Those were the days

Remember when as soon as you got back to school after winter break you started to daydream about spring break...how you counted down the endless weeks until that 1 glorious week off with nothing to do but drink excessively and get sunburned on a daily basis...how it was only the thought of that 1 week of pure gluttony that got you through the boring beginning of spring semester. Man, oh man, THOSE were the days!

Spring break is almost here at VSU. Students walking around campus today will be leaving tomorrow for far off lands with ne'er a thought on their minds, but where they are going to get drunk next. I have to admit as I drove through campus today I experienced a slight bit of jealousy. Okay, more than a slight bit. A huge, gut gnawing, deep sigh of longing, why am I so old, jealousy.

Instead, today I ran errands, saw no clients, earned no money, and well, let me just tell you what I did today...woke up, rescheduled a client for tomorrow because her wallet got stolen, read, went to the gym, came home, showered, went to lunch, went to Paul's accountant, went to the library, read, tried to see a new client, new client wasn't home, left a note, went to Walgreens, went to the library again, returned home, put a load of laundry in, cleaned the carpets, put the clothes in the dryer, ate dinner, watched tv, packed for the weekend, put laundry away, and now more tv and internet.

I guess I feel I had a busy today because I certainly ran around a lot, but it would've been nice to have earned some money. You don't realize how much you need a full time until you don't have one. I would rather work than not work. Well, I'd rather work a job I like.

But I miss spring break. I miss college. I wonder how I got this old. I wonder how I'll feel in 9 years when I'm 40. I think about all the kids I've worked with who are now in their 20's with their own lives and own families. I miss the beach. I miss drinking and staying up late. A friend told me over the weekend that she thought people who didn't want to have children were unnatural and she couldn't understand that. I can understand that. There are days when I crave having a child and there are days that I cannot imagine having a child. I think part of having a child means that you accept getting older because you age as your child age. If you are childless you can pretend at youngness. You don't have to face the reality of getting older so early. Children mean being selfless (or it should to an extent) and I am not sure I'm there yet. It scares me this growing up, and growing older, and being a parent. But at the same time I don't want to wake up at 40 and regret not having children. I know Paul wants kids. He probably wants them more than I do (at least right now). I still want us to have fun and to be able to travel and to be selfish for a little bit longer. Once you have a child you can't give him/her back. And hopefully you're own mental health is in a good place before you have a child so you don't pass that craziness on to your poor unsuspecting offspring.

It's strange how a blog I thought was going to be about spring break has turned into a blog about aging. I guess that is the same way life is...you start off heading one way and end up in a totally different direction.