Paul and I have seen some good movies lately...Marley & Me, Bride Wars, and tonight Gran Torino. I have to admit I was not that thrilled about going, but since Paul so graciously took me to see Bride Wars I felt that, in the spirit of compromise, I needed to take him to see Gran Torino.
Whoa...
It was a truly fantastic movie. You know that when you are leaving a theater and everyone is absolutely silent that the movie touched people way down to their souls.
So, I sent my mom, dad, and sister a text message that said "Gran Torino is sooo good and sooo sad."
From this my dad calls and leaves me a voicemail about how he just got my message...um, yeah dad because I just sent it 2 minutes ago.
So, I call him back and he says "Oh, you're driving home? Are you having problem with the Gran Torino?"
So, I say "What?"
My dad thought my text meant that I was driving in a Gran Torino and having problems with it and was stuck on the side of the road. Hmmmmmm....luckily one of his friends was with him and explained that Gran Torino was also a movie.
But people who know what completely random associations I make should now understand where I get that trait from...poop rolling down the road anyone? A shark's tooth on a deck of a cruise ship...I mean bird poop?
Anyways, it was a truly moving, spectacular, change your outlook movie. Go see it!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Things that may cause me to resume drinking
So, we all know I've given up drinking for January...at least until my party on the 24th. But today...today I almost gave in. I desperately wanted a glass of wine when I got home from work. I was strong, but I think anyone could've forgiven me for my slip.
First we had a LONG night. Sasha, our boxer, was sick and barked to go out every 2 hours. I got up the first time and Paul got up every other time (it was too cold for me to get out of bed), but since I'm a light sleeper I woke up every time.
I had a LONG day. It started with saying goodbye to one of my clients who is going to rehab. She's like my fave and I wish her all the best. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I wouldn't be here when she got back, but I will make sure I say goodbye somehow before we leave.
Then I rushed home to let the dogs out and make sure Sasha was okay.
Then I drove to Tifton and spent an hour and a half with my angry client...she's a trip! She is the loudest talker ever. Imagine yelling and now imagine that is the person's regular tone of voice.
Then I met another therapist for lunch. And we had a great time! But I found out that Turner County, GA still is segregated...as in segregated proms and segregated cheerleading squads (the white girls cheer for football, the black girls cheer for basketball). 2007 was their FIRST desegregated prom! Are you f*cking kidding me? And she said the PARENTS were the ones who continue to plan these seperate proms and even though they had the ONE prom, that the parents still held seperate events. What kind of school district allows this to occur? I may have to write Oprah and get her on this case!
Then it was back to a client's house. She may have the worst children in America. I am fairly certain her children would cause the super nanny or nanny 911 to curl up in the fetal position and enter into a coma like state out of sheer horror. And this was a good day. I don't understand why the mother isn't an alcoholic. And child abuse isn't even her issue (but between us...would totally understand if it was). Imagine 3 minions of the devil...and they are only 1, 3, and 4 years old. There was kicking, biting, throwing things. There is a puppy and I'm constantly afraid I may have to try and kidnap the puppy. Everytime they go near the dog I think to myself "Run, puppy, run!" And mom said the same thing out loud!
Then I drove AN HOUR to another client's house where she started crying except it was like listening to the air being let out of a balloon for 30 minutes. Neighborhood dogs started barking. High pitched, awful noise. And I swear she talked for 30 minutes without stopping for air. And she hadn't turned the light on when I got there so it got progressively darker until finally I couldn't see to write in my notebook anymore and I had to stop her so she could turn the light on.
Then I got home and as soon as I walk into the house it smelled like something had DIED somewhere. All I can think is that Sasha had pooped in her cage and I was going to walk into a MESS. I had to put Vicks under my nose just to go in their without gagging. And what did I find when I got in there? NOTHING. I looked everywhere in the house and checked the dog. Not a thing. It was so strange! And so disgusting. I still have no idea why or what. I even looked under the bed. I was afraid one of my cats had exploded under there or something.
Then I caught up on the Real Housewives of Orange County from last night. Let me just say...
Tamra...BITCH and a bad person.
