Me: My drunk dad wants 2 know why he didn't get invited to the Superbowl. He has top secret clearance, is young at heart, and can get a permit to carrky a gun. He also wants you to know if you want to come home he'll go down and take your place and there will be a couple big bags of shrimp mailed your way.
Paul: My black friends would be scared of an 8ft tall white man with a gun.
My dad: I can put black camo on my face. Black guys respect a tough guy even if he is white.
My dad doesn't understand that his top secret clearance from when he was in the army expired about 40 years ago.
Paul @ 12:54am: I am now wondering the street looking for Reggie.
Me: I hope someone's with you.
Paul: A lot of people, no one I know.
Paul @ 1am: Found Reggie. I'm safe now.
Paul @ 1:21am: Iim really drunk
Paul @ 1:54am: Its been a long time since I was this drunk. Heading home
Paul then tells me he's going to an outdoor concert. I assume it's like a 4 Tops cover band or something.
Me: Whose singing
Paul: Rianna or something. The girl that got beat up
Paul: A young lady has ask me to put her on my shoulders.
Paul being a douche: Ha rd 2 tipe wit her on should?ers!!!
Paul @ 11:08: Having some drinks until after traffic
Me @ 12:33: R u still in traffic
Paul: Nope. Drunk and dancing with hookers
Me: Not funny
Paul: Actually some girls were flirting with our group. I was the first to show how pretty my ring was
Paul @ 1:32am: I'm soooooooo drunk!!!!!!!!
I wish I had kept the texts Paul sent me from his friend's bachelor party in Atlanta....so hilarious!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Missing
Usually I try to keep my blogs light and funny and I apologize because this one isn't. Last night we went to dinner at Oceana at the Marriott Long Wharf in Boston. As we walked in we noticed candles and flowers out front like a vigil. I asked the hostess what had happened. A young man and his girlfriend were staying at the hotel in February, he went outside to smoke around 2:20 in the morning, the hotel cameras show him leaving the hotel, and no one has ever seen him again. He was only 25. This story makes me immensely sad and reminds me of a similar story I had seen on 48 hours or Dateline or one of those shows. A young man in medical school was meeting his girlfriend and friends in the Bahamas for spring break and the night before he left to fly down he went to a bar in Columbus, OH. The bar was on the second floor and the cameras show him going up the escalator and entering the bar and he was never seen again. There is no footage of him leaving the bar. I saw the same thing on another show where a young woman went to a bar, they have her on camera, they have her leaving alone and the police found her car on the side of the road. No one has seen her since she left the bar.
Paul makes fun of me for always locking the doors, but it scares me to think that a person can just disappear. I would never want my family to go through that pain and suffering of not knowing what happened to me. I would think losing a child to illness or disease or an accident would be terrible, but to lose a child and have no closure and no knowledge of what happened to your child would be gut wrenchingly awful.
I heard on the radio that divers off the coast of Aruba may have found skeletal remains in the water. I am prayerful that it is Natalie Holloway so that her poor parents can have some closure in their lives.
Enough sadness. I am going to go outside and enjoy this gorgeous 70 degree day before it starts raining again tomorrow.
Be safe everyone!
Paul makes fun of me for always locking the doors, but it scares me to think that a person can just disappear. I would never want my family to go through that pain and suffering of not knowing what happened to me. I would think losing a child to illness or disease or an accident would be terrible, but to lose a child and have no closure and no knowledge of what happened to your child would be gut wrenchingly awful.
I heard on the radio that divers off the coast of Aruba may have found skeletal remains in the water. I am prayerful that it is Natalie Holloway so that her poor parents can have some closure in their lives.
Enough sadness. I am going to go outside and enjoy this gorgeous 70 degree day before it starts raining again tomorrow.
