Dorothy in Oz

I have one more day in Florida, 8 more days until Paul arrives back in the US.  I feel like Dorothy about to leave Oz.  You know the scene where she's saying goodbye to the Tin Man, Lion, and Scarecrow before getting into the hot air balloon with the wizard.  That is how I feel.  On one hand I am ready for life to get back to normal.  I am beyond excited to see Paul, but I'm also nervous, too.  It's a strange sensation to know that so much time has passed without seeing your spouse, touching them, hugging them, parenting with them.  On the other hand I have this pit in my stomach about saying goodbye to my mom and dad.  I am dreading the crying that I know will occur and also dreading how sad I know my parents are going to be to see their granddaughter leave.  And I feel just a little (ok a lot) guilty about that. 

To say I've been teary eyed the last few days is an understatement.  I feel overwhelmed by emotion.  I think anyone whose spouse has deployed knows how I feel.  It's hard to describe.  I've lived in denial about where Paul has been for the past 6 months, refusing to really think about it, just moving forward.  And now that it's almost over all those tears that I never let myself cry are bubbling up to the surface. 

Our little baby has grown and changed so much since Paul left.  She had just turned 4 months when he left, barely rolling over.  Now she is full out crawling, eating table food, has 3 teeth, talks all the time, and poops in the tub like it's her job.  And tonight and last night she went straight to sleep when I put her in the pack & play.  No fussing, no crying.  I feel so confused!  Of course she woke up this morning at 3am so hopefully we can avoid that tomorrow morning. 

Tomorrow will be spent packing up the mini van which is oh so more fabulous with my personalized plate, pink camo Air Force wife tag on the front, AND luggage carrier on top.  If someone had told me during my 20's that I'd one day being driving a mini van with a luggage carrier on the roof I'd have laughed all the ways into my 30's.  How far into mommyhood I've fallen.  I'm already planning our family vacations with our friends the Carters and the Phillips with our babies and how great it's going to be to put our luggage on the roof.  lol 

Hope everyone is having a great 2012!