Vicki...BITCH and annoying as all get out
Jeanna...I like her
Gretchen...I'd kill someone to have her body; however, she is a gold digger and kinda slutty
Lynn...she seems okay; however, she always looks like she has a mouth full of marbles and her daughter makes me want to punch something
Laurie...miss her, wonder how she's that lucky
And the Valdosta Daily Times printed my rant, but totally changed it:
To the parents at the Steamhouse restaurant last night who refused to take their crying 2-year-old home: Take a parenting class. You ruined dinner for every person in the restaurant. Just thought you should know.
And didn't print it until today so the meaning is completely gone.
Oh well. Time go to bed so I can do it all over again tomorrow...
First we had a LONG night. Sasha, our boxer, was sick and barked to go out every 2 hours. I got up the first time and Paul got up every other time (it was too cold for me to get out of bed), but since I'm a light sleeper I woke up every time.
I had a LONG day. It started with saying goodbye to one of my clients who is going to rehab. She's like my fave and I wish her all the best. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I wouldn't be here when she got back, but I will make sure I say goodbye somehow before we leave.
Then I rushed home to let the dogs out and make sure Sasha was okay.
Then I drove to Tifton and spent an hour and a half with my angry client...she's a trip! She is the loudest talker ever. Imagine yelling and now imagine that is the person's regular tone of voice.
Then I met another therapist for lunch. And we had a great time! But I found out that Turner County, GA still is segregated...as in segregated proms and segregated cheerleading squads (the white girls cheer for football, the black girls cheer for basketball). 2007 was their FIRST desegregated prom! Are you f*cking kidding me? And she said the PARENTS were the ones who continue to plan these seperate proms and even though they had the ONE prom, that the parents still held seperate events. What kind of school district allows this to occur? I may have to write Oprah and get her on this case!
Then it was back to a client's house. She may have the worst children in America. I am fairly certain her children would cause the super nanny or nanny 911 to curl up in the fetal position and enter into a coma like state out of sheer horror. And this was a good day. I don't understand why the mother isn't an alcoholic. And child abuse isn't even her issue (but between us...would totally understand if it was). Imagine 3 minions of the devil...and they are only 1, 3, and 4 years old. There was kicking, biting, throwing things. There is a puppy and I'm constantly afraid I may have to try and kidnap the puppy. Everytime they go near the dog I think to myself "Run, puppy, run!" And mom said the same thing out loud!
Then I drove AN HOUR to another client's house where she started crying except it was like listening to the air being let out of a balloon for 30 minutes. Neighborhood dogs started barking. High pitched, awful noise. And I swear she talked for 30 minutes without stopping for air. And she hadn't turned the light on when I got there so it got progressively darker until finally I couldn't see to write in my notebook anymore and I had to stop her so she could turn the light on.
Then I got home and as soon as I walk into the house it smelled like something had DIED somewhere. All I can think is that Sasha had pooped in her cage and I was going to walk into a MESS. I had to put Vicks under my nose just to go in their without gagging. And what did I find when I got in there? NOTHING. I looked everywhere in the house and checked the dog. Not a thing. It was so strange! And so disgusting. I still have no idea why or what. I even looked under the bed. I was afraid one of my cats had exploded under there or something.
Then I caught up on the Real Housewives of Orange County from last night. Let me just say...
Tamra...BITCH and a bad person.
Vicki...BITCH and annoying as all get out
Jeanna...I like her
Gretchen...I'd kill someone to have her body; however, she is a gold digger and kinda slutty
Lynn...she seems okay; however, she always looks like she has a mouth full of marbles and her daughter makes me want to punch something
Laurie...miss her, wonder how she's that lucky
And the Valdosta Daily Times printed my rant, but totally changed it:
To the parents at the Steamhouse restaurant last night who refused to take their crying 2-year-old home: Take a parenting class. You ruined dinner for every person in the restaurant. Just thought you should know.
And didn't print it until today so the meaning is completely gone.
Oh well. Time go to bed so I can do it all over again tomorrow...
Saturday, January 10, 2009
A long journey
I have been making an effort to de-clutter my life. Part of this has been going through old photos and getting rid of all the doubles I have, setting aside pics to send to others, and sorting through all the pics of my exhusband, Todd.