Be safe everyone!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Fat girls, fat girls...whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
I've been hearing on the radio this week about this woman who wants to become the world's fattest woman. She currently weighs 550 lbs. and wants to get to a 1000 lbs. Her name is Donna Simpson and surprise, surprise she's from New Jersey (why does every trashy reality tv loser wannabe hail from NJ???). She already holds the record for the world's fattest mom (I'm sure her kids are proud). Hindering her quest for glory...running after her daughter (age3) is giving her too much physical activity and keeping her weight down. Let's explore something disturbing for a moment...some man had sex with this fat ass. AND she's currently married to a man who weighs 150 lbs. He is a self professed fat admirer. I'm not sure how its physically possible for him to A) have sex with her and B) I'd imagine she'd have a little cheese in her fat rolls (stanky!) She has a website where people can pay to watch her be fat.
Granted I have gained a LOT of weight in the last 5 years, but I would hope that someone would shoot me before I weighed 600 lbs. I wouldn't even be able to move!
The other part that pisses me off is that morbidly obese people typically don't work and go on disability. I will be so pissed if our tax dollars pay for this woman to be fat. I think the state of NJ should tell this woman right now that she is NOT eligible for SSI or SSDI if she chooses to try and become the world's fattest woman. What lessons is she teaching her children? I'm sure her 14 year old son is wicked proud of his mom and I'm sure his friends don't make fun of him at all.
In the spirit of me not becoming the world's fattest woman I've been working out! Paul and I went to the gym Tuesday before work and I've been running...okay, jogging...okay 8 minutes of jogging with 22 minutes of walking for the past 2 days. I'm doing the couch to 5k podcast from Itunes. The guy speaking cracks my ass up especially when during the 5th interval of running he prefices it with "You should be feeling the effects of your running, but should not feel out of breath or tired." By this interval I'm wheezing like an asthmatic, could sleep on the side of the road, trying not to throw up, and am DEFINITELY feeling the effects of my running. I also know that people drive by and laugh at me because I run so slow that a good fast paced walker could pass me. And I always laugh at those people when I see them "jogging." (I'm a bad person, I know)
In other paranormal news...I went to a "mock" investigation last weekend and scared the shit out of myself. We were practicing EVP work and sitting in the dark and after I got over my initial omg we're in the dark panic and calmed down I then thought I saw something walk by the window and almost peed on the sofa! I thought I held myself together pretty well and my coping skills allow me to talk myself down from full blown cardiac arrest to mild fast breathing. It was fun though and I learned how to use some cool stuff. I'm excited for our first real investigation. Hopefully I don't run screaming from the building or am found in the fetal position in a corner somewhere.
Peace out!
Granted I have gained a LOT of weight in the last 5 years, but I would hope that someone would shoot me before I weighed 600 lbs. I wouldn't even be able to move!
The other part that pisses me off is that morbidly obese people typically don't work and go on disability. I will be so pissed if our tax dollars pay for this woman to be fat. I think the state of NJ should tell this woman right now that she is NOT eligible for SSI or SSDI if she chooses to try and become the world's fattest woman. What lessons is she teaching her children? I'm sure her 14 year old son is wicked proud of his mom and I'm sure his friends don't make fun of him at all.
In the spirit of me not becoming the world's fattest woman I've been working out! Paul and I went to the gym Tuesday before work and I've been running...okay, jogging...okay 8 minutes of jogging with 22 minutes of walking for the past 2 days. I'm doing the couch to 5k podcast from Itunes. The guy speaking cracks my ass up especially when during the 5th interval of running he prefices it with "You should be feeling the effects of your running, but should not feel out of breath or tired." By this interval I'm wheezing like an asthmatic, could sleep on the side of the road, trying not to throw up, and am DEFINITELY feeling the effects of my running. I also know that people drive by and laugh at me because I run so slow that a good fast paced walker could pass me. And I always laugh at those people when I see them "jogging." (I'm a bad person, I know)
In other paranormal news...I went to a "mock" investigation last weekend and scared the shit out of myself. We were practicing EVP work and sitting in the dark and after I got over my initial omg we're in the dark panic and calmed down I then thought I saw something walk by the window and almost peed on the sofa! I thought I held myself together pretty well and my coping skills allow me to talk myself down from full blown cardiac arrest to mild fast breathing. It was fun though and I learned how to use some cool stuff. I'm excited for our first real investigation. Hopefully I don't run screaming from the building or am found in the fetal position in a corner somewhere.
Peace out!
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