is doing or who they are doing it with (which is disturbing if they have remained friends with people they've done "it" with in the past) and you just kind of have to accept that there will be those times that you don't talk as much for whatever reason and that you won't always know what is going on. I try to fool myself into thinking that I NEED to know what the other person is doing so that we can be a part of each other's lives, but I know that is my own bullshit (aka I'm nosy and paranoid and neurotic). This is an issue I am working on. And I have to NOT allow my happiness to be centered around another individual, but rather look out from my heart at other's and find things that make me happy. I think if I am truly happy on my own then happiness will follow in my relationship. So, we don't talk, so we break up, so whatever...there are certain things that will always be true and constant in my life. So, I'm not married, so I'm childless, so what...I get to do awesomely amazing things that my married, childbearing friends cannot. I am going to Alaska in August. I am contemplating doing a home exchange for the summer and living abroad somewhere for a month (maybe Italy--either Tuscany or Rome) or maybe just traveling in the USA (huge road trip anyone?). I am going to take a photography class at the Ringling School starting in January (need to remember to register) and I want to learn another language (Spanish would be smart, French or Italian would be more romantic). I want to meditate and resume my yoga practice and go to church on the regular. I want to stop eating so much junk food and start going to the gym and I want to kayak. I want to snorkle and not be afraid. I want to not be afraid of a lot of things. I want to feel okay that I'm not a size zero or even a size 8. I want to worship my body for what it is--the gift that God gave me with all parts in working order. I want to travel with my girlfriends, travel with a boyfriend, and travel with my sister (big trip when she finishes school). I want to find my bliss.
I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore. --Elizabeth Gilbert
I want to find my bliss.