I have always struggled what to do with pictures of me and my exhusband. Sometimes that life seems like it happened to a whole other person, and yet it was a part of my life. Just throwing the pictures somehow seems wrong...almost like it would be disrespectful to that piece of me and to Todd.
So, I decided that I'd send all his family pictures that don't have me in them to his mom with a note explaining that I thought maybe she would like them. I am not sure if this is the right or wrong thing to do. I don't think they have the best opinion of me and I don't want her to think I'm sending them to be spiteful. I just felt I couldn't get rid of pictures of their family because I've always loved his family. When we got divorced it was them I missed.
But I did get rid of the pictures of me and Todd (minus my wedding album). I feel that I'm finally ready to let that piece of my life go and move on. I kept the wedding album because regardless of our divorce much of my family and friends were in attendance and I wanted to have that memory of all of us together. My closest friends were in my wedding. My Grammy was there and my mom's family who is now estranged.
Looking through all old photos brought out a lot of different emotions. Some made me laugh, some made me wonder how I could look so much fatter than I do now when I was 20 lbs. lighter, and some made me regretful.
The regret is because I was a really bad wife. Looking back I can remember all the times when I treated Todd horribly just because I was unhappy. I think the unhappiness shows in my physical appearance. In almost every picture I just did not look good. And I'm embarrassed at how I acted towards him and his family. If I could go back and change things I would. That's not to say I wouldn't have ended up divorced, but I would've handled things differently. I would've acted more grateful and graceful and less awful. It makes me sad for myself and for Todd to think of how I acted during those years because all he ever asked for was for me to love him.
I've been on a long journey and I hope I've learned something. I think I have. I think I have become more peaceful, more content with my life. I let go of things that needed to be let go of and have found happiness in the happiness of others. I have kept the friends I've needed to keep and let go of those I didn't and made entirely new ones in the process. Despite my desire to lose weight I'm more accepting of my physical appearance and I think my happiness with myself shows in how I look now. I know myself better and I am always striving to be a better person, to learn, to grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.
If for some reason I died tonight I would die happy and content with the life I've lived. And I guess that is truly all anyone can hope for.
I have always struggled what to do with pictures of me and my exhusband. Sometimes that life seems like it happened to a whole other person, and yet it was a part of my life. Just throwing the pictures somehow seems wrong...almost like it would be disrespectful to that piece of me and to Todd.
So, I decided that I'd send all his family pictures that don't have me in them to his mom with a note explaining that I thought maybe she would like them. I am not sure if this is the right or wrong thing to do. I don't think they have the best opinion of me and I don't want her to think I'm sending them to be spiteful. I just felt I couldn't get rid of pictures of their family because I've always loved his family. When we got divorced it was them I missed.
But I did get rid of the pictures of me and Todd (minus my wedding album). I feel that I'm finally ready to let that piece of my life go and move on. I kept the wedding album because regardless of our divorce much of my family and friends were in attendance and I wanted to have that memory of all of us together. My closest friends were in my wedding. My Grammy was there and my mom's family who is now estranged.
Looking through all old photos brought out a lot of different emotions. Some made me laugh, some made me wonder how I could look so much fatter than I do now when I was 20 lbs. lighter, and some made me regretful.
The regret is because I was a really bad wife. Looking back I can remember all the times when I treated Todd horribly just because I was unhappy. I think the unhappiness shows in my physical appearance. In almost every picture I just did not look good. And I'm embarrassed at how I acted towards him and his family. If I could go back and change things I would. That's not to say I wouldn't have ended up divorced, but I would've handled things differently. I would've acted more grateful and graceful and less awful. It makes me sad for myself and for Todd to think of how I acted during those years because all he ever asked for was for me to love him.
I've been on a long journey and I hope I've learned something. I think I have. I think I have become more peaceful, more content with my life. I let go of things that needed to be let go of and have found happiness in the happiness of others. I have kept the friends I've needed to keep and let go of those I didn't and made entirely new ones in the process. Despite my desire to lose weight I'm more accepting of my physical appearance and I think my happiness with myself shows in how I look now. I know myself better and I am always striving to be a better person, to learn, to grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.
If for some reason I died tonight I would die happy and content with the life I've lived. And I guess that is truly all anyone can hope for.
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